Fell for a sociopath..:(
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Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:05 pm

I figure I could get feedback from women on this site. I am having the the worst time ever with a woman. I normally dont care to have a gf, as I am very happy with myself and being alone so if I meet someone I'm willing to go the distance with then its big. I will state I do not like a challenge, as I was the happiest when things were going smoothly and I treated her well. I got involved with a person who is honestly an emotional sociopath, and thats not me being bitter. She suffers from the self worth issues, despite being absolutely stunning. She once left me a day after "being" with me and telling me how much she loves me to be with her ex, a guy who came into her work and called her a whore in from of the whole company, he was booted out and then called the VP to get her fired.
Even threatened to call her kid's dad so her kid would know what a *&*& his mother is (she has a 4 year old). She comes on so strong, will say anything, tell me how much love means to her and commit herself with such conviction then literall a day later stop all contact. Ignore any message from me, its creepy, next time
I would see her, not a single emotion. Even her own mother stated "she does not love, and she is fake and phony". But man the girl she acts like when things are good is the perfect one for me. I realize I need to break the cycle, as I am completely hung up on her, not for the superficial, she is beautiful but I meet beautiful girls all the time. It's draining me badly..this girl does not care at all, about anything she can do the worst things and just shrug her shoulders and say "Im sorry, i didnt mean it, I'm no good.."

free skin care · Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:20 pm

If this is the same woman you wrote about last year, you got some good advice then. Dump her and re-start.

Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:58 pm

Yes that's the problem, i cant quite ever seem to let the bridge burn. It's the strangest and most out of character thing for me. I have never sacrificed my integrity like this, there isnt person that doesn't say she's horrible, yet I'm so susceptible to her "good" side. I have finally managed to step away,I know if a woman cant do what's right for own child she isnt going to it for me but it wasn't easy, but I don't know why I am so hung up. It should be VERY easy considering all that she has done. It's my thought process that needs to change, it's almost as if I'm afraid I'm losing something if I do get over it, pathetic I know.

free skin care · Thu Jun 21, 2007 1:15 pm

Don't know the situation, but it sounds like you've been down this road before with her. If you know what you "should" do ... then why can't you do it? To be honest it's the "why not" that bothers me the most.

Please ask yourself what YOU are getting out of the relationship ... they're got to be something big or you wouldn't stay.

Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:20 pm

Its definitely something mental, maybe the vulnerability to this degree for the first time, who knows. When things are good I've never been happier, and I realize they are only good because shes playing me now but still. She really has absolutely no concern for anyone's feelings at all, just a need for constantly feeling like the center of attention. After getting back with me after the last time she was heinous her first concern was what I "was up to" as she didn't want to get hurt!!lol

free skin care · Thu Jun 21, 2007 3:48 pm

I guess I'd figure out what it is you get from her ... and why you don't think you can get it from something/someone else. Then I'd make a plan and let go.

free skin care · Thu Jun 21, 2007 4:00 pm

I think your sentence "It's draining me badly..this girl does not care at all" says it all. Doesn't sound like this will be a long lasting healthy relationship. Let her go and find yourself a nice caring girl.

free skin care · Thu Jun 21, 2007 4:41 pm

fly -- I see things overpowering the sociopath aspect to her, Look up personality disorder in wikipedia and read the types. She might be borderline or hystrionic. It sound to me fromwhat you describe that your issue with her is not so much her amoral (sociopathic) nature, but her instability, volatility, and unreliability.

You need to see this as an * spam alert * -- simply in order to maintain your resolve not to "pick up the pipe" again when she makes overtures to engage with you.

And you need some guidelines for how not to permit yourself to be walk all over. As much as people snicker at it, the book The Rules has some excellent guidelines, and it's the easiest book to read in the world! It's a self help book for girtls looking for husbands but still has illuniating stuff for anyone taking crap froma partner.

You will not persuade this woman of anything using logic or human decency -- except with any demonstration of generosity you will establish to her that you are something she can feed off of.

You deserve to spnd your time with people who value you. You are cut off from them and have no chance of meeting them when you are wrapped up in or spending time with the cliched black hole of trouble and drama.

Good luck -- once you break away, you will feel so relieved and free and eager for what new things might be ahead!

Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:18 pm

Thank you, great replies and very, very true. I do realize she cant be fixed unless she wants to change herself. At this point she doesnt care enough for her own son she isnt going to care enough for me. The issue is more me now, I have no idea why it has affected me so, perhaps because usually im detached or some other reason why I would allow myself to be subjected to her (that not an overstatement either) sadistic behavior. I just have never dealt with someone that can be so extreme one day and the next act like you never existed. Her parents have had a completely dysfunctional relationship and i guess shes following their path. I have wiped out everything , blocked her # and all:). I did look up personality disorders, it was an eye opener..

Fri Jun 22, 2007 6:27 am

Yes, delete everything about her from your life. She sounds like Trouble. You sound like a nice, stable guy and you don't need that drama in your life. Take care.

free skin care · Fri Jun 22, 2007 9:08 am

Hey Fly, IMO you're describing a narcissist, not a sociopath. Narcissists have a way of sucking you in that makes it very hard to disconnect from, cause when it's good, it's so damned good! But they're not ever really 'there' unless there's something in it for them. That is their only, entire focus, all of the time. I really doubt she even has the capacity to feel empathy for what you are going through, or the impact of what's happened on you. I mean, it probably hasn't even crossed her mind to wonder. It's just not there in her psychological makeup.

And no, you definitely, positively, can't change her. You can only change you.

You will find some kindred spirits, and possibly some helpful ideas, at www.curezone.com, the Narcissist forum.

Good luck to you in placing you and YOUR happiness first, instead of hers.

Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:02 pm

Yeah, narcissist sums it up. I said sociopath due to the fact she has no remorse for anything and is completely unemotional. It's hard to believe people can be so messed up yet appear to be soo good and function every day like normal people. My biggest problem is I have resist the urge to email her and call out her actions and state how I feel, though I know nothing I say matters until she decides she wants attention from me again and i have to resist. I know it would serve no purpose other than getting it off my shoulders, but it probably is best to say nothing.

free skin care · Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:06 pm

hi fly

I fell under the spell of a narcissist about 15 years ago and he broke my heart repeatedly. When I finally realized I had to end the relationship, I was so devastated that I ended up in therapy.

Here's what I wanted to share: when I pulled away, he came chasing after me, with a vengence, proposing marriage, etc. I really had to harden my heart and it wasn't easy. This could happen to YOU -- you do need to prepare yourself in case this happens and steel your resolve.

Then, I met my wonderful DH, who treats me like a goddess, and I've been happily married now for 12 years. But if I hadn't been able to break away from the bad relationship first, I would have missed out on the best 13 years (so far) of my life!

I bet you have a happy ending waiting for you, too ... Smile

-Cathy

Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:50 pm

Very true Cathy, I believe thats already happening. We had broken up, well she's done some heinous things. I let her back in she gave me the whole "im sorry for being such a shithead", "she needs to make sure she keeps me". But no less than a week and half after pulling her crap she TELLS ME that SHE does not want to get hurt and questions if im seeing others lol.
I was firm and stood my ground, i did not give her a 100% telling her she has to earn my trust, and obviously she is just around for attention, so it lasted a month this time. I don't want to drag it on for years so I just will deal with it this time and keep from repeating the mistake. What made it hard is she had a lot great qualities when good, had a lot of fun, however she was a complete contradiction of herself, everything she found so disgusting she end ups actually doing it all herself.

Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:56 pm

Hmmmmm.... You are a male? You visit a skincare site, which is fine but unusual for a male, and you hardly post except to ask for love advice. Why am I the only one who finds this odd. Are you just jerking people here about?

Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:59 am

Actually I've posted here before on other things. I am a guy, so what? I take care myself, more of my guy friends do than do not (all straight). Posting on a forum, especially one like this where you can get more mature responses about love issues is bad? I guess I should post on the MaximOnline or Playboy forum? I work 80 hours a week and have better things to do than troll on boards.
I wish this wasn't actually happening myself. Yes it has gone back and forth for 4 years, and as I stated the problem is within me, and I am working on breaking this cycle. I am so pride stricken that I can't realize I have an issue and at this point it's my fault. Posting here has been more helpful than talking to any of my friends, I never heard of narcissist personality disorder, when i looked it up it really hit the spot and just helps to reinforce my stance. I question people who spend their time questioning other peoples posts. Oh I posted on a fitness forum the other day, about working out, maybe you would like to review that thread to?

free skin care · Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:10 pm

Fly, take no notice of Leana, you are welcome to post of course and it is good to get the view from the other side. BUT... we have been here before! You know it's s shite relationship yet you persist in it! Nothing has changed since you last posted!

Go take steps to get it sorted and you will have support every step of the way I'm sure! Smile

Sat Jun 23, 2007 2:48 pm

Thank you Guapa girl! Actually that shouldve been 2 years (almost) not 4 and I am making sure it doesnt become 4 Smile

free skin care · Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:18 pm

fly, you are moving forward bit by bit, and it looks like you have learned some stuff you didn't know about regarding this woman's behavior being part of a pattern just common enough to have been observed in a number oif people, while being just uncommon enough to not be considered normal, and destructive enough on top of that as to have been diagnosed as an actual disorder in mental health. I hope it has given you a little more perspective and distance. Try to give ToT's post some consideration, but don't beat yourself up over any of it unless another two years pass and you are still doing the same stuff. (I don't see that happening. Smile

)

*post edited by moderator to remove reply to a post that was deleted

Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:19 pm

Thanks Melanie, from the sounds of his post it doesnt sound like he has much experience himself. I am dealing with it this time as to not repeat the pattern, and i have learned a lot. i got suckered as often is the case I think some of the most messed up people can be incredibly good at hiding it and loaded with charm..i feel a bit like a sucker so some points of his post were valid:)

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