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DarkMoon
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Sun Jan 23, 2011 2:09 pm      Reply with quote
This is just too freaky!

Odd Facts About 2011                                

 

This year we will experience 4 unusual dates...1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11 & 11/11/11...now go figure this out...

 

Take the last 2 numbers of your birth year & the age you will be on your birthday this year...add them together & it will equal 111...FREAKY!

 

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Sun Jan 23, 2011 6:22 pm      Reply with quote
DarkMoon wrote:
This is just too freaky!

Odd Facts About 2011                                

 

This year we will experience 4 unusual dates...1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11 & 11/11/11...now go figure this out...

 

Take the last 2 numbers of your birth year & the age you will be on your birthday this year...add them together & it will equal 111...FREAKY!

 


That is freaky DarkMoon!!! I even tried it pretending I was born in a different year and you guessed it, it still adds up to 111. Twilight Zone here we come. Shock Anxious Surprised
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Sun Jan 23, 2011 6:52 pm      Reply with quote
I did my own and all 4 kids and yep all added up to 111, I stopped after that! Bad Grin

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Sun Jan 23, 2011 7:31 pm      Reply with quote
DarkMoon wrote:
This is just too freaky! 

Take the last 2 numbers of your birth year & the age you will be on your birthday this year...add them together & it will equal 111...FREAKY!

 


If I said "take the four digits of your birth year & add it to the age you will be on your birthday this year" what answer would we all get?

Not so freaky at all, once you understand the math.

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DarkMoon
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Sun Jan 23, 2011 7:42 pm      Reply with quote
Yep I just got that one too. It's just interesting, like the easy way to teach kids the 9X multiplication table everything adds up to 9 and first row goes up one second goes down one. Smile

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DarkMoon
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Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:11 pm      Reply with quote
Lacy53 wrote:
DarkMoon wrote:
This is just too freaky! 

Take the last 2 numbers of your birth year & the age you will be on your birthday this year...add them together & it will equal 111...FREAKY!

 


If I said "take the four digits of your birth year & add it to the age you will be on your birthday this year" what answer would we all get?

Not so freaky at all, once you understand the
math.


That happens to work in any year BTW
adding your birth year and age together will add up to that current year!

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Divine Diva
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Sun Jan 23, 2011 9:55 pm      Reply with quote
I still find it quite freaky that it also turns out to be the year that were in at the moment. Bad Grin

Here is a little joke courtesy of my 6 year old God Daughter.

Question: What's yellow and dangerous?















Answer: Shark infested custard.

How cute is that. Very Happy
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Sun Jan 23, 2011 10:00 pm      Reply with quote
That's adorable Divine Diva! Mine (kids) are all grown and no grand kids so out of the mouth of babes! It's all about having a bit of fun! Smile

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Divine Diva
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Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:13 am      Reply with quote
DarkMoon wrote:
That's adorable Divine Diva! Mine (kids) are all grown and no grand kids so out of the mouth of babes! It's all about having a bit of fun! Smile


Absolutely!!! Kids do say the funniest things. Smile

Are we aloud to tell a little story that is quite funny? If not I will remover it.

Well this happened about a week ago and I'm still in fits of laughter about it now.

Well my OH was saying that his face felt a little dry after shaving and being in the sun, due to the fact that he works outside. So anyway he was wanting something to put on his face and I went into the bathroom and placed a few products he could use including sunscreen, as I think he needs to start wearing this to prevent anymore damage to his skin from being outside.

A few days went by and he never said anything else or had he used anything I had given him, naughty boy!!! Then a couple of days later I could hear him in the bathroom talking to himself about why this product wouldn't rub into his skin, so naturally I went to investigate to see what was going on.

He told me that this product is stupid and why wouldn't it rub in??? Well when I looked at what he was applying to his face I almost wet my pants and he couldn't understand why I was laughing at him. It turns out he had grab my Canesten Thrush Cream and was trying to apply this to his face!!!! Bad Grin

After I told him what it was he was shocked, mortified and embarrassed that he had done this. He also told me not to say anything to anyone, however it was just too funny to keep to myself. Well look on the bright side I had told him, at least you won't get thrush on your face any time soon.... Shock Bad Grin
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Wed Jan 26, 2011 4:05 am      Reply with quote
I would love to have seen his face, DD! Laughing
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Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:14 am      Reply with quote
majorb wrote:
I would love to have seen his face, DD! Laughing


LOL. That makes 2 of us majorb! Men can be sooooo funny about something like that! Laughing

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Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:48 pm      Reply with quote
DarkMoon wrote:
majorb wrote:
I would love to have seen his face, DD! Laughing


LOL. That makes 2 of us majorb! Men can be sooooo funny about something like that! Laughing


Ladies it was soooooooooooo funny and I'm still laughing about it now!!! Bad Grin I know it was evil for me to tell, however I just couldn't resist and my OH has a habit of telling everything bad or funny that I do so it was only fair that I shared this with you ladies. Bad Grin
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Sat Feb 12, 2011 5:31 am      Reply with quote
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning....   Uphill... Barefoot...   BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda  

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay   a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it   and how easy they've got it!   
  
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.  You've got it so easy!  I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!     And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!  

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.  If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!    

2) There was no email!!  We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!     Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there!  Stamps were 10 cents!  

3)   Child Protective Services   didn't care if our parents beat us.  As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!  

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or   iTunes !  If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!  

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!  There were no CD players!  We had tape decks in our car.  We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.  Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby!  Dig?  

6) We didn't have fancy crap like   Call Waiting !  If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!  

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY   GOSH   !!!  Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!!  And then there's TEXTING.  Yeah, right.  Please!  You kids have no idea how annoying you are.  

Cool And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!  It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!!  You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!  

9) We didn't have any fancy   PlayStation   or   Xbox   video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!  We   had the Atari 2600!  With games like ' Space Invaders ' and 'Asteroids'.  Your screen guy was a little square!  You actually had to use your imagination!!!  And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever!  And you could never win.  The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!  Just like LIFE!  

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!  You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!!  NO REMOTES!!!  Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no   Cartoon Network   either! You could only get cartoons   on Saturday Morning .  Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait   ALL WEEK   for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves.  If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!  Imagine that!      
  
13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long.  Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort.  And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!   
    
And car seats - oh, please!  Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on.  If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!   

  
See!  That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten!  You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970, or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd  

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Sat Feb 12, 2011 5:50 am      Reply with quote
DarkMoon wrote:
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning....   Uphill... Barefoot...   BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda  

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay   a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it   and how easy they've got it!   
  
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.  You've got it so easy!  I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!     And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!  

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.  If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!    

2) There was no email!!  We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!     Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there!  Stamps were 10 cents!  

3)   Child Protective Services   didn't care if our parents beat us.  As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!  

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or   iTunes !  If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!  

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!  There were no CD players!  We had tape decks in our car.  We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.  Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby!  Dig?  

6) We didn't have fancy crap like   Call Waiting !  If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!  

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY   GOSH   !!!  Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!!  And then there's TEXTING.  Yeah, right.  Please!  You kids have no idea how annoying you are.  

Cool And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!  It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!!  You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!  

9) We didn't have any fancy   PlayStation   or   Xbox   video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!  We   had the Atari 2600!  With games like ' Space Invaders ' and 'Asteroids'.  Your screen guy was a little square!  You actually had to use your imagination!!!  And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever!  And you could never win.  The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!  Just like LIFE!  

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!  You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!!  NO REMOTES!!!  Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no   Cartoon Network   either! You could only get cartoons   on Saturday Morning .  Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait   ALL WEEK   for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves.  If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!  Imagine that!      
  
13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long.  Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort.  And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!   
    
And car seats - oh, please!  Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on.  If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!   

  
See!  That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten!  You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970, or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd  


Oh DarkMoon that would have to be the funniest thing I have read all week!! Laughing
After a very busy week at work this has made my day. And you know what the funny thing is, my Father used to tell me stories about how they had to walk to school in the rain, hail or snow with tape holding his shoes together and if it didn't hold, well then you had no shoes!! Oh and it was 10 miles there and 10 miles home and if it was dark when you got home, well bad luck you still had to milk the cows and do your chores!!

I'm still laughing about it now. wave rofl Cool
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Sat Feb 12, 2011 7:04 am      Reply with quote
DM,that is too funny,I'm still laughing and as you know I need it.I wrote a thank you to a friend last week and she called to say thank you because she haven't gotten a hand written note in so long.Oh the art of pen and paper!!!!!!!!
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Thu Feb 17, 2011 9:19 am      Reply with quote
Should a Child Witness Childbirth?
Here's your answer.

Heidi went into labor; however,
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a
flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr
old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place........
spank him again!'
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Thu Mar 10, 2011 6:23 am      Reply with quote
 "Daddy, so how was I born?".... soooooooo cute ... ~.~*  



 Daddy    how was   I born ?   

A little   boy   goes to his father and asks ' Daddy , how was   I born   ?'   

The   father   answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your   Mom   and I first got together in a   chat room   on   Yahoo . Then I set up a date via   e-mail   with your   Mom   and we met at a   cyber -cafe . We snuck into a secluded room, and   googled   each other. There, your   mother   agreed to a   download   from my   hard drive . As soon as I was ready to   upload , we discovered that neither one of us had used a   firewall , and since it was too late to hit a   delete button ,   nine months   later a little   POP-UP   appeared that said:   


Scroll down...You'll love this   ......   ~.~* 





'You got Male!       

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Sat Mar 12, 2011 1:35 am      Reply with quote
SMILE ON YOUR FACE...AND LAUGHTER  
> IN YOUR HEART..........
>
>
>
>
> If I thought that you were too young to remember most of these, I  
> would not have sent them to you as a reminder of how WONDERFUL that  
> we once had it!  It seems like so long ago and far away, but our  
> minds can still reach back an grasp how it once was...and how much  
> that we really do miss it being that way.
>
>
> How's This For Nostalgia?
>
> All the girls had ugly gym uniforms? And wore tennis shoes not $200  
> Nike's!
>
>
> It took three minutes for the TV to warm up?
>
>
> Nobody owned a purebred dog?
>
>
> When a quarter was a decent allowance?
>
>
> You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a  penny?
>
>
> Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
>
>
> You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped,  
> without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for  
> air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?
>
>
> Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside  
> the box?
>
>
> It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a  
> real restaurant with your parents?
>
>
> They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed... and they  
> did it!
>
>
> When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay  
> rubber or watch submarine races, and people went  steady?
>
>
> No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always  
> in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
>
>
> Lying on your back in the grass with your friends... and saying  
> things like, 'That cloud looks like a... '?
>
>
> Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the  
> game?
>
>
> Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals  
> because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger...
>
>
> And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just  once, you  
> could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with  
> the children of today.
>
>
> When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to  
> the fate that awaited the student at home?
>
>
> Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of  
> drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents  
> were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was  
> greater than the threat.
>
>
> And our summers were filled with bike rides, Hula Hoops, and visits  
> to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
>
> Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yeah, I remember  
> that'?
>
> I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a Double Dog  
> Dare to pass it on... To remember what a Double Dog Dare is, read  
> on... And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old  
> enough to know better and too young to care.
>
>
> Send  this on to someone who can still remember Howdy Doody and The  
> Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell , Roy  
> and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.
>
>
> How  Many Of These Do You Remember?
> Candy cigarettes...
>
> Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside...
>
>
> Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles...
>
> Coffee shops with Table Side Jukeboxes...
>
> Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum...
>
>
> Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers...
>
>
> Newsreels before the movie...
>
>
>
> Telephone numbers with a word prefix...( Yukon 2-601). Party lines...
>
>
> Peashooters...
>
>
>
> Hi-Fi's  & 45 RPM records...
>
>
> 78 RPM records...
>
>
> Green  Stamps...
>
>
> Mimeograph paper...
>
>
> The Fort Apache Play Set...
>
> Do You Remember a Time When Decisions were made by going...
> 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'?
>
> Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, 'Do Over!'?
>
> 'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
>
>
> Catching The Fireflies Could Happily Occupy An Entire Evening?
>
>
>
> It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best
> Friends'...
>
>
>
> Having a Weapon in School meant being caught with a Slingshot?
>
>
> Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action  
> figures?
>
>
> 'Oly-oly-oxen-free' made perfect sense?
>
>
> Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for  
> giggles?
>
>
>
> The Worst Embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
>
>
> War was a card game?
>
>
> Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
>
>
> Taking drugs meant orange flavored chewable aspirin?
>
>
> Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
>
>
> If you can remember most or all of these, Then You Have Lived!!!!!!!
>
> Pass  this on to anyone who may need a break from their 'Grown-Up'  
> Life...
> I  Double-Dog-Dare-Ya!

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Sat Mar 12, 2011 4:46 am      Reply with quote
Oh how I enjoyed reading this.I have to add.

The most important key you owned was your skate key.

You could take an empty pop bottle to the 7/Eleven and return it for 2cents.

And most of all the only wrinkles we worried about were in our clothes,and could be taken care of with an iron.TAG YOUR IT.
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Sat Mar 12, 2011 5:29 am      Reply with quote
Leggy 61 wrote:
Oh how I enjoyed reading this.I have to add.

The most important key you owned was your skate key.

You could take an empty pop bottle to the 7/Eleven and return it for 2cents.

And most of all the only wrinkles we worried about were in our clothes,and could be taken care of with an iron.TAG YOUR IT.


Oh yes the skate key on a big ribbon around the neck! Smile
five and dime stores.
Chinese jump rope.

Here's some quotes! Laughing

Comments  made in the year 1955!
>
> ‘I’ll  tell you one thing,   if  things keep  going the way they  
> are,
> it’s  going to be impossible
> to buy a  week’s groceries for $10.00.‘
>
>
>
>
>
> ‘Have you seen the new  cars coming out next year?
> It won’t be long before $1,000.00   will only buy a used one.’
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>  ‘If cigarettes keep going up  in price, I’m going to quit;   20  
> cents a pack is  ridiculous. ‘
>
>  ‘Did you hear the post office  is
> thinking about charging 7  cents
> just to mail a  letter.’
>
>  ‘If they raise the minimum  wage to $1.00, nobody will be able  to  
> hire outside help at the  store.’
>
>  ‘When I first started driving,  who would have thought gas would  
> someday cost 25 cents a  gallon.
> Guess we’d be better off  leaving the car in the  garage.’
>
>   ‘I’m afraid to send my kids to  the movies any more.    Ever  
> since they let Clark Gable get by  with saying
> DAMN in ‘GONE WITH THE  WIND’,
> it seems every new movie  has either HELL or DAMN in  it.’
>
>
>
>
>  ‘I read the other day where  some scientist thinks it’s  
> possible   to put a man on the moon by the end  of the century. They  
> even have  some fellows they call  astronauts
> preparing for it down  in  Texas .’
>
>  ‘Did you see where some  baseball player just signed   a contract  
> for $50,000 a year just to play  ball?
> It wouldn’t surprise me if  someday
> they’ll be making more than  the President. ‘
>
>  ‘I never thought I’d see the day   when all our kitchen  
> appliances  would be electric.   They are even making electric  
> typewriters  now. ‘
>
>  ‘It’s too bad things are so  tough nowadays.   I see where a few  
> married women are having to work to make ends  meet. ‘
>
>  ‘It won’t be long before  young couples are going to have to  
> hire someone to watch their kids  so they can both  work.’
>
>  ‘I’m afraid the Volkswagen  car
> is going to open the door to  a
> whole lot of foreign  business.’
> ‘Thank goodness I won’t live  to see the day when the  Government  
> takes half our income in  taxes.   I sometimes wonder if we are  
> electing the best people  to government.’   <http://images.google.com/hosted/life/f?q=Eisenhower+&prev=/images?q%3DEisenhower%2B%2526%2BCongress%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D843%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&imgurl=be341190ba0eb7
> d1>
>
>
>
>
>
>  ‘The drive-in restaurant  is convenient in nice  weather,
> but I seriously doubt  they will ever catch  on.’
>
>
>
>
>
>  ‘There is no sense going on  short trips anymore for a weekend.    
> It costs nearly $2.00 a night to  stay in a hotel.’
> ‘No one can afford to be  sick anymore.   At $15.00 a day  in the  
> hospital, it’s too rich  for my blood.’
>
>
>
>
>
>  ‘If they think I’ll pay 30  cents for a hair cut, forget  it.’
>
>
> Know any  friends
> who would get  a kick out of  these,
> pass this  on!    Wow,  just imagine 50 years from now!!!!!
>

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Sat Mar 12, 2011 8:27 am      Reply with quote
Hi DarkMoon,
Thanks for the trip! I do remember a lot of the things you mentioned. Our greatest fun in the summertime was to see how many "lightning bugs" we could catch in an evening...I look forward to seeing them each year as it is a true indicator that summer is here.

Sadly, I would swear that in the last few years, there are fewer and fewer twinkling in summer's evening sky!

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Sun Apr 10, 2011 4:43 am      Reply with quote
Been there! Have you?


FOR ALL THE MEN IN OUR LIVES WHO ASK, "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?"


When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of  
women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every   stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait  
has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's  
Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but  
there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your  
neck, (Mom would  turn over in her grave if  
you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The  
Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the  
gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe  
the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you  discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you  
can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to   clean the seat, you would have  KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"
Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -  
the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your  
neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself  
at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the  
puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front  
of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the  
tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your  
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your  
footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too  late.                         Your bare bottom has made contact with  
every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because  
YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if  
you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,   because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public  
toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind  
of diseases you could get".

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so  
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire  
hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water  
that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you   grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged   in too
At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and   the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then  
slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic  sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel  
and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet  
paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED   
it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's  
hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used,  
and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse  
hanging around your neck?" ..........

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public  
restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us  
so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about  
why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can  
hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the  
door!

Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom  
is all about!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find...
Supportive....
Comfortable ...
Always Lifts You Up...
Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

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clustersof3
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Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:11 am      Reply with quote
OMG!! - DarkMoon, that's hilarious!...and so TRUE...LOL!
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Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:07 am      Reply with quote
clustersof3 wrote:
OMG!! - DarkMoon, that's hilarious!...and so TRUE...LOL!


I got that from a friend in an email and laughed till tears ran, tummy hurt and had to run to powder room to pee! (TMI?) When I forwarded it I added in subject line....Pee First. LOL

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DarkMoon
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Sun Apr 24, 2011 7:20 am      Reply with quote
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