Aging gracefully
EDS Skin Care Forums Forum Index » Skin Care and Makeup Forum

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:06 am

Someone who I have not seen for a while asked me "What have you done to yourself you look so good", so I told her, everything, honestly. Cosmetic surgery, fillers, dermarolling,CP's,RA, estriol cream, Led, Facemaster, yada, yada,yada. She is my age. Yellowish grey hair (could use a brightener to remove that yellow cast) flaky dry skin-definitely needs exfoliation and moisturizer, flabby saggy skin could use some exercise there! She had the nerve to say" can't you just age gracefully?" When I came to, I asked what is that, and she said, just be yourself. I replied I am myself,only better. The whole conversation got uglier. I believe that in MY way I am aging gracefully.Aging doesn't bother me , but looking like a "seahag" does! What are your thoughts on this?

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:44 am

rmc7,

Although I haven't personally ventured into many of the things you mentioned (yet) I totally agree with what you are saying! To quote my dear departed mom "Always put your best face forward". I think aging gracefully doesn't in anyway mean just let it all go! Smile

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:58 am

I agree with DarkMoon, it doesn't mean letting yourself go at all.

My response to the lady would have been simple... "you just said I look so good. Enough said!"

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:05 am

for me, when something bothers me so much .. it's because there's something unclear about it in myself..i'm referring to how much emotion you feel/felt in regard to what your friend was saying (i feel the emotion too!)

i guess personally i feel there's a balance point when our actions to atay young and beautiful fo 'over the edge'..but i feel that balance point is different in everyone....

just take care you don't 'go over the edge' for your own internal balance point and i feel you'll be absolutely 'yourself'..and aging gracefully.. w/humility... for your own inner truth

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:23 am

I can agree to a point JR, however I do find rmc7's friends comment downright rude and possibly hurtful.
I think it's great at times to "turn the other cheek" so to speak, however I also feel that without a backbone and the ability to stand up for oneself you just ask the world to treat you as a doormat and many people will do just that. Sad

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:43 am

Josh wrote:

I agree with DarkMoon, it doesn't mean letting yourself go at all.

My response to the lady would have been simple... "you just said I look so good. Enough said!"

I feel Josh's response would be totally appropriate, to the point and not rude! Smile

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:58 am

DK, i said it the way i did because i feel there is some unsureness for rmc7's regarding the inner source for her own balance point... and only honest soulsearching accomplishes that...

a concern over someone else's rudeness..isn't as important as being at peace w/in ourselves....(i can speak only from my own expereince ..when i am unduly emotionally upset w/someone... it's time to do inner work.. because the issue hasn't been resolved within myself..)

and i feel we all live w/those internal inconsistencies... mostly unconscousness..which wreck havoc ....internally..unknown to us..unconscious..

and result in stress and aging.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:11 am

Saying that, DK, I totally feel that your insights are always very intuitive...and your way of responding very 'connected' and gentle..and prob more appropriate in this situation than mine..

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:23 am

She was attempting to justify why she chooses not to fight aging, not so much hurt your feelings.

I think it is a defense mechanism, to criticize others who succeed and mostly LOOK GOOD. Be it eating right, exercising, or taking the time for skincare, and even financial success.

The under achiever always try to vilify the person who is successful thinking they are shallow or spend too much time from life and family to be so??? rich or beautiful. So, she had to throw that out there..." Can't you just age gracefully."

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:26 am

jasminerosey wrote:

Saying that, DK, I totally feel that your insights are always very intuitive...and your way of responding very 'connected' and gentle..and prob more appropriate in this situation than mine..

JR, I do feel very in touch with my own inner thoughts and feelings, which our thoughts as our perception lead to our feelings. What it does come down to for me is treating others as I would like to be treated, and rudeness just doesn't fit my idea of how people should treat one another at all.

rmc7, Only she can say what her feelings are, however I haven't picked up on an insecure woman, just the opposite actually. She makes her choices about what feels right for her and it's in my mind the others insecurity coming out in the comments that were made. That is just my perception about negative comments that were added to a compliment.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:42 am

hotdocgirl wrote:

She was attempting to justify why she chooses not to fight aging, not so much hurt your feelings.

I think it is a defense mechanism, to criticize others who succeed and mostly LOOK GOOD. Be it eating right, exercising, or taking the time for skincare, and even financial success.

The under achiever always try to vilify the person who is successful thinking they are shallow or spend too much time from life and family to be so??? rich or beautiful. So, she had to throw that out there..." Can't you just
age gracefully."

There would be a massive difference in my perception if the statement had been along the lines of - Wow that sounds like a lot of effort but it's sure working for you, me I just can't be bothered so I choose to just grow old gracefully.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:08 pm

i'm not perceiving it..or rmc7... the way i perceive you indicating that i am ,DK...

i'm coming from another level or dimension of our realty...and i don't feel that this is the right forum to pursue this....but i as well as you ..are trying to bring some inner peace to rmc7 around this issue.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:31 pm

I dont recommend telling anyone you have had surgery,I only told my family(had to) and a few close friends.Its none of their damn business.Aging is not graceful,you have to work at looking good after 40. I would prefer to spend my money on my face and drive an old car rather to drive a new mercedes with a saggy old face!

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:38 pm

jasminerosey wrote:

i'm not perceiving it..or rmc7... the way i perceive you indicating that i am ,DK...

i'm coming from another level or dimension of our realty...and i don't feel that this is the right forum to pursue this....but i as well as you ..are trying to bring some inner peace to rmc7 around this issue.

I have to respond because my statement that stated I see rmc7 as a secure woman is my perception about what my instincts are, so I wasn't indicating anything about your perceptions at all!
I believe there is only one perception we can honestly speak too and that is our own, at least that is how I deal with things on the level of reality I am on.

I also personally think at times it helps to let others know their reaction in that moment is completely understandable and that we would react the same way. But that's me.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:58 pm

My feeling on this is that what other people think or feel only makes a difference to me if I choose to allow it to.
Also, what other people choose for themselves is none of my business, just as what I choose for myself, is none of theirs.
If I believe that my choices must be approved by others, and that their approval means that I have made the right choice, then I have given all of my power over my own life to them. And I am doomed to be miserable.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:25 pm

JonnyNJ wrote:

My feeling on this is that what other people think or feel only makes a difference to me if I choose to allow it to.
Also, what other people choose for themselves is none of my business, just as what I choose for myself, is none of theirs.
If I believe that my choices must be approved by others, and that their approval means that I have made the right choice, then I have given all of my power over my own life to them. And I am doomed to be miserable.

You Know JonnyNJ,

That is very much my attitude except for very close friends and family, but still I have always followed my own path.

There are times though where out of the blue people make comments where you feel thunderstruck, godsmacked, aghast and it's something as humans we react to. I think that was the situation here?

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:49 pm

lucyluc wrote:

I dont recommend telling anyone you have had surgery,I only told my family(had to) and a few close friends.Its none of their damn business.Aging is not graceful,you have to work at looking good after 40. I would prefer to spend my money on my face and drive an old car rather to drive a new mercedes with a saggy old face!

Very well said Lucy, I agree with you!!!!!!! None of their business!!!!!!

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:50 pm

DarkMoon,

I am in complete agreement with you.

That is where the element of choice is an important distinction. We can choose those individuals whose opinions are important to us and make our choices accordingly. It is often important or necessary to make a choice for ourselves that another person has chosen for us. And hopefully, they will do the same for us.

Being 'gobsmacked' by someone will either leave me speechless or I will spout out the first words that come to my mouth. Often, these words have bypassed my brain entirely, and would have been better off left unsaid.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:57 pm

JonnyNJ,

That sounds familiar, I am one especially at my age and with 4 adult children usually try and take the "high road" as shocked and speechless as I am, but at those rare moments things just fly out of my mouth without a thought and like you said they are usually better left unsaid! Shock

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:04 pm

Actually this was a RELATIVE! Holiday gatherings come but once a year or so. I try never to be dishonest or rude, actually I started to laugh because she seemed so hostile towards me that it really became funny. I agree with the assessment here that aging is not in it self graceful, we do have to work at it. My 80 yr old Grandma used to tell me some days she would wake up feeling like a 16 yr old...then she would look in the mirror and see this old woman looking back. I felt so bad for her. She didn't have the opportunities that I have, and I am so grateful for everyday of my life.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:27 pm

Ahh I think that person was incredibly rude and judgemental. There was absolutely no reason to say ' you should age gracefully' . I would put it down to jealousy and try not to think too much more about it.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:37 pm

rmc7 wrote:

Someone who I have not seen for a while asked me "What have you done to yourself you look so good", so I told her, everything, honestly. Cosmetic surgery, fillers, dermarolling,CP's,RA, estriol cream, Led, Facemaster, yada, yada,yada. She is my age. Yellowish grey hair (could use a brightener to remove that yellow cast) flaky dry skin-definitely needs exfoliation and moisturizer, flabby saggy skin could use some exercise there! She had the nerve to say" can't you just age gracefully?" When I came to, I asked what is that, and she said, just be yourself. I replied I am myself,only better. The whole conversation got uglier. I believe that in MY way I am aging gracefully.Aging doesn't bother me , but looking like a "seahag" does! What are your thoughts on this?

I would say that you are aging gracefully in your way and she is aging gracefully in her way. I do think it is rude to ask someone what they are doing to look so great and then be judgmental about the response. But I think if someone wants to do nothing to their appearance to combat aging and risk looking like a "seahag" that's their right too. I think it's best not to judge, but it's important to let others know that you're proud of your decisions.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:37 pm

My idea of aging gracefully is doing everything you can to look you damn best.....whatever that means to each person and however big their pocketbook or carecredit card is!! Laughing

Aging gracefully to me means admitting you age and accepting the compliments that you don't look it(especially after you have done so many things to earn that compliment)!!!!! Laughing

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:54 pm

Toby wrote:

My idea of aging gracefully is doing everything you can to look you damn best.....whatever that means to each person and however big their pocketbook or carecredit card is!! Laughing

Aging gracefully to me means admitting you age and accepting the compliments that you don't look it(especially after you have done so many things to earn that compliment)!!!!! Laughing

I agree Toby, and also some like my mom didn't have all the gadgets and never had any procedures unless you consider electrolysis a procedure. She did take care of her skin, stayed thin, always had her hair (colored) styled weekly along with a manicure put her war paint on daily (make up) and dressed very well. Also never gave up heels. I would say her idea of aging gracefully included all tools at her disposal (that she chose) and great genetics, because she looked very good until she passed away.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 6:01 pm

jom wrote:

I would say that you are aging gracefully in your way and she is aging gracefully in her way. I do think it is rude to ask someone what they are doing to look so great and then be judgmental about the response. But I think if someone wants to do nothing to their appearance to combat aging and risk looking like a "seahag" that's their right too. I think it's best not to judge, but it's important to let others know that you're proud of your decisions.

I agree with jom. I don't think it was right of her to ask what you were doing and then give you that response, but not everyone is as in to skin care, gadgets, and just appearance in general. The key point in the OP's post was "MY way" and everyone has their own way.

Automatic Message

If this is your first visit to the EDS Forums please take the time to register. Registration is required for you to post on the forums. Registration will also give you the ability to track messages of interest, send private messages to other users, participate in Gift Certificates draws and enjoy automatic discounts for shopping at our online store. Registration is free and takes just a few seconds to complete.

Click Here to join our community.

If you are already a registered member on the forums, please login to gain full access to the site.