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*** Your daily dose of laughs thread ***

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DarkMoon
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Sun Apr 24, 2011 7:29 am      Reply with quote
Image

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Mon Apr 25, 2011 12:11 am      Reply with quote
DarkMoon wrote:
Image


Love it DarkMoon!!! Smile
Perhaps this is what I could use when I feel like my behind wobbles when I walk!!! Bad Grin
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Wed Apr 27, 2011 10:51 am      Reply with quote
LOL! That is too cute! Thanks for the laugh. Laughing
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Wed Jan 04, 2012 1:19 am      Reply with quote
Two scientists gathered some big cats in a room and gave them a histocompatibility test. As they were grading the tests, one remarked, "This is odd; all these cats gave the same answers." The other retorted, "What do you expect? They're all cheetahs!"
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Fri Feb 03, 2012 11:21 am      Reply with quote
A group of young kids were asked how to decide who to marry and here are the results which are pretty amusing.

1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don’t want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they’re rich.
- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
- Theodore, age 8

(2) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10

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shunammite
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Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:03 am      Reply with quote
this made me smile... nope.. may i say laugh! thanks.
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:52 am      Reply with quote
loopylori wrote:
I was thinking of a sub section for those of us who only know religious or rude joke's.

The only clean joke I can remember is this one and it is soooo old.

Q; How many men does it take to replace an empty toilet roll.

A; Nobody knows because it's never happened.


Very Happy Freaking hilarious. LOL I think you could be right about that.

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DarkMoon
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Mon Mar 05, 2012 9:09 pm      Reply with quote


Windows vs. Ford

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to
the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car,restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4.... Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5..... Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6...... The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7...... The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8........ Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna
9........ Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car
10.......You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

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Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:23 am      Reply with quote
Well, may be not a laughs, but definitely a good news:

Eating lots of chocolate helps people stay thin, study finds.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-57405100-10391704/eating-lots-of-chocolate-helps-people-stay-thin-study-finds/

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sandooch
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Fri Apr 13, 2012 6:37 pm      Reply with quote
YB wrote:
Well, may be not a laughs, but definitely a good news:

Eating lots of chocolate helps people stay thin, study finds.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-57405100-10391704/eating-lots-of-chocolate-helps-people-stay-thin-study-finds/


Then, how come I don't look like Twiggy? Wink

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DarkMoon
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Mon Apr 23, 2012 4:19 am      Reply with quote
Don't Bungee Jump Nude


Laughter is the best medicine. Enjoy!


This is a RIOT!!!


I love this woman....would love to see in person


this is so funny...it is so easy to picture this in your mind!


Take the time to watch this one! It is hilarious!!!


Don't Bungee Jump Naked (This IS clean...and hysterical


This lady is a 6 '2" comedienne for seniors...


She calls her husband "left brain" so you know who she's talking about...


_Click here: YouTube - JEANNE ROBERTSON VIDEO ! Don't Bungee Jump Naked!_
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=L1_W0LCHwK4

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DarkMoon
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Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:50 pm      Reply with quote
A Short Neurological Test

1- Find the C below..
Please do not use any cursor help.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.

Congratulations!

eonvrye that can raed this rsaie your hnad.
To my 'selected' strange-minded friends:

If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends and the person that sent it to you with 'yes' in the subject line.




Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it

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YB
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Tue Dec 04, 2012 5:55 pm      Reply with quote
Funny audio:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=CI8UPHMzZm8

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deep_splash
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Fri Dec 28, 2012 12:22 pm      Reply with quote
thanks everyone for sharing.

@darkmoon, cool stuff

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YB
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Tue Jan 08, 2013 1:39 pm      Reply with quote
Enjoy funny video:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/1WM591rkbyQ

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Sun Sep 08, 2013 9:43 am      Reply with quote
http://m79.photobucket.com/albumview/albums/jaszymeen/IMG_8345_zps5620657a.png.html
Nonie aka AD
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Sun Sep 08, 2013 10:34 am      Reply with quote
ImageWhy you should not ask favors from a graphic designer...


Quote:

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

Image

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.

Image

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

That's just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.

Image

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Image

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.

Image

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

That's not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Image

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Image

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

***********************************************

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Image

***********************************************

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.


Source: http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html
Deb Crowley
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Mon Sep 23, 2013 11:37 am      Reply with quote
Quote:
Why you should not ask favors from a graphic designer...


Nonie... Now THAT was hysterical Laughing Laughing Laughing

I looooove my kitties ..they knoooow I do.

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Sat Sep 28, 2013 3:51 pm      Reply with quote
Deb Crowley wrote:
Quote:
Why you should not ask favors from a graphic designer...


Nonie... Now THAT was hysterical Laughing Laughing Laughing

I looooove my kitties ..they knoooow I do.


I didn't know you're a Meowmy! Me too! I think kitties are some of the sweetest creatures ever! I've got a fluffy, purring furball curled up next to me as I type this.
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Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:42 pm      Reply with quote
Image

One of my kitties (Abigail) is an extra tiny female Bagel...this is such her personality. She’s all of that and a can of tuna Laughing .

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Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:14 pm      Reply with quote
Deb, so cute.

I have a little girl named Bunkerdoodles who is so tiny her paws are the size of quarters. She's 12 yrs. and weighs about 7 pounds but looks very plump. She's just a regular DSH but was the runt of the litter. I had to teach her how to take milk from a bottle...she didn't know how to eat.

Did you guys know that a group of cats is actually called a "clowder"? Ran across that arcane word on the internet a few months ago.

My cats think we're a clowder. My dogs think we're a pack. We all get species-confused sometimes. Laughing
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Sun Sep 29, 2013 4:30 pm      Reply with quote
That's a pretty hip dog!

http://youtu.be/KBluUZ4NnZg

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Mon Sep 30, 2013 9:49 am      Reply with quote
Fun day at the mall…

The Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam Performs an Amazing PR Stunt
http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/flash-mob
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Mon Sep 30, 2013 11:18 am      Reply with quote
YUBS... To funny about a group of cats.

I can't tell you how many times I've awakened in the middle of the night to find both my kids and all the cats squished into bed with DH and I. I've wanted a dog forever, but there is just no room on the bed for all of us! LOL!

I've started referring to our room as the lions den. Everyone just lying wherever there's enough room...Anything for SLEEP!

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Wed Oct 02, 2013 1:35 pm      Reply with quote
ClaudiaFE wrote:
That's a pretty hip dog!

http://youtu.be/KBluUZ4NnZg


*Luv* it. Cool

Wonder what he'd do, though, if you called him a "cool cat"? Laughing
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