anxious when driving - help!
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free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 5:40 am

Hi

Ive noticed the past 6 months or so Ive become increasingly more anxious when driving. Its not so bad when there arent many people on the road but the more traffic there is the more anxious and uptight I get.

I can control it where I live(i live in a town with a population of about 10,000) because its pretty straight forward driving..no lane changing etc we dont even have traffic light.

But sometimes i have to go into the city like today and city driving just ties me up in knots. I had to go in today so last night i had a restless sleep worrying about it.

I just get fearful in heavy traffic and trying to change lanes when others cars are so close to me scares me.I just hate been surrounded by so many cars! Im worried im an accident waiting to happen in the city Sad

Has anyone else felt the same about driving? Any tips to overcome this? I should add that i got my licence late in life(33) so have only been driving for 4 yrs and i learnt to drive here where i live. I put off getting my licence for so long because i was scared of driving - i dont know where it comes from but i forced myself to just do it finally as its hard without a car where i live as there's no public transport.

I was thinking of trying self hypnosis or something..sorry for the long post!

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 5:43 am

Carol, I think that is perfectly normal - or at least I hate driving too and you sound just like me! I'm ok when I know the area, but really start to feel quite panicky when I have to go somewhere I'm not familiar with. I think I have a phobia about getting lost. I hate changing lanes on the motorway too, am so much more comfortable on small roads.

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:22 am

Carol I think that we are very alike when it comes to driving! I am 39 and got my licence when I was 29. The idea of driving scared me and like you I waited to get my licence and didn't do so until circumstances forced me to. After I got my licence I said to myself that I didn't know why I waited so long. For a number of years I drove quite a bit, briefly in a small city and then in a small town. About 3 years ago when I was backing out of our driveway I backed into a fence and after that I started to become increasingly afraid of driving especially reversing.

I get nervous when I have to put myself in uncomfortable situations. But I know that the day I stop doing things because I am afraid is the beginning of the end so I make myself do things (with the exception of backing out of the driveway!). I have found that putting myself into driving situations that scare me and doing okay in them makes me feel more confident. Although I am still very cautious. Take changing lanes for example. I do get a little nervous about doing this in heavy traffic but I wait for my opportunity and take it. Now maybe my husband would squeeze into an opening that I wouldn't but I do what I feel comfortable with. Or passing cars on a two lane highway-that is something that I am afraid of but the more I do it the more I learn what my car can do.

It is all about confronting our fears. We are afraid because it is something that we are not familiar enough with. It is also about developing skills. With reversing I found that I wasn't looking in my side view mirrors like I should and have really focused on doing that. My husband also pointed out that he never really taught me how to reverse the car so that is something that I will eventually learn.

Just the other day I had a dentists appointment and I parked on a farily steep decline where I would have to reverse up a hill in a parking lot with a bunch of other cars right next to mine. If you have ever driven a manual transmission car you know why this terrified me! The entire time I was at my appointment all I could think about was having to reverse up that hill. Well when I came time to back out of the parking lot it wasn't easy. I tried once and only ended up closer to the car next to me. I actually shut the car off and wondered if I would need to walk home. Then I just took a deep breath and did it!! Will I be afraid the next time I have to reverse up a steep hell? Yes, but I will also be a little more confident.

But then again I have driven a car around a race track. I wasn't racing but there were other cars on the track. My husband actually had to make me do this since I was afraid! I have done this twice now and have actually totally gone off the track into the dirt. I actually didn't feel too bad about this because other more experienced drivers did the same. I am going to try drifting in a few weeks! I am sure to lose control of the car doing that. My husband says that it is good to know what it feels like to lose control of the car and what to do when that happens. Yet I refuse to go autocrossing not because I am afraid of driving around a course made of cones but because I am afraid to put the car in a grid where there will be so many other cars in close proximity.

Sorry for my long post and I imagine that I haven't offered too much in the way of practical advice. I just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one that feels anxious about driving. It is strange because I am afraid of certain situations and yet sometimes I really enjoy driving. Like a winding road or being at the track.

Just don't give up. You have only been driving for 4 years so don't expect yourself to be as comfortable as someone your age that has been driving for over 20 years. Smile

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:26 am

I used to have slight panic attacks while driving...not from heavy traffic or anything...I won't say why because I don't want anyone focusing on that while they drive and experiencing the same thing.

It was horrible though...paranoia can be so controlling.
I still think about it (what would trigger my attacks) and I have to calm myself down. I've gotten good at it so I haven't had an attack in a few years. I've been driving for over 11 years.

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:49 am

ParisTroika wrote:

I used to have slight panic attacks while driving...not from heavy traffic or anything...I won't say why because I don't want anyone focusing on that while they drive and experiencing the same thing.

It was horrible though...paranoia can be so controlling.
I still think about it (what would trigger my attacks) and I have to calm myself down. I've gotten good at it so I haven't had an attack in a few years. I've been driving for over 11 years.

I had panic attacks when driving for a while too(like Paris I will keep the reason private), I refused to drive for a good six months, when I finally got back behind the wheel I was a nervous wreck. I just decided one day I wouldnt let that control my life, I would force myself to do things that make me nervous to get past it, I dont know if that would work for everyone but it helped me. I would focus on how good I would feel when I overcame it, rather than the issue itself.

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 8:42 am

I had a very bad experience driving right before I left for college, and like Paris and Vonstella it left me subject to panic attacks so I basically stopped driving. However, Once I got back from living in Japan (where I hadn't been driving AT ALL), I had to get a job and start driving an hour and a half every day. At first I was terrified and nervous all the time, but the more I drove the easier it got. Now I drive every day for errands, shopping, etc, and I found I've gotten very comfortable driving, so trust me, if I can do it, anyone can do it! Laughing

Just keep practicing and keep driving (It helps if you drive the same route to something over and over again because then you feel comfortable with it). I seriously doubt that I'll ever actually ENJOY driving, but I will say that I'm not scared of it any more. HTH!

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:12 am

Hi Carol, you might be interested in this:

www.emofree.com

You can download a free instruction manual and it's a great technique for lots of things, particularly can be helpful with anxiety. I've been using it for 5 yrs on all kinds of stuff. Easy to learn and very transportable: all you need are you and your hands to tap on certain points.

Hypnosis and/or relaxation may be helpful but I like EFT the best for a number of reasons. The main one is, it WORKS. It works very well to disperse the left-over negative energy that a number of other posters talked about: a bad past experience hang-over, so to speak.

One of my careers was as hypnotherapist but I always taught my clients EFT as well since it's very, well, empowering, to use a much-over used word.

Hope this helps. Pls PM me if you need more info or have ?

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:02 pm

You need to relax and pamper yourself. Do something to release your stress first.
I got that feeling after my first accident too... but it's long time ago...

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:34 pm

You guys made me feel much better..mind you, I just got my license last year..that's a story in itself. I never needed to drive but then we moved to the suburbs... I drive , but get me on a highway where I have to lane change & I can literally feel my hear thumping out of my chest! Worse is, I get no sympathy from hubby..he just wants me out & driving more. Of course, he can drive with is eyes closed. Plus, whenever someone's tailgating I feel like I should speed up since they're probably swearing at me or something. Probably because of all those years sitting next to hubby driving and him swearing at anyone who would drive too slow or 'stupid' drivers!

Yeesh!! I know it's a lack of confidance & the more you do it, the easier it'll be. Problem is, there is that possiblity of hurting someone while trying to build up confidance! I obviously need therapy. Embarassed

I'm just glad I'm not the only one.

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 2:06 pm

First of all, I don't own a car -- I only rent them when I need them which can sometimes be quite often. But this problem is obviously common! I have friends who have high anxiety about highway or city driving. I'm a little bit that way myself especially in unchartered territory. But I also have friends whose agoraphobia started out with panic attacks while driving. So I think it can either be a reasonable anxiety from lack of experience and practice, or a symptom of a more complex issue.

I admit I sometimes use bad language when I drive (not to suggest I yell at people -- I just cuss to myself), but if I'm in the slow lane for goodness sake and relaxing and taking my time and someone rides my butt, too @#$%ing bad! They can pass me -- I'm not speeding up!

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 2:56 pm

I used to get nervous and then I did an advanced driving course with the SAAB club. It was brilliant fun and my confidence increased a lot.
I then did a BMW one and was the only woman against 39 men. Laughing

I came 8th and won an umbrella.

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 5:38 pm

Emma2006 wrote:

I used to get nervous and then I did an advanced driving course with the SAAB club. It was brilliant fun and my confidence increased a lot.
I then did a BMW one and was the only woman against 39 men. Laughing

I came 8th and won an umbrella.

Emma, YOU ROCK! You need to put that tarantula on top of your prize umbrella and parade around town saying "Look at me! I am fearless!"

Well, I have the exact opposite situation. My Pa put me behind the wheel of the little Triumph sports car he bought when I was 13 or 14 (he was saving it for me so I could drive it when I turned 16 - but it ended up with transmission problems so I got something else) and taught me to drive stick. It started out badly, but got better and I couldn't wait to start driving for real! This is the same man who tossed me into our pool when I was 8 months old and said "Swim, little darlin'!" and I've been a water baby ever since!

Anyhow, I've been driving since I was 16 and never looked back. I consider myself a very good, skilled driver, and can drive any kind of car, truck, etc. I do have a tendency to speed, though and I have a current $400+ traffic ticket to show for that! But, in spite of my lead foot, I've only ever had 3 or 4 speeding tickets in my life, so I guess I'm lucky at avoiding being noticed by the cops!

Also, since I've moved to Los Angeles, I find that my driving has become quite aggressive - the drivers in Los Angeles are THE WORST EVER - and I am constantly changing lanes and speeding up, etc. to get away from the dangerous ones on the road (but I avoid being a dangerous driver myself in spite of evasive efforts to get away from the bad ones).

I've only had 1 accident that was my fault and most likely can be attributed to mechanical problems with the car's brakes, and 1 minor rearender that was my fault (rolling into the car in front of me at a stop light - oops!) and those happened when I was a new driver. But I have been hit numerous times (three times in one week once!) by other drivers, so I consider other folks on the road to be a problem.

Even my sister, who was in a near-fatal car accident (she was hit by a drunk driver and was in a coma for over a year - she had brain damage and has never fully recovered though she has come a very long way and truly can be considered a miracle) has no problems with the idea of driving, but her physical injuries prevent that for the most part, even though my Pa has put her behind the wheel and said "Well, go on!" I suppose its because our Pa got cars for both of us, taught us how to do basic maintenance (check oil, tire pressure, etc.) and then expected us to get out on the road and stop pestering him to take us everywhere that we can attribute to our love of driving. I cannot imagine being without my car and the independence it brings me.

My recommendation for anyone who has trouble with driving is to just do it - get out when the roads are quiet and practice. The more experience you get, the more "desensitized" you are to being behind the wheel. Try to drive in all different conditions, if possible. Working with a therapist is a good idea, too - a friend did hypnotherapy after a really bad accident to ease her fears. Also, if you are in California, you can go to a driver's school offered by the Auto Club which can address specific areas of concern for you in the presence of a professional coach (like what Emma did).

Good luck!

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 6:08 pm

Thanks so much everyone Very Happy

It such a relief to know alot of people feel the same way as me. Not many people know how fearful I am about it,just my parents,sister and my son. Definately my son knows Laughing

I actually got disorientated twice on my way home and took wrong turns! which caused me a bit of panic but i managed to get back on the right road. I think its a combination of lack of experience driving in the city and not knowing the area well. I dont know if I'll ever feel confident changing lanes when its so congested though and not much room to move over:? Id rather miss my turn than risk it,thats how i feel at the moment anyway.
Im also crap at parking too, so avoid packed carparks and park a bit further away than where i need to go just to avoid it. Its weird for some reason if im turning to my left into a carpark im fine but when I park to my right i misjudge when to start making the turn and stuff it up...my son thinks im weird Laughing

and whenever he says 'there's one when looking for a park- im like 'no i cant park there as id need to make a right turn Laughing

He's like

I couldnt imagine what its like for those of you who have had full on panic attacks when driving - i couldnt imagine anything worse.

I think i just need to put myself in the situations more as you all suggest. The need to go into the city dosent arrive much but i have been thinking of moving in there at the end of the yr because there's alot more work and just keep thinking how the hell am i going to be able to house hunt etc if i cant even drive without freaking out.

I also find it a bit crippling as my son got invited by the Australian Institude of sport to join their volleyball program which would have involved driving into the city(like right in there! not just the suburbs)twice a week and straight away i though...i cant drive in there! Anyway he decided he didnt want to do it but if he had wanted to i would have had to just do it as it wouldnt be fair if he missed out on an opportunity like that just because i didnt want to drive. It just made me realise i have a problem

Confused

thanks for the link chocolat I think i have heard of it before and will check it out.

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 6:19 pm

You know, it's amazing what you can do when you have to. The one time I wasn't afraid was when...I forgot to be. I was following my husband;s van on the way to DD's birthday bash (we were already a bit late) when I lost him..look, all vans look the same in winter-dirty!. When I realized I was following the wrong van Embarassed

I turned around, found the highway (as DD was franticallly getting him on cell) and found him. I did it without being afraid (I even passed a few cars who were going too slow) because I angry & upset that DD was going to be late for her own party. I just forgot to be nervous. All of a sudden, I'm Evil Knieval (o.k. not quite-but you get my drift) I only realized later...felt kinda good.

free skin care · Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:13 pm

[quote="MermaidGirlEmma, YOU ROCK! You need to put that tarantula on top of your prize umbrella and parade around town saying "Look at me! I am fearless!"
[/quote]

Laughing

Thank you. Razz

Your poor sister Crying or Very sad

- I hope that she continues to make good progress.

Emma x

free skin care · Thu Jan 25, 2007 3:43 am

Emma2006 wrote:

... Your poor sister Crying or Very sad

- I hope that she continues to make good progress.

Emma x

Thank you, Emma. I know, every time I think of what happened to her, it kills me inside. But, I have to think positive thoughts about how very near death she was for so long, and how full of life she is now. She really is doing amazingly well, but will never be "100% back to normal," but I'll gratefully keep her the way she is ... so much better than the alternative!

free skin care · Thu Jan 25, 2007 3:55 am

MermaidGirl wrote:

Emma2006 wrote:

... Your poor sister Crying or Very sad

- I hope that she continues to make good progress.

Emma x

Thank you, Emma. I know, every time I think of what happened to her, it kills me inside. But, I have to think positive thoughts about how very near death she was for so long, and how full of life she is now. She really is doing amazingly well, but will never be "100% back to normal," but I'll gratefully keep her the way she is ... so much better than the alternative!

{{{{{{{{{{{{ MermaidGirl }}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I have a sister who I love dearly too and my heart goes out to you.

Thank goodness she survived.

Love
Emma xxxx

free skin care · Mon Jan 29, 2007 12:04 am

Although I had over 10 yrs' driving experience I am still very nervious when I am on highways. One thing which helps me to calm down is to turn on the radio, listening to music/songs, soft but not rock-n-road ones.

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