A Garden For My Dad
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Thu May 10, 2007 2:37 pm

I've heard that a lovely memorial garden has been planted in my Dad's honor, next to the Ambulance station in Smithers. His BCAS colleagues, my Mum, staff from the local hospital, and friends have all contributed to the project. I am hoping to see photos soon.

I was asked by my Mum if I'd like to contribute something to the garden. Have thought about it, but am at a bit of a loss. Will have to give this some more thought.

My Dad loved coffee, cigarettes, and had a really bad sweet-tooth. Unfortunately, the weather in Smithers isn't conducive to growing tobacco or coffee beans, and the last I heard, one cannot buy "cookie bulbs", or "flowering donut bushes". Laughing

When I receive photos of the completed garden, I will be certain to share them.

This is the Ambulance station in Smithers, where my Dad worked. The photo was taken the week of his sudden death. Hence, their signs being draped in black.

This is next to the station, and where the large garden is in the process of completion. Kindly note that this photo was taken last summer too. They hadn't begun work on it yet, but one has to admit that the paramedics there certainly take pride in their station!

P.S. Perhaps a perennial "strawberry & rubarb pie shrub"? Dad loved pie, and loved to bake pies for us, with the rubarb, raspberries & strawberries from my parents' garden. He was pretty good with pastry too!

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 2:44 pm

Whats your favorite tree...or plant...send that! Then its from you to him! Also plant the same in your own garden, for you to go too!

Thu May 10, 2007 2:47 pm

MelissaMarie wrote:

Whats your favorite tree...or plant...send that! Then its from you to him! Also plant the same in your own garden, for you to go too!

I would rather plant something at our family cottage, as I can be confident that no one could vadalize it there.

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 2:51 pm

Now THAT made me cry from my belly. I am completely without words. I want to write something intelligent and caring but nothing is coming out of me. I haven't faced the death of either of my parents and can't even imagine what it would be like. Your humour about the cigarettes and donuts made my heart break for you but it also made me smile. Sounds like your Dad was truly loved, and it seems to me that he's been pretty lucky to have had you!
My thoughts are with you,
Annie

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 3:01 pm

Caspers Mum, I'm very sorry for your loss. Obviously your Dad was someone loved and admired by many. My sister died in a Hospice, where she had been for about 4 months. Our family wanted to give something back to the Hospice and we decided to have a small part of the garden there, made into a private peaceful area, for patients and staff to go when they just needed time out. It was beautifully done and surrounded with my sisters favourite flowers, a small water feature and a bench with a plaque in memory of my sister. I'm told that it's really appreciated by all.

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 3:18 pm

I'm sorry about your dad CM. my step dad also died very suddenly last June and the house where my parents lived is a tribute to him as over the last 30 years they made an oasis of trees and garden on the side of a barren mountain in north wales.

As for plants, Nicotiana Sylvestris (type of unsmokeable tobacco plant) is a beautifully scented plant which is also very attractive.

Thu May 10, 2007 3:25 pm

Here are some more pictures of my Dad. He was a really wonderful, extremely talented & brilliant, loving, gentle, honorable man. I think I shall always determine my measure of a man upon my Dad.

This is my Dad, brother Jordan, and Jordan's little girl Stella (born Oct. 31st, 2005). My Dad was so thrilled to become a grandfather!

Mum, Dad & Stella.

Jordan, Mum, Dad, and Stella.

Thought you'd like to see him in his uniform; he was a police officer for 14 years. Check-out the styles from 1973! Laughing

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 3:44 pm

Thank you for sharing something so personal & touching. Being in the same line of work I'm am easily brought to tears over this type of thing.

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 3:57 pm

Thanks for sharing this CM. I lost my Dad in 2000 ... and I know how difficult "carrying on" without your Dad can be. It's always the little things that do you in! All of a sudden, some sight, some smell ... something inconcequential ... will be in front of you and you'll find yourself all teary-eyed! Smile

What a lovely idea that Memorial Garden is! I'm at a loss to know what kind of plant to suggest ... but I did like the idea of selecting your favourite tree/shrub ... and then planting one of the same in your own garden. Very Happy

Would someone really vandalize a Memorial Garden? What a world we have!

I would almost suggest that you'd be better off planting something where you can see it. Pick something special ... something that you can visit regularly and view it whenever you feel like it.

I'm sure that you'll come up with just the right way to memorialize your Dad. The simple truth is that even if you did nothing at all ... you'll never forget him. Smile

I'd love to see a picture of the Memorial Garden when you get one.

Mary

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 4:35 pm

Wow.... Those are absolutely beautiful photos. The photo of your dad and his grandbaby has such a tender quality to it. The photo of him in uniform is striking! I know you must miss him terribly, but what wonderful memories you have of him...

I think the garden is a wonderful idea. Not too long ago, when an old friend died way too soon in what I can only describe as a tragedy, we planted a weeping cherry tree in his memory. It was just so perfect. It is an imposing, strong tree, yet it has a certain gentle and graceful quality at the same time... I also thought a "weeping" tree was a way of expressing sadness over his absence while still celebrating his life.

Whether you plant something in your family garden or in this one - or ideally in both - I find that it is a wonderful way to honor the memory of someone you loved, but also provides some measure of personal comfort.

Thank you for sharing this with us, though.

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 4:48 pm

Caspers Mum wrote:

Here are some more pictures of my Dad.

Those are such beautiful pictures ... the one with your brother and Stella is truly gorgeous.

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 5:25 pm

beautiful photo's. There have been some lovely suggestions.
I think at the end of the day the most important thing is that in your heart you remember your dad with love, that lasts forever.

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 5:44 pm

Thank you for sharing the story of your Dad; what a wonderful man. I'm glad to know such a man graced our Earth; may he rest peacefully.

I, too, had thought about the nicotiana plant. I've had some that I planted at another house, and they were strong and vigorous, yet have a delicate appearance. Plus, they are perennials. Here's a link: http://www.mooseyscountrygarden.com/flowering-annuals/nicotiana-sylvestris.html

Another suggestion: a granite stepping stone, or a rock of some sort, or even a gazing ball for an occasional moment of quiet introspection.

Best wishes to you. The garden is a lovely living tribute.

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 6:22 pm

What about a nice park bench with a plaque on it saying to your dad from his family? This could be placed beside the garden so people could sit and enjoy the beauty.

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 7:35 pm

What a wonderful thing (to have a garden in your dads honour) Smile

. Your pictures show him as a sweet, kind soul. I love Diana P's idea of the park bench with the plaque. I look forward to seeing photos of the finished garden ... I'm sure it will be beautiful.

free skin care · Thu May 10, 2007 8:01 pm

CaspersMum, I'm very sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you. My father died suddenly too and while it was merciful for him, I was shocked and stunned and felt like there was more I would've wanted to say or do -- at least a chance to tell him one more time that I loved him.

Your father sounds like a terrific person and it's touching to know that you love him so very very much.

As I was reading this thread, I was thinking a beautiful landscape boulder would perhaps be most appropriate, and then I came to cedar's post! I've designed some landscaping in the past and as much as I love plants, there are many beautiful specimen of rock that function like jewelry in a garden. Plus, you may even consider a type that would allow for a loving inscription.

In any case, take care and please accept my deepest sympathy for you and your family.

Thu May 10, 2007 8:07 pm

Not only did my Dad love his children & grandaughter, he also loved his feline-grandchild: my Casper

As earlier mentioned: my Dad loved "sweets" & treats.

Casper also loves treats. Photo was taken at my place a few years ago, and Dad was giving Cass her treats.

They were buddies. Cass used to snuggle with my Dad whenever my parents visited, or we'd travel to visit them. Lots of kisses given to Dad's hands, and kisses to Casper's brow from Dad.

When Stella was born, my brother & his wife deemed my Dad "Poppy". Therefore, Dad became "Poppy-cat". (and, yes, he also referred to himself as-so, when talking to Casper. LOL!)

Unfortunately, something must've gotten on the photo, as there is something appearing on Dad's sleeve.

Thu May 10, 2007 10:51 pm

lillilulu wrote:

Caspers Mum, I'm very sorry for your loss. Obviously your Dad was someone loved and admired by many. My sister died in a Hospice, where she had been for about 4 months. Our family wanted to give something back to the Hospice and we decided to have a small part of the garden there, made into a private peaceful area, for patients and staff to go when they just needed time out. It was beautifully done and surrounded with my sisters favourite flowers, a small water feature and a bench with a plaque in memory of my sister. I'm told that it's really appreciated by all.

I am sorry for your own family's loss.

The intentions of your sister's family/friends are very similar to that of my Dad's.

My Dad often sat quietly with his colleagues, sitting near the (formerly small) garden. Particularly after a bad call/trauma. Smoking, drinking coffee, and trying to make sense of whatever he & his colleagues had just been part of.

Reflection.

Very much like those whom are in/have loved-ones in Palliative care. Pondering the "why's", "how's", and "fairness".

Or ... merely just to suck hard on their cigarette, enjoy their coffee, and say, "Carry-on!" after they've done-so.

free skin care · Fri May 11, 2007 5:16 am

Caspers Mum, you have summed it up perfectly. I am sure you will think of something that will be a perfect tribute to your Dads memory, that can be shared and appreciated by his colleagues too.

free skin care · Fri May 11, 2007 12:59 pm

Hi Caspersmum,

I am so very sorry about your loss. I have this terrible pain in my stomach after I read your story, and of course, I got tears in my eyes. I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost my parents. It's something I don't want to think about but know it will happen one day, which makes me avoid thinking about it more.

Regarding a garden, if you can go with a bigger tree, how about a willow?

If you can only have a small bush or shrub, maybe blueberries? They like cold weather, and would he have liked blueberry pies? They are only a small bush. I tried to grow them in California but the heat killed them.

Or what about sunflowers? They always look so happy and sweet like they're ready to take on the world. Your dad's smile in one of his pictures somehow reminds me of a sunflower. So brilliant and happy!

free skin care · Fri May 11, 2007 6:07 pm

Casper's Mum, since your Dad was dubbed "Poppy," why not plant some vibrant poppies? They do so well and will come back each year. Plus, they are so strong, and can take all kinds of weather. I love them, and so does my husband. They look delicate, pretty, and willowy, but are so strong. Kind of like your own Poppy!

Fri May 25, 2007 3:47 pm

A colleague of my Dad's e-mailed me some photos of the garden's progress, so I thought I'd share them with you. Again, it's beside the ambulance station, as my Dad was a paramedic with B.C. Ambulance.

Remember: it's still a work in progress, and as Smithers, BC is about 13½ hours north of Vancouver, their weather is cooler. I'm sure that come July-August, it will be beautiful. They've got more stuff to add, as well as tidying up the perimeter.

Fri May 25, 2007 3:55 pm

cedar wrote:

Casper's Mum, since your Dad was dubbed "Poppy," why not plant some vibrant poppies? They do so well and will come back each year. Plus, they are so strong, and can take all kinds of weather. I love them, and so does my husband. They look delicate, pretty, and willowy, but are so strong. Kind of like your own Poppy!

Actually, poppies have been planted, but have yet to bloom.

When my Dad died, we all tucked mementos in with him before cremation. My brother,his wife, and baby niece put poppies in with him, picked from our neighbours' yard.

Guess what started to grow in front of his truck, parked in the driveway, three weeks after his death?

A single poppy.

I'd say that's a big sign that from him that he's still with us. We've had some other signs too. Pretty cool.

free skin care · Fri May 25, 2007 4:27 pm

CM the garden is coming along beautifully. What a wonderful tribute to your Dad. Keep the pictures coming as things develop. Smile

free skin care · Fri May 25, 2007 6:29 pm

Thanks for posting the pictures! It is nice to see how it's coming along. I love that they have the bench there and when everything is blooming it will be so beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Smile

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