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Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:32 pm  |
Hi,
I have a birthday tomorrow, April 22. For at least three years this time is not as happy as it was before. I get really emotional, depressed and sad. I just can't fight these feelings. Tomorrow, I will have to meet with my friends and appear happy, but I am not... The same thing happens around New Year holidays.
Today, my BF asked me why I am so sad and nervous, I tried to explain. He said that I probably feel this way because every year we all get older. Yes, it is partly the cause of my sadness, but there is more...I just feel that I want to run away and hide somewhere.
BF said to me that I'm overreacting, complicating everything in my life and it is not healthy. It is easy to say for him, he just can't wait until his birthday for he likes to get presents too much, like a little kid.
I'm afraid I will not be able to act as a happy birthday girl tomorrow on my party. I don't want to burst with tears in front of everybody. I even planned to find a reason not to come to my own party. I said all that to my BF and he start to laugh in my face. He compared me to a spoiled child. It is too bad he doesn't understand what I feel.
It is a happy time for most of people, and I want to go back, to those days that I felt happiness and joy. |
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Blond, blue eyes.Skin: Normal, sometimes oily, during winter very dry. Very sensitive. Occasional breakouts. Very fair. |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 11:58 pm |
First off, Laral, Happy Birthday ... and I mean that - I really hope you have a happy day.
You've described how you feel about the past several birthdays (and New Year's) but have you been able to determine why you feel that way about them? I suppose you'd have to give a lot of consideration as to what changed and when the change occurred. Your BF is having a hard time understanding because unless you've explained a reason for feeling the way you do, its probably just too ambiguous for him to help you with.
You are not alone. A lot of people have those kinds of scared or panicky feeling around birthdays (and New Year's) - a friend of mine described it as the feeling that time is getting away from her and she hasn't done what she's wanted to do with the time she's been given. She feels like time is "running out" or just going by too fast.
In any case, I think you might find some relief in considering why you feel the way you do vs. mulling over the feelings themselves - if you don't look for a reason for why you feel the way you do and attempt to understand it, you will just cause yourself more stress by going in circles with the idea that you are feeling emotional and depressed. You didn't say how old you are, but things do change as we get older (obviously) and our birthdays just aren't the celebration they used to be when we were younger, other than milestone birthdays (30, 50, etc.).
I do wish you happiness. |
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Sun Apr 22, 2007 5:40 am |
Laral, wish you a very happy birthday! I hope the day and year is great for you in every way.
I hope you feel better after reading what MermaidGirl wrote. It is true, we put too much pressure to have a perfect day on these important yearly events (like b'day, new year's) and also we tend to stock check on our lives and it's progress. If we fall short of our hopes and feel time is running out, we get depressed and despair that we won't now have the time to do those particular things.
The way I have countered my blues is stop regretting about things I have no control over eg. having children. In this particular instance, I got over it by thinking if I want one and not able to reproduce one, I will adopt. The important thing to me is to be a mother and not to give birth physically. I refuse to settle down with someone just so that I can have a child. Anyway, I was talking about my perspective and how I got over the sad feeling that I am getting older and have not yet had a child. I am not implying that the feelings you have currently, are the same as mine.
I do think life is a blessing and I do my best to enjoy my time here and appreciate every day. I take joys from the small things because if I wait for the big things, they rarely happen the way we want them or give us the joy we anticipated they would give us. I take pride in what I do and try to give life my best. That is what gives me joy. I try to enjoy everything I do. I speak my mind and I try not to regret things. As I have got older and more confident of my own self, I do not do things for others, at my cost. If something gives me joy, I do it (for myself or someone else). Above all, I love the way I am and am comfortable and accept my shortcomings. I accept that I nor life is perfect.
Hope you have a good time celebrating. Take care,
Vidisha xx |
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VL |
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Sun Apr 22, 2007 5:42 am |
Wow, someone else feels the same as me. I just thought I was a grumpy old bugger.
I always dread birthdays and New Year these days. As MermaidGirl says about her friend, I feel that time is slipping away from me too.
Although I don't feel bad enough about it to cry, it just puts me on a big downer and I can't show any enthusiasm whatsoever, unlike my friends and family.
Sorry, that probably doesn't help you at all, does it? But at least you know you're not the only one. We're in this together, kiddo.  |
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Sun Apr 22, 2007 10:51 am |
I used to be this way too ... I would HATE my birthdays and be a cranky beeatch the whole day. I think it was a fear of getting older and like others have said, worrying that here I am another year older and yet I haven't accomplished all I think I SHOULD have. But I found it did get better as I got older and realized that sure, I was getting older, but that didn't mean there still wasn't "time" to accomplish things in my life and hey, everyone gets older.
So I hope that with each year, your birthday's will get better for you too. I'm still not the type of person that likes alot of attention on those days, but I've grown to not let the day get to me.
And Happy Birthday.
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Sun Apr 22, 2007 9:58 pm |
Thank you: MermaidGirl, Vidisha Lala, Majorb, and Moonstarr!
MermaidGirl ,you are absolutely right, I feel this way, because I didn't do everything I have planned to do in my life and time is getting away from me. I am a maximalist - everything or nothing! I had a lots of dreams that didn't came true and that bothering me. I do enjoy a little things, I appreciate life, but those expectations that I have and didn't fulfilled make me depressed.
Vidisha Lala , I hope you will get your wish and have a healthy, beautiful baby! That is one of my wishes too. I always wanted to have a child, but it didn't happened yet.
Majorb , it does helps to know that someone understands what you are going through.
Moonstarr , I hope I will also learn how to control my emotions and not to feel despair about something that I can't control.
Thank you very much for your support, it really helps! Life is very short and it is important to enjoy it instead of obsessing on what went wrong, because we can't change what is already done, we can only learn from the mistakes and hopefully not repeat them. |
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Blond, blue eyes.Skin: Normal, sometimes oily, during winter very dry. Very sensitive. Occasional breakouts. Very fair. |
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Mon Apr 23, 2007 5:33 am |
I feel a similar way when it comes to my own birthday. To be honest, I don't put a lot of importance into my birthday. I tell my mom that if the government didn't need to know my age, I honestly wouldn't keep track. To me, age is just a number and absolutely nothing more (how else would you account for 11 year olds graduating college and 40 year olds going through childish mid-life crisises?). Living without ticking the years of annually would be a dream.
The way I've learned to deal (this is just a recent thing for me too) is to tell myself that no matter how "old" I get, I will always be the young and carefree girl that I've been comfortable with being for the past couple years. I told myself that I will dress the way I want to, wear my hair long (I remember reading in a magazine that women past 18 should not wear their hair past their breasts- too juevenile  ) and not comform my mentality around my "age". I'm not afraid of change.
The only advice I can give you is to live for yourself. If you're feeling panicky, maybe it's because you feel you haven't accomplished what you had planned- and that there's little opportunity as to the passage of years. I recommend just doing something a little bit wild or crazy (take that dancing class you always had your eye on, change careers, etc) to refresh what you know of life. Maybe then, it won't seem so threatening
Hope that helps! |
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http://enlightenedzeal.livejournal.com/ <---Do you dare to change the world? |
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Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:10 am |
Lara1 are you just feeling this way on occassions? If you feel sad and depressed more frequently know that you are not alone. So many people fight the blues/anxiety. If that be the case, let your doctor know how you are feeling. There are many physical reasons that can cause depression/anxiety. If that be the case there is help out there to brighten ones mood.
Happy Birthday. |
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Sat May 05, 2007 9:07 am |
why so sad?
Birthdays are a celebration of life so celebrate.
If you didn't have a birthday you wouldn't be here would you?
Live life to the full. Smile and enjoy yourself everyone will smile with you. Life is always happier when you can make some one else smile try it.
Always look forward and not back. Always plan ahead it gives you something to achieve.
I hope this makes sense? |
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