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Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:04 pm  |
To get straight to it,
I'm 19 and gay. I met this boy on the internet 6 months ago who is 18 and suppositly very wealthy, we've been video chatting for a long time and happen to share the same religion (which is rare in gay society).
He is flying here to meet me (Calgary) on the 13th. I live in Red Deer, which is hour & 1/2 away. I plan to book a room in the same hotel as him.
If we hit it off in real life, he wants to take me back with him to Hawaii (where he has his own place and lives essentially).
Luckily I can work anywhere and make decent money so it wouldnt be like I was leaving my job, I could always return if I wanted.
My parents don't know I'm out and I'm not really sure what the best thing todo here.  I was thinking if we hit it off in real life, it would make sense that my parents meet him before I took a vacation to Hawaii (so they know I'm safe). I might also need to come out, which is something I never wanted todo.
in a way, I feel like all this would happen too quickly... but at the same time, we've been talking online for such a long time that maybe its not, I can't tell. I allready feel that I'm in love with him.
Am I crazy?  is there anything I can do to make this process smoother? |
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Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:11 am |
| I don't have any specific advice, but please be very very careful!! It is so easy to lie on the internet, and many people have been victimized because they trusted someone they "knew" online. I think you've also posted that you have a fair amount of money...if you share that sort of information freely it will make you a much more desirable target. If you're going to meet someone, meet in a public place and take your time! There is no rush and if someone pushes you to do something you aren't ready with then you need to reevaluate the situation. |
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Sat Oct 06, 2007 7:07 am |
| Wait to see what happens before you make any plans. You may not hit it off face to face. Also, I agree with being careful. Stay in public places when you meet. |
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Sat Oct 06, 2007 7:34 am |
I agree with the previous posters - be very, very careful!! I'd also suggest investing in having him checked out by a private detective, just to make sure he is who he says he is.
I also think you should come out to your parents before you introduce this guy to them. They might need time to adjust.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. |
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Mon Oct 08, 2007 10:29 am |
Daniel, your first instinct that this is happening too quickly is spot on. It is; whether you're gay or straight, a relationship should never begin with living together. Virtual dating via online chats and email are completely different than face to face communications.
Please be careful when you meet, and keep it in a public location. Do not under any circumstances go alone with him if so much as one hair on the back of your neck starts to tingle.
You may not have come out with your parents, but chances are they already know and are just waiting for you to tell them. My 22 year old neice came out about 2 years ago, but she wasn't telling us anything we didn't already knew  Our love for her has not changed, we love her regardless. I bet your parents will feel the same way, (assuming they're not religious fundamentalists that believe you're committing a moral sin  ).
Good luck sweetie, listen to your instincts, your heart, please stay safe and keep us posted OK? |
_________________
44 – combo/oily skin with a tendency towards clogged pores. Thanks to EDS, tweaked my skincare routine and normalized skin… no more breakouts. PSF, silk powder, Janson Beckett, Cellbone, NIA24 are staples. |
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Mon Oct 08, 2007 3:59 pm |
I agree with Athena, especially about your instincts. I also think the faster a relationship goes at first, the faster it is likely to burn out.
You were looking to move somewhere a while back -- it's probably best not to connect your decision to a new relationship. Or perhaps I should say: It's probably best that you do not make your situation, whether in Hawaii or Alberta, too dependent on this person. If you want to sit out the winter in Hawaii and work there and feel the situation out with this fellow, that might make sense, but if you would just as soon tolerate Alberta in the winter, then please take it slow, and as others have advised, be careful! You simply don't know this person well enough to make yourself vulnerable to him with a committed decision like that.
There is so much stuff one learns about people that isn't obvious at first or while they are putting on their best face for courtship, it can prove painful and costly sometimes. (At your age, I myself was so green...)
It must be such a painful thing not being able to discuss your orientation matter-of-fact-ly with your parents. Another huge reason to "GO SLOW." Let that part (your parents) be your motivator in doing so. |
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Mon Oct 08, 2007 4:52 pm |
Chiming in on the Go Slow Philosophy! I met my current boyfriend over the Internet, and we have a fabulous relationship of almost a year and a half, and we recently moved in together. HOWEVER, he was by no means the first person I met via the Internet, and let's just say I went on a LOT of first dates and very few second dates. And I think a big part of our success was that we took it very, very slow, especially in this Internet age of instant gratification!
Even with videoconferencing, it's so easy to be disingenuous when there's a screen in front of you, instead of a real live person. It's also just easy to think someone is cuter or funnier or wittier or whatever when they're not with you face-to-face - a lot of your chemistry just can't be tested until you really meet. So everyone is right to tell you to not make any plans until you meet for real.
And aside from the danger concerns that Athena wrote above (and it's ALWAYS a good idea to have your first new meeting with anyone be in a public place), there's just nothing to be gained from rushing. You're young, you're not in a hurry to have kids before your ovaries forbid it, ya know?  So take it easy and get to know him, and also try and get into a situation where you can introduce him to friends who know you're out. Only really shitty friends will trash-talk a good significant other - and if all your friends think there's something fishy about a guy, chances are they're on to something.
Of course, YOUR opinion matters too, I just think it's good to have a general sounding board. The way you described this situation, it sounded like you might get whisked off to Hawaii without anyone you know having met the guy, and I'd strongly advise waiting long enough to get some pals to weigh in. I'm SO glad I didn't stick with an ex boyfriend of mine that my best friend really didn't think much of - he wasn't a bad guy, but she KNEW he wasn't right for me, and I know she would've expressed that if things had gotten too serious with him. (As it was, I figured it out for myself pretty quickly, thankfully!)
Good luck with everything, and have FUN - I know it sounds cheap since I'm only 26 myself, but enjoy your youth! I didn't do as much singling around as I wish I had sometimes, and I don't exactly have regrets, but I do think I got too caught up in every relationship being serious. |
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32, fair hair/eyes/skin, always a mix of dry/oily/sensitive/acne/clogged pores. But I keep getting compliments on my skin, so something must be working! Beauty blog at http://heliotro.pe; online dating coaching at http://theheartographer.com |
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Thu Oct 11, 2007 9:50 am |
| please be careful their are so many nuts out in cyberspace that just prey on people. Also you are so very young and need to give yourself so time to really meet the right one for the rest of your life. But more important if something sounds to good to be true it usually is not-Good luck and be safe |
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Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:33 pm |
| He guys, wanted to keep you posted. We are meeting on the 13th and today is the 11th. We are meeting in the evening at a hotel lobby, I'm going to take pepperspray and my cellphone with me and call my family at the end of the date. I'll update yall on the 14th - godspeed |
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Thu Oct 11, 2007 4:11 pm |
Best of luck Daniel and hope you don't have to use that pepper spray since I don't think its legal in Canada  . |
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Thu Oct 11, 2007 5:29 pm |
| I don't even know how to use my space to old I think but you can pm me anytime. I have a son your age and any time you need someone to talk to we or I are all here for you. Have a nice time and please be safe |
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Sun Oct 14, 2007 7:36 am |
| Update: never showed.. was disappointing but I'm over it now |
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Sun Oct 14, 2007 10:28 am |
| Awww Daniel, I'm disappointed for you, but in the long run, it just might be a good thing. Who knows how legitimate he is/was.... At least now you can move ahead and cross him off your list . |
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Sun Oct 14, 2007 7:08 pm |
| sorry but it may have been a good thing after all. |
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Sun Oct 14, 2007 9:56 pm |
Hey Daniel,
I just saw your profile really quickly on myspace. i wanna add you later, but you are very cute so there will be plenty of opportunities out there. I actually met my first boyfriend online and we went out for quite a few years.
Kris |
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about to hit my 40s, retin-a user, differin, LRP |
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Sun Oct 14, 2007 10:09 pm |
| Daniel, I'm so sorry about your disappointment. It can be really hard to get a good read on people over the internet. My sister met a guy on the internet once who presented himself like an educated gentleman.... until he flew out to see her with only a one way ticket and no money for a flight home and basically "squatted" at her apartment! You really can't be too careful. Hang in there and keep us updated! |
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27, sensitive/reactive/acne prone skin, dark brown hair, blue eyes, possibly the palest woman alive... |
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Mon Oct 15, 2007 5:20 pm |
Hey Daniel,
it could be disappointing, but you can go on now with your life and the most important thing is that you are safe and sound. |
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Tue Oct 16, 2007 6:40 am |
Sorry to hear it didn't work out, Daniel. Maybe you had a lucky escape. You wouldn't want to be with someone who'd let you down like that, anyway.
I'm sure you'll meet someone much better than that before long. |
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Tue Oct 16, 2007 11:28 am |
| He was moving way too fast, hun. Better he didn't show. |
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