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Torn ~ My bf doesn't want to celebrate his 40th bday....
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bkkgirl
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 11:48 am      Reply with quote
Should I respect his wishes and ignore his bday totally this year, or do I sneak around his back and throw him a party anyway?????????
Lucia
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 11:58 am      Reply with quote
Well don't ignore it - make a fuss of him and tell him he's gorgeous and generally spoil him silly.
BUT If you are sure he really means he doesn't want to have a party then don't do it! I have a good few years to go before I hit the big 40 but I have told my OH that if he throws me a party I will be really upset and I meant it! If he went behind my back I'd feel he had betrayed the trust I've placed in him.
If on the other hand he normally likes a party and isn't really sensitive about turning 40, how about a small gathering of his closest friends/family - go out for a nice meal or something?

(Anyway - I'm not ever going to turn 40 - I'm going to be thirtyten so Nur Nur neee Nur NurLOL Laughing !)

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bkkgirl
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 12:05 pm      Reply with quote
Thank you, Lucia. I think he meant it. He said if he got any present, he would throw them away, so guess what I will not be buying for him!

A friend of mine told me I had to throw a big party for him since it's tradition, and that's why I am torn.

I have never thrown him a party before, but always just invited his closest friends to go celebrate at a restaurant with us. So I guess this year, it would just be him and me, and no presents! I guess I understand how he feels. I am never turning 40 either. I told everyone that once a woman hits 35, she starts to go back in time, so the next b-day is 34, etc.
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 12:58 pm      Reply with quote
I wouldn't throw a party if he really seems to not want it, BUT I would do something small for him ... just the two of you. Maybe a nice dinner, a small gift. I hate parties for ME, BUT if people take it to heart and don't end up doing something little atleast, then I'm kinda a little peeved. Hahaha.
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:05 pm      Reply with quote
My SO is exactly the same, what I normally do is show him he is being spoilt in more of a subtle way.
I normally cook him dinner like I normally do but make sure it is something I know he will like such as Steak with salad and homemade potato chips, warm crusty bread and crack open a nice bottle of wine.
Maybe a little choc muffin with a candle is as far as I push it.
Rent out a film he has wanted to see in a while or get yourself some new saucy underwear and present yourself as a present, he can't throw your underwear away and will be touched you thought of him.
It's just basic cunning, 2 male favorite things they can't resist Wink
But whatever you do don't throw a party, it would be my SO's idea of hell if I did something like that, I think he would find himself a new girlfriend!!
He also goes hates me wasting money on cards and if he is buying gifts hates to be suprised, would rather buy it himself.
We should really take a leaf out of their book Laughing

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Winnie
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:07 pm      Reply with quote
If he does not want a party for his 40th respect his wishes. However, do something very special for him.

My son turned 40 in January. He told his wife he did not want a party. She decided to take him to New York City for the weekend (they live in PA). They had a quiet romantic weekend together. My son loved it.

A couple of years ago I had a milestone birthday. No way did I want a party and a big deal made of it. My family respected my wishes. It did not bother me celebrating a BIG birthday. I just don't like all that attention and fussing.
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:08 pm      Reply with quote
Have a nice dinner with just the 2 of you, give him sex and make sure not to bring up his bday. I can understand where your man is comming from. If he saids he doesn't want to acknowledge his bday this year then do that for him.
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:26 pm      Reply with quote
Just have to pop in to tell you ladies --

FORTY IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Gad, it's not even the beginning of the end of the world.
Laughing

To the older (read: SMARTER, STRONGER, WISER) among you, you sound like a bunch of teeny-boppers, despairing of turning 21.

Hype. It's all hype. And idiotic. Please.

I was often miserable in my 20's and 3o's -- and feared getting older, and uglier, and fat, and undesireable.

It just don't have to be so. PLUS, when you are NOT ugly, fat, or undesrieable, you get much more credit! LOL Those who become the aforementioned do so because they have given up on themselves, and on Life. I do not judge them, I had several years in there when I was the same. Life beats you down, sometimes.

As for the original question. The man knows what he wants, and he told you. Why in the world would you not give it to him? The friend who said he needs a party because "it's tradition" will feel old and ugly and fat and undesireable because "it's tradition." (Another way of saying "it's expected." Rolling Eyes )

Good Lord. Ask me a hard one now.

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BCgirl
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:30 pm      Reply with quote
well i guess he is feeling "old"
you should do something little and nice for him anyhow... turning older doesnt have to be a death sentence!
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:42 pm      Reply with quote
Sidda wrote:
Just have to pop in to tell you ladies --

FORTY IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Gad, it's not even the beginning of the end of the world.
Laughing

To the older (read: SMARTER, STRONGER, WISER) among you, you sound like a bunch of teeny-boppers, despairing of turning 21.

Hype. It's all hype. And idiotic. Please.
....
As for the original question. The man knows what he wants, and he told you. Why in the world would you not give it to him? The friend who said he needs a party because "it's tradition" will feel old and ugly and fat and undesireable because "it's tradition." (Another way of saying "it's expected." Rolling Eyes )


Hear Hear Hear!!! Sidda you took the words out of my mouth! Haven't you lot heard that 40 is the new 20! Trust me turning 40 - I came into my own - A woman with purpose and an inner knowing that only comes with time. As Sidda said - smarter, stronger, wiser and then some!

Let him celebrate 40 his way - just make it a special moment. And please if he is sensitive about turning 40, do not let him think that you think turning 40 is like taking a trip to the depths of hell! Laughing Laughing

Good luck Very Happy
bkkgirl
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 2:02 pm      Reply with quote
You all gave me GREAT advice! Thank you.

My bf is so bad at b-day, and he even forgot my b-day last year (mine is just a month after his). So I was wondering if he'd have preferred that I forgot his b-day. Guys are hard to please!
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 2:23 pm      Reply with quote
Sidda, you rock girl!

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katee
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 2:38 pm      Reply with quote
I've always felt that birthday parties are for kids, but some people love them, want them, etc.... I'm not one of them. If he doesn't want a party, screw what your friends say. Some people say they don't want their birthday fussed over, but they really do. Ugh. I HATE that. But, he's your lover - I'm sure you know the difference.

I would do something very private and very special for him. My bf's 40th is this week. Don't plan on seeing me that evening or the next morning, for that matter Wink
bkkgirl
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 2:45 pm      Reply with quote
katee wrote:
I've always felt that birthday parties are for kids, but some people love them, want them, etc.... I'm not one of them. If he doesn't want a party, screw what your friends say. Some people say they don't want their birthday fussed over, but they really do. Ugh. I HATE that. But, he's your lover - I'm sure you know the difference.

I would do something very private and very special for him. My bf's 40th is this week. Don't plan on seeing me that evening or the next morning, for that matter Wink


Yeah, I myself never had a b-day party, except when my girlfriend did a bbq for me two years ago, and she is a party lover. I don't believe in bday parties either, and wasn't expecting to give him one, but thought I was going to do the same like the last two years we've been together, which was to invite his close friends to go out to dinner with us. The first year I took him to the Dodgers game, and after that I cooked Thai food for dinner, and his two best friends showed up at my house to surprise him. He loved that. Then we all went out to a movie. Last year was more low key. We just went to dinner with his best friend and his gf. So I guess he meant no celebration or any recognition whatsoever! As in....I forgot your bday last year, so do the same for me this year, and this is what is a bit difficult for me to do.

Yeah, my friend who suggested throwing him a party would probably make us break up if I were crazy enough to do as suggested.
salli
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 2:53 pm      Reply with quote
My DH HATES birthday parties. He loves it when I make him a very special dinner - just the two of us or take him someplace really special. My life experience has been that most men do not like birthday parties for themselves. Some just tolerate it better than others.

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bkkgirl
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 3:05 pm      Reply with quote
Ok, so definitely no party!

Should I respect his wishes and IGNORE his bday altogether? No presents? He said he'd throw away any present given him for his b-day.
salli
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 3:22 pm      Reply with quote
Well, why don't you ask him if he would like for you to fix him a nice dinner - just the two of you?

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~*Beru*~
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 3:35 pm      Reply with quote
bkkgirl wrote:
Ok, so definitely no party!

Should I respect his wishes and IGNORE his bday altogether? No presents? He said he'd throw away any present given him for his b-day.


yes
bkkgirl
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 3:43 pm      Reply with quote
I just checked the calendar. His actual bday is on Monday, so I think on Sunday, I will cook him breakfast while he's still sleeping and bring him his breakfast in bed. He seems to like my ham & cheese omlette. So maybe that will have to do, and I won't mention the word birthday at all.
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 4:04 pm      Reply with quote
This year my husband wanted a birthday party (55) and I wasn't too motivated to throw him one - so he gave himself one and it was fabulous.

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bkkgirl
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 4:05 pm      Reply with quote
Penelope wrote:
This year my husband wanted a birthday party (55) and I wasn't too motivated to throw him one - so he gave himself one and it was fabulous.


Wow, that's wonderful that he wanted one and gave himself one. That's the kind of guy who knows what he wants and goes after it! Smile
marci65
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 4:46 pm      Reply with quote
I would do something very special, just the 2 of you and not do a party. I'm sure he will appreciate anything that you do together, even though he may feel like denying beforehand.
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 5:59 pm      Reply with quote
C, you've gotten some really good advice here from the girls. Don't throw him a party. He's just being a brat by saying he'd throw away any gifts you give him, but on the off chance that he's serious, don't buy him anything serious (spend the $ on lash serums!) - instead, go to the local Frederick's of Hollywood and buy him a funny guy thong and make him wear it! He can't help but laugh at that! A nice card with b-fast in bed or a nice dinner sounds like about all the "celebrating" he'd be able to tolerate. I'd tell him in the card that yes, indeed, 40 is the new 30 and that it truly is a number, nothing at all to be depressed about, and that no matter what age he is or thinks he is, you think he's simply fabulous!

BTW, Sidda, of course, ROCKS!
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 6:01 pm      Reply with quote
Yes. I think you should respect his wishes. Maybe he's getting through a phase of feeling old. You should try taking him out to a peaceful romantic dinner instead. Maybe he'll love that! Smile
bkkgirl
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Mon Feb 12, 2007 6:53 pm      Reply with quote
He always has a thing about getting old. Oh well, I love him, so I have to bear with some minor hmm...WHATEVER! Smile
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