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Mon Sep 25, 2006 5:13 pm  |
In Honor of Stupid People . . .
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
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On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
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On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be?...)
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On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
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On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
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On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought?...)
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On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
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On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
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On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because?...)
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On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
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On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
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On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
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On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
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On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
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On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh, my goodness!...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)  |
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Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Mon Sep 25, 2006 5:50 pm |
 Thanks! Those made my day  |
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Mon Sep 25, 2006 6:43 pm |
wow candy...  literally! |
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Mon Sep 25, 2006 6:54 pm |
| LOL! On Aveda products they used to put Common Sense Caution-Do not Put in Your eyes! How funny! |
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Mon Sep 25, 2006 10:34 pm |
| Candy8865 wrote: |
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On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
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When I flew to mexico, my SO and I got some mini pretzels from the flight atendants. Well, on the bags it read, "Open with hands. Put in mouth. Enjoy." We just looked at eachother and tried not to laugh since the flight was pretty booked. 
It's amazing what they will warn people for. However, I do feel for these companies. Before, McDonalds never had 'CAUTION, HOT!' on their coffee. So some old lady got some coffee and spilled it in her lap in the car. She then claimed McDonalds that she did not think it would be hot, and all sorts of other accusations. Come on now!  |
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Mon Sep 25, 2006 10:37 pm |
Candy
These are soooo funny. Where do they come up with label instructions. |
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53, normal/oily skin, concerns: wrinkles/lines/bags under eyes |
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Mon Sep 25, 2006 11:58 pm |
| That was really funny, Candy, thanks! |
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*`~~ combo skin, 27, ~still learning ~~`* |
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 1:56 am |
| Candy, oh Candy ! I just laughed out loud - whilst i was supposed to work very seriously... |
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:15 am |
| Thank you Candy. What a great laugh. Please keep the list going. |
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Skin: Over 60, ex combination now sensitive, Cellcosmet |
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:17 am |
| funny |
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:41 pm |
| LOL That was great. I'm ripping it off and sending it to friends now. |
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Global Butterfly & Certified Aromatherapist/Holisitc Therapist with a passion for travel and natural health. |
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:52 pm |
| I laughed so hard I cried! |
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Sat Sep 30, 2006 9:16 pm |
| ROLF! Thanks for the laugh, Candy. |
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Sat Sep 30, 2006 9:16 pm |
| Or that would be ROFL... |
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Sat Sep 30, 2006 11:21 pm |
| That's so funny, Candy! Thanks for the laugh! |
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Fri Oct 06, 2006 2:25 pm |
Not to start a new thread so continuing this one...
Women Are Evil By Nature
A woman went into a quiet rural pub, after some time inside the establishment she went up to the bar and,..............
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands."Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," whispering ever so softly and lovingly in his ear,
"There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room." |
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Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Fri Oct 06, 2006 2:30 pm |
Murphy's Lesser-Known Dictums
Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable,except from a vending machine.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule:
Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. (this is me driving!)
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, there will always be someone stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill,in the fog.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day. (but gives us a day to ourselves..)
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. |
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Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Sat Oct 07, 2006 1:05 am |
| I love the quips you have added. |
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FY39ET |
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Mon Oct 09, 2006 11:19 pm |
| yup we are doomed..... |
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Tue Oct 10, 2006 12:50 am |
Those are very funny.
I was at a shop the other day and saw attached to the stapler (on the counter) a sign. It said "Do NOT staple any part of your body".
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Tue Oct 10, 2006 1:01 pm |
Candy8865, I was reading your posts in a public computer lab at my university and it took so much for me not to laugh. I felt like I had to sign off and come and read it in a more relaxed atmosphere here at school, lol. So, after reading everything, I've sent it to my SO. He'll get a great laugh out of it.  |
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Fri Oct 20, 2006 4:21 am |
ROFL I love this. It is like going back to my torts class, all those crazy lawsuits and warnings.
I wonder for some of them, was the company actually sued or the lawyers just thought it was better to be safe than sorry.
I am actually not surprised by the iron or the microwave dinner warnings. I mean if a person would but a cat in a microwave, goodness know what they may do to those poor innocent household items. |
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