Shop with us!!! We sell the most advanced skin care anti-aging cosmetics on the market: cellex-c, phytomer, sothys, dermalogica, md formulations, decleor, valmont, kinerase, yonka, jane iredale, thalgo, yon-ka, ahava, bioelements, jan marini, peter thomas roth, murad, ddf, orlane, glominerals, StriVectin SD.
 
 back to skin care discussion board front page with forums indexEDS Skin Care Forums Search the ForumSearch Most popular all-time Forum TopicsHot! Library
 Guidelines  FAQ  Register
Free gifts for Forum MembersForum Gifts Free Gifts offers at Essential Day SpaFree Gifts Offers  Log in



*** Your daily dose of laughs thread ***

EDS Skin Care Forums Forum Index » EDS Lounge
Reply to topic
Author Message
Kassy_A
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Posts: 4120
Sat Jul 31, 2010 12:07 pm      Reply with quote
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was
pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin His reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born?
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti."

"Three with meatballs, two without."

"SEND EXTRA SAUCE!"

_________________
♥I'm flattered by all the lovely PM's, but I don't get here much these days. Please don't be afraid to post your quearies to other DIY members who will be glad to help you (or sell you their wares..lol) Still happy with LED, dermarolling and a DIY antioxidant regime. Peace & Hugs to all.♥
Frodo
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 19 Nov 2006
Posts: 1283
Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:41 pm      Reply with quote
Kassy_A wrote:
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was
pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin His reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born?
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti."

"Three with meatballs, two without."

"SEND EXTRA SAUCE!"


What a riot, sooooooo funny!

_________________
The best way to locate your cat is to open a can of food.
Penta
Preferred Member
15% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 06 May 2009
Posts: 328
Wed Aug 25, 2010 7:26 pm      Reply with quote
You probably know this already but i love simon's cat:

My favourite ones are:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rb8aOzy9t4&feature=related

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOHvZjiDANg&feature=related

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKvNqe8cKU4



Laughing
Snowie
Senior Member
10% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 08 Jul 2009
Posts: 56
Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:43 pm      Reply with quote
A centipede and a turtle decided to drink together one night.

While drinking, they ran out of alcohol so the turtle said "I'll go buy some more alcohol."

The centipede replied "No, you're so slow. I have many more legs than you do so let me go."

The turtle then said... "you're right. I'll wait for you here then."

About an hour later, the turtle is still waiting at home for the centipede to return. He kept thinking to himself why it's taking the centipede so long to return so he went to the door to see if he could spot the centipede coming home.

When the turtle got to the door, he saw that the centipede had not left yet so he said "why haven't you left to buy alcohol yet?"

The centipede replies, "because I'm still wearing my socks"

Very Happy hope this made everyone laugh a little Laughing
Penta
Preferred Member
15% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 06 May 2009
Posts: 328
Mon Sep 13, 2010 10:53 pm      Reply with quote
Laughing
This is cute!
It sounds Japanese Very Happy
Snowie
Senior Member
10% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 08 Jul 2009
Posts: 56
Tue Sep 14, 2010 2:30 pm      Reply with quote
Hi Penta,

I dont' know where that joke originated from, but I heard it from a Vietnamese show last year and was literally rolling over the floor laughing
Very Happy
Suellen
New Member

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Posts: 8
Tue Sep 14, 2010 6:05 pm      Reply with quote
So true.....
Never read too much into something....
It will just drive you crazy.....

Subject:
Her / His Diary entry


HER DIARY

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY

My lawnmower wouldn't start today, can't figure out why, but at least I got laid.
Snowie
Senior Member
10% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 08 Jul 2009
Posts: 56
Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:30 am      Reply with quote
Suellen wrote:
So true.....
Never read too much into something....
It will just drive you crazy.....

Subject:
Her / His Diary entry


HER DIARY

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY

My lawnmower wouldn't start today, can't figure out why, but at least I got laid.


Thanks for sharing Suellen... I'm gonna share this with my boyfriend Very Happy
Kassy_A
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Posts: 4120
Wed Sep 15, 2010 12:11 pm      Reply with quote
Italian Loan

An Italian walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.

The Italian produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us ! is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'

The Italian replied: 'Minga! Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'

Ah, the Italians... Bada Bing! Very Happy

_________________
♥I'm flattered by all the lovely PM's, but I don't get here much these days. Please don't be afraid to post your quearies to other DIY members who will be glad to help you (or sell you their wares..lol) Still happy with LED, dermarolling and a DIY antioxidant regime. Peace & Hugs to all.♥
sister sweets
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 01 Aug 2007
Posts: 5982
Wed Sep 15, 2010 6:34 pm      Reply with quote
Kassy_A wrote:
Italian Loan

An Italian walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.

The Italian produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us ! is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'

The Italian replied: 'Minga! Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'

Ah, the Italians... Bada Bing! Very Happy


What a Hoot...

_________________
Enjoying dermalogica with my ASG and Pico toner ** Disclosure: I was a participant without remuneration in promotional videos for Ageless Secret Gold and the Neurotris Pico Emmy event.
DarkMoon
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Posts: 10206
Wed Sep 15, 2010 7:08 pm      Reply with quote
Don't you just love e-mail?†

†I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.†

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.†

I canít use the remote in a hotel room because I donít know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.†

I canít sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..†

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking oneís nose.†

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.†

I canít touch any womanís purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.†

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.†

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.†

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.†

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.†

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresaís Novena has granted my every wish.†

I canít have a drink in a bar because Iíll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.†

I canít use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.†

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.†

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.†

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesnít crawl in my back seat when Iím filling up.†

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.†

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I canít boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me for life.†

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.†

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.†

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.†

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.†

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.†

THANKS TO YOU I canít use anyoneís toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.†

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I canít ever pick up $2.00 coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over..†

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.†

I canít do any gardening because Iím afraid Iíll get bitten by the wood spider and my hand will fall off.†


If you donít send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighborís ex-mother-in-lawís second husbandís cousinís best friendís beautician . . .†

Oh, by the way.....†

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.†

Donít bother taking it off now, itís too late.†


P.S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

_________________
I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON....
Snowie
Senior Member
10% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 08 Jul 2009
Posts: 56
Thu Sep 16, 2010 12:36 am      Reply with quote
Kassy_A wrote:
Italian Loan

An Italian walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.

The Italian produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us ! is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'

The Italian replied: 'Minga! Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'

Ah, the Italians... Bada Bing! Very Happy


wow... i would have totally been fooled too... what an intelligent individual!
DarkMoon
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Posts: 10206
Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:37 am      Reply with quote
One day God was looking down at †Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior†that was going on. He decided to †send an angel down to Earth to check it out

When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on †Earth; 95% are
misbehaving and only 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better †send down a second†angel to get another opinion."
So God called another angel †and sent him to Earth for a time.

When †the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true, the Earth
is in †decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% who †were good, because
He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something †to help them keep†going.

Do you know †what the E-mail said?






I was just wondering, I didn't get one †either.....
Bad Grin

_________________
I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON....
Kassy_A
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Posts: 4120
Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:45 am      Reply with quote
DarkMoon wrote:
One day God was looking down at †Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior†that was going on. He decided to †send an angel down to Earth to check it out

When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on †Earth; 95% are
misbehaving and only 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better †send down a second†angel to get another opinion."
So God called another angel †and sent him to Earth for a time.

When †the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true, the Earth
is in †decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% who †were good, because
He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something †to help them keep†going.

Do you know †what the E-mail said?






I was just wondering, I didn't get one †either.....
Bad Grin


Drats, I didn't get it either ... Bad Grin

I love that you posted that, it's very cute.. It's also nice to see folks who aren't afraid to say GOD Shock Yay for you Wink

_________________
♥I'm flattered by all the lovely PM's, but I don't get here much these days. Please don't be afraid to post your quearies to other DIY members who will be glad to help you (or sell you their wares..lol) Still happy with LED, dermarolling and a DIY antioxidant regime. Peace & Hugs to all.♥
Kassy_A
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Posts: 4120
Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:51 am      Reply with quote
And my contribution for today:

Life is not about getting through the storm It is about learning to dance in the rain.

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman In the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.

No wait... Sorry...

I'm thinking of wine. It's wine that does all that.

Cheers! Image

_________________
♥I'm flattered by all the lovely PM's, but I don't get here much these days. Please don't be afraid to post your quearies to other DIY members who will be glad to help you (or sell you their wares..lol) Still happy with LED, dermarolling and a DIY antioxidant regime. Peace & Hugs to all.♥
Star Model
Senior Member
10% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 17 Jan 2010
Posts: 212
Tue Nov 02, 2010 8:04 pm      Reply with quote
That is funny Kassy!

My Mom actually sent that to me in an Email this week, but your little lush friend makes it even funnier! Laughing Very Happy Laughing
YB
Senior Member
10% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 07 Jun 2010
Posts: 243
Mon Nov 08, 2010 12:16 pm      Reply with quote
Medicare - AWESOME!

The phone rang, and the lady of the house answered, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When you husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs Sanders asked nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
foxe
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Posts: 1898
Mon Nov 08, 2010 6:58 pm      Reply with quote
YB wrote:
Medicare - AWESOME!

The phone rang, and the lady of the house answered, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When you husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs Sanders asked nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

_________________
late 50's, fair skin, combo skin, very few fine lines, vertical lip lines, crows feet & 11's, fighting aging! Using Palancia HF, dermarollers, CPs, Retin A Micro, Safetox, AALS, Clairsonic
Suellen
New Member

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 16 Jun 2008
Posts: 8
Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:31 pm      Reply with quote
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your s tom ach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women will be finished reading this by now.




Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
yofie
Full Member
5% products discount

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 07 Sep 2010
Posts: 26
Tue Dec 07, 2010 7:44 am      Reply with quote
This makes me giggle everytime:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RbG1jHewWw
AnnabelleR
New Member

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 08 Dec 2010
Posts: 3
Wed Dec 08, 2010 3:10 am      Reply with quote
Lol.Really great and funny thread started by you.I really some of the jokes here and i will share them with my friends as well.. Smile
DarkMoon
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Posts: 10206
Sun Dec 19, 2010 7:39 pm      Reply with quote
WHAT IS BUTT DUST?
>
>
>
> What Is Butt Dust??
>
> What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy †
> in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this †
> creative!!
>
>
> JACK (age 3)
> was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister... After a †
> while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one †
> for cold milk?'
>
>
> MELANIE (age 5)
> asked her Granny how old she was.. Granny replied she was so old she †
> didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you †
> must look in the back of your panties. †Mine say five to †six.'
>
>
> STEVEN (age 3)
> hugged and kissed his Mom good night 'I love you so much that when †
> you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
>
>
> BRITTANY (age 4)
> had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take †
> the lid off the bottle. †Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained †
> it was a † † child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes †
> wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
>
>
> SUSAN (age 4)
> was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me †
> this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough..'
>
> DJ (age 4)
> stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
>
>
> CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom †
> asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll †
> happen with this bed when I get married. †How will my wife fit in it?'
>
>
> MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and †
> kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked †
> his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
>
>
> TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather †
> wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy †looked at her for a while and †
> then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
>
>
> JAMES (age 4)was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man †
> named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but †
> his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' †Concerned, James †
> asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
>
>
> The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget...
>
> This particular Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, †
> with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his †
> upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' †He would have †
> continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was †
> listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill †
> little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
>
>
> Make sure you pass this one on and spread the smiles...

_________________
I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON....
DarkMoon
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Posts: 10206
Sun Dec 19, 2010 7:52 pm      Reply with quote
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED
>
> Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple †
> creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. †
> Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another †
> snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear †
> a white T-shirt to a water park.. You can wear NO shirt to a water †
> park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. †
> You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this †
> one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way †
> to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add †
> character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare †
> at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, †
> blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
>
> Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff †
> about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can †
> open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act †
> of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can †
> still be your friend.
>
> Your underwear is $5.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are †
> more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. †
> You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your †
> face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, †
> maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
>
> You only have to buy one belt for your entire adult life. †$15.95. ††
> It is a size 34". †As you age and get a little belly, you move the †
> belt down a bit....then through the years as you gain a bit more †
> belly....you move it down some more. And when it is bigger than a 9-†
> month baby, the belt disappears totally, but it is still there under †
> that distended mound of flesh. †Size 34" or maybe a bit stretched out.
>
>
> You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one color for †
> all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You †
> can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice †
> concerning growing a mustache.
>
> You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 †
> minutes.
>
> No wonder men are happier.
>
> Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will †
> enjoy reading it.

_________________
I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON....
Skippie
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 20 Aug 2009
Posts: 1139
Thu Jan 13, 2011 5:43 am      Reply with quote
This reminded me of us.

OPTIMIST vs. PESSIMIST

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Eve while the twins were sleeping, their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

Christmas morning, the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I
can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken," answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of
manure.

"Why are you so happy?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

_________________
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? -Albert Einstein
DarkMoon
VIP Member
20% products discount
free skin care

View user's profileSend private message
Joined: 17 Aug 2009
Posts: 10206
Sun Jan 16, 2011 12:18 pm      Reply with quote
MY LIVING WILL:

Last night, my kids stopped by and†
were sitting in the living room when
I said the them: "I never want to live
in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine, and fluids from a bottle to keep†
me alive. If that ever happens, just pull
the plug."

They got up, unplugged the computer and
threw out my wine.

They are so on my sh!t list. . . †

_________________
I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON....
System
Automatic Message
Fri Oct 20, 2017 4:40 pm
If this is your first visit to the EDS Forums please take the time to register. Registration is required for you to post on the forums. Registration will also give you the ability to track messages of interest, send private messages to other users, participate in Gift Certificates draws and enjoy automatic discounts for shopping at our online store. Registration is free and takes just a few seconds to complete.

Click Here to join our community.

If you are already a registered member on the forums, please login to gain full access to the site.

Reply to topic



Anthony Logistics Instant Fix Oil Control (85 g / 3 oz) Peter Thomas Roth Cucumber De-Tox Hydrating Serum (30 ml / 1 floz) BDB Best Sellers Kit (5 items)