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Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:12 pm  |
I just realized that this would be a good place to vent and ask advice on my current situation. I love this site for helping this 35 year old guy stay young:) This a bit of a long story..I met this girl at my company last year, she had been dating aincredible loser. So we start dating, things take off naturally. Come to find out she is one of those girls that cant just let things be and be happy, literally right at a happy peak she turns around and runs back to her ex, for a matter of weeks before realizing how bad she F'd up.
Her ex even came into her company and screamed at her in front of 20 + co-workers..saying things like "You r an F'ing wh&(&*" " I am going to make sure your son hates you..(hes 4)" He had to be escorted out, later on he called the president to try and get her fired and then her parents at their work to tell them what a wh*&(* their daughter is.Long story short, after getting back together, this was supposed to be the real deal, she literally took off again at the high point and forced my hand to break up with her (she obviously wanted it) all the while she had this guy in the wings waiting.
She lies, cheats, and then doesnt face it, no responsibility for her actions. And I feel pretty weak that i cant stop focusing on the time she was good.Its pretty disruptive, what is a woman's take on this???? |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:46 pm |
Hi fly0684! I don't know if I'm going to be of much help to you, but this woman sounds like she has major personal issues to work out. She obviously has little to no respect for herself since she'd even think about getting back with someone who treated her that way, not to mention probably some major insecurity issues. If I were you I'd avoid her like the plague and find a woman that not only respects herself, but respects her relationship with you not to EVER leave you hanging like that. Good luck!  |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 1:49 pm |
| it's obvious she doesn't have any self esteem in regards to her constantly going back to her ex especially when it's emotional abuse. i think there are some people that can't break free from an abusive relationship no matter how bad they are being treated. But it also seems like when she's at a happy moment, she's scared and goes back to her ex. i was wondering, is the ex the father of her 4 yr old son? if that's the case than that may be a major factor too. relationships are frustrating at times. i think your lucky that your no longer with her because it seems like a cycle that never ends plus the ex doesn't seem to be going anywhere either and she doesn't want to give him up. you don't want to get caught up in that dysfunctional relationship either. |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 2:28 pm |
| Hi! Definitely ditch the girl. All signs point to her having tremendous personal issues that will get in the way of a relationship. I don't know why you keep focusing on her. You may have had some good times with her but obviously they didn't last. She's all messed up. She needs therapy. I think you should look for someone more stable and who will make you happy and not miserable. |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 3:10 pm |
| It sounds like she and her ex have some unresolved issues. I think it'd be best to extricate yourself from the situation. You might even have to face up to the fact she was using you to make her ex jealous. There's a lot of good people out there, and she doesn't sound like one. Move on and be happy! |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 3:25 pm |
| This girl has issues and you deserve better then that. Just move on and ask more women out on a date. Forget about the "girls". Women are more mature & self confident. |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 3:41 pm |
| You deserve better than to be treated like this!! It may hurt right now, but move on and focus on other things. Take a class, take up a new sport, etc. just to make yourself feel good. In the meantime, you could meet someone who will treat you with RESPECT. This woman did not. Don't settle for less! You don't want to spend the rest of your life on an emotional rollar coaster not knowing if she truly loves you, do you? |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 3:51 pm |
| Assuming this isn't a wind up, steer well clear, but maybe stay friends. If you love her, nothing will work til she sorts out the psycho ex and if you don't then you are just confusing the issue |
_________________
my new jewellery website:www.gentle-medusa.com |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 3:55 pm |
| I agree with the previous posters about this woman's lack of self-esteem. Often, women like this believe they deserve abusive men. When they actually meet someone who treats them well, they deliberately sabotage that relationship in a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of way and go back to the abuse again. At some point in her life, the lightbulb might go on and she'll wake up - but at 35 you don't have that kind of time to wait around |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 4:03 pm |
| For sure this gal has issues with self esteem. She sounds like a drama queen, who would rather run back to issues, problems and turmoil, instead of putting the past behind her. Some people are just like this. They like the constant attention from arguments, issues and unresolved conflict. Sometimes they make it for themselves. I say run. You see the stuff it has caused at her place of employement. Why would you want to be in the middle of this. Just when you would find yourself happy, she would do something to destroy it. Take it from me, who has had friends like this (I don't get it). You need someone who is loving and caring (we all do), that wants peace. Life is already difficult enough |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 4:54 pm |
| fly0684 wrote: |
she had been dating aincredible loser. So we start dating, things take off naturally. Come to find out she is one of those girls that cant just let things be and be happy, literally right at a happy peak she turns around and runs back to her ex, for a matter of weeks before realizing how bad she F'd up.
she literally took off again at the high point and forced my hand to break up with her (she obviously wanted it) all the while she had this guy in the wings waiting.
She lies, cheats, and then doesnt face it, no responsibility for her actions. And I feel pretty weak that i cant stop focusing on the time she was good.Its pretty disruptive, what is a woman's take on this???? |
I'll be brief. When you go out with someone make sure they are actually available. With an ex in the wings she isn't. Move onto someone who is available. |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 4:55 pm |
Thanks for the posts. I agree i need to forget it, she just did a good job on me showing me her good side, which i am coming to terms with that she is not good at all. The problem is me now, i shouldnt even care. She is vile, the girl doesnt care about anyones feelings unless she wants attention from u. She lied about getting back with this guy, she was already working him back into the picture while trying to keep me telling me things like "i love you so much" and "Im not interested in anyone else"
She went to the movies with me since we broke up, hard for me due to feelings and ended up making out with me (meanwhile shes with him). I just called her out on this, after her littl 180 she pulled this weekend and she replied "YOU kissed me!!" lol. Just doesnt want to face herself, now she wants to pretend shes good. This ex isnt even the father of her son,its really dissapointing that she would even allow that guy around her son. I do date a lot lately, sometimes it makes me feel worse, but the truth is I really havent loss much. As someone already said, a rollercoaster relationship is not fun.. |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 5:28 pm |
| Oh and i understand about the ex being in the wings but this is since last August. She just makes sure she ALWAYS has something to run too. She is pretty evil and the more i write vent about it the more I realize it. |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 6:03 pm |
| The chica is baaaad news. Since we've done such a good job of keeping you young, I trust you can run fast. DO IT! Get as far away from her as you can or you're in for one hell of a lot of misery... |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 6:08 pm |
Plenty of fish in the sea  ... |
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Tue Aug 08, 2006 6:13 pm |
| I agree...stay away. Someone like that is poison to the relationship and you. |
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Wed Aug 09, 2006 6:50 am |
| I just want to add: for sure stay away from her but also stay away from her "mentally." Meaning, don't let your thoughts focus on her at all even if it's to focus on the evil side of her which would help justify your break from her. If your thoughts go to this woman they will just have a snowballing effect, making you think more and more of her. It's best to just detach yourself completely from this woman mentally and physically. |
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Wed Aug 09, 2006 8:25 pm |
| Thanks leeleedeedee, thats exactly what im trying to do. I just wish people were honest from the get go about themselves.. |
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Thu Aug 10, 2006 5:19 am |
You're welcome, fly0684. Yes, there are many dishonest people out there. I have had more than my share of dishonest men. They, too, play alot of games. You have to learn to read between the lines and look all around for red flags.
I know you've been hurt. So sorry for that. Hope someone "honest" will soon come your way. |
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Thu Aug 10, 2006 12:11 pm |
A woman's take on it? Well here's my answer not too sure if you really want to hear it though.
She doesn't just need to sort things out so do YOU. Why are you attracted to her since you write that she's evil, uses people, lies etc... Maybe you have issues as well if you find people like that attractive.
They're BOTH losers! Her and the ex boyfriend. They are clearly both grossly immature and pathetic and in truth deserve each other and all the drama that entails. I feel for the child, poor thing having a mother like that. Is the ex the father?
Why are you wasting your time with her and this entire situation? Do you think that it will magically get better? She sounds like a disaster waiting to happen and at best a total flake. You're far better off without her and the emotional rollercoaster that she obviously puts you on. You ought to be celebrating that you got out of this relationship with your dignity in tact. Nobody needs poisonous people like her in their lives. Say "good riddance" and don't look back. |
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Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:36 pm |
What I usually tell people in cases like this is, if your brother, best friend or person you cared about most (besides your SO) had this same sitch happen to him and said, "What should I do," how would you answer?
Now do that.
It's terribly hard. I know. Which is exactly why you have to step outside yourself and start seeing the forest in spite of the trees, so to speak.
She lies, cheats, and then doesnt face it, no responsibility for her actions.
That's really your answer right there.
Hope it works out. Best,
T |
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