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Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:11 pm  |
I'm just wondering how many of you ladies here actually get married with your current husband without having a formal banquet or ceremony. I'm sorta having plans with my bf to get married in the future. But I personally think that getting married is just the two of us, no need to announce it to the entire world. Most of all, I don't really like those big formal ceremony where I have to greet everyone and stuff....I'm not that sociable as you see 
If we do get marry, we would like to keep it simple. Of course wedding photos is a must! After we signed the papers and do the paper work, we're planning to just go on our honeymoon right away. So just wondering if anyone here feel it's weird? Is it normal to get married without having a banquet/ ceremony? The problem is I don't really have much close frds that I can invite and same as my bf....so...  |
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Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:12 pm |
My first marriage was a small ceremony and get together after, and it was so uncomfy. The whole thing was a chore.
What you posted about is exactly what my current husband and I did. What we did was we each had someone to stand up for us and we found a JP. We (5 of us in total) got married in our livingroom and took off for our honeymoon right after. If I had to do it over I'd do it exactly the same. Well, the only diff would be that we'd tell our family the day before...they were kinda pissed when they got the announcement in the mail.... |
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Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:41 pm |
| A couple I knew, at first planned a traditional wedding. The more they talked about the details, the more "un-fun" things became. Their dream was to honeymoon in Europe but they couldn't afford to have a lavish wedding and honeymoon. So instead, they opted to get married in Italy (no family or friends) and traveled as they wished. Later after returning from their honeymoon, they had a family dinner at an Italian restaurant (sticking with their theme) and had a slide show with pics of their honeymoon & ceremony. It was quite romantic and just what they wanted! |
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Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:47 pm |
After 9 years of co-habitation my (3rd) husband and I married, just the two of us, in the beautiful setting of the rolling hills of a winery with water fountains nearby. We contacted a nondenominational minister, she tweaked her ceremony for how we wanted it, we recorded some music we liked ... and got married! We took our own photos after with the camera on a timer, and got some really nice ones.
A few weeks later when my parents were visiting us, we had a big outdoor barbeque and announced it. We had the photos available for peple to see. No one felt obligated to give us gifts (we have what we need) or anything because of the surprise announcement ... it was just the way we wanted it, so I highly recommend it.
A nephew of mine recently married his fiancee on a beach in Maui, just the two of them, and the first marriage for either of them. On the other hand one of his brothers is having an elaborate ceremony and reception with four days of activities, when he gets married. I think it's whatever the couple wants, is the right thing, whatever will make you happy when you think back on it. |
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Fri Jun 06, 2008 3:01 pm |
Well...the wedding reception is mostly for family. For me, I had the WHOLE thing...I couldn't do without it..it had to be my dream wedding.
With that in mind, you might want to think about what your family would like too...they want to share in your joy. I don't think it matters that you don't have too many close friends - family is most important and they want to share this with you. I guess it could also be cultural thing (I'm Chinese. No way was I getting away with a quiet wedding even if I wanted one!).
Don't forget, it only happens once (in theory...!).
Also, it doesn't have to be "formal". You can have a casual reception/get together with close family and friends after your ceremony 
Good luck with whatever you decide. You know what's best for yourselves! |
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Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:52 pm |
| My fiance and I are having a beach wedding in Mexico. Like you, we don't want a big formal ceremony...we didn't think we could be ourselves and we didn't want to be obligated to invite my fifth cousin's aunt in law. We're only having immediate family and our best friends there, and I think it would be perfect. But that's just me...some brides would love a big formal ceremony, so in the end your wedding is about both of you so do whatever feels right. |
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Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:57 pm |
Hi ladies, I feel much better knowing that there're others out there that would do the same thing. I was thinking that I'm one weird gal! cuz most girls out there I know would want a lavish & outstanding banquet/ ceremony where they invite 100+ ppl... 
Anyways, sry for sounding stupid but I really don't know what exactly do u need to do to get married here in Vancouver Canada? I mean what're the must do procedures? I'm sry if I sounded stupid or something....  |
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Fri Jun 06, 2008 9:05 pm |
| Stardustdy wrote: |
Hi ladies, I feel much better knowing that there're others out there that would do the same thing. I was thinking that I'm one weird gal! cuz most girls out there I know would want a lavish & outstanding banquet/ ceremony where they invite 100+ ppl...
Anyways, sry for sounding stupid but I really don't know what exactly do u need to do to get married here in Vancouver Canada? I mean what're the must do procedures? I'm sry if I sounded stupid or something.... |
LOL. Not stupid at all! You need to get a marriage license. I was going to give you some info, but I'm not 100% sure...its been almost 4 years since we got married! I would google it...I think you need a marriage license. You should look up the government websites to get more info. |
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Sun Jun 08, 2008 12:04 pm |
Pretty much all you need is a marriage license. Google it in Vancouver. When my ex and I got married, we eloped to his old stomping grounds of Harvard. A couple of friends came along. (This is NOT why the marriage ended, at ALL.) When the minister signed the marriage license beforehand he said, "Well you're officially married now. Do you still want to do the ceremony?" We laughed and said, "Sure. Might as well."
His family threw us a big party then -- New Orleans folks, big on ceremony.
I never wanted a big wedding, the expense of a one-time only dress, the pomp and hoopla. When I'm making such personal promises, I don't want to have to wonder if my slip is showing or the caterers are doing okay.
A wedding and a marriage are two entirely different thing. Much like a campaign and a Presidency. Do not confuse them. And do what YOU want to do. |
_________________
tenderlovingwork.com, astonishing handmade gifts |
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Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:45 am |
Wayne and I got married only 3 weeks after popping the question and so there was no time to do the big wedding. It wasn't something either of us wanted anyway. We don't have large families so we didn't have to worry about inviting people months in advance so they could arrange travel plans from interstate.
One of my friends is an ex pastry chef, so he organised the food and Waynes bosses organised the venue. All we had to do was find a marriage celebrant, organise the licence and turn up. We didn't even bothered getting new clothes for the occasion, let alone tux and wedding dress.
Friends took photos, everyone had fun and we only invited people we actually liked, not people we felt we had to invite. Elaborate ceremonies and banquets are only necessary if you want them, or if it would offend your family in some way if you didn't go large. Otherwise save the money and use it for something useful like paying off debts or putting a deposit down on a house (or a really extravagent honeymoon). It truly astonishes me the amount people pay for weddings.
A friend of mine had two ceremonies - a civil ceremony in Australia and then 6 months later a church ceremony in Croatia to keep her catholic family happy. Like I said, if it is necessary to keep peace in the family, it's worth doing, otherwise they'll never let you forget it. |
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Mon Jun 09, 2008 5:49 am |
I personally think that the amount of money that is being spent on an "average" wedding these days is obscene - it makes more sense to me to put the money towards a home. And I'm afraid to say that most of the weddings I've been to have been tasteless, tacky and downright embarrassing affairs.
Just do something stylish - Registry Office/celebrant then have a beautiful dinner with a few friends and family in a lovely restaurant/hotel.
All the best for the future to both of you. 
P.S. Swish hotel rooms are lovely places to get married AND spend your wedding night in. |
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Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:40 am |
| Keliu wrote: |
I personally think that the amount of money that is being spent on an "average" wedding these days is obscene - it makes more sense to me to put the money towards a home. And I'm afraid to say that most of the weddings I've been to have been tasteless, tacky and downright embarrassing affairs.
Just do something stylish - Registry Office/celebrant then have a beautiful dinner with a few friends and family in a lovely restaurant/hotel.
All the best for the future to both of you.
P.S. Swish hotel rooms are lovely places to get married AND spend your wedding night in. |
I agree that the whole marriage thing is crazy expensive. When i get married the only thing i'm going to be doing is going on an amazing vacation with family, and sign papers to say we are married haha. |
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Vancouver, BC Canada. Oil cleansing method all the way! |
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Sun Jun 15, 2008 11:47 am |
| Great ideas. Love this thread. |
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42yo, natural strawberry blonde so fair skin, blue-eyed, and dry skin |
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Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:59 am |
Thanks ladies for all the great replies! I guess my bf & I are gonna do just that if we're getting married in the future. Just signed the papers locally and then go somewhere for a honeymoon. We're probably gonna have a nice dinner somewhere with our immediate family. As for frds, might either have a nice dinner out or just throw a party.
The problem with inviting frds is...sometimes they all sorta know each other but you're only close to perhaps 1 or 2 of them. So if you only invite those 1 or 2 close frds of yours and not the others, I'm afraid that they might not like it. hhm...get what I mean? I explained it not well enough... |
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Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:01 pm |
I just thought I would throw my two cents in. When my husband and I decided to get married, we at first of course thought about just flying to Vegas, or getting married just the two of us at some exotic locale. However, in the end we decided to go with a small church ceremony followed by a quiet dinner at a nice restaurant, and I have to say, I'm soooooo happy that we did it. One nice thing is that both of my grandparents came up from Texas for the ceremony. I was so happy, not only for them to meet my husband, but also for them to share this special time with me. Shortly after my wedding their health declined and they were no longer able to travel, and I lost them both last year. The memory of them at my wedding, both healthy and so happy for me is something that I will definitely cherish for the rest of my life.
Our actual church ceremony was small and very short, but it was also very meaningful--- my sister played the flute, my mom played the organ, and my dad walked me down the aisle. When the minister pronounced me and my husband man and wife, I jumped into his arms for a kiss and our friends and family whooped and cheered and it was just wonderful. As far as my wedding dress goes, it's funny, when I first decided to get married I wanted something ultra-modern and unfussy---- something simple, silky, form-fitting, lingerie-style, etc. However, I ended up with this gorgeous confection of a dress--- ivory lace with a huge skirt and bustle and decorated with pearls and crystals, and I simply could not be any happier with it. It was a dream to wear it and walked down the aisle in it, and it's something that I will be so happy to pass on to my daughter one day.
Our reception was also very small and simple--- just a nice sit-down dinner, no dancing or garter tossing or anything like that. However we did have a very lovely cake which we cut together and fed each other and it was a great experience. I guess what I'm saying is that even though I'm something of an iconoclast and more than a bit anti-social, in the end I did more of a traditional wedding (albeit a very scaled-down version) and I'm so happy that I did. Every time I look at our beautiful pictures I just feel so warm and fuzzy. Hope this helps!
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27, sensitive/reactive/acne prone skin, dark brown hair, blue eyes, possibly the palest woman alive... |
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Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:08 pm |
You both look absolutely gorgeous Mansayerliz. That will be a lovely photo to show to your grandchildren.
BTW your skin is AMAZING!! |
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Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:40 am |
| Keliu wrote: |
BTW your skin is AMAZING!! |
I want that perfect porcelain skin!
And hubby's skin looks pretty good too. Cute dimples as well  |
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Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:16 am |
Stardusty, too often we stage elaborate ceremonies to either please others or use it as a status symbol keeping up with and doing better than the Jones kind of thing. The marriage ceremony should conform to the wishes of YOU and your HUSBAND.
When I wed, my husband (now EX) and I both agreed to keep it small and since we're agnostics, we didn't want a religious ritual to begin our lives together. Of course, his Lutheran Mommy dearest hated this idea (first portent of how much I would clash with the woman) which made it even more appealing. I wasn't about to set the tone for my marriage by sacrificing my own convictions to please my future mother in law, but that's for another thread
We were living in a small coastal town in Oregon; I originally wanted to sail out to the open waters and have the captain of a fishing boat wed us, but we would have had to sail so far out that it would have prevented some of our closest friends and relatives from being there (seasickness). In the end, we kept the ceremony on a fishing boat, but stayed in the Bay. A Unitarian Universalist minister joined us; this was his first wedding he'd ever presided over and the words he used were some of the most beautiful we'd ever heard. And, as a UU minister, he honored our desire for a secular wedding. It was truly meaningful because it was geared to my husband, myself, and our locale small fishing village schema.
Remember, this wedding is for YOU. Do what you can to make it meaningful for YOU. |
_________________
44 – combo/oily skin with a tendency towards clogged pores. Thanks to EDS, tweaked my skincare routine and normalized skin… no more breakouts. PSF, silk powder, Janson Beckett, Cellbone, NIA24 are staples. |
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Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:46 am |
Personally I find a banquet to be too much of a hassle, and unnecessarily expensive. A small ceremony is nice.
BTW manslayerliz, that photo is absolutely stunning! |
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Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:12 pm |
manslayerliz, you look so~ pretty
I guess this is a one in a lifetime thing I hope... and of course it would be nice if it's special & memorable. A banquet is definitely not necessary as both his and my family don't have too many ppl to invite. Also I'm wondering if a church ceremony is necessary either as we're both not christians... Or it doesn't matter?
With ceremony or not, I still wish to take some wedding photos to keep as a memory.
Thanks ladies for all your valuable ideas! |
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Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:12 pm |
| athena123, yeah I get wat u mean...it's always so hard to pls your in laws! |
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Mon Jun 23, 2008 12:53 am |
Hi Stardustdy!
First off, congrats on finding your future hubby! I am in the middle of planning my wedding right now (this July 26) and it's craziness!  I don't want to scare you off though. I originally wanted to elope but my fiance convinced me that we'd regret not sharing it with our friends and family. Plus I think he knew I'd die without gorgeous wedding pics and the big pouffy dress!
So we've decided that since we're going to have a wedding, we might as well create a day that is special and only about us. We're having our event on a friend's property and it's going to be very untraditional. We're not religious so our officiant (who went to high school with my fiance and who is actually wiccan) is helping me write creative vows that will have a deeper meaning for us. I personally don't like the idea of repeating the same words everyone else does, my love is not like everyone else's. We're also doing a "handfasting" ceremony where we tie ribbons as a symbol for promises we make to each other. I found it to be a great alternative to the unity candle or sand ceremony and the way the promises go are really neat. My bridesmaids are walking down the aisle before me to Pink Floyd's "Run Like Hell" (a personal joke, it's his last chance to run for freedom and he's a big PF fan). Our last song will be "My Way" by Frank Sinatra. We're taking every opportunity to make the day creative so everyone walks away from it saying "That was a great party!" not "That was a nice wedding."
My point is, you don't have to do what everyone else does. If it doesn't make you happy, there's no point! The commitment you make to each other on your day is number one. Everything else is minor. If starting your first day off as husband and wife by yourselves is your dream, than go for it! Your family will understand, but please do warn them first and send announcements with a nice photo. Personally, it meant a lot to me to share this day with my family and friends and I've put a lot of work into it. I am happy to know they will walk away from it saying that the whole event showed who we really are and how much we love each other!
Good luck to the both of you! I wish you warm wishes and a lifetime of happiness! And I sincerely hope that you share a kiss everyday that is just as magical as your first!
BTW- Manslayerliz - you look amazing! That's so sweet of you to share your pic with us! (And your skin is perfect!) |
_________________
27 ~ fair skin, very rosy cheeks, dark hair, hazel eyes, mild Rosacea and Eczema, broken caps, hormonal cystic acne ~ Can't seem to keep a normal routine because I'm constantly trying new stuff =0) |
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Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:05 pm |
What a gorgeous picture... and the skin wow!
I too agree it needs to be about YOU.. my first wedding was big and expensive because my first hubby was a 'somebody' and there were a lot of people to be in attendance
Second hubby and I went to a JP and were married in his lovely home. We had it videotaped and then held a BBQ that evening where we announced it! Anyone who wanted to was able to watch it. My dad and my SIL were our witnesses. MY MIL and FIL and my own mom were hurt at the secrecy and if I were to do it again they'd be there, but it was quite spur of the moment. The BBQ had been planned long before the wedding and that was about three weeks. LOL
We spent the money on a lovely trip to Kauai and felt we got far more value out of that. |
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Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:49 pm |
| I've had both kinds of wedding -- the big to-do and an elopement -- and I have to say that I preferred the elopement. The big wedding, with all of the "stuff", is over so quickly and is so expensive, that to me it seemed kind of pointless. The elopement was so intimate and beautiful, I'd do it all over again with my husband! |
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American Indian/Irish/African descent, bleach-blonde hair with lowlights, tanned skin, greenish-brown eyes, strong facial features and drastically-improved lips! 28, but people tell me that I look seventeen-ish. |
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Sat Jul 12, 2008 10:07 pm |
| It should be whatever you want, but just be sure about what you want....it is a special day! My hubby and I were married three years ago, with the wedding 3,000 miles from where we live, and no coordinator! We started out talking about something extremely small, but it grew larger, and we ended up with about 100 people there. It was perfect, not too small, not too large. Although it was a lot of planning, and attention to all the details, I'm glad we did it. We were married in the church where my husband's parents were married, I danced with my father, and my husband with his mother. Our families are so important to us, I'm glad we had those moments with them. |
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