Feeling desperate and helpless
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free skin care · Mon Aug 15, 2011 6:11 pm

I dunno where to start but this is eating me alive now, i feel like i am going into a depressive state and helpless so im using this place as my outlet here.

To give perspective im gona try to start from the very beginning. So here's the thing......i met this person online and it started off as chatting in the beginning.......we really connected at an emotional level....like he really understood me...We would be talking online for hours during day weekends and if possible at night after I get off work.....so we been talking online for 1 and half to 2 years and i had begun to develop feelings for this person and he said the same thing about me....the problem was we lived in different countries, totally different backgrounds and cultures...so i always thought this was just gona be online and that was it. This is what i knew about him online though....he drank, did weed, and was out of a job.........but i thought this was all due to him going through a bad patch through life and was just not given a chance....he is a good person at heart and i still kinda think he is cause thats just my nature I like to see and think there is good in all....Now i think that perhaps that is my biggest weakness too.

So anyway during talking to him online he kept insisting I be his GF...but I knew it was not gona be possible to meet him considering the different countries, family background etc. My family is also from a strict cultural background....but I kept thinking what if!!I also talked to his sisters and brothers on facebook so yea they all said he is good at heart but does have bad habits so to speak!
I eventually became his GF online and we continued to talk online....in this time he once asked me to send him money and said it was a one off and he was gona pay me back once he starts working....considering his broke situation at the time I helped him....this asking for money started to increase overtime......sometimes monthly, sometimes every 2 weeks.....sometimes every week. For his birthday I even bought him a laptop so we could always stay in contact and talk no matter where he be. I also talked to him on phone too.....Gave him my skype account to use.........Being an online thing I knew because he went out weekends to bar/club he probly spoke to girls but I thought he was honest with me. But online I caught him a few times you know flirting with girls etc....But he mentioned he never physically cheated on me......So anyway last year i really started thinking about going to meet him so i would know once and for all what it was....Different people I talked to had different answers, like some said I should take a chance and find out and some thought the whole thing was crazy..was it really love or something else.....So i arranged a vacation in USA.....and we decided to meet up.....I really trusted him I stayed with him for like approx 17 days......I met his friends during the time and they all said he was good at heart and said he really loved me....and you know when i was here he was really sweet and loving to me....always looked out for me while i was here, made sure I was ok etc...Ok during that time one nite he had had a lot to drink and threw stuff at me and we had a fight but we made up and next day it was all back to ok....he kept saying he doesnt want me to go back home and just stay here but I cudnt it was just a vacation plus i dint have visa etc.....

I also spoke to his roomate who said he had a drinking problem so to speak and thats when he cant control it like stop drinking once he starts but i thought this was cause my bf was having a hard time getting a job stressed etc and he will change. So during this vacation time I paid for everything.....my flights, hotel stay where he would always stay with me....food and nights out at bar/club and any other touristy outings in his city........And to mention I also found he did weed a couple of times while I was there nothing extreme even though I told him not to mess with that shit while im there.....but he said he was addicted and needed it so he cudnt be completly off it....as he got hyper!!

Also I want to say that this guy has been my first bf physically and.....so I really loved him and i was thinking with my heart rather than head!

So during my vacation we decided it was either he was going to work, make money and come to my country or me try to find a job in usa so i could come back and we could be together. I left him some money again so he wont be broke. He looked really sad when i left him at the airport and we said our byes and I cried the day I left. He also called me when I got off my plane and said he really missed me and I felt the same.....he spoke to me in a heart broken voice too........
the second day after I had left I found out he went out drinking and got really messed up cause he was heartbroken that i had left - well thats what he told me as a excuse... I couldnt find out if he was ok etc so I had to contact his roomate eventually and found out. As remeber my only way of staying in contact with him was the computer or talking on his roomate's phone as he was too broke to afford a mobile phone!

So after I left he was back to his habits drinking etc.....mean to me online at times and at times really loving....and he said its cause I was not there in person with him....I again caught him flirting online with girls, even found ------------ pics on his computer when i had to fix it remotely....and his excuse was its cause his alone etc but he never physically cheat on me and being the stupid romantic fool i held that dear to my heart.....so his bad habits drinking weed etc continued and I was getting more and more stressed after all this guy is suposed to be working making money so I could come there and we could be together as planned....and again sending him money every 2 weeks to monthly continued as I did not want him out on the streets.....eventually I paid for his bus ticket to go see his family in another city as I thought the environment he was living in was bad and he would not do weed with his family which I was right about. While at his mom's place he did behave but got drunk a couple of times so she kicked him out....he was back to his roomates place again after 2 months maybe less.

Now meanwhile after I had left I started looking for job options in USA, closer to the city he lived in but we spoke about that he will move if I find something elsewhere........Now my family does not know about him at all.....Cause they are very strict and I was too scared to tell them about someone like him.... and I knew they would not accept him until he fixes himself which in my mind I thought he will cause he loved me and he said he was gonna be good to me (again thinking with my heart than head!). I mentioned about him to a few of my online friends.....in terms of not online at home only 1 close friend knows about him..........as I needed to speak to someone to get some perspective about the situation. The friends that knew said he was really bad for me.....his drinking would get out of control and he isnt safe for me.....now at the time i thought i was thinking with my head which I now realise was heart not head!
His family really likes me cause they say im good for him.....Anyway I started applying for jobs in the states....i got rejected once and the second time I got an offer! Now it was getting all serious about moving.....I spoke to my one close friend at work and we talked it over and he said it be a very good experience for me the move, my career etc but he said dont make the decision to go based on this guy! My online friends said the same....although one said dont go at all as he was worried I will not be safe with this guy.

The hard part was convincing my family for the move........took me over 1-2 months but I convinced them it was for my career, it be good for me and i will be back home in 1-2 years......I knew i was hurting them but i thought i was in love and i had to take this chance to be with my love. I still havnt told my family about him......cause i thought once he is in good shape i will tell them......
After thinking it over for like 1-2 months I decided to move to the States and it was a really hard decision to quit my job, leave my friends and family back home I moved here to be with him.

I thought once Im here he will be good, change his ways now the month before I was to come the guy (my bf) we had an argument cause i sent him some money to fix himself....and remeber he is now back with his roomate having being kicked out by his mom...his sisters sent him money to....and he blew 300 bucks on drinking 2 days in a row....so we have this argument....and i thought thats it and sent him to hell.....in the meanwhile i also find out he been trying to get in touch with his ex teling her he loves her etc etc n and he kinda likes this girl online (me) but he cant stop thinking about his ex...........so we have another argument and i was really hurt thinking i gave this person my time, money, made the decision to move, having quit my job by now etc etc and he does this to me.........once we both calmed down he says he was drunk and out of it thats why he wrote that email to his ex but he will never go back to her cause she hurt him too much.......i knew he still had feelings for his ex because he be trying to call her from my skype to check up on her but he always said i was the one n he does that cause he cares about people and that is it. so ok i let that go....thinking after everything I cant just quit on him.

So ok couple of days after this episode this guy (my bf) is really talking weird like nonsense bs......about being kidnapped....people trying to kill him......bad bad times etc etc his family (sisters and mom) and me thought ok it must be some drugs his taking, hallucinations etc....i asked his roomate who also said it was withdrawel systems from weed etc...talking to him i told him it was all not real whatever he was imagining but he literally believed and still does all the nonsense like he has lost his mind!!!

So i thought all the shit has really now pushed him to the end (being broke, no job, kicked out by family, living alone, just like nothing positive going on, me not being there), and i felt this strong need to come here be with him make sure his ok......so i paid for his ticket again to go to the city where i got my job and stay with a close friend so he could get used to the surroundings, find a job and make it a little easier for me when i finally come....
lets just say 1 week before Im due to come things dont work out with his friend (who he says was gay and tried to get too close to him) so now he went back to his roomate!
So finally here I am in usa, started my new job......the guy (my bf) catches a bus and comes to me....all this time im still thinking if i am doing the rite thing and my family doesnt know etc etc i feel guilty but i think i love him n its meant to be and he loves me.

so we stay in a hotel for a month and things are going ok....he says he will look for a job in an area once he knows where im gona be based (my apartment) so it can be close for him to go to.....im paying all this time for hotel and food for me and him....we go to the bar on weekends and out.....but now i start thinking his not picking his weight...when he wants to go look for his job im suposed to buy him work clothes, haircut etc....ok i do that to keep things calm between us and think maybe he will apply for a job as he says.
He does start applying to places now......but im still getting sick now with the every weekend bar and him wanting to drink on weekends.....on top of that him always wanting to go out and here i am thinking i need to save i cant afford eating out nice places every day.....and as i try to cut that out he eats in the hotel restaurant and runs a bill on the food and drinks there.....so after constantly bugging him he attempts to cut that out.......so one night during the week he gets really drunk......so when he comes back to the room I think ok I have had it with this guy and he is really using me and I cant do it nomore......also to mention in this first month when his gotten mad he has pushed me but not hit me............so the next morning we have an argument and i tell him to get lost...he asks me money for a ticket which I give just so i can be rid of him.....he pushes me again, throws stuff at me which bruises me, swears at me, and leaves saying never to call him.

I cry my eyes out and then I call him back I dont no why I did but I do just that....he bought the ticket already, however we say our sorrys and he comes back...The ticket which is still usable for a year is still there to this day $170 bucks wasted.....so then I find an apartment and move into this apartment the second month....and he finds a job where he trains for the next 2 weeks....and one in which he will be getting paid almost a month later.

now during the second month we have minor arguments where we both end up saying bad things to each other but always make up.....we have another major argument and this time he pulls my hair, and pushes me to the bed....where again I get hurt..........but after he calms downs he says his really sorry.....and in this month he always wants to continue to go out bar every weekend which cause of his constant nagging and getting angry i end up going.....

one night we go out and come back.....and he wanted to go to a club/bar after we got off from one bar and i said no because he had been out for like 8 hours already and he was drunk I knew, so he swears at me in the taxi all the way and when he get back home he throws his shoe at me which again I get hurt and bruised....same story in the morning he says his sorry and trys to be all loving.....but now the worst of it all last weekend is where things really went downhill.

we both went out to a club/bar which i dint want to in the first place, just wanted to have a relaxing nite in and plus he has work the next day....but he insists so much so we both go......we come back and im feeling so sick....i spend the whole nite throwing up........he sleeps and wakes up and his out of it, hungover.....and his like its late he missed work and needs to call....you (me) go walk to my workplace and talk to my manager....even though i was in no state to be walking and still throwing up in the morning! and he insists so much and i say il do it later or il call..........he goes off calling people on his phone (talking to people)...........in the meanwhile drinking more and more.....vodka, beers......talking on the phone......while im throwing my guts out..

as i lay down to rest, he asks for my laptop and I say no.......cause i dint want him walking out drunk with it.........and he gets really mad with me saying im treating him like crap not letting him talk to his family using skype as his phone is out of credit now........next minute he gets all psychotic on me.......pushes me, slaps me, and tries to strangle me!!.....meanwhile im teling him no please stop and i top up his phone with my credit card....!!! after a while he says sorry and continues drinking ..trys to cut himself saying he cant forgive himself what hitting me......i end up calling his sister crying on the phone.......and she talks to him all mad and eventually he stops and she tells me to get out of the house until he has calm down ..and he was back on the phone talking with his friends.....then starts with his singing dancing etc etc now im at a point where i cant take this nomore as im still feeling sick and the singing and dancing was getting to my head............so i lock myself in the bathroom as he wont leave me alone and call my friend back home (in my country).........as he is the only person that knows about this guy whom i can talk to. my friend tells me I need to get ready leave until we both calm down......and if he is not safe then i need to call security or cops but my safety was first. when i open the door i find my bf sleeping in his drunken state....i take my phone, laptop and leave so i can talk more to my friend back home....to make sense of this all......eventually i go back to the apartment and try to sleep as at this time he is already sleeping.

Now he wakes up few hours later and wakes me up too and i tell him he needs to leave as I cant take this nomore....and he starts to get angry saying i want some food....lets go stop treating me like crap.......i say no.......and he starts to get all violent again pushing me, slaping his knuckles really hard on my head, pulling my hair and tries to strangle me again and im begging him to stop and i agree to go out have dinner and 3 beers at the restaurant......so now after he has had his dinner his back to being all happy again n we get back to the apartment (although he still is not sober yet)

next few days i tell him all that has happened and i ask him to leave and say that im freaked out now when he gets drunk and we just cant be together nomore, plus i cant forgive him nomore or love someone like him. If you love someone you cant lay a finger on them!!.........

So thats that summary on top.

Since the above happened over the next few days I been thinking that I was better of back home....and im just ruining my life here with this guy........he has already done more damage emotionally, physically, morally etc..... So now this whole time his trying to say sorry saying he loves me but he still has his anger bursts now and then however doesnt hit me.....so then he gets finally paid some money during the week.....and goes out and gets drunk again! even though during the week he promised me his gona give up drinking and try to be good maybe even go to those alcohol * spam alert * places.

so again i remind him to leave the next morning and he calls me at work saying sorry etc etc......and that his realised his drinkingis screwing him up....and this day is the first time ever he buys me something which is a card and some chocolates to say sorry!........i tell him dont expect everything to be ok as i still cant forgive him.......so the next day he is good or so he says he hasnt drunk.........things are still not normal cause im thinking i just wana go back home now........im done with usa, with this loser and i miss my family....plus they dont even know about this person and the hell im living in

All I can think of right now is i just wana go back to my normal life.....this guy has made me loose everything and im miserable and alone here away from family, friends etc and i cant even talk to someone close by!!......and because i cant act like before nomore and tell him i love him he goes out and gets drunk again for the past 4 days and each time says it is my cause im not giving him a chance he wants us to love each other again etc etc......
but my problem is now that im stuck with this loser, he wont leave.....i just wana get out of this mess and go home. maybe if this guy left i could try to make something of my job here which is actually good!
but why i really feel depressive and helpless right now is cause i been thinking today im living in a hell, this guy wont leave my apartment, everyday now his coming home drunk, im freaked out his gona beat me up, he makes a mess in the apartment being drunk, breaking things....and the mess he makes which i have to clean up.

i dont wana call the cops cause when he gets out he might come after me, i just want him to leave on his own!

i mean I left my home, job back home, family everyone for this @sshole and here I am alone and miserable...im stuck in a 6 months apartment contract which stops me right now from getting on the next plane back.....my job is alrite here and maybe i could try to make something out of it for 6 months to 1 year but this loser wont let me in this state.......and worst of all today i was thinking that I could be pregnant....which I really really hope not....the chances are minimal but still a chance so i have to live in anxiety for the next couple of weeks until i get my period.

i cant tell my family about the big mess im in, it will only give them heartbreak, stress worry and i feel soo guilty lieing to them about him all this time, i know I created this situation myself, i had everything going for me....but maybe to a point he brainwashed me online...I know i can be soo gullable and he got me good!......all my friends that do know online and the one I told offline all told me not to come, also even though my family dint know about him they told me not to come....they said i would be ruining my life...
So right now i feel really distressed about all thinking about everything that im alone here, i gave up everything to be with this looser, even lost my virginity to him......for what!!! I just want to get back home to my life........Also i just wana leave my family out of this mess cause its so bad i dont feel i can break their hearts which I will if they found out about this....i just wanna go back home and continue my life and forget him, and this episode of my life if possible.
i know im repeating myself but right now i feel so desperate and anxious, helpless and god knows what you name it.......i dont have anyone close here that i can open up to and thinking about pregnancy is driving me nuts and most of all he wont leave my apartment and i am alone in this new city and country which i been here for 2 months!

On top of all the guy is a freaking loonatic you know he mentions his weird story about being kidnapped, etc, etc everyday - and this scares me alot!!!

sorry for the really long post but i dint know whom to talk to or where else to go today!
even when im at work this is all i can think off although that is the only time i get peace of mind from dealing with a drunk!
I dont really know what to do, how to make him leave....and also im soo paranoid right now what if i could be pregnant

free skin care · Mon Aug 15, 2011 7:07 pm

It's hard to know where to even start with this sweetie, but you are not alone. You do have choices. You just have to make that decision to use them. I know this is hard, but I think in your heart you already know what you need to do.
Call your local Women's shelter abuse hotline. They can point you in the right direction for resources. The police can also be your friend, do not hesitate because they are also a good resource.
I was a therapist working with children at the local Battered Women's shelter for years and I worked the hotlines at times. Your story touches me to the core, as I have heard it so many times. Different, names, places, but the same feelings for me when I hear it.
I know you said you don't want to burden your family, but that is what they are there for when you need them. Call your family! How would they feel if something happened to you and you did not give them the chance to help you?
Talk to someone in person, whether its your landlord, your friends/co-workers, or even a local pastor you don't even know yet. Don't worry about burdening them with your plight, you would be suprised how many people will be willing to help you.
Do not go thru this alone and don't put up with this behavior. If you are afraid, then trust your instincts.
I hope this helps a little and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know what you need as support, if nothing more than an ear.
You were strong enough to make this move here, now gather yourself up and be strong again. You will rise above this, if not for you then you have to for the possiblility of the child. You are the only voice they have. Now use it!

free skin care · Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:44 am

Sweetheart, Annie has already given you some fantastic advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, too.

Imagine what you would say to a friend who found herself in the same situation - what would you advise her to do? Surely, you'd want her to get out of that situation immediately and get help.

As Annie has posted, there are people who can and will help you - the Police, women's shelters. You need to contact them right now and I'm sure that they will support you.

It takes a hell of a lot of strength and guts to move on your own to another country to start a new life there. So you've proven that you can be strong. I just know that you will get through this.

And anytime you need to vent or someone to talk to, please know that we're right here for you.

xxx

free skin care · Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:43 am

Maybe it would be a good idea, however difficult, to get in touch with your family. I am sure they would do everything they can to help you get away from a violent drunk who uses you.
I don't know you but I do know you do not deserve a life like this.

free skin care · Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:22 am

since i wrote this post....another miserable yet again yesterday.....

he got paid from work and went to cash his cheque in which was about 200 bucks i told him on the phone from work not to drink etc etc and he agreed.

I get home from work and there he is again at the restaurant down the road from the apartment where they serve drinks (it has a bar area in it). When i got there he was talking to other person and said to me im just paying my bill which he did and said im leaving il be back at apartment in few minutes. so i left.

come 3 hours and he still had not come back......i figured he was still there drinking. a little while later he comes in with a crazy look....saying come out (i am in the apartment complex common area at this time)....so i pack my stuff and come out and i see him having words with the security person and im like whats up....he is like i just saw some person walk out our apartment....what the hell is happening....your family sent people to spy on us? i think the guy put spy cameras in the apartment....i try to reason with him its not possible he has one set of keys and i had mine. and when i went back the apartment was locked, his like teling me no no the guy had keys he saw him etc....the security person and i both no know that he is out of it drunk....plus she told me that the person he was going on about were visiting some one else in the complex. next minute he leaves and walks down the road again...i figure his gone back to the bar to drink more!

so im sitting in the lobby and now im freaked out to go back to my actual apartment thinking what the hell is gonna happen tonight when he comes back..i also call my close friend back home for support.

i knew the restaurant closes at 10 so he be back by then...1020 i get off from the lobby common area cause thats when the security person closes it at approx 10. I ask the security women did she see him walk in the gate and shes like yea approx 15 mins and he went walking to the apartment...i explain to her im freaked out and shes like hopefully he is sleeping but if something happens you call me or the cops and she gave me the number.

i go back to my apartment and ring the bell and he doesnt open the door. while i have my keys to open it there is an extra lock from the inside too which he had put on!! i go back to the lobby feeling distressed and the women is like you go and keep knocking and walk around and go knock on the room windows too. I do this for like apporx 15-20 minutes with no luck realising that i was gonna be able to get in my apartment for the night!!! as not only he so very drunk and hallucinating....as he was sleeping now no matter how much i knock and ring the doorbell he wasnt gona wake up till morning.

So guess what i had to spend the night in the lobby area and cudnt even get into my own freaking apartment!! the women im sure she felt sorry for me as she was nice enough to let me stay there for the night even though they close that area after 10!

spending a sleepless night thinking bout all that had happened i go back at 6 am and ring the bell and this time he opens it asking where were you?......he is like i just woke up and i was gonna get ready to go looking for you....i felt soo angry and frustrated at this moment i tried to stay calm, showered got ready and left for work and he had to say was im sorry i dunno why i did this..and kept saying he loves me.and he still kept mentioning the spy crap!!!

so here i am at work, i dint have dinner last night, i dint have breakfast...and i feel soo tired and hardly in any condition to be productive and function for the day

free skin care · Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:51 am

One of the traits of abusers is to isolate the victim, where they feel they have no choice but to stay with the abuser. That is where you FEEL you are at, but you are not.
Reach out, like you did to the security person but take that a step further.
His paranoia sounds like something else other than just the drinking. Mental illness, drug abuse (other than just the pot) can manifest itself when amplified by the alcohol abuse.
You are enabling his * spam alert * as well when he can spend his money on alcohol and you are working to "support" him. The fact that you are still there enables him in itself. It reinforces that his behavior is not harmful enough for you to leave. And you know that THAT is not true, so stop that part of the cycle.
I worried about you last night and told my hubby your tale. He knows what a huge part of my life the shelter was and how frustrating it was for me to give advice and try to help women who would not help themselves! Don't you be one of those!
You have a lot of support here. You can do this.

free skin care · Tue Aug 16, 2011 6:05 pm

I had an abusive ex-husband once, go to the police and they will help you, then file a Restraining Order against this guy (local court house & its free). Then you'll need to change the locks on the apartment so he cannot get back in. Sounds harsh but it's for the best. Or you can just pack up your belongings and go back home, doesn't matter what your family thinks, this is your safety here and your life. He's done enough damage, time for it to end.

Be strong...and put yourself first. /hugs

free skin care · Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:44 pm

Simran, you know that what you are going thru is not normal or you would not have reached out for confirmation. Get yourself out of there PLEASE.
If you talk to the landlord with any police confirmation such as a restraining order (or even without), you should be able to break that lease. Physical endangerment is grounds for it if you are in fear of your safety.
Come on girl, you got this! We're pulling for you!
Let us know you are okay.

free skin care · Wed Aug 17, 2011 3:58 am

I agree with everyone else, simran - you really need to get out of there or to get him out, and the Police and women's shelter people will help you to do this.

Or do what WhiteWolf suggests and go back to your family. I'm sure that they would much rather you be back home and safe with them than to stick around an abusive, controlling alcohol and substance abuser.

Please take care.

free skin care · Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:03 am

Thanx for ur support all.... This is wat iv done since....I entered up talking to a friend at work and she is the sweetest she must have noticed sumthing was wrong with me she offered I could stay at her place until he is out of there either willingly or restraining order etc.
I also called my bf and we had a long talk he knows I can't b with him like this he has agreed he needs professional help and that I'm not coming home while he is there. He said he will get help, work, not even touch alcohol cause starting one he can't stop and he said he will try to proove himself to me but he knows he has probably lost me. He sounded really down yesterday and knows wat he has done is wrong his sister spoke to him and called me too, but we both know based on past record he may not or maybe try to get help like he said.
I gave him two options either I but
Y him a ticket out of here or if he wants to keep his job he can use this week to work and money he gets use that to arrange another place for him. I told him m not going back while he is in my apartment though and he knows this time I mean what I said cause I stayed the nite at my friends house. M also planning to go get some clothes etc while he is at wrk today. I also made him understand bcoz he not on my lease apartment will kick him out whether I do it or not plus they seen him drunk so even if he wants they will not put him on lease this way he cnt take any revenge on me for kicking him out I thought. So he has this week let's see if he meant what he said on phone. Il update here wat happens

free skin care · Wed Aug 17, 2011 4:35 pm

Good for you, you are on the right track! Now just keep away from him and stay strong! Good luck with everything.

free skin care · Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:01 pm

I've never heard of a landlord that won't let a woman in an abusive relationship out of a lease. Run, as fast as you can. Relocate if you can get a new job. He won't stop bothering you if you keep paying for his stuff, he's a parasite, cut him off if you haven't done so already.

free skin care · Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:04 pm

Hang in there, best of luck. hugs

free skin care · Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:25 am

As Annie said, stay strong. Don't let him talk you around with promises that he is almost certainly unlikely to keep. You've given him enough chances.

Good luck, simran.

free skin care · Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:58 am

Why do you continue to believe his lies? Of course his family wants you to stay with him so they don't have to pay! Make sure you continue to use birth control because he might try to get you pregnant so you are trapped.

Tell your parents the job didn't work out and you are coming home. Ask for their financial help if you need it. Don't tell the boyfriend. Ship your things back home bit by bit so he doesn't notice. Then on the day of your flight, pretend you are going to work as usual and leave and have NO CONTACT with him or his family from that point on.

Once you are home, get therapy. Until you eliminate the belief that you deserve to be mistreated (I wonder about your relationship with your father) you will attract someone else just like him.

You might want to cut and paste your posts into the thread about dating men who make less money than you do.

free skin care · Mon Aug 22, 2011 7:49 am

Let's not confuse the issue. We can't judge whether she has any relationship issues with her father and it is best not to throw that into the mix at this time. Emotional stability is the key here, not more baggage to dwell on. Although therapy can be a good idea down the road, her most immediate concerns are to be thinking clearly, focusing on THIS issue & to leave the situation quickly. Let's leave it to a professional to discern the root of her issue, that is a dangerous road to travel down at this point and especially on a forum. I would not attempt that indepth (and I am one).
If someone contacted me with a story like that about MY son, I would be very concerned about his emotional well-being, financial aspect aside. His sister does sound alarmed, as well she should be for a myriad of reasons. To be fair to her, she does advise Simran to leave until he calms down. She is the only link they have right now to what he is truly doing. Once she is gone, he could go off of the radar and spiral down even further.
Money isn't the motive in all relationships, I would hate to have become that cynical. Heaven help me if the day came where I was more motivated financially to advise a women in an abusive situation to stay with her abuser, whether he is my son or not. And the sad truth it would seem is that not everyone thinks that way though.
But you are correct in that once she is safely back home, no contact with his family is best while she focuses on healing herself. If she is already pregnant, that opens a whole new chapter with his family and one that would ultimately have to be dealt with.

free skin care · Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:45 am

Any issues as to how and why you get involved in destructive relationships are best left alone until you've gotten out and are getting back in balance. The main thing NOW is to GET OUT OF THERE and get real about yourself and what you want your life to be like. Again: You Do NOT deserve a life like this. Love yourself. Get out of there.

free skin care · Sat Aug 27, 2011 12:57 am

Would love an update from Simran. Am pulling for her and hope she is doing okay and is safe.

free skin care · Sat Aug 27, 2011 4:45 am

Yes, I do hope that all is well, Simran.

(Perhaps she doesn't have easy access to the internet at the moment if she is, hopefully, in the process of getting this man out of her life?)

free skin care · Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:12 am

That is my hope as well. Give us an update when you can Simran and positive thoughts are with you.

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