So one of my rings went missing this morning...
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free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:29 am

... and it's one that fits my ring finger. I really, really doubt my boyfriend (of just shy of a year, whom I recently moved in with) would have the savvy and finesse to subtly steal it for ring sizing, but who knows? The thought did occur to me.

And I wouldn't really be that surprised if he proposed at our anniversary in July, so of course it gets me thinking about these things, and all giddy and cute, but also calculating, haha. So here's my dilemma...

I love him to death, but we both know he's not super-savvy with my tastes in jewelry I don't think, and an engagement ring is something you wear your whole life and it's a pretty big purchase. And I bet he'd want to pick it out himself, rather than flat out having me help choose... so what are some subtle ways I can make known what I like? I've talked about how my hairdresser just got engaged and her ring is gorgeous, but it has all these tiny pave diamonds and they keep falling out and she has to overnight express it to the jeweler to have it fixed every time and thus go without the ring for a few days, so I wouldn't want that... but beyond that, I'm not sure how to drop hints that are subtle enough. I've told all my gal pals the kind of rings I like, but I just don't know if he'll think to ask them. And there's a website where you can actually register your preferences, but it's been down for months, haha.

Some people say I'm unromantic and whatnot strategizing like this, but it's kinda just how I am, and he always appreciates it when I give a little help in this department. Any sneaky ideas from you EDS gals?

free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:08 am

I know when I was hoping for a ring, we were shopping one day and as we were going by a jewellery store, I said I wanted to go in and look around, and ended up at the rings. I even tried them on as he watched. I just showed him the type of ring I like for when it was time, and a few months later he gave me the ring I liked best from the store. It was nice to know he actually does listen to me, because sometimes I really wonder... Smile

We've been married almost 11 years now.

free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:12 am

Aww, that's awesome! It's tricky to get my guy in jewelry stores, but I'll have to give it a whirl - I think he really, really wants it to be a surprise, so he wouldn't even want to set foot in the store, but I'm hoping we can swing something like a Fred Meyer (northwest USA franchise, kinda like a better more local version of WalMart) where the electronics section is right next to the jewelry. It's not the nicest stuff, but he could at least get an idea, and it could be subtle enough to wander by there... I'll do what I can, haha. I also equipped several gal pals with my info in case he asks them, plus my mom. We'll see!

free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:40 pm

errrrm what if you actually really lost it and he ain't planning to surprise you Shock

Don't count your chickens young lady! As my mum says, 'manners to wait until you are asked!'

BUT ... if it was me, I'd look in some fashion style mags, they always have ads for pricy jewellery so you could swoon over a Tiffany solitaire and hope.... Very Happy

free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:46 pm

Hehehe, that's definitely a good point, and I know we'll be going that route someday but I'm not *certain* that this is a sign of his imminent plans. Especially since we just moved and I can't find many other things too, so it's just as likely I lost it myself! That's part of why I don't want to go dragging him to jewelry stores too obviously right now - it's entirely possible we'll wait another year or two for anything. But I figure it can't hurt to leave him well-equipped with info, and my taste in rings hasn't changed since we first all gushed in high school over what we'd most like, so I'm pretty rock-solid (no pun intended) on that front. Maybe I'll sign up for Tiffany's catalogs, dog-ear a couple pages, and call it a day. Except they actually don't even have the styles i like best! (I know, picky picky). I'll think of something, there have to be other catalogs. Even if I'm wrong, as I may well be, I want him to have the option of getting help if he seeks it, haha. I'm such a planner. This is why I'm usually in charge of all our "logistics". Smile

Thanks for the ideas, you guys!

free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 1:11 pm

Actually, I think I'd rather be surprised. My boyfriend will go into jewelry stores with me, and he'll ask me what I like, or sometimes he'll just listen while I flit about pointing at things. Why worry about it? if he gives it to you in love, what is there to complain about?

free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 1:15 pm

It's true, it's true - but I mostly worry about it because I know him well enough to know he'd want strategic help. Smile

It's sort of how we work. I know I'll adore whatever he gets, because it's from him, but I also know he'll be really stressed out without any guidelines, and I want it to not suck for him trying to pick something, you know? He's expressed before that he's scared to get me clothing/jewelry/accessories because he knows I have really particular taste (as he's seen from me wrinkling my nose at things my mom or dad have gotten me), so it's sort of his way of hinting at me, I feel. But of course I'll adore anything from him - it's just nice to have something you'll wear every day for the rest of your life accurately reflect your own taste too, ya know? Ultimately it won't matter, I'm just a planner by nature so of course when I start getting hints from him, I start thinking of ways to give hints back...

free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 1:30 pm

I know it is bought out of love, and will be appreciated no matter what, but you are the one that will be wearing the ring everyday for the rest of your life, so nothing wrong with giving him hints of what you like (or in my case saying "that's the one right there"). My wedding rings are the only piece of jewellery I wear everyday, so it's nice to have ones that I like. And I think my husband would prefer I showed him what I like, rather than him going out and spending a couple thousand on a ring that isn't my style. He bought me a diamond cluster ring (not huge, don't get excited Smile

) for xmas one year while we were dating, and I really didn't like it. It got caught on everything I wore, and I was afraid of losing it, so I only wore it for a few months and it's been sitting in the box for the past few years. So I think he was relieved to have my help in picking out a ring.

free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 2:46 pm

Hehe, that's exactly what I'm thinking. I mean, I asked my mom if she wouldn't mind being keeper of my tastes, so to speak, so that if my boyfriend went to her she'd know what to tell him (because she is VERY clueless as to my taste on her own! Her sisters and mother know me like their own children, but ma herself has no clue!). But when I asked her, she said "Oh, that's silly, more and more couples are picking them out together these days, just do that." But I have the feeling my boyfriend will still want to go with a more traditional, pick-it-and-surprise-her approach, and I ALSO know he'd be crushed if he picked something I didn't love (and as hard as I'd try to hide it, I'm totally transparent and he would just know). So this is what I see as a good compromise - equip him subtly with information, but let him do the actual picking and still surprise me someday. That's what I'm aiming for.

Sigh, the thing is, I'm a total Internet-app kinda gal, and he's a tech-savvy guy, and there's a website where you can register your ring preferences - but it's been down for repairs and was allegedly going to be up and running June 1st, and it's still down. And I KNOW he'd Google "ring registry" before anything else and find it and assume I had a profile there and be able to look up all the hints I'd put there (you can't put a specific ring, for instance, but you can put the setting style, color, and a few text hints if need be, which is perfect), because that's just very like me - but with the website broken, I can't create one, so he's outta luck there! I mean, I can understand the more modern and straightforward approach of just pointing it out, but I just know he's going to want to be somewhat traditional, and yet overcome the obstacle of having no clue what I like. So hopefully all my subtle hints will be the right balance. He surprised me with something I wanted very much and had a lot of trouble finding in the USA for my birthday, by collaborating with a friend of mine back in Spain where I used to live (and thereby getting her savvy take on my taste, etc.) - and it was a total surprise and he was delighted to delight me, and I was delighted to have the absolutely perfect thing. God, I'm long-winded about this! It's just sort of a fun task for me, and part of the whole labor of love of the engagement ring process - finding the perfect balance for how to help each other without stepping over that line.

And I'm just so detail oriented - a friend of mine had her boyfriend accidentally slip up and basically admit that he bought a ring, though he tried to cover it up quickly, but she immediately figured out that he was going to propose on their trip to Hawaii that they're planning. I told her to make sure to keep her nails all nice and manicured and clean of beachy sand, so she'd have nice pretty hands once she wanted to come back and show it off to everyone. And she was all, "Wow, I hadn't thought of that!" I've seriously thought about being a consultant for stuff like that, haha, because I'm one of those people who is just always prepared - I always have a moist towelette, eyedrops, bandaids, sunscreen, Benadryl, etc. on me, just in case... I guess I'm just a preparer! You should see my travel bag. I have small duplicates of EVERYTHING you could think of needing, all neatly organized in this relatively small bag, considering how big my product arsenal is. I pack my boyfriend's toiletries for him when we go on trips. Smile

free skin care · Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:07 pm

Before we got engaged, I just bombarded him with emails of pictures of the website...you know, where it says "email to a friend". He got a WHOLE BUNCH of styles that I liked. =) Nothing subtle here!

free skin care · Wed Jun 20, 2007 6:14 am

puglove wrote:

Before we got engaged, I just bombarded him with emails of pictures of the website...you know, where it says "email to a friend". He got a WHOLE BUNCH of styles that I liked. =) Nothing subtle here!

hee hee hee, that's so cute! How did he respond to that?

free skin care · Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:45 am

Hahahahaha, that cracks me up. The service I was talking about where you can register your preferences has an option to "send a hint", which basically emails him telling him you have a registry. Not the most subtle thing, but hey, I'm sure they have it because there's a demand for it! Laughing

free skin care · Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:07 pm

Hehehehe I just found my ring the other day - it was in my gym bag from way back before we moved apartments, along with a necklace I thought I'd lost forever, and a pair of earrings I didn't even realize were missing. Smile

free skin care · Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:37 pm

So you don't think your bf will be proposing after all? Too bad, I was looking forward to hearing all about it! Surprised

free skin care · Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:59 pm

Heh, I have no doubt he'll be proposing eventually, I just don't think it's super-imminent (and honestly I would've been surprised if he had thought ahead enough to nick one of my rings!). We just had our one-year anniversary as a couple last week, and we moved in together about a month before then. It's funny, some people raise an eyebrow like "So soon? Really?" when they hear that, but we actually took it a lot slower than most of our couple friends - I think courtship length is totally subjective, and it depends on your circumstances, but we took everything at a really comfortable pace and we've both been clear with each other with increasing frequency that we expect to be together forever, so it's not like that's a huge looming question mark. It's always just "someday" instead of "someday soon", haha, but part of me thinks he likes to keep me guessing so it'll be a surprise! In fact he kind of admitted that tipsily one time. Smile

But what with moving in together and fixing up our spacious but 70s-decorated apartment, plus spending money on plane tickets to England to visit my folks in September, PLUS planning for two other trips including a wedding he's in (so he has to rent a tux, hotels, gifts, yada yada), we've been feeling strained financially way more than usual. This has sort of been like our post-wedding setting up house, since neither of us really had certain items like a dining room table or a nice coffee table before, plus we just spent a lot on details to make the place look nice since it sort of needed it, as well as some functional stuff that we needed. Our place is a condo rather than an actual apartment, and we may buy it someday soon so we weren't opposed to fixing it up a bit, but either way we wanted it to be pretty since we plan on staying put for a while. And it paid off - we just had a housewarming party and people were all over the place, it was really sweet!

It's funny, we have this married couple friend-set whom we both adore, and whenever we hang out with them and Peter (who is my SO's best friend) gets more than about two drinks in him, he starts going off about how Grant (that's my guy) is going to propose - he'll take Grant aside and slur, "I give you... fourteen... no, nine... no, six months until you pop the question. Tops!" and then he'll take me aside and go "I give him a year, tops, before he proposes!" and high-five me and whatnot. It's pretty hilarious, to be honest. Then Grant and I snuggle up in bed after they've gone, and compare notes about the discrepancies in our respective time periods, haha. But this weekend when we had them over, and Peter started doing his usual proposal-countdown thing, I actually kind of henpecked him about it - I told him to lay off, because we'd just spent a TON of money on plane tickets and hotel reservations and furniture and everything, and that the last thing we wanted was one more giant purchase to drain our bank accounts, PLUS I didn't need the stress of worrying about setting a date or planning things or even sending out engagement announcements just yet, so he should just lay off because Grant will propose when he's good and ready, not when Peter's good and ready. And you should've seen how sweet and grateful and relieved Grant looked - he just sort of shot me this glance that was like, OH you SAVED me baby.

And I'm glad I spoke up, because I know he gets a little uncomfortable when he's pressured about stuff like that, and somehow because Peter got married first he feels like he can mouth off about it all - I'd SO much rather have Grant propose when he's actually ready and have it be sincere (not to mention financially unhindered, haha) than have him scramble to try and do it out of some sense of misguided obligation, while we're mentally tallying every dollar we spend on simple things like groceries. I mean, I'm a girly-girl and I met the man of my dreams, so a part of me is giddy to get going with the fun stuff like diamonds and dresses and boquets and bridesmaid gifts, but I'm also practical and know there's no REAL rush here. You can be sure I'll post (another long-winded, rambling, totally self-indulgent post) on EDS as soon as he pops the question, don't worry! Maybe that'll be my motivation for figuring out how to use the "image" function, haha, so I can show ya the ring. We'll see!

free skin care · Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:00 pm

I'm so glad the "lounge" section exists. As you can tell from my recent post count, work is so dull lately and it's so nice to have a section where you can mouth off, and not get in trouble for hijacking a serious skincare thread. Smile

free skin care · Wed Jul 18, 2007 12:59 am

That's definitely the right attitude, about waiting until you're both genuinely ready.

When it does happen, make sure you update this topic to let us know the good news! Very Happy

free skin care · Wed Jul 18, 2007 7:59 am

One year isn't that long, so don't be disappointed if he doesn't propose just yet, also I wouldn't be too keen as it could scare him off!

free skin care · Wed Jul 18, 2007 12:35 pm

Heh, don't worry, I'll keep you posted. Smile

It's funny, my guy actually had more to worry about scaring ME off than the other way 'round, at least initially. He's adopted and he's six years older than me, so HIS biological clock is ticking much louder than mine, which kind of freaked me out at first. He used to be a smoker and when I asked what made him quit, on our first date, he said that he always said he'd quit either on his 30th birthday or when his wife was pregnant with his first child, whichever came first. And he was totally surprised when the birthday came first.

I have to tell you, that made me cringe a teeny bit - I'm 26 and I only recently even allowed the thought of eventual motherhood to enter my mind as a distant possibility. But I've kinda relaxed a bit since then, and I realized I've actually wanted kids for a long time - I just never knew it, because I'd never met anyone whose kids I would want to have! Laughing

I told him that's still a few years off for me, though, and he's relaxed about the idea of being a slightly older dad. I keep telling him 40 is the new 30, haha, and he finally agreed a few weeks ago. So I think I've bought us both some time!

free skin care · Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:49 pm

Har, har. So like 20 years after I started this thread, we *actually* got engaged. Yay! We took our time which worked out really well in our situation, and we're planning something for next spring or summer. After two and a half years together, it feels just perfect, and his proposal was adorable. And he didn't need to nick any of my rings to make it work. Just thought I'd drop an update now that I'm done informing all our families and whatnot! Surprised

free skin care · Mon Feb 02, 2009 6:18 pm

I just went back and read the thread to catch up on the story. Congratulations, I loved the ending. Well, the ending until we have the wedding.

free skin care · Mon Feb 02, 2009 7:37 pm

ginnielizz wrote:

Har, har. So like 20 years after I started this thread, we *actually* got engaged. Yay! We took our time which worked out really well in our situation, and we're planning something for next spring or summer. After two and a half years together, it feels just perfect, and his proposal was adorable. And he didn't need to nick any of my rings to make it work. Just thought I'd drop an update now that I'm done informing all our families and whatnot! Surprised

Congrats!!!

But does this mean that the ring is better than the earrings he picked out at xmas? Or did he learn from that and you are going to pick it out together?

free skin care · Mon Feb 02, 2009 7:50 pm

It's actually the ring his grandmother wore, and it's stunning -- I adore it! He asked me about it before proposing because he knew I had tricky taste to match and he wanted to make sure my engagement ring was something I would love wearing every day, but I loved it from first sight. And I knew he'd been given the ring at Christmas, but I thought he'd take a good six months or so to get it resized. So a January proposal was a nice surprise! Very Happy

free skin care · Mon Feb 02, 2009 8:14 pm

Congratulations and a lot of happiness together!

free skin care · Mon Feb 02, 2009 8:25 pm

ginnielizz wrote:

It's actually the ring his grandmother wore, and it's stunning -- I adore it! He asked me about it before proposing because he knew I had tricky taste to match and he wanted to make sure my engagement ring was something I would love wearing every day, but I loved it from first sight. And I knew he'd been given the ring at Christmas, but I thought he'd take a good six months or so to get it resized. So a January proposal was a nice surprise! Very Happy

Woo hoo!! That is great news...I am sure it is just divine! Smile

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