Following your dreams...
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free skin care · Sun Feb 24, 2008 10:23 pm

Hi,
as everybody I always had dreams and some of them came true, but some I haven't pursued at all. My cousin is 36 years old, she didn't like teaching, so she decided to study Finance - this is her second Bachelor. She has left one year of study and she decided to study after Bio Chemistry and go to Med School...
Last night she said all that to me and asked my advice if she should do it. Becoming a doctor was always her dream, but her parents suggested to become a teacher instead which she did and didn't like it.
She is very dear to me, not only because she is my cousin, she is also my best friend. I don't know what to tell her...on one hand she should follow her dreams, but on the other hand she is 36 and will have to spend at least 10 - 11 years more in school. I told her that I have to think about her situation before I can suggest anything.
I also have dreams, but some I never follow for the reason that it will take too long to study and I am younger than her. Thanks God I chose profession to study that I like. I do regret my decisions not to follow my other dreams and always guess what if...but at least I also like what I chose.
There is another concern - she is not wealthy and she will have to spend another 10 years making little or no money and study. We discussed all this a little yesterday, but I will meet her tomorrow and she wants my answer. Her parents are not happy about her decision, they want her to finish Finance and find job. Her friends think it is too late to study at her age. I am afraid she is making a mistake, but I also understand what it means to have a job you don't like.
I decided to ask your opinions and show the replies to her, so she can make a decision.
What do you think? Should she pursue her dreams or it is unfortunately too late?
Thanks

free skin care · Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:16 am

Hi Lara, A few questions; Is she married? Does she have children? Does she have a clue the commitment, both mentally + monetarily, that medical school will bring?

I hate to say this so bluntly, but from what you said, it sounds as if she doesn't commit and follow through with anything. Sometimes people just enjoy being a student, and then chicken out when faced with the real world. I happen to know a few 'professional students', who are a jack of all trades, and a master of none.

On the other hand, if I totally misunderstood, and it's her burning desire to become a Doctor, than nothing or know one will stand in her way.

I finally realized my dream at the ripe old age of 39..

K MSN, APRN, BC, FNP

free skin care · Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:11 am

Tell her to go for it as DREAMS COME TRUE she might always regret it if she does not try and she always has her teaching too fall back on

free skin care · Tue Feb 26, 2008 4:47 pm

My sis went back for a PhD at 40 it took 5 years she is noe finishing a post doc. She is much happier. It has been very hard financially but she had help from all of us and is now qualified for a very well paid job. She should understand the downside, I do not know whether she was a saver but being without much money can be nerve wracking for some people. I do not know whether she expects financial support from the family. IF SHE CAN COPE I think she should go for it.

free skin care · Wed Feb 27, 2008 7:18 am

I am inclined to think this is someone that really doesn't know WHAT she wants. Therefore,she needs to have someone decide for her. I don't mean to be respectful, I can understand how she feels, to some degree...but this is something she has to dig deep and decide for herself. Only she really knows her own heart's desire.

I would give her a list of pros and cons for each,let her know you support her whatever she deicdes....then let her make the final decision.

free skin care · Wed Feb 27, 2008 7:19 am

I meant "dis"respectful. (wow..early...sorry!)

free skin care · Wed Feb 27, 2008 8:03 am

Hi Lara, this is wayyyyy too large a decision to make for another. Forgive me if I misunderstood your post, but it sounds like she's asking YOU to decide? Why place such a burden on another, that's akin to making YOU responsible for her happiness no matter what she does. It's possible her ambivalence means she's not ready or mature enough to be a doctor who has to make life and death decisions in a matter of seconds.

On one hand, she's not the first person to go against her own inclination and try to fit into her parents' wishes, especially if the parent holds the purse strings. On average, a person goes through several careers in one lifetime as perspective and dreams change. When I was going back to school, one of my classmates was in his early fifties; he was there because he was switching from insurance to IT. And yes, it's awful to spend so much time working when you hate what you do. Moral story: It's never too late to chase your dream.

On the other hand, how will this affect her family, husband, children, social life? Has she taken any aptitude tests to see if the medical field will really be a good fit for her? Does she have the endurance?

Good luck to you and your friend,

Athena

free skin care · Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:36 am

Thank you for your answers!

Kassy_A , she is divorced and she doesn't have children. That is another reason why her parents want her to concentrate on her personal life instead of chasing her dream. As for money , she will have a place to leave, but she will have to pay for school.

Ajax , this is what I said to her for the first time:"Do you know what do you want? Why it took you so long to realise that you want?" She said that her parents didn't want her to become a doctor and she did what they wanted. I never understand that, because I am different, there is no way someone can make me do what I don't like. I wanted to apply to music department at my university and I did it even everybody said don't. Then, I decided to switch my Major to Finance, because I understood that I will not be able to sing as it is required (long hours) - my voice get tired very fast, so it is not for me and I study Finance now. I like it and I am happy with my choice. I also think that if a person really wants to do something she will do it no matter what anybody say.
My cousin realized that she doesn't like teaching and she should go with her first choice and I will support her no matter what she decides.

Athena123 , I agree, it is not for me to decide. I can only listen and support. She is very close to me and I don't want to make her sad by not telling what to do, but at the same time I honestly don't know what she has to do. It is too much responsibility to decide for someone!
I haven't spoke with her yet. I will let her read all your responses and hopefully she will don't get angry at me for posting it here Laughing

.
I am not going to give any advices, I only can say that if I wanted something bad I would go for it, but this is me, I am very determined if I decided something. I would never agree to study something what I don't like. My parents wanted that I study law, but I don't like it and never agreed to it.
Thanks again, everyone for your responses!

free skin care · Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:21 pm

Since she has no family depending on her, here are things to ask:

What comes easily and naturally to you that does not come that easily to others?

What would you try if you knew you could not fail?

When you are ninety, what will you regret not doing?

In ten years -- pffft! She could be older and unhappy, or older and doing what she wants.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

How we spend our days is how we spend our life.

It takes a very special kind of intelligence and courage to lead the life you want to. Family and society can have a lot of influence on the paths we take, but their desires for us are NOT always in our best interest.

Speaking as someone who has ALWAYS taken the road less travelled -- basically, diametrically opposed to my very opinionated and strident parents -- it's living with ourselves that we must face every single day. Both my sisters have done what my parents wanted them to do, and both are angry and bitter old women now. We can't even speak, because I am an example of what they COULD have done, had they had the courage. I also look 20 years younger than my age, have a killer smile, and a contagious sparkle in my eye. I am at peace -- save for the small challenges I set up for myself every day.

You're really asking should she settle or should she go for her dreams? Really? You're asking us that?

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