Moody Men?? How to deal with them...
EDS Skin Care Forums Forum Index » EDS Lounge

free skin care · Wed Jan 02, 2008 4:13 am

Hey,
I need a little perspective since my partner has been overly moody and edgy for the last two weeks. I try to talk to him about it, but he shuts down and blames me for being overly critical. He has been taking it out on me, and honestly, since my direct clear communication does not seem to be working, what should I do? Should I take this seriously, since he is taking it out on me and not really respecting my feelings, or am I just being overly sensitive and give him space?

What do you guys think?

free skin care · Wed Jan 02, 2008 1:39 pm

Uh-oh.

Moodiness is abuse. If a partner shuts down, with no word, it's a power trip (IMO) and a giant red flag.

A mature, respectful partner will AT LEAST say "I can't talk about it right now, I'll let you know when I can, I promise."

What ever he's cranky about, it's not okay to take it out on you. If he is cranky about YOU, then his job as your partner is to let you know what is up -- by talking or writing.

I do not understand people who think they can treat loved ones however they want. NO. Charity begins at home. Love is an action. If you love me, treat me lovingly. My standing by you does not give you license to kick me around when you're blue. Target your anger, solve the problem, keep me posted.

Read: Grow. Up.

free skin care · Wed Jan 02, 2008 1:56 pm

If you can't talk with your partner without being accused of nagging try writing him a letter. Let your feeling out. He can't yell at a letter and just maybe he will do some soul searching.

free skin care · Wed Jan 02, 2008 1:57 pm

I've never been able to understand why when a woman is moody, men automatically assume she must have PMS or is just being a b----, but men can be moody whenever they want and we're just suppose to take it.

My SO is guilty of this, so I've employed a zero-tolerance policy. When he is being really grouchy and won't communicate w/ me at all about what is bugging him, or he's just stressed out and overwhelmed and taking it out on me, I leave for a few hours until he's simmered down. I go have a glass of wine with my neighbor or watch a movie. Sometimes when I come back he apologizes to me for being difficult and tells me what's wrong, and sometimes he thinks I should apologize for walking out on him and not being understanding. Immature I know but I've developed this method over 2 years after trying pleading and talking and walking on eggshells and it's the only thing that works for me.

Good luck & I hope your guy is back to normal ASAP.

free skin care · Wed Jan 02, 2008 2:21 pm

Bunny7475 wrote:

I've never been able to understand why when a woman is moody, men automatically assume she must have PMS or is just being a b----,

PMS = "putting up with men's --it", never occurs to them....

We can probably lay a little blame on them for our "men"tal health, + "men"opause woes as well..

Kassy Cool

free skin care · Wed Jan 02, 2008 3:12 pm

How long have you and your partner been together? Has this moodiness surfaced at other times in your relationship or is this something new?

If you have been together for a significant period of time (over a year) then you should know him well enough to determine if this is a personality issue or an isolated incident. If it is an isolated incident then you need to find out what is troubling him. I.E.; money, job security, mid-life crisis, health concerns, etc. If you cannot find a valid reason for his moodiness, then you must consider that your partner may be suffering from depression and may need some outside help to overcome this.

There are so many possibilities for his demeanor. Can you provide some additional background information to help us point you in the right direction?

free skin care · Fri Jan 04, 2008 7:13 am

Thanks for the replies, we have been together for over 3 years now. It is something new and I think its job related (he is very frustrated at the moment). I am a talker, so I like for everything to be out in the open and I think that is not working at the moment, so I do not exactly know how to help him out since he seems to think I am lecturing when I try to talk to him. I don`t think its about me, though I am at a loss to how to deal with his mood swings since he is at the moment stressed.

free skin care · Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:59 pm

My bf used to be moody when he was stressed at work, but he has been dealing successfully with the stress. He's now happy and open with me. I like Winnie's suggestion about emailing him your concerns. I used to email my bf all the time when we got in to a fight. He told me he liked it better because he could read my email and deal with it when things calmed down. Try to remember to be loving and not pushy in your email. Let him know you're concerned because you love him, and ask him what you could do for him to help him, and if he needed you to give him more space, you would respect his wishes. I used to ask my bf if he would like time apart, but when he responded, he usually said he didn't feel it was necessary.

If you don't want to email him, I'd say just give him space anyway. Spending time apart might do you both good. If you both miss each other, it's a good sign.

Are you guys considering getting married since you've been together for over 3 years?

free skin care · Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:23 pm

Ok, usually one of 3 things. I'll do the worst first.

1. He is going off you and/or interested in someone else. 3 years is a common break up time for uncommitted couples, because the gloss is off and the ennui and niggling annoyances are settling in.
Solution, someone else: start checking out the infidelity signs (on the QT).

Solution, losing interest: take more care of yourself, be less available, be happy and busy, try different things. You confidence is attractive, and doing new stuff makes you interesting.

2. He has other worries right now. Men often withdraw rather than discuss them.

Solution: Back off, don't nag him about it. leave occasional conversation openers, like "Poor Fred seems to be having a lot of hassles with his boss lately", or " I hear poor Fred and Sandy have some financial troubles right now", or "did you see on the news about...?"

3. Just going through a moody patch.

Solution,ignore it. Don't feed it. Be happy, friendly and approachable.

But what do I know! lol

Laughing

free skin care · Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:59 am

We have been together and it is pretty serious, since we are looking into buying a home together. He seems to be better these days, but I honestly think he is frustrated at work, since he has no outlets and is stressed, that it affects his mood. He is overworked and gets home late due to three hours of traffic (he is working on a project in another city so he has to commute while hating it).

Sadly, I can only be supportive and whatnot, but I feel for him. There is only so much I can do, but I wish I could do more. I thought maybe it was that he was interested in someone else, but really he would not have time for that. I have started doing more things, to ease his stress but who knows.

Why are men so complicated? They say women are, but really I think men take the cake.

free skin care · Sun Jan 06, 2008 4:34 am

Aahh, sounds like no2! Yes, men are generally poor at talking things out. I would try giving him space, so he doesn't consider you yet another worry/pressure. Try an occasional, non-personal, conversation opener. He will either take it or not. If this level of pressure is long term for him, he will need to find ways to prioritise, delegate and let go at the end of the day. (A regular physical outlet like jogging or tennis is going to be a way better outlet than maybe eventually ending up at a bar). 3 hours of traffic! Makes me tired just thinking of it!

free skin care · Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:24 am

I'd like to know why it's always the women who have to walk on eggshells and try to sort things out when men behave like this? Most men couldn't give a toss when it's the other way around, or, like Bunny said, blame it on PMS.

I find it so very annoying. My husband does exactly the same thing

free skin care · Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:06 am

Yea right? It is always women adapting themselves to men. Generally speaking we tend to be the smarter gender, but really are we? They do things half fast (on purpose?) so you have to redo things, after a while you stop asking them to do chores (since they never do it right) so we tend to do almost everything. I really think that maybe these guys are onto something: I mean they go from having a mother taking care of them to a girlfriend-wife taking care of them. Now really, who is the smarter gender here? Not only do we have the pressure of being supermom: taking care of the household, children, chores, as well as career, but also the big baby who supposedly is your partner. Hmmm...why are we so damn flexible?

free skin care · Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:11 am

Another thing is, have you noticed that they, by themselves without a woman`s guidance, seem at a loss? From unable to find something right in front of their noses (babes do you know where my phone is...) to them simply being unable to make a decision (what do you want to eat for dinner? I dont know, its your turn to cook. But what do you want to eat then? etc)

Does anybody feel me on this?

free skin care · Mon Jan 07, 2008 8:08 am

Sangria1269 wrote:

Does anybody feel me on this?

Absolutely. One hundred per cent.

free skin care · Mon Jan 07, 2008 7:07 pm

LOL too funny about men unable to find things that are right under their noses. While true, some have lived to a ripe old age without getting married. I guess they just lose things more without women around and go buy new ones that they can't find. So while their lives are better off with a woman, they somehow get by anyway without one.

free skin care · Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:39 am

majorb wrote:

Sangria1269 wrote:

Does anybody feel me on this?

Absolutely. One hundred per cent.

Me too.

The Helplessness Syndrome.

My husband has known me for 16 years, but he still says "I dont know what you like to eat" when there's a remote chance of him making me a sandwich, and also cant make me a drinkable cup of coffee.

Grrrrr!

free skin care · Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:47 pm

Let them have their time alone I guess... But if this gets serious though, as in he's moody every single day, then it's a problem Confused

Tue Apr 17, 2012 6:58 am

i agree just because your cormitted to someone doesnt mean its ok to repetively abuse the meaning love by being a moody s*** all the time and taking it out on u!

theres a thin line between, being with and going throuhh the tough times together and receiving abouse just because and, actually mentaly tormentibg/abusig the realtionship.

X

free skin care · Mon May 14, 2012 4:15 pm

RED FLAG!! feeling like you need to "walk on eggshells" around someone will only get worse. Its a basic personality flaw to do this to another person. Control issue? Anger issue? Just spoilt and immature? They would benefit from some counseling/coaching on better ways to handle frustration but sadly, usually they are too selfish to seek it. Been there.. leaving it! Life's too short to put up with that crap!

free skin care · Tue May 15, 2012 11:17 am

Although some men are cantakerous by nature, others who are not who become moody, withdrawn, irritable & anxious - could possibly be experiencing a drop in testosterone. Changes in medications, poor diet habits, alcohol consumption, lack of sleep, contribute to mood swings. I have a friend who gives testerone shots at a clinic, she says many of these men make it clear that they do not want their wives to know about their shots!

free skin care · Tue May 15, 2012 11:29 am

mogulicious wrote:

Although some men are cantakerous by nature, others who are not who become moody, withdrawn, irritable & anxious - could possibly be experiencing a drop in testosterone. Changes in medications, poor diet habits, alcohol consumption, lack of sleep, contribute to mood swings. I have a friend who gives testerone shots at a clinic, she says many of these men make it clear that they do not want their wives to know about their shots!

LOL. Yet they complain women are vain! Laughing

free skin care · Wed May 16, 2012 6:49 am

My partner gets like that also. I think the best way to deal with it is to just concentrate on enjoying and making the most of your own life and let him be moody. Your problems are not his problems you know? As frustrating as it can be if he won't tell you then there is nothing you can do. It is not right that he is taking it out on you but unless he is being abusive I would just ignore it.

Be strong and don't forget who you are Smile

free skin care · Wed May 16, 2012 7:42 pm

Everyone says red flag, I say calm down. Its been two weeks out of 3 years. People get stressed. I'm on the moody end of my four year relationship now, its stress at work for me. Yes, our relationship has suffered. But these are ups and downs of any long term companionship- we recently broke the ice to talk about it. Work through it, but don't let your mistrust get in the way of opening communication. It sounds like your partner really needs your support.

free skin care · Wed May 16, 2012 7:50 pm

Ava with wings wrote:

Everyone says red flag, I say calm down. Its been two weeks out of 3 years. People get stressed. I'm on the moody end of my four year relationship now, its stress at work for me. Yes, our relationship has suffered. But these are ups and downs of any long term companionship- we recently broke the ice to talk about it. Work through it, but don't let your mistrust get in the way of opening communication. It sounds like your partner really needs your support.

I agree if as you say it is a short term situation where there are a lot of outside stresses.

When I see red flags (and I dealt with this) is when it continues long term and just continues to become worse. That is when I had to say enough, I did counseling tried everything I could but my ex blamed me for everything!

Automatic Message

If this is your first visit to the EDS Forums please take the time to register. Registration is required for you to post on the forums. Registration will also give you the ability to track messages of interest, send private messages to other users, participate in Gift Certificates draws and enjoy automatic discounts for shopping at our online store. Registration is free and takes just a few seconds to complete.

Click Here to join our community.

If you are already a registered member on the forums, please login to gain full access to the site.