| Author |
Message |
|
|
|
Fri Sep 18, 2009 2:02 pm  |
A couple moved into my building about 5 months ago. They are in their 60s (?) and the man looks like Hitler but heavier. They live in the back I live in the front.
Anyway, he stares at me EVERY single time I see him. He just stands there and gives me a very unfriendly look.
This has become very threatening to me. One time he actually moved from behind the building when I took some trash out and then stood at the corner of the building as I went to my car and stood there watching me until I left.
I try not to look at him but I swear every single time he is around he is looking at me and every time i look back he is still doing so.
Its beyond just weird and annoying at this point - its very creepy and its pissing me off.
Any advice on what to do???? I want to tell him to "F" off - but I dont know anything about him and dont want to make it worse.
At least he is married (not that that makes him less dangerous if he is) but if he were alone Id be very scared.
thanks for any help |
|
|
|
|
|
Fri Sep 18, 2009 4:59 pm |
I live next door to a guy and he does exactly the same thing  . He reminds me of the uni-bomber and his wife is just as weird. Whenever I appear, he stops dead in his tracks and just stares (I call it the "evil eye").
Over the years I learned to pretend he doesn't exist and I just ignore him. I don't think there's much else you can do until he actually does something illegal. |
|
|
|
|
|
Fri Sep 18, 2009 7:20 pm |
how about trying the opposite? acknowledging your neighbor at all, with a wave, smile or a hello? i realize it might not be the easiest/most preferred thing to do, but some people don't always realize they give off a less than friendly look and maybe his vision is just bad. if you're feeling threatened in your home and these people now live in your building, you may end up having to confront the issue or your place won't be much of a comfortable environment to come home to.
hope your situation gets better. |
|
|
|
|
|
Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:00 pm |
I was in a similar situation once back when we lived in an apt. There was an older couple who lived on the first floor, and the husband would sit on the porch/balcony and stare creepily. He would also stare if he was out in the parking lot at his car or somesuch. It drove me CRAZY! I'm a very vocal person, so one day I was walking into the building and I caught him staring at me and I just went off on him. "Stop staring at me!" I yelled angrily. He was really caught off guard and stammered something like "Wha? I wasn't...mumble mumble." I yelled back "You're always staring at me and I've had enough! I mean it!!!" (meanwhile my husband was sitting in the car DYING of embarrassment... DH is a pretty shy guy, lol!) A day or so later, that guy's wife saw my DH walking out to his car and she called him over to talk. She explained to him that her husband had had a stroke and he wasn't all there, and that's why he stared creepily. When DH told me that, I felt really torn--- half of me felt guilty that I had yelled at a disabled guy, and the other half of me felt angry that I was just supposed to be OK with him sitting out on his porch all day leering at all the young girls because he's disabled.
I guess you could say I learned a lesson from that, because here's the advice I'd offer: If you are a fireball like I am then try to approach the wife BEFORE reading that perv the riot act and say something like "I'm sorry to bother you, but over the past few months I've noticed your husband staring at me a lot and it's been making me feel really uncomfortable, so I was wondering if he has any kind of mental disability or anything like that that would explain this behavior?" On the other hand, if you're a normal person and don't love the idea of a confrontation like that, I'd say either ignore him or even give him the evil eye right back and see where that gets you!! |
_________________
27, sensitive/reactive/acne prone skin, dark brown hair, blue eyes, possibly the palest woman alive... |
|
|
|
|
Sat Sep 19, 2009 2:53 pm |
I am not so sure I would ask the wife if her husband has a mental disability, for some reason that strikes me as being disrespectful on your part (even though he is being disrespectful to you) but that's just me. I think asking him to stop staring, explaining that it makes you uncomfortable, is very fair. Does it really matter WHY he is staring.
Even people with mental disabilities deserve to know if their behavior has crossed your line. But some people can be dangerous, how do you know?
I think men who stare more likely have sexual boundaries issues, treating women like objects and not as people. This guy probably does not stare at everyone, and yes I am sure it is creepy. |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Sep 20, 2009 11:39 am |
I did smile and say hello once - before this all started. I dont know if he heard me though.
But at this point I cant bring myself to do that. Im not someone who can pretend to be nice anyway and now he just pisses me off and freaks me out.
Thing is when I see him theres never anyone else around which makes it worse. Actually it would be interesting to know if hed even do it if my bf were around.
Do you think it would be out of line to write an email to my condo board? Im somewhat friendly with them anyway. I know nothing can be done - staring isnt a crime - but I want info on him - or at least know if there was a criminal checkup done on him.
thanks |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Sep 20, 2009 3:49 pm |
| I think I would politely ask, "Do I remind you of someone?" If he answers, "No," then you could go on to say (in a light, friendly way) that you have noticed he is looking at you and wondered why. I get old geezers in the local Safeway staring at me (actually turning and stopping to do it) and it pees me off no end as it is indeed "creepy" but my dear father used to say, "A cat may look at a king..." I never get George Clooney types staring, unforunately. |
_________________
Born in 1952. Blonde, very good skin. A few noticeable wrinkles. |
|
|
|
|
Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:39 am |
Antonia - The George Clooney types are too well mannered to gawk but I'm sure they think you are beautiful. My boyfriend's aunt and mom always get that. They are gorgeous red heads, people slow down their cars and rubber neck.
I think the best thing to do is take the upper road. Act perfectly normally and even say something like "How are you this evening?". It's not what you say so much as the tone you say it in. The person is reminded that you are an intelligent woman and you know what they are doing. The acknowledgement will hopefully break their weird stare and remind him he is being inappropriate. If this doesn't work and you feel your security is threatened, you can alert the building manager. |
_________________
23, fair, EDS newbie, taking Diane 35. |
|
|
|
|
Wed Sep 23, 2009 5:19 pm |
Well actually I didnt get to use any of your suggestions.
I was outside with my dog today and he came out - I was ready for a staredown and... he started talking to me. It was actually a very friendly - normal conversation.
NOW i dont trust him. I wont ever let him inside or go into his home/car etc. BUT it was nice to finally get over that very awkward situation.
thanks.... |
|
|
|
|
|
Wed Sep 23, 2009 11:33 pm |
| Just do something completely fluky next time it happens, act like a street lady talking to herself, go all turrets on the guy and throw some poo on him, that should teach him. |
|
|
|
|
| Fri Apr 19, 2024 12:06 am |
If this is your first visit to the EDS Forums please take the time to register. Registration is required for you to post on the forums. Registration will also give you the ability to track messages of interest, send private messages to other users, participate in Gift Certificates draws and enjoy automatic discounts for shopping at our online store. Registration is free and takes just a few seconds to complete.
Click Here to join our community.
If you are already a registered member on the forums, please login to gain full access to the site. |
|
 |
|
