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Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:11 pm  Quote |
SICK DAYS > > We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. > > > >
PERSONAL DAYS > > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. > > > >
LUNCH BREAK > > Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time Needed to drink a Slim Fast. > > > >
DRESS CODE > > It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, So that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. > > > >
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE > > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. > > > >
RESTROOM USE > > Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. > > > >
Thank you for your loyalty to our great company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. |
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:18 pm Quote |
This is a joke right??  |
_________________
Simple but No Simplier...Approaching late 20s, Normal/Combination Skin, Rarely Breakout now but have some old acne marks, sunspots, & broken caps |
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:38 pm Quote |
Cherisse... that's fabulous. Very funny  I might try running that past my staff! |
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:39 pm Quote |
| I saw this circulate in an email, still funny. |
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Magda
Moderator
 
Joined: 29 Oct 2002
Posts: 1369
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:43 pm Quote |
This is outrageous! How they can allow for so many personal days? We work on Saturdays at EDS  |
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:55 pm Quote |
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:10 pm Quote |
Magda - my boyfriend and a friend of mine (both lawyers) usually work both Sat and Sun, so they would think having 104 personal days (i.e. Sat and Sun) are very generous indeed. haha
I printed out a copy of this, and handed to my colleague, and said in a straight face that these are new HR policies, and his face just dropped. He said, "Are you serious?" I started laughing, and said, "no!" |
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:10 pm Quote |
| vava_gurl wrote: |
| Cherisse... that's fabulous. Very funny I might try running that past my staff! |
Yeah! Let me know if many fell for it. hehe |
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 9:43 pm Quote |
[quote="Cherisse"][quote="vava_gurl"]Cherisse... that's fabulous. Very funny I might try running that past my staff![/quote]
Yeah! Let me know if many fell for it. hehe[/quote]
Oh my well that stirred things up somewhat! I got a bit of this  & a bit of that  , plus some of this  But because I couldnt keep a straight face for too long.. I ended up with a whole lot of this 
Sharon |
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Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:10 pm Quote |
| vava_gurl wrote: |
| Cherisse wrote: |
| vava_gurl wrote: |
| Cherisse... that's fabulous. Very funny I might try running that past my staff! |
Yeah! Let me know if many fell for it. hehe |
Oh my well that stirred things up somewhat! I got a bit of this & a bit of that , plus some of this But because I couldnt keep a straight face for too long.. I ended up with a whole lot of this
Sharon |
That's funny! I could not keep a straight face for even 2 seconds. I wish I could. |
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Fri Feb 02, 2007 7:06 am Quote |
| I'm going to send these to my colleagues at work - although at least a few of them will probably believe it!! |
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Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:17 am Quote |
| fifi wrote: |
| I'm going to send these to my colleagues at work - although at least a few of them will probably believe it!! |
Yeah, let me know how many fell for it. That's too funny. |
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Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:26 am Quote |
| LOL! I've never seen that before. Hilarious! |
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Fri Feb 02, 2007 2:21 pm Quote |
| Good read! Will forward to my office people. |
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Fri Feb 02, 2007 2:44 pm Quote |
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_________________
Lori, We would often be ashamed of our finest actions if the world understood all the motives which produced them. ~Duc de La Rochefoucauld.A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. ~Winston Churchill |
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Fri Feb 02, 2007 7:59 pm Quote |
Thank you for sharing this! I am going to pass this around to my co-supervisors at work on Monday -- they will since we deal with all of this junk at least once a day!  |
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Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:22 pm Quote |
| You're all quite welcome. It's one of my favorites! |
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Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:26 pm Quote |
I fell for it too. I am very gullible.
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| Sat Nov 21, 2009 2:23 am |
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