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Is it wrong to be single.
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qisme615
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Sun Nov 12, 2006 8:42 pm      Reply with quote
Yesterday night, I went to see all my old high school friends. Most of them are married/divorced and have kids. There were 3 of us that are in our 30s, no boyfriends, not married and no kids. But I got so many, are you married yet, do you have a boyfriend, why not, what about kids. Midway through the gathering, one friend asked and I just said were you not listening before because I've been answering this all night. Yes, I was in a long term relationship and it's hard to just find someone you click with. But they made it seem like something was wrong with us single girls. Like we were a ticking time bomb and if we didn't find a mate and have kids ASAP, we were going to explode. Gawd Rolling Eyes . And to top it off, I had dinner with my ex-boyfriend 2 sisters. We had broken up because he wasn't ready to commit and so forth. Now I find out he's dating but supposedly this new girl is mean and bossy. Maybe karma. But I had treated him extremely good and to his family (still very close w/ his sisters). He said that he regrets breaking up with me. I can't figure out guys, like they can't figure us out either. I had to vent. Thank you for letting me.
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Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:38 pm      Reply with quote
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. Different things happen to people at different times of their life.

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Sun Nov 12, 2006 10:43 pm      Reply with quote
F*ck no there's nothing wrong with being single or not married! Laughing I went to my first "friend" wedding last month, and I'm a bridesmaid in another friend's wedding this summer and suddenly all I can think about is that this what I'm "supposed" to do now that college is over. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I personally know I need time to be silly, stupid and selfish and grow out of it all before even thinking about all that. I think that when you get married and especially when you have kids, it's not about you and what you want anymore.

But it sounds like you just haven't found a good match yet, to which I say, atleast you didn't marry the wrong guy and end up divorced. As I get older, I find more and more that things do and don't happen for a reason, and when something happens and I change my mind about that theory, something else always comes along to reinforce it.
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:49 am      Reply with quote
IMO there's nothing wrong with be single at all, I think it all depends on what makes you happy & also what you want in life. I guess luckily in Oz most people seem to be a bit more laid back when it comes to this stuff. As I always find my American relatives asking me when am I going to get married & have kids etc etc...but I'm only 23 & all that kind of stuff is the least of my worries right now! Rolling Eyes Speak to the hand

But I really think you should just do your own thing & not worry about whay people say or think, & just worry about what makes you happy. Smile
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:59 am      Reply with quote
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But I really think you should just do your own thing & not worry about whay people say or think, & just worry about what makes you happy.


Couldn't agree more - live your life to your own agenda not someone else's! You shouldn't have to be part of a couple to feel complete, nor should people make you feel that way. Just my two cents worth!
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 3:09 am      Reply with quote
oh, i think these only happen in China.

u have nothing wrong, i think single is very good.

i'm divorced 7 years ago and not marry again, i like single. but i have a daughter with me.
maybe only this reason, my parents havn't ask me about my single. i can't image if i have no daughter...

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Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:19 am      Reply with quote
Ive been single a long time and I get sick of people I havent seen a long time go "So you met anyone yet?" grr! One person had the nerve to say(after I said no)'Jesus f christ' Mad
I usually just say no but you'll be the first to know when I do okay.
Honestly the hardest thing I find about being single is that my friends are married and I hardly see them anymore in fact, with a couple of what i thought were close friends I feel like Im the one who has made all the effort to keep in touch so stopped ringing them,its now been 7 months since someone who I thought was a close friend has rung me Sad
sorry to rant but it feels sometimes like those who are married cant be bothered sustaining friendships.

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Mon Nov 13, 2006 6:10 am      Reply with quote
I am in a relationship, but I have a couple of close friends who aren't, and they also get these kinds of expectations. It's really sad that they feel they need to find someone to feel complete. I try and tell everyone that no other human being should define who they are.

But one thing that makes me a bit sad about couples is that girlfriends I've had for years no longer want to catch up for coffee, to chat and catch up, they all seem to want to do the full-on "come over for dinner with my SO and 3 kids". I don't have kids, I don't really want to hang out with their SO, what I want is to see them and find out how THEY are, how they feel, etc. Things that they will hardly talk to me about in front of the men in our lives.

I miss my friends.
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 8:01 am      Reply with quote
Good grief NO, it's no bad to not be married..

In peoples defence tho, it's just human nature to ask stupid questions...LOL We ALL do it... Now the stupid reactions to hearing no.. There's no excuse for!

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Mon Nov 13, 2006 8:05 am      Reply with quote
Better to be single, happy, and being yourself (bad grammar, I know!) than married, unhappy, and forced into a role. Not that that necessarily happens with every marriage, but it DOES happen to so many unlucky people. I applaud you for taking the time to find the right person, rather than jumping into marriage/relationship with someone who won't make you happy. Cool And it just may be that finding a man isn't the focal point of your life! Imagine that! Shock

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Mon Nov 13, 2006 8:34 am      Reply with quote
Definitely nothing wrong with being single at all. Enjoy what you can while you are single before taking that leap. I am getting that itch though Laughing

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Mon Nov 13, 2006 10:46 am      Reply with quote
I dont think there is anything wrong with being single. I am, and I am 32! They say that 30 is the new 20, though! I am like you, in that I had a serious relationship that didn't work out(in my late 20's) and since then, I have just focused on other stuff in my life. I honestly don't have time for a relationship right now - maybe in another year or two. Don't let anyone pressure you! Like others have said, it is better to be yourself and happy and single than to be married to the wrong person or at the wrong time and be miserable! Very Happy

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Mon Nov 13, 2006 11:24 am      Reply with quote
elizasue wrote:
They say that 30 is the new 20, though!


I LOVE this. I heard on the radio that 28 is the new 21 and in my head I was thinking, "YES, I can act like a 16 year old!"

I'm sure most people wouldn't want to be a teenager again, but I would in a heart beat....
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 11:53 am      Reply with quote
Ug, I know the feeling.

I was in my 30's when I finally exploded (at my grandmother!) I told her "I don't need a man to validate my life".

Then I found someone wonderful and now all I get are the annoying "when are you going to have children?" Most people just don't understand that we don't want children.
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:37 pm      Reply with quote
Far better to be single than with the wrong man.
qisme615
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 6:21 pm      Reply with quote
Thank you everyone! Gosh, some of the comments made me laugh. Thank you. I knew I could get support. Yes, in the asian world being 31 and not married and kids, they definitely exaggerate about how your life is passing by you and blah blah. hehe Sometimes I think there are some people that weren't meant to get married or have kids. But I agree, rather be single than married and unhappy. I see some of my friends are like that.
I wish him the best with his new girlfriend. I know I shouldn't feel like this Brick wall but when I met him, we were both in college. He didn't have a car, barely $$ and I would drive him around and pay for things. I even helped in graduating and kept encouraging to find a job and never to be discouraged. When his dad was really sick, I stuck by his side in the hospital. Now he has a great job, nice car and his dad is much better. So basically this new girl is reaping the benefits. It makes me feel that life is so unfair. Sad Nice girls, finish last too? Ugh!
Okay, no more feeling down. Again, thank you everyone soooooooo much, from the bottom of heart for listening and giving me support. Smile I feel a.."I'm going to color my hair" coming on to make me feel better.
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 8:11 pm      Reply with quote
Sometimes it's wrong to be married.
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 8:33 pm      Reply with quote
qisme615 wrote:
Thank you everyone! Gosh, some of the comments made me laugh. Thank you. I knew I could get support. Yes, in the asian world being 31 and not married and kids, they definitely exaggerate about how your life is passing by you and blah blah. hehe Sometimes I think there are some people that weren't meant to get married or have kids. But I agree, rather be single than married and unhappy. I see some of my friends are like that.
I wish him the best with his new girlfriend. I know I shouldn't feel like this Brick wall but when I met him, we were both in college. He didn't have a car, barely $$ and I would drive him around and pay for things. I even helped in graduating and kept encouraging to find a job and never to be discouraged. When his dad was really sick, I stuck by his side in the hospital. Now he has a great job, nice car and his dad is much better. So basically this new girl is reaping the benefits. It makes me feel that life is so unfair. Sad Nice girls, finish last too? Ugh!
Okay, no more feeling down. Again, thank you everyone soooooooo much, from the bottom of heart for listening and giving me support. Smile I feel a.."I'm going to color my hair" coming on to make me feel better.


You poor thing! It seems this scenario is so common. I've heard lots of stories of people helping their spouse through med school and then they end up divorced soon after.

I think that a person who thinks they need another human being to complete their life, in the end, is never really happy. No one person can make you happy. So many people end up married believing this and then find out 10 years later that they are miserable because life becomes challenging and/or mundane.

I think that when a person is doing fulfilling, interesting things and challenging themselves, they have a vivacity that shines and is attractive to others.

Try not to let their judgements or unthoughtful questions or remarks make you feel insecure or down. We all have different journeys in life. If we all did the same thing, so much wouldn't happen in life (art, novels, volunteers for causes, etc.). I'm an at-home-mom right now to three little ones. I can't do much else but take care of them. It's hard for me to even stay in touch with family and I haven't been able to keep up well with friends at all. I have to just accept that this is just a season in my life right now and it won't be like this for that long. I thank God for people who have the time and energy to help others and to reach out to others because I can't seem to do that now.

Life is all about seasons. We just have to embrace the season we are in currently and take joy in what we are doing at the moment. It's ridiculous when others try to judge you because you are not where they are.
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Mon Nov 13, 2006 10:05 pm      Reply with quote
Hey there's nothing wrong with being single! Although I have been in a long relationship, but I realize everyday how lucky I am to find someone. I've dated enough jerks to know that you don't click with just anyone, you don't share the same expectations or values with anyone, it really does take work and some luck to find a special guy.

Having said that, sometimes I miss my single days where I can date randomly without a single smidgeon of guilt! Very Happy And I know exactly what everyone mean when friends disappear because they are married/dating. I have that happen to me alot and I just wish ppl realize that they need friends too! I can't imagine just dating my bf and not hang out with friends! I'd probably want to strangle him in 3 days Laughing

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Tue Nov 14, 2006 1:33 am      Reply with quote
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I wish him the best with his new girlfriend. I know I shouldn't feel like this but when I met him, we were both in college. He didn't have a car, barely $$ and I would drive him around and pay for things. I even helped in graduating and kept encouraging to find a job and never to be discouraged. When his dad was really sick, I stuck by his side in the hospital. Now he has a great job, nice car and his dad is much better. So basically this new girl is reaping the benefits. It makes me feel that life is so unfair. Nice girls, finish last too? Ugh!


Some time ago I had a similar but different experience, funny thing is that he broke up with the new girlfriend and then tried to repair our relationship, but things really hadnt changed and we remained apart. Looking back, to maintain that relationship would have been a big mistake. Those sought of relationships usually comprise of one person doing all the giving and the other one just taking!
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Tue Nov 14, 2006 4:48 am      Reply with quote
qisme615 wrote:
Thank you everyone! Gosh, some of the comments made me laugh. Thank you. I knew I could get support. Yes, in the asian world being 31 and not married and kids, they definitely exaggerate about how your life is passing by you and blah blah. hehe Sometimes I think there are some people that weren't meant to get married or have kids. But I agree, rather be single than married and unhappy. I see some of my friends are like that.
I wish him the best with his new girlfriend. I know I shouldn't feel like this Brick wall but when I met him, we were both in college. He didn't have a car, barely $$ and I would drive him around and pay for things. I even helped in graduating and kept encouraging to find a job and never to be discouraged. When his dad was really sick, I stuck by his side in the hospital. Now he has a great job, nice car and his dad is much better. So basically this new girl is reaping the benefits. It makes me feel that life is so unfair. Sad Nice girls, finish last too? Ugh!
Okay, no more feeling down. Again, thank you everyone soooooooo much, from the bottom of heart for listening and giving me support. Smile I feel a.."I'm going to color my hair" coming on to make me feel better.


Your story definitely sounds familar to me too! Rolling Eyes I guess that's how most women are in relationships, they just tend to give & give but usually don't get the same in return. But I know how you feel, I really supported my ex when we found out he had depression. I was always there for him, even when his own family wasn't. But how did he thank me in return?...he ended up having an affair with one of my closest friends at the time! Mad Not talking

It also took me a fairly long time time to get over the frustration & hurt, but now I just think good riddance to bad people! Speak to the hand
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Tue Nov 14, 2006 6:17 am      Reply with quote
My daughter did not marry until 32. I am so glad she did not settle as she has the most wonderful husband (which she deserves).

When people would pressure her to settle down I would tell her: "It is better to be SINGLE then wished you were."
Just perhaps some of her friends had wished they were single. A relationship is wonderful but only if with the right person. You will know if and when it is right for you.
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Tue Nov 14, 2006 7:18 am      Reply with quote
When I first saw this post, I started to cry Crying or Very sad
I can relate but with myself, all my friends are maried or has a boyfriend. I am no longer included in social gatherings and I have not had a real social life in the past 4 years!

My last and only relationship wast so long ago and he got another girl pregnant. He said that he does not love me. I have a major trust issue with everyone now. My work environment does not help because statistically, it has been proven that people in my field are not able to hold down a relationship.
I get to see a lot of cute cops but with my position, I am able to find out how many get blow jobs from a prostitute and their girlfriend or wife does not know about it. Shame on you Mad
My parents are no help because they put the blame on me that there must be something wrong with me if I can't get a man. Crying or Very sad And that I no longer have any friends. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad
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Tue Nov 14, 2006 7:52 am      Reply with quote
So sorry Skincare Sad I don't know what to say.

In answer to the rest. If you live in a conservative society then it really *isn't* OK to be single because you'll suffer for it. If you live somewhere western and liberal it's fine.
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Tue Nov 14, 2006 7:54 am      Reply with quote
I always thought that Toronto is Liberal but maybe too liberal.
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