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Thu Feb 22, 2007 4:07 pm  |
Sam de Brito is a regular blog columnist with the Sydney Morning Herald. I thought this piece that he wrote was particularly funny and decided to post it:
The 80 per cent relationship
If I'm going to be famous for anything it will be for this sentence: "I'm looking for a woman who can make me think, make me laugh and make me come."
I don't care if you Google it and find someone dead who wrote it before me, I'm claiming ownership because, aside from being the very essence of a good relationship, those words have haunted me my whole adult life and prompted the dismantling of at least half a dozen perfectly good 80 per cent relationships.
What's an 80 per cent relationship, you ask? Well, for me it usually plays out like this: she's good looking, zany but kinda stupes. Or she's funny as hell, bright but has a few head weirdnesses ... or cankles.
You know what I mean (and you're lying if you say you don't) ... it's almost all there, except for that teeny, tiny piece of the puzzle, that certain je ne sais quoi* that makes you hesitant to gargle their genitals or purchase white goods together ...
I had this discussion with one of my exes last week, who was closer to a 90 per cent relationship: smart, extremely stylish, funny, very beautiful, kind, loving, thoughtful, maternal, a doer, a transcendent shag - although if we married, we'd have killed each other with 15-inch carving knives in the driveway because of the arguments.
"You're complaining about 80 per cent? You're an idiot," she said, showing her usual respect for my relationship theories. "Most marriages are lucky if they're 50 per cent."
Which illustrates perfectly why she put up with me; low expectations.
Nonetheless, the 80 per cent relationship** can be hugely seductive because there's so much more right with it than there is wrong; you tote up all the person's attributes, all the good reasons why you should be happy with what you have and yet, still, you're gazing out at the horizon like a kid at the Easter Show wondering what's next?
The big indicator, I reckon, is when you're telling other people all the reasons why you should be satisfied with the 80 per cent relationship and your friend shoots back: "Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?"
What I want to know is whether settling for an 80 per cent relationship is the real reason behind the current carnage of divorce or whether 80 per cent relationships have always been the norm, and people just put up with them in times past?
Is hoping for a 100 per cent relationship a recipe for unhappiness or a subconscious get-out-of-jail clause allowing perpetual singledom?
They say narcissists will always find fault with a partner, because they believe no one is truly good enough for them. So maybe the search for perceived perfection in a partner is just the wanker's way out of intimacy?
I'm sure you won't hold back with your opinions, so let me just finish with the words of a man whom, I believe, is always 100 per cent there in his relationships, even if it's just because he's 60 kilograms heavier than his partner: Meatloaf.
I want you
I need you
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad
*When I used to work as a script editor for certain television dramas, I used to HATE it when poncey writers would come in and use French expressions I'd have no freakin' idea what they meant. Now I've learned some two-dollar French, I'm doing it all the time, just because I've spent so much time staring at verbs in textbooks and I wanna sound all sophisticamated. I apologise.
**For all you maths freaks out there (and sweet baby Jesus didn't they come out the woodwork with the perfect heist post?) I know that two out of three ends up at 66.6 recurring, but sometimes you can be with someone who makes you laugh and come, and only kinda makes you think. Or the sex is great and they're very smart and they only kinda make you laugh, which is better than not making you laugh at all. All of which seems a little more than 66.6 per cent. So I went with 80.
http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/allmenareliars/archives/2007/02/the_80_percent_relationship.html |
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Thu Feb 22, 2007 4:20 pm |
| I'm 100%. I'm perfect. What can I say? hehe J/K |
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Thu Feb 22, 2007 5:07 pm |
The 80 per cent relationship
If I'm going to be famous for anything it will be for this sentence: "I'm looking for a woman who can make me think, make me laugh and make me come."
[quote]
I can always make a man think, make a man laugh, and make a man come 
So am I perfect? I wouldn't say so but I think I am 100% to my DH |
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Simple but No Simplier...Approaching late 20s, Normal/Combination Skin, Rarely Breakout now but have some old acne marks, sunspots, & broken caps |
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Thu Feb 22, 2007 5:21 pm |
| I should send this to my sister. Her and her crummy boyfriend she keeps breaking up with and going back out with. |
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Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:33 pm |
This dude sounds really annoying and is probably still attached to his mom's tit.  |
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Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:41 pm |
| ~*Beru*~ wrote: |
| This dude sounds really annoying and is probably still attached to his mom's tit. |
 I bet! |
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Simple but No Simplier...Approaching late 20s, Normal/Combination Skin, Rarely Breakout now but have some old acne marks, sunspots, & broken caps |
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Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:48 pm |
| Wild Cat wrote: |
| ~*Beru*~ wrote: |
| This dude sounds really annoying and is probably still attached to his mom's tit. |
I bet! |
That's hilarious!  |
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| Thu Aug 28, 2025 6:51 pm |
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