People with spouses/SOs, how do you divide holidays?
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free skin care · Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:05 pm

How do you decide which family you will spend which holiday with?

I have a really big, really close family and holidays are VERY big deals to us. I always dreaded growing up and getting married and having so spend some holidays away from home. Luckily, DH's parents are Chinese and they don't really celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas, so we've already decided to spend both of those with my parents every year. Don't get me wrong--- DH's parents recognize those days as holidays and they have a family meal, etc, but it seems like that's about it. Christmas esp. is a HUGE deal in my family --- my mom plays organ for a church, so our family is basically in charge of the Christmas Eve program for the church. Mom plays organ, Dad and brothers sing in the choir, one sister plays the flute, the other the harp... I would hate to miss it, so I'm relieved that I don't have to.

However, apparently Chinese New Year is a big deal to Chinese people, so we spend it with DH's family every year, have a big meal, etc. We've also been thinking that we should make it a tradition to go see DH's parents every year for Mother's Day...

I'd be very interested to hear how other people do things!

free skin care · Tue Dec 19, 2006 5:56 pm

This is probably the one thing I don't like about the holidays. I have no problems spending time with my SO's parents and him with mine (mine live out of town) - it's getting my parents and his parents together that's tough. Timing and location.

If we had the space in our home to house 12 people or so (we don't have a formal "dining room"), we'd have the dinner here ... but his parents are pretty stubborn in that they don't like to leave the(ir) house. That being said, we're usually limited to whatever they want to do and if we want to do something else, we celebrate alone with my parents.

My SO's sister, on the other hand, spends Christmas eve with her husband's family and Christmas with her's. Seems to work fine for them!

free skin care · Tue Dec 19, 2006 8:41 pm

My parents are divorced and only one has remarried... so it's a three way split, we try to alternate, but my MIL always expects us to spend some time over there even if it's the year we're supposed to spend with my family... it is really no fun at all.

free skin care · Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:57 pm

We always spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my in-laws because my MIL will make us feel guilty for months if we don't. I do love them a lot, but they act like everyone's SO doesn't have a family and get pissed when people are absent from family gatherings. We actually had a bit of a tiff about that at Thanksgiving.

I am going to insist on going to see my nephew open his gifts this year, though! Very Happy

This is his first real Christmas.

free skin care · Tue Dec 19, 2006 11:11 pm

In my first marriage we alternated years (which is kind of what my family did growing up.. alternating between grandparents)

but now I am super lucky - Japanese celebrate New Year, so we just make sure to come back home by 30th December and then we head up to hubby's family and everyone is happy!

free skin care · Wed Dec 20, 2006 4:03 am

All the time we were out of the country we pretty much ignored the holidays as we were always working - now that we're back we have spent the last few Christmases with my Dad as he's on his own now. Hubby's parents usually spend Christmas with either his brother or sister - they both have kids so much more interesting for the rents than having us there!

free skin care · Wed Dec 20, 2006 5:59 am

My DH's parents live out of state but come here to So Calif every Christmas.

Luckily DH's family tradition is to open gifts on Christmas Eve and my family's is to open on Christmas morning...so that's what we've always done. C-Eve location is switched between our house and DH's sisters. C-morning and dinner is usually at my parents house -- there's really no reason we don't do this at my house other than everybody seems really comfortable at my mom's.

Since his parents are not local, we don't really have any conflicts on other holidays...thanks goodness!

Marla

free skin care · Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:38 am

My hubby comes from a family of 9 kids, so his family is literally scattered all over world (one brother lives in Switzerland)...so it's hard to choose who to visit on his side of the family. His mom is in Florida, as are two other siblings...so that helps us not feel too guilty about not going there for the holidays very often. Most of the time, we see my parents in CA for either Thanksgiving or Christmas (about a 6 hour drive from AZ), and then spend the other holiday with my stepdad in Ketchum, ID. Actually, my "stepdad" is the man my mom lived with for 13 years before she passed in 1999, so he is like a dad to both me and DH and is still very much a part of our lives. Anyhoo...it's a beautiful little resort town, and is a nice, peaceful place to spend the holidays.

That said, this year we went off the map and opted to see my parents for Turkey Day, and avoid the airport mayhem by staying home for Christmas (only the 2nd time we've done that in nearly 8 years of marriage!)!

Mary Very Happy

free skin care · Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:54 am

With my b/f and I, we usually do my family first early session and then go over to his. Christmas eve with his family and I'm spending Christmas day with my family, not sure if he can leave early to come over to my parents though this year.

Splitting time is always difficult with two families.

free skin care · Wed Dec 20, 2006 10:07 am

Well before baby Carter came along, Dh and I would take turns each year with each others family. One year we would spend it with his, the next with mine. There is no way we could spend Christmas Day with both families, since my family lives out of town.

This year though, we want the families to come to our home since its Carters first Christmas, we think its important that he spends his first Christmas at home, plus I don't feel like travelling with an 8 month old, tons of baby accessories, and all the presents in the dead of winter...its alot easier for them to make the trip! Smile

free skin care · Wed Dec 20, 2006 12:49 pm

We always spend our with my family mostly. My family does the big family (immediate family) get together and his doesn't really do that. So we'll spend Christmas Day with my family and then head over to his mom's maybe on Boxing Day (December 26th) or early that week sometime. I'm glad it works out that like for us. My one sister has it harder, her DH's family alternates with us each year, so one year our family will get Christmas Day and the next year they will, and we'll need to get together on Boxing Day instead so we can all be together.

free skin care · Thu Dec 21, 2006 1:58 am

Luckily, our parents live in the same area. So it is a matter of where we will be for dinner around Christmas time. It's quite simple and I thank god everyday for this one blessing.

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