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Sat Dec 09, 2006 12:32 pm  |
I've posted before about my ex-boyfriend breaking up because he felt suffocated w/ the relationship, wasn't ready to settle down and so forth. Last night had dinner with his two sisters. I found out that he has a new girlfriend of 4 months. She's nice (from what they seen but don't really know her because the girlfriend doesn't make time to) but she is extremely controlling, possessive and demanding. He has to be at her beck and call 24/7. She'll demand that he has to come over to see her regardless of the time even when he's dead tired. They argue all the time. His mom doesn't like the girlfriend. Before his mom didn't want him to marry me because I was 2 years older than him. His father on the other hand wanted us to get married so badly. (I wonder if his mom regrets it now). His parents means the world to him but now he leaves them alone at home because he has to spend the night at the girl's place because she doesn't like to be alone. (Her ex-boyfriend had cheated on her and left her) They break up and than back together numerous times. He calls her a bitch and I'm thinking why would you call someone you love that.
As I was hearing this, I'm thinking he had it so easy with me. I never demanded a thing from him but just to be happy. I always would spend time with his parents such as eating dinner or going anywhere. I was extremely close w/ his sisters, still now. When he was tired from work, I would tell him to go take a nap and call me whenever he wakes up. If he didn't want to come see me, it's okay. He never really went on trips with me because his excuse was $$ (even though i would always pay for things) but now he has to take this girl on cruises and stuff. So basically he's listening to this girl and doing what she wants. I asked his sister, is she pretty that's why she has him by a leash. Even before I could finish the sentence, they said no.
Is it because I was tooooo easy going and not a bitch like this girl. Is this how it has to be in order to hold on to a guy? I woke up this morning just feeling blah because I had a dream about him which was irritating. *sigh*
But at least he will now realize that I was really good to him and his family.
Thank you for letting me vent again. |
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Sat Dec 09, 2006 12:58 pm |
Sweetie,
I'm sorry you're going through this.  Yes, I believe in karma...what comes around goes around. It sounds like you were too good to him. Now, he's realizing what he had, but it's ok. You're free to meet better men out there and he's decided to stay with a "very" needy woman. He won't last with her. Most men attribute neediness to having a child. In my opinion, men like a woman who is secure in the relationship she has with her man.
I know you feel like, "he left me...and now he's with her." But I think this actually, works in your favor. I'm sure he's realizing how good he had it with you.  His loss. |
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Sat Dec 09, 2006 2:05 pm |
While I really don't believe there is "one" person for everyone, I do think that you won't have to try hard to "keep" someone once you are in a relationship.
I tried it once, with my last high school boyfriend, before I met my now husband. I tried so hard to be the person I thought he wanted...I tried to get interested in what he liked, his music (ugh...horrible stuff)...and he ended up verbally abusive, calling me a whore, slut, etc.
Even if this guy isn't for you, though he may very well come around and want to get back when he realizes what a dope he was for letting you go (then it will be up to YOU whether or not YOU want HIM) once you find that relationship that is right, you won't have to be anybody but yourself.
If he wants to be yanked around, then he'll be yanked around. It'll teach him something...that he should appreciate what he had!!! |
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32, Fair Skin, combo/break-out prone. Simple routine of REN No. 1 Purity Cleansing Balm and Argan oil as a moisturizer; Clarisonic when needed. That's it! |
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Sat Dec 09, 2006 6:59 pm |
Skincarefreak - Thank you. I think the reason he dumped me was that I was too independent and was able to think for myself. I guess he likes girls who are needed and makes him feel #1 and that he's the best thing in the world.
But I am grateful he left me, so I don't have to put up with his bologne anymore.
ParisTroika - Thank you too. I agree that if your with someone, they should accept you for who you are and not try to be someone that they want you to be. He was far from perfect but I accepted his flaws but it wasn't the same for him. I don't understand why some guys have to be verbally abusive. But I'm happy that you found a man that treats you right and became your husband. So there are other guys out there. Right now I'm thinking, forget it, I don't care to meet anyone. It's all the same. I know I shouldn't but you know how it can be. |
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Sun Dec 10, 2006 11:13 am |
| qisme615 wrote: |
| I guess he likes girls who are needed and makes him feel #1 and that he's the best thing in the world. |
I totally believe in karma and your ex sounds like he has a lot of issues. It does sound like he needs to be needed. As demanding as she is ... in a sick way she's showing how much she depends on him - how important he is. |
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mid 40's, Hawaiian/Japanese, combo skin, med/dark complexion. "If life hands you lemons, throw them at your enemies" |
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Sun Dec 10, 2006 11:24 am |
He sounds like someone who needs a girl to really need him. And it seems he is in the infatuation stage of their relationship where he doesn't see any of her fault or how their relationship affect his family, etc. Do not take it personally! It is great to be independent! He is probably intimidated by how independent you are and feel insecure about where he stands in your life. There is a saying that I always remember. Something about the sooner you lose the wrong guy, the sooner you will find the right guy  Good luck with everything! |
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20's: rare pimples and oily T-zone..annoying little blackhead buggers on nose |
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Mon Dec 11, 2006 2:04 am |
| Your true love,he must very care for you and your feeling.l wish you will meet your true love in future. |
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 2:04 pm |
Honey, don't spend another SECOND thinking about this loser! While you're mopping around over this guy that SO does not deserve you, Mr. Right might walk right past you. Look up & make sure you spot Mr. Right when he comes along.
Trust me, there are good men out there. I thank my lucky starts everyday for my hubby... and trust me, I went through my fair share of losers before I got to him!
Hang in there!  |
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Makeup and skincare are my passion!! My dayjob is just to pay for the obsession... |
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 3:32 pm |
| I have to echo GottaHaveItAll: you are still letting this guy get to you. YOU alone have to power to move on and find someone you are compatible with. If you keep thinking about him and getting information on how he's doing it's going to be pretty hard to get on with your life. We all meet people, IMO, that we 'meet' to work on our own issues, sometimes just to find out what we DON'T want in a relationship. Treat it as a learning experience and open yourself to something new and better for yourself. There are many really good guys out there; they may or may not be the best looking, have the most money, or the best jobs or whatever, but they are diamonds in the rough and absolute gold. Believe me ... I had a rich, gorgeous, street-smart, creative musician guy who said all the right things but was selfish, withholding, addicted to cigs, pot, sex, and never, ever made me laugh. Now I'm married to a man who isn't rich or gorgeous but he treats me like a queen, emotionally is there for me 100%, and we laugh all the time. Plus he OFFERS to give me foot-rubs ... he's my best friend. I hope the same for you. |
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 5:14 pm |
| I think I remember my granny telling me that the Irish believe everyone has a second half of their heart out there somewhere and you know when you have found that "soulmate" and twin because your heart feels whole. I've been married 24 years and it took going through a few frogs to find that prince and soulmate and feel whole. It should feel right, and you should be treated like you are special and a princess. When you find one who treats you like that, you know you've found your true love. |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:59 pm |
| qisme615 wrote: |
Skincarefreak - Thank you. I think the reason he dumped me was that I was too independent and was able to think for myself. I guess he likes girls who are needed and makes him feel #1 and that he's the best thing in the world.
But I am grateful he left me, so I don't have to put up with his bologne anymore.
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I'm so glad you were able to realize this! It sounds like you need to advice, but I'd just like to add it seems possible that he was even intimidated by your independence and strength. You deserve somebody who admires this virtue, and even finds it sexy . Don't give this one anymore thought (easier said than done, I know, but time will take him from the mind), his ignorance prevents him from appreciating you and therefore he doesn't deserve you. |
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 10:12 pm |
| skincarefreak wrote: |
| what comes around goes around. |
Ain't this true! Side story ... my boss at my previous employment was a chauvanistic pig. We were an office of approx. 50, mainly women and this guy thought he was the best thing to ever happen to that work place and industry. He worked there for 13 years I believe it was and made many women's life a living h*ll. Anyways, found out the Board finally came to their senses and finally gave him his walking papers. I too like to think - what goes around comes around!
Good luck - and hope you continue to make the choices/decisions that are best for you (which sounds like you're already doing ) |
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 10:52 pm |
Gosh, THANK YOU everyone.  Thank you for all your support and great advice. Reading every message was great and made me so happy, it made me feel that there was nothing wrong with me. Before I would be feeling down and not really talk to any of my friends. But everyone here is so great, it's like having a bunch of sisters around the world to knock some sense into you and to encourage you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. |
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