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Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:47 pm  |
What kind of therapies, techniques have you undertaken to gain physical/mental/spiritual well being?
Acupuncture, Meditation, Massage (there is actually a specific method for trauma release), Cognitive Therapy...
I am trying to overcome some of my own personal challenges like stress, perfectionism etc...
I know a lot of you beautiful women must have great wisdom to share. I would really appreciate any tips or suggestions or personal experiences.
I realize this is a virtual community but I really feel that a lot of humanity comes through from participants. I guess that's why I feel comfortable asking you intelligent women and men for advice. |
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23, fair, EDS newbie, taking Diane 35. |
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Fri Sep 25, 2009 4:57 am |
Callalilly,
I think getting a massage, doing yoga ect. And reading some self help books can be great.
That said if Stress in your life is bothering you enough to post this question then finding a reputable competent counselor can truly do wonders. I am speaking from experience, we all have some different issues but years ago I let stress overtake my life. I ended up with major Panic Attacks and was dealing with 4 young kids all at the same time. Many people may not want to talk about seeing a therapist, stigma I am pretty much an open book and I found help! You may find you just need a few sessions to get you to a point where you find a way to deal with the stress in your life.
Feel free to PM me and I will answer as quickly as possible, caretaking for dad eats up my time, but if I can find time to BS here I would be more than happy to help anyway I can! I Know you need support right now so I am offering it, I know what I have gone through, and a friendly ear can be great therapy as well.
HTH
DM |
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I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON.... |
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Fri Sep 25, 2009 6:49 am |
I am a firm believer in yoga, massages, and acupuncture for sure.
Having been in the pediatric psychotherapy field before I switched over to run my hubby's Real Estate Inspection company (alot of the same things apply in dealing with children), I learned a lot of self-help technique's.
But the main ones have to do with deep breathing. It calms anxiety, slows down rapid heart rates and clears your mind. When my son gets a panic attack I have him do the deep breathing and it calms him.
I have sent my son to acupuncture for stress/teeth grinding/panic attacks in college and it worked. I went for jaw clenching and it worked for me. I am sending my daughter-in-law to be for wedding stress and hormones (its my gift to us all). If your mind believes your body will follow.
Yoga induces deep breathing and relaxes your body and I can't live without it!
Good luck to you. |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Sat Sep 26, 2009 5:01 am |
Annie,
I respect what you have to say, but I know I was 35 when it all hit me and deep breathing methods had to be explained to me, as women we tend to hold in our abdomens defeating the whole idea of getting a really deep slow breath in.
Now at 55 I still have the disorder but manage it. I had to go through hell to get there, the severity of my attacks combined with the cyclical anticipation reached critical mass at one point, Agoraphobia hit, I couldn't make myself drive much less function. If not for the kindness of a very dear friend taking me to a wonderful counselor I don't know how I would have dealt with this! At 48 I drove 1300 miles to move with kids and 2 dogs. I was the only one in the vehicle who could drive.
I think (and it is just my opinion) that a 23 year old woman may need the help of a professional, sometimes when we are so overwhelmed we can't logically deal with that much stress alone. One point I have to make is you have a background in therapy and that gives you a leg up, not everyone does.
DM |
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I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON.... |
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Sat Sep 26, 2009 8:35 am |
I agree deep breathing is not for everyone and is not a cure all/fix all. It is mainly to help control stress and as a relaxation technique. It is also a technique recommended to control stress most often in many situations and especially in the midst of a panic attack, as you forget to breathe. Slowing down your breathing slows down your heart rate, blood pressure, etc. It is also the easiest to do, just deep breaths in and out. However you do it, any slowing down of breath will help.
I took from her question that she wanted more of relaxation and wellbeing in general, not that she was overwhelmed to the point of needing therapy. I would have definitely recommended a counselor/therapist at that point to diagnose her concerns had she made statements to that direction. I hope I did not trivialize your stress, Calalily. It was not my intention.
Stress is a very common part of everyone's life and is hard to gauge to what degree it becomes unmanageable, but in the more pronounced cases unable to cope with daily life, depression, refusal to eat or sleep are warning signs. Most people at those stages are past realizing what is normal and needing relaxation tips.
I deal with stress everyday in my own life and what helps me the most is yoga and acupuncture. Yoga also helps with my breathing, which helps me let go of all held stress in my body/muscles/mind.
I have also learned to get regular massages which has also been a godsend. I just started that 2 years ago after I recd.a Christmas present gift certificate and it changed my life. My body was so tight even with doing yoga for years but I had no idea how much.
I wish I had learned about these things earlier in my life as a young woman rather than holding in the stress which is, as Dark Moon said, something that most women in particular do. We tend to hold it in, which manifests itself into physical ailments as well as mental.
Dark Moon I am glad to hear you did get help and are managing and I know every day is a struggle when you have been through so much.
My field was in working with children at the Battered Women's Shelter. I learned to comabt the stress as a personal defense. I took home the stress every evening from the frustration I felt in knowing that so many children will be returning to the horrific situations that they had come from. The stories I heard and the physical and mental abuse I observed was overwhelming and debilitating to me. I discovered yoga as a way to help my body release on a mental level as well. Then years later i turned to acupuncture. I also am into spiritual readings from others that help uplift and reaffirm my hope for mankind.
Anything you can do that is positive and reaffirms the positive in your life can help lift your spirits.
I became a minister later on but do not practice. It was more of a personal journey for me to help deal with what I had seen and heard. In the end, I became more spiritual rather than religious and that helps me personally.
Callalily, perfectionism is something I work on in myself. I suffered from low self-esteem and that is the root of it. But I also am very anal and that is something I deal with every day as that leads to needless stress. More women than men are perfectionist in nature and there are so many reasons for that. But you are not alone there.
Being on this board and seeing all the beauty gadgets, creams serums, etc., has not helped at all, I will say.
Every day we are alive is a gift to cherish and I remind myself of that upon waking each day, a new gift to unwrap. Cherish yourself even if you feel no one else does, for the fact that you are alive makes you special in itself.
Good luck in your journey and hopefully you will find something to take with you that makes it easier. (Sorry for the long post!!)  |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Sat Sep 26, 2009 9:58 am |
Annie,
I feel everything you are saying and in no way did I feel you were trivializing the situation. I have dealt with some awful therapists, I ended up calling NIMH for a recommendation and found a Dr. PHD who specialized in panic/anxiety disorders. That is who helped me get a grip and take the horrid bull by the horns. I suppose I am thinking that a person posting on a forum could be a cry for help, and as we can't treat from here I suggested a therapist. Maybe that is the alarmist part of my nature. I wish we would hear back from Callalily and hear how she is feeling, and if any of our suggestions are things she may want to try.
I do agree with what you have said, as the old saying goes two heads are better than one.
I had a husband who lived to be a miserable SOB and as a result made life a living hell for 4 kids and me.
DM |
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I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON.... |
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Sat Sep 26, 2009 10:44 pm |
You're both so sweet. Thank you both for your comments, suggestions, advice.
You are both entirely right. I think it is important to incorporate the different means available in the pursuit of optimum mental and physical health.
I can relate so much to both of you. I'm a really empathetic person and I take on a lot from my environment much like yourself Annie. I had panic attacks and anxiety that started in university (and as recently as last winter).
It's hard for me to talk about but my grandmother is dying - which has made this week especially emotional. I guess I don't have an outlet, it feels crude to say out loud. I'm also in a long distance relationship and attending a very large university where I sometimes feel like a guppy in the Atlantic Ocean.
I do have a massage booked for Tuesday, and I think I will look into acupuncture. Lucky for me there is an acupuncturist not two blocks away from my house!
I have a lot of very positive things in my life but I know I have a tendency towards depression: genetic and personality wise. Perfectionism and sensitivity being at the top of the list. In some ways they help me to be compassionate and empathetic but they sometimes make it harder to function. I wouldn't say my functioning is impaired though. I am doing quite well, attending classes, spending time with friends, going to dog agility classes (with my aunts border collie) and joining an athletics team at school.
I'm looking into eating better foods and doing more exercise. I really am interested in alternative therapies, you've given me a huge gust of inspiration to try out new things. It's so great that this discussion came about. I think mental health should be brought out into the open, so we can all feel comfortable and unashamed talking about mental health issues (across the whole spectrum: stress management to severe depression). Why not? It affects all of us at some time in our lives.
Again you're both very lovely for taking the time to express yourselves and answer my post. |
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23, fair, EDS newbie, taking Diane 35. |
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Sat Sep 26, 2009 11:03 pm |
ps I'm loading up on iherb as we speak!
shh don't tell my bank account!  |
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23, fair, EDS newbie, taking Diane 35. |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 2:59 am |
I understand everything you are going through. Reaching out to not feel alone is the most important. Please do get professional help if you feel like these relaxation techniques aren't helping. There are great people out there just for someone in your situation.
Dark Moon was being a great friend in need to be concerned.
Very true, we can't really diagnose anything just from a few posts, which is why I don't ever step into even beginning to try. You can do more harm than good. We don't want to deter you from getting the help you might need.
Please let us know how it is all working for you and keep thinking positive. |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 5:13 am |
Annie & Callalily,
I truely understand both of you and how you feel! This forum for me is my little escape to some fun and sanity.
I am caretaker for my dying father he has lived with me for close to a year now and is now unable to do anything for himself. I went from 29 years of motherhood (20 year old daughter still at home) to mothering my dad. I suppose I have a caretaking nature, even my ex was like a fifth child. The one I forgot to take care of was me. I paid for that, and have learned that even if it is just escaping to this forum, talking to like minded people and having a bit of guilt free fun, I need and deserve that.
I know how inarticulate I sound at times, but sleep deprivation is so much fun!
For what it is worth, I had genuine concern for Calalily guess that is the mommy in me.
Sensitivity is something I can very much relate to, I have always been so myself, it can make it so much harder as you seem compeled to take on "the worlds" problems and make them your own. Honestly I think it is quite the double edged sword.
Absolutly agree that reaching out is so smart, and bring all mental health issues out of the dark corners and into the light is so crucial, I know my generation grew up with this being hush hush and that caused such damage to so many!
I am very impressed with Calalily for having such a great understanding at a young age, and you Annie for having the courage to make such a massive life altering change for yourself.
Well it is time to make dad breakfast and spoon feed it to him along with a mountian of meds, so I will talk to you both later.
Calalily
I won't tell your bank account a thing!
All my best to you both
Rona |
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I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON.... |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 7:55 am |
Well Miss Dark Moon, what you do takes an enormous amount of strength and courage. God bless you and your family. I have not been in that situation but very close to it and I know the toll it takes.
You caregivers deserve your own shrine! |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 12:48 pm |
Giant hearts for both of you. 
You are both such wonderful and caring individuals. I will keep you up to date on my progress, I'm actually looking forward to that!
How lucky of me to stumble upon a place where it is possible to find not one but two supportive and beautiful women to share with. I'm really amazed and touched that you would both be genuinely concerned for the well being of a person you have never met. Moments like these reinforce my belief in the good of humanity. Thank you both very much and I hope we can keep in correspondence. For all the good this site has provided me I feel like I have stumbled upon gold in the mine. Perhaps the greatest benefit of being in the internet age is the ability to connect with like minded individuals and in whatever way we can offer some of our wisdom, empathy and strength to each other.
I'm sorry if that makes me sound like an idealistic mush head! |
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23, fair, EDS newbie, taking Diane 35. |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 12:49 pm |
| PPS - Rona (Dark Moon) you are super articulate! |
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23, fair, EDS newbie, taking Diane 35. |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 2:44 pm |
I am a firm believer in the power of WE. It is exactly as you said, in this day and age you don't have to be alone! I believe you can be connected as simple as holding the door open for someone and smiling or talking to the checkout girl at the grocery. For one brief moment, you make a connection if you choose to look at it that way. Maybe with a smile, you might lighten their day a little too. I always ask how they are, make eye contact and listen. I take away a little bit of that connection with myself and it makes me feel better too. My hubby is the type of person who never meets a stranger, on a bus, the airport or the grocery store, he always make a new friend, so I have learned that from him. So no matter how down I am, i try to lift myself up enough to be positive for someone else and end my lonely pity party for one.
Have a great day! |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 4:24 pm |
To both of you
Thanks!
I agree, since moving here and right off the bat dealing with dad's hip replacement, son had a major flair with UC and 13 year old daughter getting a bit wild, lasted for 5 years. Then had nightmare of bitter old evil woman taking advantage of dad, robbing him blind and messing with meds. That is a long drawn out horror story, but to make it short had to remove him, then she pulled the Guardianship (with grandaughter). Left me with no choice but to petition for Guardianship myself.
Well I haven't had time to make any new friends, neighbors seem to come and go really fast.
Like you Annie I try my best to show kindness to strangers, and living within an area that has a huge Elder population I do whatever I can to help and show courtesy.
This helps me as I see the genuine appreciation on most peoples faces for such simple things as picking up a dropped item or holding a door and letting them through first. I remember when son was in the hospital an elderly lady was with her companion, she wanted a cup of coffee but was afraid she would lose her way, I convinced her to let me walk her down to the cafeteria and back, well you would have thought I could walk on water! She was so grateful for such a small thing.
I find having people like the two of you really helps me, and if I can help you in any way that makes me feel good! It is a win-win for us all.
BTW Callalily if you are a mush head so am I LOL
I always say I am a big marshmallow, my kids know it and at times get mom to help out when she really shouldn't, but that's me so oh well.
All my best and I am keeping this on my watched list, want to stay in touch!
DM aka Rona |
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I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON.... |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 4:59 pm |
Dark Moon-What a horrible thing to happen to your dad! Unfortunately, i have heard of this a few times. My Mom is a retired hospice nurse and the stories she tells freeze my soul. I am glad you are there to help although it sounds like quite an ordeal for you and your family.
Elders are so neglected as a part of our society and I am thankful and hopeful there are more like you out there. Karma has to have good things in store for you. |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 6:20 pm |
Annie,
This has been such a learning experiance, exploitation of the elderly runs rampent here! I find it so hard to believe that these people who are elderly themselves, they are evil, mean spirited, sub-human as I see it. A good friend always tells me don't worry God has a funny sense of humor! Same as Karma in my book.
I adore my dad and could not let that continue on, I had to get him out and bring him home. I know here he is cared for with love and gentle kindness. He has always been a good man, for me the very best father one could ask for!
I can imagine what your mom sees, dad had to be in a rehab for a few weeks a while back, I was there 12 hours a day, and had hired private CNA all night. What I saw made me cringe, it is so very sad to see people so helpless and needy neglected by family and staff.
Well I honestly just feel deep in my heart I am doing what is right.
Thanks for being here for me!
Talk to you both soon
Rona |
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I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON.... |
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Sun Sep 27, 2009 8:46 pm |
We lost my dad 4 years back to prostate and bone cancer and a major heart attack at 83 and what I would not give to have him back. Life hasn't been the same without him. Give your dad a kiss and a hug for me that at least he is still there.
I heard an interesting quote today that gave me pause "Life isn't about happy endings so much as new beginnings." I really liked that. Where was that when i grew up Cinderella? Goodnight to all. |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Wed Sep 30, 2009 9:08 pm |
I have to say how much I admire those who have posted so far, and especially to callalily - for having the courage to admit an 'inner struggle' and ask for advice/help. Very brave, indeed.
Besides therapy, some other things that worked for me were books by Dr. Wayne Dyer, (a wise man) a small book called "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz, and health/mental health information - including natural supplements that help your brain, like fish oil - from Dr. Daniel Amen. (he's on PBS all the time, has a website, and has written several books) Also, information on Introverted Personality Types. I didn't even know I was one, but it explained a lot (a LOT) about my sensitivities, once I read the descriptions.
And, I can't stress this enough - walking. I won't list the reported medical benefits, but chemically, it works as well as, or better than, anti-depressants.
Here are websites to check out:
www.drwaynedyer.com
http://miguelruiz.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=6:the-four-agreements&catid=13:books&Itemid=7
www.amenclinics.com
www.theintrovertzcoach.com
h2u |
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Wed Sep 30, 2009 9:46 pm |
Thanks Health2u,
I agree wholeheartedly with you about Calalily, at her age I would never have reached out like she did! She is truly wise beyond her years.
Thanks as well for the links.
Annie,
I know how you feel about wanting your dad back, and yet I am torn as I know my fathers wishes (I have his living will) He doesn't want this existence anymore. I watch him slip away more each day, and it is like watching a thousand little deaths, it is as if you have already lost someone yet they are still here. I don't know if I am making sense to you, but he was so active, vibrant and full of life. Now he is stuck in bed can't even feed himself just nothing but being changed and fed then he sleeps! I would love to have my dad forever, but I don't want to see him suffer and it has reached that point.
Thanks for being here all of you.
Rona |
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I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON.... |
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Thu Oct 01, 2009 11:07 pm |
I understand where you're coming from Rona. It's so difficult to take care of someone you love so much and see them in their worst state physically. I hope your father feels peace and calm while he's still here with you.
When I was in Mexico, everyone was reading the the Mastery of Love. I'll have to take a peek in the Used Bookstore over the weekend for it and the Four Agreements.
The Second Agreement seems especially suited to me: Don't take Anything Personally.
If you find yourself especially sensitive you might want to take a look at this book:
The Highly Sensitive Person. I read it awhile ago but I would probably benefit from a re-read.
http://www.hsperson.com/
An older friend with some similar issues once said to me if you do the work young it'll be easier when you're older. I guess I'm figuring out what "work" there is to do and how to do it.
Thank you all for participating in my journey and being so supportive. |
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23, fair, EDS newbie, taking Diane 35. |
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Fri Oct 02, 2009 6:26 am |
Calalilly-
It is way harder to change once you are older. Your habits get into a mindset that is very hard to retrain. We need a botox for brain waves to retrain those patterns!
I am going to look into some of that reading myself. I am leaving for my sons wedding in Playacar, Mexico in a day or so and will be there 8 days so I will be picking up some reading to take with me.
Dark Moon, I understand what you are saying about your Dad, my hubby's grandmother got to that point and just wanted to let go. That was very hard. My Dad died on New Year's eve from a massive heart attack at age 83, after riding his 4 wheeler chasing cattle. He was NOT ready to go and that was even harder.
Hang in there everyone and have a great day! |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Fri Oct 02, 2009 7:12 am |
Calalily,
What Annie said is so true we do get so set in our ways as we age! It is a real privilege to be a part of your journey! Thank you for allowing us to be a part of it. 
Annie,
I do understand about losing your dad, my dearest friend of 30+ years died just after 45 of a massive heart attack, she had a complete cardiac work up just 2 weeks earlier and was given "clean bill of health". She was the closest thing to a sister I will ever have. Left behind a husband who adored her and 2 daughters only 12 & 18. She was not ready to go! Her family and friends were not ready to let her go!
No matter how we lose a loved one it is so hard and always feels so very unfair!
I can only say I am sorry for your loss, and I have to believe all those loved and lost are riding on the wings of angels.
DM |
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I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON.... |
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Fri Oct 02, 2009 7:15 am |
PS
You guys have so many good recommendations for books, I wish I had time to read! I have always been an avid reader and I do miss it so much! |
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I'LL SEE YOU ON THE DARKSIDE OF THE MOON.... |
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Fri Oct 02, 2009 2:22 pm |
| callalily wrote: |
I understand where you're coming from Rona. It's so difficult to take care of someone you love so much and see them in their worst state physically. I hope your father feels peace and calm while he's still here with you.
When I was in Mexico, everyone was reading the the Mastery of Love. I'll have to take a peek in the Used Bookstore over the weekend for it and the Four Agreements.
The Second Agreement seems especially suited to me: Don't take Anything Personally.
If you find yourself especially sensitive you might want to take a look at this book:
The Highly Sensitive Person. I read it awhile ago but I would probably benefit from a re-read.
http://www.hsperson.com/
An older friend with some similar issues once said to me if you do the work young it'll be easier when you're older. I guess I'm figuring out what "work" there is to do and how to do it.
Thank you all for participating in my journey and being so supportive. |
Elaine Aron started hsperson.com, but there's also other information out now that explains that temperament and offers solutions for coping w/ stress, etc.
Never take anything personally, AND
Never make assumptions
Here's other online information that might help:
www.zenhabits.net
www.stevepavlina.com
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/gifted_adults.htm
http://www.highlysensitivepeople.com/
www.thework.com
www.louisehay.com
It IS a journey, but well worth the trip. |
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