| Author |
Message |
|
|
 |
Sun Feb 18, 2007 9:44 pm  |
The combination of guapagirl's drama queen competition and the fact that I ran into an old "acquaintance" at the supermarket tonite has led me to recount this tale....
About 18 months ago, I came home to find the house in total disarray. The only conclusion I could draw was that someone had broken in. There didn't seem to be any obvious sign of a break in, but I have 4 separate entrances.
I'm licensed to carry a firearm (job related) and trained to use it. I very carefully made my way upstairs. All my bravado evaporated instantaneously when I saw the largest raccoon I had ever seen perched on the drapery rod in my bedroom. (We later learned that he came in via the fireplace...)
You have got to understand something. I'm a NYC girl. I do alot better with thugs and muggers and such than I do with wild animals! Hell, I never even saw a pig alive and in person until I was 26! I went COMPLETELY bonkers!!! I was way past hysterical when I called 911. In fact, I think I must have been somewhat incoherent. Had I been calmer, when the dispatcher asked me, "Ma'am, is he still in the house?" I would have made clear that "he" was a raccoon.
By the time I made it back downstairs and out the front door, 3 squad cars raced up to the house. I was still hysterical when I pointed to the front door and told the police which room he was in. Shaking my head.... They moved in with their guns drawn. Needless to say, they were not at all pleased with me when they discovered that my intruder was a big, fat raccoon. 
I was in shock when they told me there was nothing they could do!!! Finally, one of the younger guys took pity on me cause I was so distressed and gave me the phone number of an outfit that deals with this sort of thing. Even though he was chuckling the whole time, I was VERY grateful. My bf was on the West Coast at the time and I really had no idea what to do.
When these people arrived with all their paraphernalia, the first thing they did was ask me if I had peanut butter and brownies (I thought they were hungry...  ). I had peanut butter and chocolate cake, which they said would do. They proceeded up to my bedroom and placed a "trap" which was really just a big cage with the peanut butter and cake inside. They closed the door and told me they'd be back the next day!!!
State of shock number two!!! That was my bedroom!!! AND my bathroom!!!! They just shrugged and said they'd be back. I told myself it wasn't THAT bad. It wasn't the only room that I had clothes in, and I have more than one bathroom...
The next day, they came back as promised. The raccoon had eaten the peanut butter and cake but was NOT in the trap. Sooooo, they put more goodies in there and again told me they'd be back.
This went on for four days!!! This damn raccoon was no dope. Hell, he probably had never eaten so well. The cop who had given me the number of the trappers came back a few times to check and see how I was doing. He clearly was thoroughly amused by the whole thing and got a kick out of how distraught I was. I figured he was building up an arsenal of stories about the crazy chick with the raccoon in her bedroom, but I was still happy to see him whenever he came over, mainly cause it was another opportunity to implore him to be a hero and go upstairs and shoot the raccoon.
On day 5, I worked up the nerve to peek in and opened the door just a crack. There he was literally swinging on one of my antique Italian beaded chandeliers that I had dragged across the continent. It was the LAST straw. I called the trapper people and told them (at a very high volume) that I had had it and that if they didn't get the friggin raccoon OUT of my bedroom I was gonna blow it away!
They came right over - this time with what looked like heavy duty butterfly nets. They put on all this protective gear, grabbed their nets, went in, and closed the door. After what sounded like WWIII, one of them called out to me to open the back door and stand away. They came out with the monster ensnared in the net, and took him out back.
About 15 minutes later, they came back in and told me that they had very good news for me. I waited for it breathlessly  . Pffffft - the good news was that the raccoon was ok. I did NOT care that he was okay. In fact, I wanted to strangle him (except for the fact that I was too scared to touch him  ). When I walked upstairs to reclaim my bedroom, I thought I would die. The reason why it sounded like WWIII was cause it clearly WAS WWIII. Both my bedroom and the bathroom were total disasters. My drapes were ripped. Everything had been thrown off the shelves. Pictures were crooked. And, all that peanut butter and cake..... Well, use your imagination.
It took the professional cleaning service all day to clean up. The drapes were NOT salvageable.
But the monster raccoon lived happily ever after
Anyway, what led me to recount this tale of woe was that I was on the checkout line at the market this afternoon and this guy came up to me. It was the cop. I didn't recognize him. (1) He was out of uniform; (2) I wasn't entirely lucid during our encounters. When he reminded me who he was, I told him how the tale finally ended (when I got done blushing furiously). This time he didn't just chuckle. He guffawed.
the end |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Feb 18, 2007 10:29 pm |
Katee, that is really a great story---thanks for making me laugh! It reminds me of the time in college when I was held hostage for 3 days by a HUGE wasp in my apartment living room. I could not get up the guts to run through the room to reach the front door! And my bf (who is, unbelieveably now my husband) was on a camping trip.
I shudder to think how I would have reacted if my intruder was furry and walked on all fours! |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Feb 18, 2007 10:48 pm |
Katee,
it is a hilarious story, even though I am sure it did not feel so at the time.
I wish you no more furry suitors,
Lucy. |
_________________
Early 50s, Skin: combin.,semi-sensitive, fair with occasional breakouts, some old acne scars, freckles, under-eye wrinkles; Redhead with hazel eyes |
|
|
|
|
Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:01 pm |
Oh my gosh Katee that is so funny! I can only imagine their expressions bursting into your bedroom to find a racoon ... I guess he was still sort of a masked intruder!  I'm sure it did suck at the time though ... and the mess! Hoy! Glad you can find some humour in it now.  |
|
|
|
|
|
Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:13 pm |
gosh that's a wonderful story to recount 
how big can a raccoon get? i had the idea they were small cute furry creatures  |
_________________
normal to combination skin that is sensitive. cheeks have large, visible pores and flush very easily. most SAs tell me "dehydrated on the outside, oily on the inside"! |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:15 am |
Raccoons are HUGE. Like 60-70 pounds. I know this because there are two now terrorizing my neighborhood. One attacked my cat, who obviously happened upon it at an inopportune time. My cat pooped all over himself. And the next day a neighbor brought him home -- he was very weakly lying on her front mat (she is his favorite neighbor). I finally found a huge puncture wound on a back paw. No doubt a "canine tooth" of the coon as Scootz tried to escape. Badly infected. I nursed Scootz with hydrogen peroxide and amoxycillin. Now he's fine.
I thought at the time he was attacked by the neighborhood bully cat. I went to have a word with that cat's parents. They showed me that Bulldog (the cat) had also been attacked, and had a huge abcess on his neck. He is now totally scared to go outside. And Bulldog does not intimidate easily.
Tonight I saw Bulldog's dad at the store and he said he and his gf heard two raccoons at 3 a.m., either mating or fighting in the alley between our houses. It apparnetly went on for hours. They finally chased them off. He said they were huMONgous.
I've seen several over the years. They are very pear-shaped. And not cuddly at all. Apparently the female of this tribe has two babies -- which would make it downright ferocious.
Don't you just luuuv urban living??
Ths reminds me of one of my very favorite "This American Life" (NPR) segments. About the police officers trying to rid a house of a squirrel. Anyone know that story? Hilarious. A true classic! |
_________________
tenderlovingwork.com, astonishing handmade gifts |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:33 am |
| snowstar wrote: |
gosh that's a wonderful story to recount
how big can a raccoon get? i had the idea they were small cute furry creatures |
There used to be a family of raccoons that lived outside my aunt's home. The mother raccoon was huge.. And ugly. 
Katee- Thank GOD they finally got rid of the raccoon! UGH..  |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:50 am |
 No can tell a story quite like you Katee!
Not that I'm happy for what you had to endure, but being 1 of those officers who respond to such calls I know exactly the snickers and grins you got that day.
I respond to 'vicous animal' calls all the time. Probably my all time favorite (though I have quite a few) was the call of the 'vicious cat'. Uh yea - lights n sirens on that one!
I was working alone that night, I told the dispatcher I think I could handle the cat solo.
I pull up to the house and am met by a hystarical mother & equally hystarical 4 daughters are all literally jumping up & down screaming about the cat that let itself into the house.
At this point, based on their actions I'm tempted to call for an assist. The way they were acting I thought maybe a circus lion escaped from Ringling Brothers! But, instead I decide to check it out 1st before calling the troops.
I go into the house, mom is right behind me literally holding onto the back of my coat squealing. The 4 daughters are also in tow. I walk in - OMG, you woulda thought a gorilla rampaged thru the house!! Furniture upended, sofas and chairs blocking doorways. It's at this point mom tells me she 'thinks' she trapped it in the living room behind a china cabinet. Mom now has her broom back in her hand and the girls each had a weapon of choice ( a large doll I recall was one of them ). I get down on my hands n knees and go to the back end of the cabinet they had turned on an angle, yep the cat was in there.
About all 8 months old of it and shaking like a leaf.
I was smirking before, but now I'm literally biting the insides of my cheeks to not bust out laughing. I can understand paralyzing fears (for those of you who read my moth post you know what I mean). I reach back & grab the kitten by it's scruff and pull it out. They ALL start screaming bloody murder.
The poor cat? It promptly climbed into my coat and buried it's head under my armpit. Problem solved.
The mom & girls seem ever so relieved but stayed way away from me as I walk out the front door. As I'm leaving - Dad is bolting up the stairs by 2's thinking he's coming home to some catastrophe. He asks 'what happened, is everyone ok?'. Apparently all he heard on the phone was screaming. I assured him everyone was fine & I had the offender in custody. He's looking around but sees noone but me & an empty squad car. I then pull open my coat and show him the cat who is calming down as it had now crawled into my sleeve and seemed pretty comfortable. He rolls his eyes and starts to laugh.
I bid him a good evening & finished out my tour with the kitten riding shotgun with me the rest of the tour.
That night at check off, 1 of the girls from midnights took the cat home.
Even funnier was about 6 months later I get a 'vicous animal' call at the same address. I'm thinking - no way. But - sure enough. turns out someone had dumped an unwanted mama pitbull and her puppy in their backyard. This problem I solved with a leash I keep in my bag and leftover pizza my partner & I had in the car from dinner.
Oh, how big do raccoons get? HUGE!!!
Raccoons - Quick Facts
Source:
Northwest Outdoor Photography
Scientific Name: Procyon lotor
Weight: males - 6-8 kg.(13-17lbs.) females - 4 kg. (9lbs.)Though being so furry they look ALOT bigger.
Total Length: about 80 cm (2.5 ft)
Life Span: 3-5 years in the wild. However, Raccoons have been known to live more than 15 years.
And they can be REALLY mean lil buggars too! |
_________________
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:01 am |
sidda, i'm glad Scootz is fine and managed to escape from the 2 raccoons. is he afraid to go out now though? poor baby.
ouch! raccoons grow up to 60 to 70 pounds? i've only seen them on cartoons, tv and as a toy. i had the impression they were cute little things with striped tails.
i wouldn't want to face a 60 to 70 pound monster ANY DAY. |
_________________
normal to combination skin that is sensitive. cheeks have large, visible pores and flush very easily. most SAs tell me "dehydrated on the outside, oily on the inside"! |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:07 am |
| Oh Katee, that is so funny although I'm sure it took you a while to be able to see the funny side of it! Candy, I'm picturing you riding in the cop car with your vicious cat predator also - so cute! |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:14 am |
Candy8865, 13-17 pounds is about the size of a fat cat!
gosh, i didn't know one can call 911 for incidents for an animal in the house. haha, i don't think the officers here will be pleased if i tried that! They don't even come to the a car accident scene if no one is injured.
i'm very glad to meet a female trooper finally  |
_________________
normal to combination skin that is sensitive. cheeks have large, visible pores and flush very easily. most SAs tell me "dehydrated on the outside, oily on the inside"! |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:15 am |
| fifi wrote: |
| Oh Katee, that is so funny although I'm sure it took you a while to be able to see the funny side of it! Candy, I'm picturing you riding in the cop car with your vicious cat predator also - so cute! |
i wonder what the mum had to say to her husband after he burst out laughing! |
_________________
normal to combination skin that is sensitive. cheeks have large, visible pores and flush very easily. most SAs tell me "dehydrated on the outside, oily on the inside"! |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:18 am |
No?!!? I'm gobsmacked!! LOL! So funny. A little ol' raccoon, but they're so cute and cuddly. How can you be scared of one of those.  |
|
|
Mabsy
Moderator
 
Joined: 17 Aug 2003
Posts: 9644
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:24 am |
| That's hilarious, though I'm sure it wasn't at the time, and not when you were given the bill. I had no idea what raccoons looked like so I googled. My first impression was "awww, so cute!" but then I had a mental image of it dangling from a chandelier... Not so cute anymore! |
_________________
45, NW20, combination skin |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:52 am |
So you are up for nomination then Katee.
Candy,
I work with a woman who is terrified of cats. She thinks they are devil incarnate. She wouldn't enter a house if one was in there.
Sidda
I am glad your cat is ok now. |
_________________
50, happy reluma user started 16.6.12 original formula. PMD user. started LouLou's ageless regime. |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 4:28 am |
Katee, I understand how you felt but what a funny story! I wonder if a possum is the Oz equivalent of a racoon, never heard of a possum belting up a cat though.
Candy, with your job you would come across some really hilarious situations and undoubtedly some that are anything but hilarious.
Love the stories, keep them coming. |
|
|
Mabsy
Moderator
Joined: 17 Aug 2003
Posts: 9644
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:05 am |
| kalegr wrote: |
| Katee, I understand how you felt but what a funny story! I wonder if a possum is the Oz equivalent of a racoon, never heard of a possum belting up a cat though. |
I've had it happen (came in through a cat door) but it was nothing in comparison to Katee's story (unless it simply wasn't an energetic one). We found it on the kitchen bench happily eating bread.... Looking at pics of the raccoon, possums are significantly smaller. |
_________________
45, NW20, combination skin |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:56 am |
| Mabsy wrote: |
| That's hilarious, though I'm sure it wasn't at the time, and not when you were given the bill. I had no idea what raccoons looked like so I googled. My first impression was "awww, so cute!" but then I had a mental image of it dangling from a chandelier... Not so cute anymore! |
grin. i'm glad i'm not the only person who thought raccoons were cuddly! |
_________________
normal to combination skin that is sensitive. cheeks have large, visible pores and flush very easily. most SAs tell me "dehydrated on the outside, oily on the inside"! |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:12 am |
I'm glad Scootz recovered! (great name for a kitty btw).
My house backs up onto a state park, so I have a whole compendium of critter stories. Sometimes, it really is just me overreacting because I grew up in NYC and am used to critters of a different sort ( I'm a FEARLESS coackroach warrior ), but raccoons can be very nasty.
One thing I learned about them is that they have hands that look very much like hairy human hands with a truly bad manicure! They have incredible dexterity, so reaching into your trash can, and tearing everything apart looking for goodies is all in a day's work for them.
Candy, what a funny story! I'm sure most police and firefighters have their own tales to tell. But, I still don't know how I feel about being part of the folklore of my local precinct |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:14 am |
My husband trashes our home every morning. Maybe he's part raccoon.
Next time call Critter Gitter.
The End |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:31 am |
| m.april wrote: |
My husband trashes our home every morning. Maybe he's part raccoon.
|
Hmmmm could be. Is he furry and ugly? |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:35 am |
| m.april wrote: |
My husband trashes our home every morning. Maybe he's part raccoon.
Next time call Critter Gitter.
The End |
 |
_________________
normal to combination skin that is sensitive. cheeks have large, visible pores and flush very easily. most SAs tell me "dehydrated on the outside, oily on the inside"! |
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:36 am |
VERY well written, Katee!! I needed a good bellylaugh!
Pudoodles |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:46 am |
Great story! Love to look at the little critters but would be horrified if one got in my house.  |
|
|
|
|
|
Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:57 am |
| Great story Katee! I shared it with my kids this morning as they're getting ready for school -- they loved it! |
|
|
|
|
| Tue Jul 08, 2025 9:03 am |
If this is your first visit to the EDS Forums please take the time to register. Registration is required for you to post on the forums. Registration will also give you the ability to track messages of interest, send private messages to other users, participate in Gift Certificates draws and enjoy automatic discounts for shopping at our online store. Registration is free and takes just a few seconds to complete.
Click Here to join our community.
If you are already a registered member on the forums, please login to gain full access to the site. |
|
 |
|
