|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Author |
Message |
|
|
Mon Jan 22, 2007 10:17 am |
I figure this is the perfect forum to get opinions and different perspectives on conlflicts like this:
I am having problems with my sisters. I was living in TX for 13 years and came back 5 years ago. Our dad passed away soon after I moved here. I am glad I was able to spend more time with him than ever before his passing. I was the only one there to really support my mom through his sickness and after his passing.
Now they never went to or invited my mom AND dad when he was alive, they just always did their own thing.
but since then I would have expected my siblings to be there for my MOM- our mom. I go once a year to see her (we live 4 hours way)and I have her for a week every summer and every other Thanksgiving and Xmas. I would more but I go to my in-laws every other year who live 5 hours in the opposite direction.
But in the 5 years I have been back, not once have my sisters invited my mom or me for that matter to a holiday gathering. It has been ME trying to orchestrate that. When I do have mom in the summer, they come over for a 2 hr visit and that is it.
One year I pushed to have me, my mom and bother (who now lives with mom since dad died) to go to my sisters for thanksgiving which the one sister (the host) was not too pleased. then 2 years later since she did not want to host again, I offered and even though I don't have a large house, managed to hold everyone and then some.
THIS past thanksgiving I found out by accident from my 8 yr old neice that my sisters were haiving thanksgiving at my sister who lives only 45 minites away. No one ever mentioned this to me or our mom. When I asked one sister about it, she just said that the other sister just wanted it to be them and keep it simple. I offered to have it at my house again and she declined.
So they knew my mom was coming to town and even though we are only 45 minutes from each other, opted not to have me, my mom and brother over. Can you believe it? I of course got very mad and feel terrible for my mom and made that no secret. My mom is very hurt by this.
So not only have any of my sisters not vsited our mother in over 5 yrs, they never offer to have her stay at their house. My house can accomodate no more than theirs can. and of course never any holiday invites.
They get mad at ME if I don't notify them about her upcoming visit to my house! they don't ever call my mother to find out that she will be traveling.
They are mad at ME for nagging them about this and acusing me of trying to inflict guilt.
I have not spoken to them since thanksgiving and don't have the desire to. I just can't fake it anymore and hide my feelings about it.
Am I being unreasonable about this? I am very protective about my mom and feel so terrible for her. she will not make a big deal about this as she does not want to lose them completely so just doesn't mention it and takes it all but she shares her pain about this to me all the time.
so even if I wanted to restore our relationships, I bet I would have to apologise for everything and I just can't do that!
I just don't know what to do. |
|
|
|
|
Mon Jan 22, 2007 7:33 pm |
I'm so sorry that you're in that situation. It sounds like your sisters only want to visit when it's convenient to them, and it sucks that you feel pressured to orchestrate the family gatherings. I think it's great that you continue to have a good relationship with your Mom.
I don't have great advice for you, but think it would be nice to continue to let your family know if you'll be having your Mom over for Thanksgiving at your house (just as an FYI), but leave it up to them to decide whether or not they want to come. That way they can choose to skip it if they're going to be pissy (and you'll be better off anyway, it seems), and they may still have their own selfish secret gatherings, but at least you'll leave the door open in case they ever come around.
I hope it gets better for you and your Mom! |
_________________ Dry sensitive skin with hormonal breakouts, 29 years old |
|
Mabsy
Moderator
Joined: 17 Aug 2003
Posts: 9644
|
|
|
|
Wed Apr 17, 2024 1:02 pm |
If this is your first visit to the EDS Forums please take the time to register. Registration is required for you to post on the forums. Registration will also give you the ability to track messages of interest, send private messages to other users, participate in Gift Certificates draws and enjoy automatic discounts for shopping at our online store. Registration is free and takes just a few seconds to complete.
Click Here to join our community.
If you are already a registered member on the forums, please login to gain full access to the site. |
|
|
|
|
|