How do you deal with a copycat?
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free skin care · Mon Oct 01, 2007 6:58 pm

I was wondering if someone can help me out.
I am really into interior design and have been slowly renovating my home to a more modern/trendy space. I have a friend who always wants to know where I buy everything from. Then the next time I go to her home she has the exact same piece as me! She even does this with paintings and hangs them up grouped exactly as I have.
We have mutual friends- and now I think they all think that I copy her!
I hate lying- but should I just make up where I get my stuff from? I don't really want to confront her about the situation. I just need to figure out what to say the next time she says "hey I love that ottoman, where did you get it from?"

free skin care · Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:32 pm

I would lie and say the items were discontinued or that they were gifts.

free skin care · Tue Oct 02, 2007 5:20 am

I hate lying too, how about saying to her next time she asks, 'why, do you want to buy one also'? When she says yes, then maybe you could suggest it might be nice if she uses her own creative imagination as surely she wouldn't want to copy what you have, being unique and creative is so much nicer.

Personally someone copying me right down to the pictures and the groups they are hung in, would freak me out, isn't it a bit creepy?!

free skin care · Tue Oct 02, 2007 8:23 am

Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

You know, it could be that she just doesn't have an eye for interior decorating, and likes your ideas. You could offer to help her decorate her own home to her own tastes, instead of replicating yours. Offer her other ideas. When she asks about your ottoman, suggest another one you saw that would look great with her things. You should never lie, no matter how trivial the circumstance.

free skin care · Tue Oct 02, 2007 10:36 am

I don't like to lie either. I prefer to talk things out. I would be direct with her if she asks me where I buy my ottoman by saying, "well, normally I wouldn't mind telling you where I buy things, but I noticed that every time you learned where I bought things I used to decorate my house, the same items seem to often end up at your house. I also noticed that you seem to be decorate your house the exact same way I do. While I feel flattered that you like how I decorate my house enough to copy everything I do, I think it would be better if our places don't look exactly the same since we have mutual friends, and they might be wondering what is going on. Now, if you need some idea on how to decorate your place to match your style and personality, maybe I can give you a few pointers!" And I'd end this with a big smile. If she took offense to this, I'd just end my friendship with her. See? Then you don't have to lie. Just tell her how you feel. This is being assertive without being aggressive.

free skin care · Tue Oct 02, 2007 11:42 am

Thanks for the great advice.
The reason I don't want to lie is b/c I know I will forget what I said if she were to ever ask me again!

I think I will have to confront her the next time I see something that looks like mine at her house- I thought about it last night and was thinking of saying (when I go to her house and our other friends over) "wow- your place looks so much like mine now! I think I'm going to have to start changing my stuff around so that we aren't so similar??"
I don't know if that is direct enough though- she might not get it!

free skin care · Tue Oct 02, 2007 12:14 pm

Canadian Girl wrote:

Thanks for the great advice.
The reason I don't want to lie is b/c I know I will forget what I said if she were to ever ask me again!

I think I will have to confront her the next time I see something that looks like mine at her house- I thought about it last night and was thinking of saying (when I go to her house and our other friends over) "wow- your place looks so much like mine now! I think I'm going to have to start changing my stuff around so that we aren't so similar??"
I don't know if that is direct enough though- she might not get it!

Yeah, if it bothers you this much, it is definitely worth saying something to her. I took a few assertiveness classes, and they all said you should express yourself in terms of how you feel. That way the person doesn't feel attacked and get defensive. No one can argue with how you feel. They can't say, "Hey, you can't feel that way!" I found this strategy to work very well in my relationship with my bf, too. lol Try to express yourself sincerely. Maybe say it outloud to yourself and see how it sounds. Think how you might feel if you were the other person hearing it. But you definitely need to nip this in the bud.

free skin care · Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:45 pm

It is hard to be direct but worth it. bkkgirl suggestions are great. I especially like the idea of offering your friend some ideas in decorating her space.

I can't imagine copying a friends home decor. Shock

free skin care · Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:01 am

I would tell her I got everything at a garage sale or thrift store. Smile

free skin care · Sat Oct 06, 2007 5:54 am

I'm a decorator and I had a client who used to be copied by her next door neighbor. I think when someone does this it means that they are very insecure in their own taste -- of course, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery but I agree that it would be very creepy.

free skin care · Sat Oct 06, 2007 12:15 pm

I would decorate my house using "cheap and tasteless" as the theme. Better yet a brothel or 70's motel theme! Then have her over for cocktails. You will need a few friends to "rave" about your style and taste. Hopefully, she will copy your "eclectic style".
If this doesn't work, take the compliment. She obviously admires you.

free skin care · Sun Oct 07, 2007 4:25 pm

Be direct but gentle. Tell her you noticed she buys the same as you and you feel it's odd. Say you'd prefer she not do that.

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