Comment from Man to Woman about Looks
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free skin care · Mon Jun 07, 2010 6:23 am

Ok, so both my BF and me are dealing with the issue of being middle aged, lol.

This weekend he says to me...."the difference between men and women is that women can do so much more to improve their looks"

Bad Grin

free skin care · Mon Jun 07, 2010 6:42 am

Wow! That is one where I don't even know what to say but "Wow", (and he is all yours, you lucky thing.) Sounds like something my DH would say right before I give him THE LOOK. Razz

free skin care · Mon Jun 07, 2010 7:35 am

..and this was right before he asked for my opinion as to whether he should start coloring his hair to remove the grey....lol.

Personally, I think with men, less is often more...when they start doing too much, it ends up looking too fake. I think this is one area where it's better to be a woman.

BF

free skin care · Mon Jun 07, 2010 5:18 pm

Well I don't want to sound like a bitter pill but I was pretty mellow about being older till I turned 38; ever since then it's been a nonstop nightmare. I've noticed that older men get away with so much looks wise, and many would not admit it but are very vain and obsessed with staying young. Like an older friend I have who won't color his hair but takes resveratrol and tons of fish oil, says it helps with his eye bags. But one day he saw me off my hormones without makeup and made a passing comment about that "middle aged look". He might as well call me all dried up, I'm sure he probably thinks it.

What is it about being a woman past a certain age?? I worked at a job this past spring where the entire building-- workers, HR staff, management, etc.-- was obsessed with what my real age is. I heard about it constantly! Some of my anti aging arsenal seems to work, and with makeup, I can look pretty good for my age. But do I have to look good, because I can, or now that I am middle aged I really ought to focus on more important things and let the looks stuff go? I refuse to be part of that debate. At one point people started wearing purple shirts ("when I am an old woman I shall wear purple") and "go U.S.A." t-shirts-- some even told me more or less to my face to leave the area--Albuquerque is a very naturalistic area, people think grooming, plastic surgery, skin care etc. is fake. Ie, if I look like I take care of my appearance I am anti American, not part of the hope and change that everyone voted for, and probably a selfish bitch who only cares about herself. A year before I got on this whole kick I was at an office where I heard about my age and how it showed all day long every day, was even told to have tons of work done. When will it end? I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City, I'd rather stick with 35. Turning 40 sucks!!

free skin care · Mon Jun 07, 2010 9:58 pm

Gretchen, so how did you get 2 different offices so focused on your age?

All I can say is thank goodness I work from home, and have for the last 7 years. I detest the water cooler cattiness, and all the other nonsense, wasted time, etc. Blech...I don't know if I could ever go back to a regular office again!

free skin care · Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:30 pm

bethany wrote:

Gretchen, so how did you get 2 different offices so focused on your age?

All I can say is thank goodness I work from home, and have for the last 7 years. I detest the water cooler cattiness, and all the other nonsense, wasted time, etc. Blech...I don't know if I could ever go back to a regular office again!

I find, even when I was working from home part-time that I still get so many random comments from people about my looks and I am not that "old".

Could be anywhere from the grocery store,bus stop,mall...whatever.

I've had so many random comments from strangers almost every week asking where my shoes are from, what brand purse, strangers asking what perfume I wear, today random lady asked me what skincare I used to have nice skin?
(really...)

When I worked in an office almost every day or week someone would ask what perfume I was wearing Rolling Eyes

Also from random people get asked what brand of eye shadow I wear (usually for chanel or a trucco one that looks nice on me Smile

I'd like to think I'm more or less "normal" looking.
Let's see, I have brown hair,"medium beige" complexion and look very similar to the annoying girl on "that 70's show" (mila kunis).
my parents are actually from the same country her family is from apparently.
(had to look that up after getting so many comments from random people Rolling Eyes

I do not really have any adice for "aging" as I am not that old yet Laughing

But my mother-she just turned 60 and she said she was going to stop coloring her hair then.

I often see on the bus some older ladies-like maybe 70,80 years old and they have super powdered faces and very bright black hair.
it just looks so odd and fake.

free skin care · Mon Jun 14, 2010 8:39 am

I work pretty hard at maintaining my health and my looks and I will turn 50 this year. No one ever guesses my true age - usually guessing 5 - 10 years younger - but over time, I am growing more and more tired of allowing myself to be a pawn in this ridiculous game.

I have a hunch that at one point, I'll just...let go, while still working furiously to maintain my health.

That might mean moving to some little hippie town when I get close to retirement - let my hair go grey, wear comfy clothes and put the high heels away - stop dressing and grooming for the attention of men. Maybe I'll just focus on me and my hippie friends, strumming guitars, drinking good wine, growing fine herbs and feeling the love - thinner thighs be damned. We only have so much time on this earth.

Enuff! BF (channelling her inner hippie)

free skin care · Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:35 am

Barefootgirl wrote:

That might mean moving to some little hippie town when I get close to retirement - let my hair go grey, wear comfy clothes and put the high heels away - stop dressing and grooming for the attention of men.

LOL! I will gladly join you in the hippie town. It all gets very old after a while.

free skin care · Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:37 am

Barefootgirl, I guess I should feel lucky. I live in a very hippy small town, but yet 30 miles away from one of the richest zip codes in America (think tons of fake lips and boobs) and also fairly close to a big metro city.

The thing with skincare is, I do it for *me*. Not to compete with anyone, or to beat up father time, but simply because it helps me feel better about myself.

I only volunteer info or suggestions if people ask me, which they usually don't. Often people ask my age, which is a bit rude I think? But I tell them. I think females in particular tend to compete with each other for some reason, or maybe just feel the need to "keep up". For example, when we dress up to go out, we are often dressing up to impress the girls, not the males really.

It's fun (and healthy) for me to keep up great skin, and a great body if possible. I love to ask someone who does their hair or color if I like it, and shop in the city for dressy clothes from time to time. (Carharts and patagonia are the norm here!). Maybe I am 50 percent princess and the other half hippy girl Wink

Most of all I just want to put sunscreen on everyone!

xo

free skin care · Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:54 pm

What a hoot this thread is. Looks like at some point we should all move to Alburquerque.

And we NEED to know what perfume Ottowa Shopper wears to get so many requests... Laughing

I never worried about my age. Still don't but Yes I guess I have a significant obsession with using the right products and exercising - both body and face. The way I look at it - you do the best you can, dress attractive, be upbeat and you come across more youthful naturally.

Keep 'em guessing girls!

Tue Jun 22, 2010 3:39 am

I think so guy

free skin care · Tue Jun 22, 2010 6:46 am

We still need to know the name of Ottowa Shoppers perfume Laughing

free skin care · Tue Jun 22, 2010 11:52 am

Barefootgirl wrote:

I work pretty hard at maintaining my health and my looks and I will turn 50 this year. No one ever guesses my true age - usually guessing 5 - 10 years younger - but over time, I am growing more and more tired of allowing myself to be a pawn in this ridiculous game.

I have a hunch that at one point, I'll just...let go, while still working furiously to maintain my health.

That might mean moving to some little hippie town when I get close to retirement - let my hair go grey, wear comfy clothes and put the high heels away - stop dressing and grooming for the attention of men. Maybe I'll just focus on me and my hippie friends, strumming guitars, drinking good wine, growing fine herbs and feeling the love - thinner thighs be damned. We only have so much time on this earth.

Enuff! BF (channelling her inner hippie)

oh oh oh - I am on the same spot not 50 yet -46 ... doing lots of things to look good and probably succesfully :most of them thinking that I am under 40 and I am not "transparent" yet (still get lots of attention from men ) but I am getting so tired of taking care of every cm of my body ... Sad

nails, toes, creams on butt an other on foot an other on belly -lolll - dry brushing face excercising , some gadgets , execersising every day ... hair done ...waxing , lashes , .... ufffff In the evening sometimes I am so tired of all this routine .. I still go on but not sure for how long I'll have that energy .. Is fun sometimes and is kind of hobby but I so wish to be like 20 years ago when every night I was washing my face and having a glass of wine and going to bed with a nice book ....

free skin care · Wed Jun 23, 2010 9:45 pm

I think a lot of the middle-aged man vs middle-aged woman debate is linked to the whole fertility issue. As a woman, once you're over 35 getting pregnant is more risky. Men, however, are supposed to be fertile until they die of old age, with no effect on the baby's health. Which, I just found out, is total NONSENSE. The father's age DOES matter, and it's around the same time that the risks go up, 35.
I talked to a German doctor who showed me all kinds of medical papers about it. I really don't know why nobody tells us this! It would, after a while, certainly change a lot. Sexism sucks. Sad

free skin care · Fri Jun 25, 2010 2:04 pm

Hi there

I get quite a few comments from people saying (Im 40 in 3 months) you look early 30s and the thing is .I DONT BELIEVE THEM. I think a) my husband is just saying that to cheer me up because he knows im worried about aging and b) spectacle wearing people that say it are probably seeing me out of focus,cause when I look at myself in the mirror I see every line, crease, sag and imperfection.

I think there is a conspiracy out there where everyone I meet has been told to tell me I look younger than I really am. I just cant see it myself.

Maybe I have facial dismorphia or something. I really would love to see this younger version of myself , I am soo very critical its like I cant see the wood from the trees. Any suggestions? How does one stop focusing on their imperfections if they are staring straight back at you ???

free skin care · Fri Jun 25, 2010 3:15 pm

Thoughtful,

I have heard the same all my life, even back in my 20's when I wasn't very happy about those comments! I think 1 those damn magnifying mirrors cause us to see every tiny imperfection as something major. 2 nobody scrutinizes our looks as much as we do ourselves and we also look at ourselves much closer (literally) than others do. 3 We are our own harshest critics. Smile

free skin care · Fri Jun 25, 2010 10:03 pm

Thoughtful, I know what you mean. Sometimes I don't even want to leave the house, I see every tiny little imperfection on my skin even if my skin is doing okay, and I feel so uncomfortable when people look at me. I am 25, my main problem right now is breakouts, but I feel exactly the same way about the dismorphia problem. It's really really hard to let go of it, and sometimes I'm wondering if maybe I'm going a little crazy..

Yeah, but as DarkMoon said, we're our own harshest critics and those magnifying mirrors do NOT help - even though I don't need a magnifying mirror to see what's wrong with my skin Sad

free skin care · Sat Jun 26, 2010 8:53 am

Thanks for your replies ladies. Glad Im not the only one whos critical about themselves.When I was younger I was more concerned with my figure and loosing pounds now the attention has gone to my face.

free skin care · Sat Jun 26, 2010 7:46 pm

sister sweets wrote:

What a hoot this thread is. Looks like at some point we should all move to Alburquerque.

And we NEED to know what perfume Ottowa Shopper wears to get so many requests... Laughing

I never worried about my age. Still don't but Yes I guess I have a significant obsession with using the right products and exercising - both body and face. The way I look at it - you do the best you can, dress attractive, be upbeat and you come across more youthful naturally.

Keep 'em guessing girls!

Usually it is Bvlgari Black
but kind of the same thing happens w Bvlgari green tea Smile

I also think instead of thinking you do not want to be older, you should be happy to be alive.
This lady last week she was just found dead in the park neaar my house and there was apparently a serial killer in my neighborhood.
I'm more worried about that.
At least the cought the man that did this Shock

free skin care · Tue Jul 13, 2010 6:53 pm

Barefootgirl wrote:

I work pretty hard at maintaining my health and my looks and I will turn 50 this year. No one ever guesses my true age - usually guessing 5 - 10 years younger - but over time, I am growing more and more tired of allowing myself to be a pawn in this ridiculous game.

I have a hunch that at one point, I'll just...let go, while still working furiously to maintain my health.

That might mean moving to some little hippie town when I get close to retirement - let my hair go grey, wear comfy clothes and put the high heels away - stop dressing and grooming for the attention of men. Maybe I'll just focus on me and my hippie friends, strumming guitars, drinking good wine, growing fine herbs and feeling the love - thinner thighs be damned. We only have so much time on this earth.

Enuff! BF (channelling her inner hippie)

I have decided to let myself go a couple of years ago, so to speak. I put less attention to all the details and found that I get more attention being more natural. I still groom, but I don't dwell on what is wrong and just live and be happy.

I dress for myself and self pleasure. Lingerie is for me, not my husband. Overall, it all works out and less is certainly a lot more then you think!

I would love to join the "hippie" club Very Happy

free skin care · Fri Jul 16, 2010 10:51 am

The best thing you can do for anti-aging is to have healthy lifestyle.

for men...........IMO the most aging things after being unhealthy looking are dyed hair and facial hair. I don't like facial hair on men over 40, it's so icky!

And worse is a dyed mustache or beard, who are they trying to kid?

Also men over 50 for the most part REALLY give up (even Oprah says this), it's so unappealing to see men who aren't groomed, are unhealthy looking, and have dyed hair/facial hair.

Women look better though with dyed hair, but everyone needs to be healthy and groomed, just my opinion. I agree with sister sweets, do your best to look healthy and attractive, and be a beautiful person to others!

I just got an invitation to a pot luck they called, "old people" and I find this kind of stuff really unappealing. Someone responded with a note that they will be sure to bring some salty junk food.......needless to say I won't be going, I don't want to refer to myself as old, or be around people who eat stuff like that, no wonder they are old!!!!!

free skin care · Mon Aug 02, 2010 7:23 pm

I think it all really depends on where you live/what the perception of being older is; ie, if it is considered cool or not. It's probably more than that but that is my lens. I never heard a word about my age when I was in Salt Lake City in my mid 30s.... never heard a catty "35" or comment with the word "40" in it... Yet in Albuquerque it is daily. The people here really have targetted middle aged chicks as the group to "get". My face is tightened up but my look does read as older due to body fat/hair loss & probably my overall energy. I went to a job this last spring after I'd started the Tua Viso and people just went BALLISTIC! My look with carefully applied makeup a la Laura Mercier and size 25 skinny jeans, a lifted and toned face... enough to scare some people! The younger kids were as angry as the old people.... people just couldn't tolerate it! A few people more or less told me to my face to leave the area! So it's damned it you do, damned if you don't in some places.... Albuquerque is not plastic surgery aware/friendly so people automatically go on the defensive and judge. I was in Santa Fe last week and a bookstore worker more or less insinuated to my face that I have fake boobs and a face lift as well as collagen in my lips... which I most certainly do not. He called them fake TA TAs. OMG, I almost fell off the couch. So sure, there is so much a woman can do to look better. Yeah right... what a bunch of hypocritical hogwash... at least in some places.

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