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Wed Aug 02, 2006 3:49 pm  |
What is it with men who make rude comments on the street??? What do they get out of it?? I usually pretend to not have heard them, but lately I've been getting really mad and feeling why should I let them have whatever pleasure they get out of saying rude things to me? A few weeks ago I lost it and told off a construction worker, and today some guy goes "Hi Pu(ss)y" so I told him not to speak to me like that and gave him the finger. My bf doesn't like me retaliating because he's afraid some guys will get physical, but I have my limits.
Candy8865 - if you're here, at what point does it become harrasment? I mean, today's comment is mild compared to some of the really lewd stuff I've heard. A lot of times I fantasize about carrying a can of pepper spray (or even better a taser) with me and spraying these guys. Legally, is there any level of verbal abuse that justifies me using pepper spray, or would it have to be a physical threat?
Sorry for the rant. I'm just so sick and tired it, and it seems so unfair that these men get to say and do what they want while we women have to just take it. |
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*¸.·´¯)¸.·´fair/medium, tans easily; combo but mostly dry, sensitive skin¸.·´¯)¸.·´* |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 4:56 pm |
I hate to say it and I should probaby take my own advice, but all they want is the reaction. Having said that I also sometimes cant resist giving the finger and spouting my own unsavory comments. 
Although, one response I noticed has worked well (at least in stumping them) Is saying "I bet your mother is really proud"! At least it shuts them up!  |
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27~Texas~Oily~ fair~ breakout prone~ easily congested~Cysts caused by emotional stress~ Using Ayurvedic skin care and philosophy~ Dry brushing body and face~ On strict less is more routine~ We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars~ Oscar Wilde |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 5:04 pm |
| LMAO!!!! Natsumi, you took the words right out of my mouth. I totally fantasize about using pepper spray, a taser, a stink bomb, etc etc. My husband also doesn't like me mouthing off to guys like that in case they get physical, but sometimes I just can't help it! |
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27, sensitive/reactive/acne prone skin, dark brown hair, blue eyes, possibly the palest woman alive... |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 6:22 pm |
| natsumi wrote: |
What is it with men who make rude comments on the street??? What do they get out of it?? I usually pretend to not have heard them, but lately I've been getting really mad and feeling why should I let them have whatever pleasure they get out of saying rude things to me? A few weeks ago I lost it and told off a construction worker, and today some guy goes "Hi Pu(ss)y" so I told him not to speak to me like that and gave him the finger. My bf doesn't like me retaliating because he's afraid some guys will get physical, but I have my limits.
Candy8865 - if you're here, at what point does it become harrasment? I mean, today's comment is mild compared to some of the really lewd stuff I've heard. A lot of times I fantasize about carrying a can of pepper spray (or even better a taser) with me and spraying these guys. Legally, is there any level of verbal abuse that justifies me using pepper spray, or would it have to be a physical threat?
Sorry for the rant. I'm just so sick and tired it, and it seems so unfair that these men get to say and do what they want while we women have to just take it. |
Actually - if you wanted to get really technical and I can't speak for all municipalities, there is all law for lewd language/acts on the public way. It's a City violation, that if enforced would be a ticket or if they don't have ID on their person an arrest. So, in reality, just what was said is an arrest situation. |
_________________
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 6:49 pm |
| Candy8865 wrote: |
| natsumi wrote: |
What is it with men who make rude comments on the street??? What do they get out of it?? I usually pretend to not have heard them, but lately I've been getting really mad and feeling why should I let them have whatever pleasure they get out of saying rude things to me? A few weeks ago I lost it and told off a construction worker, and today some guy goes "Hi Pu(ss)y" so I told him not to speak to me like that and gave him the finger. My bf doesn't like me retaliating because he's afraid some guys will get physical, but I have my limits.
Candy8865 - if you're here, at what point does it become harrasment? I mean, today's comment is mild compared to some of the really lewd stuff I've heard. A lot of times I fantasize about carrying a can of pepper spray (or even better a taser) with me and spraying these guys. Legally, is there any level of verbal abuse that justifies me using pepper spray, or would it have to be a physical threat?
Sorry for the rant. I'm just so sick and tired it, and it seems so unfair that these men get to say and do what they want while we women have to just take it. |
Actually - if you wanted to get really technical and I can't speak for all municipalities, there is all law for lewd language/acts on the public way. It's a City violation, that if enforced would be a ticket or if they don't have ID on their person an arrest. So, in reality, just what was said is an arrest situation. |
So is it ever ok to use pepper spray? (because it is verbal abuse or only if you are being attacked).
When I started college, my father game me a key chain of pepper spray (I took a lot of night classes in a not so great neighborhood). But what if I'm on the street and do get lewd comments? Just wondering...lol (btw, I live in Colorado, if that helps.) |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 7:57 pm |
| I remember that happened to my mom when we lived in Vancouver. You just have to ignore it, obviously these guys have problems. They need professional help, don't waste your time clueing them in! |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 8:00 pm |
| girldelvov wrote: |
| Candy8865 wrote: |
| natsumi wrote: |
What is it with men who make rude comments on the street??? What do they get out of it?? I usually pretend to not have heard them, but lately I've been getting really mad and feeling why should I let them have whatever pleasure they get out of saying rude things to me? A few weeks ago I lost it and told off a construction worker, and today some guy goes "Hi Pu(ss)y" so I told him not to speak to me like that and gave him the finger. My bf doesn't like me retaliating because he's afraid some guys will get physical, but I have my limits.
Candy8865 - if you're here, at what point does it become harrasment? I mean, today's comment is mild compared to some of the really lewd stuff I've heard. A lot of times I fantasize about carrying a can of pepper spray (or even better a taser) with me and spraying these guys. Legally, is there any level of verbal abuse that justifies me using pepper spray, or would it have to be a physical threat?
Sorry for the rant. I'm just so sick and tired it, and it seems so unfair that these men get to say and do what they want while we women have to just take it. |
Actually - if you wanted to get really technical and I can't speak for all municipalities, there is all law for lewd language/acts on the public way. It's a City violation, that if enforced would be a ticket or if they don't have ID on their person an arrest. So, in reality, just what was said is an arrest situation. |
So is it ever ok to use pepper spray? (because it is verbal abuse or only if you are being attacked).
When I started college, my father game me a key chain of pepper spray (I took a lot of night classes in a not so great neighborhood). But what if I'm on the street and do get lewd comments? Just wondering...lol (btw, I live in Colorado, if that helps.) |
Ok, again my disclaimer - every city/state has it's own laws -
The use of pepper spray/mace/stun guns/etc would only be justified in the event of an attack.
Unfortunately being rude & disgusting to someone doesn't equate a battery, legally.
Not disagreeing with you here just don't want to see any of you being arrested for gassing a construction worker.
An avenue you can take, which would definitely get their attention the next time comments are made. Stop dead in your tracks, take out a pen & paper and get the name & phone number/address of the company (legally it must also be posted). File a complaint with the company with a full description of the offender. If it's for a public venue (etc improvements on a city building, etc) be sure to forward your complaint to them as well. |
_________________
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 8:04 pm |
| girldelvov wrote: |
| Candy8865 wrote: |
| natsumi wrote: |
What is it with men who make rude comments on the street??? What do they get out of it?? I usually pretend to not have heard them, but lately I've been getting really mad and feeling why should I let them have whatever pleasure they get out of saying rude things to me? A few weeks ago I lost it and told off a construction worker, and today some guy goes "Hi Pu(ss)y" so I told him not to speak to me like that and gave him the finger. My bf doesn't like me retaliating because he's afraid some guys will get physical, but I have my limits.
Candy8865 - if you're here, at what point does it become harrasment? I mean, today's comment is mild compared to some of the really lewd stuff I've heard. A lot of times I fantasize about carrying a can of pepper spray (or even better a taser) with me and spraying these guys. Legally, is there any level of verbal abuse that justifies me using pepper spray, or would it have to be a physical threat?
Sorry for the rant. I'm just so sick and tired it, and it seems so unfair that these men get to say and do what they want while we women have to just take it. |
Actually - if you wanted to get really technical and I can't speak for all municipalities, there is all law for lewd language/acts on the public way. It's a City violation, that if enforced would be a ticket or if they don't have ID on their person an arrest. So, in reality, just what was said is an arrest situation. |
So is it ever ok to use pepper spray? (because it is verbal abuse or only if you are being attacked).
When I started college, my father game me a key chain of pepper spray (I took a lot of night classes in a not so great neighborhood). But what if I'm on the street and do get lewd comments? Just wondering...lol (btw, I live in Colorado, if that helps.) |
Then again, me being the 'bull in china shop' type have NO problem whatsoever getting right into their faces and asking what their f'n problem is. They're cowards - I have yet to have 1 do anything but cow down or scamper away. |
_________________
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 8:24 pm |
Candy:
You are a police officer, you were trained to be mean.  And, and, ...., and the best of all, you can show your badge. |
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53, DermaQuest, NCN Products, PMD, Dermarolling |
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Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:53 am |
Maybe it's because I come from a little place in the country where most people are very friendly and outgoing, but I found the best way to deal with this kind of thing was to approach the builder (or whoever) and say hello to them.
Once you get them into a conversation, they often turn out to be really nice people. I think it also makes them too embarrassed to make lewd remarks afterwards once they start to think of you as a person. They used to be ever so sweet to me whenever I used to pass by where they were working after doing this. |
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Thu Aug 03, 2006 9:11 am |
| majorb wrote: |
Maybe it's because I come from a little place in the country where most people are very friendly and outgoing, but I found the best way to deal with this kind of thing was to approach the builder (or whoever) and say hello to them.
Once you get them into a conversation, they often turn out to be really nice people. I think it also makes them too embarrassed to make lewd remarks afterwards once they start to think of you as a person. They used to be ever so sweet to me whenever I used to pass by where they were working after doing this. |
This might work in some places...but I really think going up to them is dangerous in some cases. I don't want to go into specifics, as I'd feel bad recounting it without her permission...but approaching the "verbal offender" was the wrong thing to do (she did not approach them in a confrontational manner). You don't want to give the construction worker who just assaulted you verbally any misgivings that you might actually be interested in them. |
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32, Fair Skin, combo/break-out prone. Simple routine of REN No. 1 Purity Cleansing Balm and Argan oil as a moisturizer; Clarisonic when needed. That's it! |
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Thu Aug 03, 2006 10:19 am |
| MACrisis wrote: |
Candy:
You are a police officer, you were trained to be mean. And, and, ...., and the best of all, you can show your badge. |
Ah see...that's where you're incorrect. I was born mean, now I've just honed my skills... |
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Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Thu Aug 03, 2006 12:54 pm |
| Candy8865 wrote: |
| MACrisis wrote: |
Candy:
You are a police officer, you were trained to be mean. And, and, ...., and the best of all, you can show your badge. |
Ah see...that's where you're incorrect. I was born mean, now I've just honed my skills... |
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my new jewellery website:www.gentle-medusa.com |
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Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:35 pm |
Candy - thanks for the info, I'm going to look up that law and see if it's in effect in NYC.
And thanks everyone for the suggestions. Now I almost want some guy to say something to me so I can test them out! |
_________________
*¸.·´¯)¸.·´fair/medium, tans easily; combo but mostly dry, sensitive skin¸.·´¯)¸.·´* |
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Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:51 pm |
| I think pulling out ur pad and pen is great, but why not pull out ur cell phone and snap a picture of the guy, before you write down the info. For fun you could also use that handy cell phone to dail the number and tell them where ur standing and whats happened. Then you can send Candy some flowers for saving you from going to jail for assault (with a weapon no doubt) . |
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Thu Aug 03, 2006 5:10 pm |
Well, it could be worse... they could make vomiting actions or start barking as you walk past. I have seen blokes to that and it is disgusting. 100 times more disgusting than lewd comments. Somehow it seems easier to come back at lewd ones too.
I love the camera phone and memo pad idea! Wish I had known that one years ago (no such problem on construction sites in Japan, they are all very polite). Actually, in Japan the only public lewd comment I can remember actually was made by a gaijin (foreigner) ... oh, no, hang-on, I forgot about our chikan (perverts).. tit grabbing along the street, worse grabbing on crowded trains. OK, blah, I will shut up now.. we are worse, just in different places.
Actually, years ago I received the funniest lewd comment of my life. I was out for a drink with some Japanese workers from a major British Bank's office in Tokyo (I had been conducting English seminars with them).. one of the blokes, whose English was not THAT great.. suddenly turns around and says "your breasts are like two snow-capped mountains. I want to ski down those mountains." I know I should have been shocked, but somehow it sounded very poetic and I was impressed at his imagery in a second language. |
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SKIN: combination, reactive to climate changes and extremely fair. "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." --Roseanne |
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Thu Aug 03, 2006 5:34 pm |
| MelissaMarie wrote: |
| I think pulling out ur pad and pen is great, but why not pull out ur cell phone and snap a picture of the guy, before you write down the info. For fun you could also use that handy cell phone to dail the number and tell them where ur standing and whats happened. Then you can send Candy some flowers for saving you from going to jail for assault (with a weapon no doubt) . |
I would strongly suggest you DO NOT snap a picture of the offender, at least while he's looking. Been handling ALOT of jobs like that recently & is not fun. File your complaint, flag an officer down (lol, if NYC is anything like Chicago, good luck with that 1), go nose to nose with him, don't take his pic. |
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Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Thu Aug 03, 2006 5:35 pm |
| tiger_tim wrote: |
Actually, years ago I received the funniest lewd comment of my life. I was out for a drink with some Japanese workers from a major British Bank's office in Tokyo (I had been conducting English seminars with them).. one of the blokes, whose English was not THAT great.. suddenly turns around and says "your breasts are like two snow-capped mountains. I want to ski down those mountains." I know I should have been shocked, but somehow it sounded very poetic and I was impressed at his imagery in a second language. |
must be some nice hooters ya got there!! |
_________________
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Fri Aug 04, 2006 3:33 am |
 kinda depends on my mood, sometimes I ignore and think they're idiots OR I turn on them full of venom and yes being a potty mouth does help in these situations  the stronger the better (usually) because they're not expecting you to say anything back, why should they think they can say what they like but no one can say anything back?  |
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Using. ADCE day & night |
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Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:12 am |
| Candy. I had a little cleavage going on that day (small keyhole front in the dress), but I supposed the girls weren't too bad in their hey day. |
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SKIN: combination, reactive to climate changes and extremely fair. "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." --Roseanne |
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Sun Aug 06, 2006 9:55 am |
Well ladies, its called "human nature". Its normal for guys to be looking at women. As for the offensive comment, I would just ignore the comments.
I would also venture to say that if women covered themselves up a bit, comments from men would be less so. |
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Sun Aug 06, 2006 11:03 am |
Yikes if I gave bad advice, what in the world happens when a pictures taken? I just thought it might make the idiot think twice.
SusieQ, men make these comments if ones in a turtleneck. That comment scares me ( I know you ment no offense) but some say that about a raped woman too, if only she was wearing more cloths..yikes!!
Tiger I am still scratchin head on if that was a compliment or an insult, I'd vote compliment. |
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Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:11 pm |
| I agree completely with you, MelissaMarie. These guys whistle and catcall whether I'm wearing a turtleneck and coat or whether I'm wearing a tank top and skirt. It doesn't have anything to do with what I'm wearing, and even if it did, I think I have the right to wear what I please without being scared of men on the street. |
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27, sensitive/reactive/acne prone skin, dark brown hair, blue eyes, possibly the palest woman alive... |
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Sun Aug 06, 2006 2:51 pm |
I hate that too. Im in my early 20's and get older men in their 40's 50's oogling and making comments way more times than younger guys.  |
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Sun Aug 06, 2006 10:26 pm |
I'm glad I live in Australia where I haven't had those remarks directed at me.
Tiger Tim - that comment about yuor breasts made me chuckle. |
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