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Caspers Mum
Moderator
Joined: 02 Nov 2002
Posts: 1694
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 7:42 am |
By Dave Barry
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
Your friends love you anyway.
Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 7:52 am |
Great stuff! Thanks for posting! |
_________________ 27~Texas~Oily~ fair~ breakout prone~ easily congested~Cysts caused by emotional stress~ Using Ayurvedic skin care and philosophy~ Dry brushing body and face~ On strict less is more routine~ We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars~ Oscar Wilde |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:12 am |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:31 am |
so true |
_________________ 50, happy reluma user started 16.6.12 original formula. PMD user. started LouLou's ageless regime. |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 11:06 am |
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love the very FIRST one!!! |
_________________ 53, DermaQuest, NCN Products, PMD, Dermarolling |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 11:09 am |
what a bright smile for the day |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 11:40 am |
awesome! lol |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 11:56 am |
So cute. |
_________________ Early 50s, Skin: combin.,semi-sensitive, fair with occasional breakouts, some old acne scars, freckles, under-eye wrinkles; Redhead with hazel eyes |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:26 pm |
MACrisis wrote: |
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love the very FIRST one!!! |
OMG! Me too! I actually busted out laughing at that one. Good lord! |
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Caspers Mum
Moderator
Joined: 02 Nov 2002
Posts: 1694
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:02 pm |
Here's one to add: Never play leap-frog with unicorns. |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:06 pm |
Caspers Mum wrote: |
Here's one to add: Never play leap-frog with unicorns. |
Caspers Mum: That's from you or Dave Barry??? |
_________________ 53, DermaQuest, NCN Products, PMD, Dermarolling |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:08 pm |
Those are excellent ... I love Dave Barry.
Years ago he had a column about how single men are like wild creatures. It went on about how a single woman needed to tame a man because he's like a squirrel running up a tree.
One of my first fights with my nowDH I started rambling about how he was a squirrel and I didn't want him running up a tree .... |
_________________ mid 40's, Hawaiian/Japanese, combo skin, med/dark complexion. "If life hands you lemons, throw them at your enemies" |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:44 pm |
Dave Barry is way cool! Our college newspaper, The Technique (at Georgia Tech) always runs his column.
I LOOOVED the one about daylight savings time -- too true! I'm still in the dark (haha) about why we use it. |
_________________ American Indian/Irish/African descent, bleach-blonde hair with lowlights, tanned skin, greenish-brown eyes, strong facial features and drastically-improved lips! 28, but people tell me that I look seventeen-ish. |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:53 pm |
Red Devil wrote: |
I LOOOVED the one about daylight savings time -- too true! I'm still in the dark (haha) about why we use it. |
Okay, I'm at an even bigger loss. we don't have DST in Hawai'i. I get confused with the forward/backward thing a lot. |
_________________ mid 40's, Hawaiian/Japanese, combo skin, med/dark complexion. "If life hands you lemons, throw them at your enemies" |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:33 pm |
The first one and the third one had me (and my 18 year old son) in stitches. Thank you for those. |
_________________ 58. Fair, sensitive and dry-ish skin with freckles. UK. |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:30 pm |
The waiter one is so true. It's a test of character that I've used in the past and it never fails. |
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Wed Dec 06, 2006 2:24 am |
I really appreciated the thought for the day (the last one), just how true is this. |
_________________ Skin: Over 60, ex combination now sensitive, Cellcosmet |
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Wed Dec 06, 2006 4:05 am |
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Great stuff. I really needed this today. Thanks. |
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Wed Dec 06, 2006 4:54 am |
So true and funny! Thanks for sharing |
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Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:01 am |
I have never heard of Dave Barry but I am thankful I learnt about him before I turned 50.
These are so true (and thus funny).
If anyone can explain why DLS should be implemented (except for those pesky restauranteurs), I will still bitching about it.
Love the second last one: "Your friends love you anyway". |
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Wed Dec 06, 2006 10:43 am |
Love the first one. |
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Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:01 pm |
Dave Barry has such a droll wit! I've always enjoyed his sense of humor. And there's so much truth and wisdom in those 14 points!
Ditto about DST -- I hate it! And about being nice to waiters -- an accurate barometer, IMHO.
My husband once asked one of our attorneys and his wife when the baby was due. Turns out she had it 5 months before I felt so bad for her, and I always throw this up to my DH when he perceives some social faux pas on my part.
Thanks Caspers Mum for the entertaining diversion!!! |
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Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:10 pm |
m.april wrote: |
My husband once asked one of our attorneys and his wife when the baby was due. Turns out she had it 5 months before |
OMG ... I'm just cringing thinking of that scenario. |
_________________ mid 40's, Hawaiian/Japanese, combo skin, med/dark complexion. "If life hands you lemons, throw them at your enemies" |
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Sat Dec 09, 2006 11:01 am |
So true...even if I'm 85% sure, I won't ask a woman if she's pregnant. |
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Thu Mar 28, 2024 3:25 pm |
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