| Author |
Message |
|
|
|
Fri Feb 16, 2007 5:49 pm  |
| My husband and I were together for 2 years before getting married, but I have a set of friends who met, dated for 5 weeks, got engaged and then married 3 weeks later- it's now 6 years and 2 kids later and they couldn't be happier. Some people are just right for each other. . . |
_________________
22, impossibly large dry curly hair, normal skin w/ the occasional breakout, on a mission to getting long, lush eyelashes!!! |
|
|
|
|
Fri Feb 16, 2007 5:53 pm |
| TAMgirl99 wrote: |
Actually, according to a survey I read there IS a magic number and it is 2 years. They did a study on numerous married/divorced couples in regards to how long they dated before they married. The ones who dated 2 years before making the leap were found to have the longest and most lasting marriages. I thought it was pretty interesting. Of course the rule doesn't apply to everyone but I just had to jump in on this topic since I had actually seen a study on it!  |
ahhhh...I am happy to hear this.  |
|
|
|
|
|
Sat Feb 17, 2007 7:43 am |
For me it would depend on the age and where both of you're at in your life. I don't think it would be easy being married at 16 and I guess when you reach middle age you'd have a fair idea what you'd want from and in a partner. I guess it would also depend on whether you feel ready or comfortable in going into that direction.
I think knowing the person for a few years would definitely help in deciding whether the you're suited to one another.  |
|
|
|
|
|
Sat Feb 17, 2007 12:36 pm |
| The best marriage I've ever known was 3 months after meeting. She was 28, he was 35. They had nine children and lived happily ever after. |
_________________
To Love and to be Loved... what greator Joy can there be? |
|
|
|
|
Sat Feb 17, 2007 1:55 pm |
| LizaA wrote: |
For me it would depend on the age and where both of you're at in your life. I don't think it would be easy being married at 16 and I guess when you reach middle age you'd have a fair idea what you'd want from and in a partner. I guess it would also depend on whether you feel ready or comfortable in going into that direction.
I think knowing the person for a few years would definitely help in deciding whether the you're suited to one another. |
You said it so well, Liza. I married my ex after being with him for 5 years, but I met him when I was 18 and married him at 23. I was way too young and never had any dating experience. He was my first guy. I was stuck in an unhappy marriage for 12 years. So dating someone for a long time doesn't really mean you'll really get to know the person. I totally understand why they say love is blind. I was completely blind. Now in my 30s I wonder what I've ever seen in him. All his selfishness was there from the start, but I chose to ignore it. Now I know what I want and need, so I am hoping never to repeat the same mistake. |
|
|
|
|
|
Sat Feb 17, 2007 4:03 pm |
| Sidda wrote: |
What's the hurry with getting married? is my thought.
There is a wise (and, I think, true) old saying that you marry the person you are with when you are ready to get married.
What do you think will change if you get married? "Wasting" a year of your life unmarried? What is that about? If you learn and grow and keep making changes and getting braver, no year of your life is wasted. I admit, I gasped outloud when I read that.
Do not try to hurry your BF into marriage. If it works, waiting won't break the friendship. If it doesn't work, getting married (or not) certainly won't help.
You see why I am soooo glad I am not in my 30s anymore!  |
My hurry is because of my ovaries. I actually broke up with my b/f because after a year and a half we hadn't progressed one iota....and it didn't seem like he was even on the path of wanting that. Sure he stated that he wanted to get married, but seeing each other 2x on one week and 1x the other week just wasn't even enough after a year and a half. Ofcourse, he said he try to make us a priority, but he didn't.I think for me some people (me included), want to feel like they are progressing in life. I'm a planner.
I understand what you mean about growing. I've grown alot without being married, but at the end of the day, I want to be married to a man who wants me. I want to be a wife and a mother. I don't want to be someone's longterm g/f...especially at 34.
Btw, just to make this known he and I have had other problems as well. I wasn't just because he was dragging his feet. That was what made things worse. |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Feb 18, 2007 4:24 pm |
| skincarefreak wrote: |
| Sidda wrote: |
What's the hurry with getting married? is my thought.
There is a wise (and, I think, true) old saying that you marry the person you are with when you are ready to get married.
What do you think will change if you get married? "Wasting" a year of your life unmarried? What is that about? If you learn and grow and keep making changes and getting braver, no year of your life is wasted. I admit, I gasped outloud when I read that.
Do not try to hurry your BF into marriage. If it works, waiting won't break the friendship. If it doesn't work, getting married (or not) certainly won't help.
You see why I am soooo glad I am not in my 30s anymore! |
My hurry is because of my ovaries. I actually broke up with my b/f because after a year and a half we hadn't progressed one iota....and it didn't seem like he was even on the path of wanting that. Sure he stated that he wanted to get married, but seeing each other 2x on one week and 1x the other week just wasn't even enough after a year and a half. Ofcourse, he said he try to make us a priority, but he didn't.I think for me some people (me included), want to feel like they are progressing in life. I'm a planner.
I understand what you mean about growing. I've grown alot without being married, but at the end of the day, I want to be married to a man who wants me. I want to be a wife and a mother. I don't want to be someone's longterm g/f...especially at 34.
Btw, just to make this known he and I have had other problems as well. I wasn't just because he was dragging his feet. That was what made things worse. |
Very well-put! I understand exactly what you mean. I am the same as you. |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Feb 18, 2007 5:21 pm |
| I believe there is no magic time limit, nor any magic number. What works for one may not work for another. Some people are together for over a decade, get married and then separate a couple of months later, then there are others who get engaged after 2 weeks and stay married forever! It takes some luck and some know how to find the right one. It doesn't take years to get to know someone, plus people change through time. There is no guarantee. One can only hope that the changes work for both partners and that they continue to grow together and towards each other. You may love someone immensely now but find 10 years down the road you've changed or he has. Does that mean you weren't meant to be and that you should have waited that 10 years just in case? Of course not. Everything is a lesson in life and there are no mistakes. I believe people come in to our lives for certain reasons. If your boyfriend isn't ready to marry and you're ok with that and want to wait, great! If you don't want to wait and would rather find someone who loves you enough in the present to marry you than that's great too. You have to do what's best for you. Like I said, there are no guarantees. All you can do is take a leap and hope all goes well. Good luck! |
_________________
Global Butterfly & Certified Aromatherapist/Holisitc Therapist with a passion for travel and natural health. |
|
|
|
|
Sun Feb 18, 2007 8:55 pm |
If you need a license to feel secure, I think there's a problem that the license isn't going to address.
Surely, it doesn't guarantee that you'll be together "forever." Sometimes things change, and people, yes even good people, just can't work it out and decide the best thing to do is to separate. A marriage license doesn't change that.
Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not dissing marriage as an institution. But the idea that it is "needed" to solidify a relationship, or that there is some formula or magic number involved strikes me as an invitation to disaster. |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Feb 18, 2007 10:35 pm |
| fishzebby wrote: |
I wish I got one to start with...
haha... |
Me too.
I could not see my "Mr.Right" until now.
I am over 30 years old and have only one boy-friend.
But I have never been any idea to married with him.
I supposed, he is not my Mr.Right.  |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:50 pm |
We are happily married, and dated for 5 years prior. Funnily enough, we'd known each other 7 years before we began dating.
Here's some secrets: No matter how long you've been together, it must feel like time flies when you're together. And you must both make each other want to be better people. **Don't expect him to say things that your girlfriends would say; leave that to your girlfriends.
Don't "picture" your whole lives together just because he came along at that moment in your life when all your friends are getting married; keep an open mind.
And most importantly: accept him as he is, and don't count on changing him! ie. Don't love him for the guy he almost is!!! |
_________________
SKIN: 33,fair.My work env't is skin hell! (flight attend. = dryness&eye circles!) AM: Lavantine Cleansing Oil, squalane, ISOMERS carnosine complex (250x more pow'ful than Idebenone), eye cream varies, JuiceBeauty Antiox Serum, Anthelios SS. PM: Lavantine, squalane, Remergent DNA Repair. Want: Silk Dust |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:37 am |
| steffers wrote: |
We are happily married, and dated for 5 years prior. Funnily enough, we'd known each other 7 years before we began dating.
Here's some secrets: No matter how long you've been together, it must feel like time flies when you're together. And you must both make each other want to be better people. **Don't expect him to say things that your girlfriends would say; leave that to your girlfriends.
Don't "picture" your whole lives together just because he came along at that moment in your life when all your friends are getting married; keep an open mind.
And most importantly: accept him as he is, and don't count on changing him! ie. Don't love him for the guy he almost is!!! |
Well said. I will keep these in mind. |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:43 am |
| steffers wrote: |
We are happily married, and dated for 5 years prior. Funnily enough, we'd known each other 7 years before we began dating.
Here's some secrets: No matter how long you've been together, it must feel like time flies when you're together. And you must both make each other want to be better people. **Don't expect him to say things that your girlfriends would say; leave that to your girlfriends.
Don't "picture" your whole lives together just because he came along at that moment in your life when all your friends are getting married; keep an open mind.
And most importantly: accept him as he is, and don't count on changing him! ie. Don't love him for the guy he almost is!!! |
I've been with DH for about 4 years, and it feels like only 1 year.. Time sure does fly by fast!! |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:40 am |
Personally marriage doesn't sound very appealing to me. I've lived with a boy in the past and HATED it...boys are sooo gross! I'm definitely not ready for marriage.
bkkgirl, congrats on knowing what you want! I think your desire for marriage is a wonderful, beautiful thing and I hope it will manifest for you in the most wonderful way!!!!
This is my only word of caution. If your man isn't ready for marriage, I wouldn't wait around for him to get ready. I'd find somebody who is ready. Life is too short and wonderful to be put on pause for anyone!
Good Luck in whatever you decide and LISTEN to your gut reaction! |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:28 am |
| ~*Beru*~ wrote: |
| ...boys are sooo gross! I'm definitely not ready for marriage! |
Lol @ that, *Beru* You're a cutie...
They're not THAT gross once you get used to 'em  . |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:41 pm |
| ~*Beru*~ wrote: |
Personally marriage doesn't sound very appealing to me. I've lived with a boy in the past and HATED it...boys are sooo gross! I'm definitely not ready for marriage.
|
That is so funny, because I married a NEAT FREAK. Let me tell you, this is a man who disinfects the counter every time he cooks, he mops the floors every time I turn around, and has an obsession with tupperware: he likes things to stay fresh, so often puts things in tupperware containers (even obscure things like tea bags) and then labels the containers, and stacks them neatly.
Um, can someone say VIRGO !!! And he's ITALIAN!!! Picky about everything!
I mean, I am clean, and in the past when living with roomates, i cleaned often the most, but this guy......he makes me feel like a slob! We laugh about it, but i rather like this side of him. I'd rather he be obsessed with cleanliness than something like ....who knows....gambling!?
And don't get me started about how he likes to do his laundry......a method for everything, but hey, at least he's clean and his clothes last a long time!
But ......if he's picky about everything, that means he must have been extra picky about choosing his wife, so i feel special
|
_________________
SKIN: 33,fair.My work env't is skin hell! (flight attend. = dryness&eye circles!) AM: Lavantine Cleansing Oil, squalane, ISOMERS carnosine complex (250x more pow'ful than Idebenone), eye cream varies, JuiceBeauty Antiox Serum, Anthelios SS. PM: Lavantine, squalane, Remergent DNA Repair. Want: Silk Dust |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 8:45 pm |
Should you: No idea. Depends on the person of course, but I guess I would advise against being too hasty.
Do you: I'm engaged now and I just feel too young. (23)
I'm looking at years and years of engagement. |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:23 pm |
I think it's different for everyone. We waited three years,and I don't think it was long enough. I'm generally somewhere between relatively happy and really unhappy. I don't really think it's because we didn't wait long enough, though. I think it's because there were just a lot of things I didn't know at that age.
I do think that for someone in their 30's, two years sounds pretty good. - Especially, being as you've already been in a marriage that was unhappy.
I guess all that to say that I don't think there's a magic number. I also agree that there doesn't have to be a wedding for the relationship to be wonderful. |
|
|
|
|
|
Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:02 am |
Steffers, Virgos rock!
In truth though when it comes to tidiness and such it really is all or nothing with me. It might be a compulsion but I'm the type that if I'm going to clean I do all of it or none of it. I just can't seem to do half or a part, it's makes me nervous and then I think about it which is even worse. On the other hand I am only neat and organized with some things. The bathrooms and kitchen must be neat and tidy but as for say organizing my CD's that I could care less about and they end up all out of order which in turn irritates the hell out of my boyfriend who takes CD sorting very seriously and he is not a Virgo. |
|
|
|
|
|
Tue Feb 20, 2007 10:58 am |
| Anna_in_Sweden wrote: |
Steffers, Virgos rock!
In truth though when it comes to tidiness and such it really is all or nothing with me. It might be a compulsion but I'm the type that if I'm going to clean I do all of it or none of it. I just can't seem to do half or a part, it's makes me nervous and then I think about it which is even worse. On the other hand I am only neat and organized with some things. The bathrooms and kitchen must be neat and tidy but as for say organizing my CD's that I could care less about and they end up all out of order which in turn irritates the hell out of my boyfriend who takes CD sorting very seriously and he is not a Virgo. |
Too funny, girls (and Dalguy). I dated a Virgo once, too, and wow, he drove me nuts. I am not totally neat, but not terrible. I'm easy going. Get this! This Virgo dude told me when I showed up at his place at his invitation on a Sunday, "Sunday is my personal day. I have to do things at a certain time. When I wake up, I put laundry in, then I go out to this Asian market, and then I go to get BBQ pork from this Chinese restaurant, and then I come home, put laundry in the dryer, eat my BBQ pork. I didn't want to go see a movie." I was flabbergasted since he said it was ok for me to come to his place on the phone and we would go see a movie. We broke up that night. I was so mad since he wasted my time getting dressed up and driving all the way to Long Beach. What a weirdo! My current boyfriend is a cancer, and he loves things neat and clean. But that's probably b/c his mom is super neat and clean. He doesn't complain about me though. That's why we get along. |
|
|
|
|
|
Tue Feb 20, 2007 11:07 am |
| All this talk about Virgo's being such neat freaks makes me wonder if DH isn't confused about his birthdate. Love the man to death, but everytime he comes into the house he leaves a trail... |
_________________
53 and starting to show it |
|
|
|
|
Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:08 pm |
| I think you need to date AT LEAST for one year to see the good, the bad, and the ugly. |
|
|
|
|
|
Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:24 pm |
| tsjmom wrote: |
| I think you need to date AT LEAST for one year to see the good, the bad, and the ugly. |
DEFINITELY! I read an article that what people are hiding come out after a year of feeling more cozy with the person you're with. The honeymoon period (and the behaving yourself period) is over. You'll get to see his/her true colors after a year, and yes, of course, people can change after that, too, but I try to look for someone with a good heart and has a conscience, so that way he can change but his good heart remains in the right place (meaning he won't try to hurt me). |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Jun 15, 2025 6:24 pm |
| You're thinking about this with a lot of maturity and self-awareness, especially given your age and relationship goals. Two years is definitely enough time for most people to know whether they’re truly compatible long term, especially in your 30s when life experience and self-knowledge are stronger. Everyone moves at their own pace, but if your partner is hesitant because of someone else’s timeline (like his sister’s), that might not be the most solid reason to delay. What matters more is how the two of you communicate, resolve conflict, support each other, and share your values and vision for the future. During relationship struggles, some turn to support sources like https://eharmony.pissedconsumer.com/customer-service.html to vent or learn from others' experiences, which can offer insight into common issues. Your concerns about short courtships are valid. While some work out, many don’t because they skip critical stages of really getting to know each other. You’re not rushing blindly into marriage; you’ve put in time and thought. Maybe it’s time to have an open conversation with him about what the hesitation really is and what both of you expect next |
|
|
|
|
| Sat Jul 12, 2025 4:14 am |
If this is your first visit to the EDS Forums please take the time to register. Registration is required for you to post on the forums. Registration will also give you the ability to track messages of interest, send private messages to other users, participate in Gift Certificates draws and enjoy automatic discounts for shopping at our online store. Registration is free and takes just a few seconds to complete.
Click Here to join our community.
If you are already a registered member on the forums, please login to gain full access to the site. |
|
 |
|
