Would you date a man that makes less money than you?
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free skin care · Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:24 am

I have been following this thread and reading the replies, somewhat in jest, somewhat with dismay. But it did prompt me not to be judgemental, but to be realistic.
Being a therapist and minister by profession (although inactive, I spend an enormous amount of energy and time on phone consultations with friends), I just wanted to point out a couple of things that I think are missing the point here.
Self worth should be/is more important than material worth, no matter how much money they have. Shallowness is not a worthy character trait people! That is like the men saying I only want a women younger and with bigger boobs. NO!!!
That's not how you judge a lasting and substaining relationship! Someone will always be prettier, younger, smarter, richer, etc...
Judge it on compatability, love, respect, honesty, compassion, you get the picture.
A person's worth is measured by his actions, his words and his truth. Truth is the one thing we all own, but very few people value it as much as they should. In the end, it is all you have.
I married for love and love alone, okay some lust too. My hubby didn't have anything but an old car, fresh out of school. No job, he was a bum I guess by the standards I've read here (but really cute). It all worked out and he turned out to be successful, but it didn't matter to me, nor would it have changed a thing. We did it together, equally as partners. I contributed the support and was the never-ending "I am there for you" arm-chair quarterback. We have been poor and we have been wealthy, but through it all extremely blessed to have each other to lean on. I have always said I was happier poorer, because life was simpler. It brings its own set of problems sometimes but can also be a help. Money should never define who you are, because if it does life will find a way to show you why it shouldn't or how you can/will learn to live without it.
I also run in a circle where I know a lot of women married to very wealthy professional men who treat them like a doormat. They long for a simpler life with someone who will treasure them and consider them worthy, not as possessions. I have also seen a lot of friends who have lost everything in this economy, that has been more of the norm. Some are still married, others went their seperate ways. Did money define their marriage or did they forget to respect each other just as human beings?
I am lucky enough to be treated like a Queen, but that is about RESPECT, not money and how I get what I give back.
I think you have to look at yourself and who you are first. If you are secure and you make your partner secure within themselves, that's all that matters. If you make any person feel less than, expect to get that back as well.
The cheating issue again comes back to self-worth/trust and is another issue!
Contributions to a relationship and worth can be shown in many ways, not just in material gains.
We are going on our 27th year of marriage and working on our family business in a depressed real estate market, but we are on a ship together and I wouldn't want to be on this voyage alone, good or bad.
Happiness is a state of mind and is also fleeting. Cherish it when you can and wherever you can (to you Barefoot Girl)!
Sorry, just my 1/2 cents worth from an old fashioned woman (used to be two, but isn't worth as much anymore). That is the advice I told my son before his marriage and I tell his friends when they ask our secret to our happy marriage. Especially the girls!
I realize that it is a differant dating game out there these days, but to me the basic rules should not have changed.
Have a great day!

free skin care · Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:25 am

It is interesting, I was just on the phone with one of my friends who had the reversal of fortune and loss of hubby I was referring to earlier.
She said it was about control as well. Hmmm....
Anyway, she is dating a guy who came in to paint their house as a make-ready to put it on the market. Makes less money, 5 years younger but she said the treatment of her is night and day. He listens, acts like she is cherished and makes her feel alive and sexy (when she feels overweight, ugly and frumpy per the ex). But he makes WAY less money, rents, no health insurance, infrequent jobs. Does it matter? Not to her, she says she is broke now too! But he follows his passion and loves what he does as an artistic outlet and his confidence is sexy and catching.
Ha, so she says true love and I look forward to seeing them together for dinner this weekend! Sizzle!!!

free skin care · Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:51 am

Annie! That was very nice to read and to know that this is happening right now in someone's life. How nice!!!

free skin care · Thu Jun 09, 2011 11:46 am

I am glad I got to share a happy moment!
Unfortunately, reversal of fortune is the happening thing in my circle of companions. (Probably because we are all in the dot com/mortgage/insurance/real estate biz!) But what goes down will come back up again like the Wheel card in the Tarot deck. You just hang on and put your faith in something.
But life is so differant now then in my generation of dating. Back then (or at least in my small town), you married, had babies and few of us chose careers and money over family. I fell in love, put mine aside, supported the hubby, had the prodigal son and never looked back. But that is also the accomplishment I am most proud of, not my GPA or college degree. I would like my tombstone etching to read: "Beloved and cherished wife and mother. Always had time for friends and family and put everyone else first. Needed, wanted, loved and now at peace."
There are so many career opportunities, choices, facebook/myspace/twitter, on-line sites, stalkers, background checks, YIKES!!!
As I like to say to my hubby, I took a leap of faith and never looked back! Not for everyone(especially the faint of heart) and it doesn't always have a happy ending and there was no safety net. But of all my regrets (and I have a few), it wasn't one of them!
"This I will remember, when the rest of life is through. The finest thing I ever did was simply loving you."

free skin care · Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:02 pm

AnnieR wrote:

Anyway, she is dating a guy who came in to paint their house as a make-ready to put it on the market. Makes less money, 5 years younger but she said the treatment of her is night and day. He listens, acts like she is cherished and makes her feel alive and sexy (when she feels overweight, ugly and frumpy per the ex). But he makes WAY less money, rents, no health insurance, infrequent jobs. Does it matter? Not to her, she says she is broke now too!

She will be broke until she sells the house. Then she will have money. More than he does. He may truly be nice or he may be just very patient. Something similar happened to a friend of mine and the ending wasn't pretty. As long as she doesn't marry him and keeps her money separate and doesn't wind up supporting him (he moves in and decides he's done with working) she might be okay. A cautionary tale.

There are plenty of male golddiggers and freeloaders. I've been a bit surprised at men who seemed interested in me until they found out I wasn't getting regular alimony payments, nor did I have a fat divorce settlement and property.

free skin care · Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:18 pm

Unfortunately, no money to be made from it due to the housing market and declining values. She is moving in with her daughter and son-in-law, getting a job and not looking back.
But she sounds happier than I have heard her in a long time, gotta love that.
It sounds like your experience has left a bitter taste, hopefully there will be more princes than frogs for you. Although Princes can be over-rated!

free skin care · Fri Jun 10, 2011 12:42 pm

I've dated more princes than frogs, fortunately. Money isn't evil, it's just a tool for survival in this society.

When you are young, Love is Blind. Being in love and living under a bridge isn't quite so romantic after 50. Sad

free skin care · Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:16 pm

True, lots of trolls living under the bridges!!! Laughing

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and paying healthcare premiums, till pre-nup does us part!

free skin care · Tue Jul 26, 2011 11:48 pm

Depends on if it was dating or marriage. If dating then yes, but if after something more serious like marriage then no.

If a man cheats, then it's regardless of his income, if a wealthy man cheats at least you can take him to court and cash in on it.

Sadly the opposite applies for a poor man and your just in for a whole lot of heart ache. Rolling Eyes

free skin care · Wed Jul 27, 2011 7:41 am

I, for one, am in favor of the day when we aren't judged by material wealth (or beauty) but by the only the value of one's self! (And not only by going to heaven.) Smile

free skin care · Wed Jul 27, 2011 11:04 am

AnnieR wrote:

I, for one, am in favor of the day when we aren't judged by material wealth (or beauty) but by the only the value of one's self!

That will be the day Hell freezes over. It's possible, given the strange weather patterns we've been having. Wink

free skin care · Wed Jul 27, 2011 12:29 pm

Hey as hot as it is here in Texas, it is quite the possibility!! Certainly feels like it! Laughing

free skin care · Thu Jul 28, 2011 7:35 am

Maybe the question should be changed to reflect the new game all over the late-night shows and on our morning radio shows here. Just as crass and offensive to me, but maybe more honest in todays' society I now realize. (Blushing as I type)!! I just heard about it yesterday and nearly fell off my chair! It's called the married, ****** or killed. Are you kidding me, aaagghhhhhhhh!!!!!!
So I just HAD to ask my hubby which one I would be and he just looked at me. Right..........
Not playing he says, no right answer there. Smart man! Laughing

Tue Aug 02, 2011 1:51 pm

Sure. why not

free skin care · Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:49 pm

My advice.. always be with a man who allows you to grow. That covers it all pretty much... means he'd respect your individuality that your are on a journey through this life. He listens and values your input.
Many times when we judge a man on his earning potential..we give him power over our lives...and then a woman's inner spirit can die because it is no longer a priority..you've sold out...no matter how much $$$ he gives you to spend.
So, I say..let's take the $$ out of it..be with a man you can discuss things with..have an interesting conversation with..a man you respect for how he treats other people in all matters..a man who takes care of you..but doesn't control you.

Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:26 am

Well, I would definitely date a guy with less money cause for me what really matters is that the guy should be kind, funny, helpful and most importantly loyal.

Thu Aug 18, 2011 11:48 pm

Of course. My husband and I had a baby and I don't have a job that time. He has a higher salary than me and then when I applied for a job, mine is higher than him and he doesn't mind. I don't make him feel insecure, because I tell him that my money is also his.

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