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Sat Sep 29, 2012 7:04 pm  |
I don't know about you, but I find a lot of children and young people are very, very desensitized. Nothing fazes them.
I find it disturbing and how do you get them to be more sensitive and feel some shame? |
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Sat Sep 29, 2012 7:55 pm |
| Shame for what? |
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Claudia of FlexEffect... 43, fair skin, occasional breakout, Using ECO FROG (my own=disclaimer), and TrueScience (I also sell this)... Happy with that...Come visit on FB! |
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Sat Sep 29, 2012 7:58 pm |
| They don't feel any shame for any wrongdoing. |
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Sun Sep 30, 2012 2:26 am |
| Quote: |
| They don't feel any shame for any wrongdoing. |
Check out Non-Violent Communication. |
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Sun Sep 30, 2012 4:43 am |
This is interesting, but you could you be more specific? Are you talking about violence, sex, bullying, stealing....?
There are many different ways this could be taken at a first glance. |
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Sun Sep 30, 2012 5:26 am |
A year ago, I was training a new staff member. From the very first day, her face was always in her cell phone, emailing, text msging. I was always talking to the back of her head. She internet shops. She doesn't give a damn.
When we were away on vacation, kids literally stepped on our bodies as we were sunning and I went after them. They don't say sorry & parents look the other way. I see this very often. Young adults don't shift their body so that an elderly can pass easier and you can that person is struggling to walk.
They don't cry, they don't feel hurt and any misfortune to them does not faze them.
I am saying that I see this going on the past few years and it appears to get worse.
Hubby and I ran into a father, son at this viewing at a small military base. The father was proud that blood, gore, weapons does not faze his son and he said "desensitize is the way of the future for them". I asked about how can we rely on our children to care for us, and he said, times change. We are all on our own. Get with it.
There was also an attitude from the young adults that if you had a misfortune, it is not their problem and too bad for you, then laugh.
I know I am opening a debate, but I am interested to see what your say is and for those type of people, how do you get them to feel any form of shame? |
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Sun Sep 30, 2012 6:54 am |
| Children grow up in a society that idolizes violence, every movie they see, every computer or on line game they play is full of it. The heroes of their stories are the ones who beat other people up - the winner is the one who beats the hardest. Strong fighters are admired. Empathy is for weaklings. That is popular culture, and children are immersed in it from birth. If in their upbringing there is not enough to balance this fantasy world of violence with real life values and a sense of community, this is what is shaping their life and their being. |
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Sun Sep 30, 2012 5:32 pm |
In every generation, you are going to get the older generation who thinks the newer generation has "no manners", or has gone downhill whether with sex, violence, rock and roll or whatever.
60 yrs ago the show "i love lucy" was deemed too "sexual" for their times. There was a lot of uproar from people at that time about the racy nature of the show.
There has always been violence. Sure, maybe not in the form of movies or video games....but there sure was violence. Back in the Roman days, watching gladitors kill each other for sport was accepted. Prisoners were dismembered limb by limb from horses running in opposite directions (literally the person is torn apart) while this is showed to the public. In the 1800's, "witches" were burned at the stake for all neighborhood to witness. Beheadings and hangings were common "events" that were staged for the open public to see as well.
Back in the days it was the norm for young boys to join the army, learn to handle a gun and go fight in war. And not too long ago disapline in schools were in the form of teacher physically hitting students in front of the whole class.
So yes, sex and violence has always been there but has just have evolved and taken different forms. Where the old generation may still believe in hitting and spanking, we see that the new generation do not believe in using these technique for disaplining.
There are good parenting and bad parenting in every society and generation. |
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Late 20's, clarisonic, Vit C serum, hormonal acne, congested pores, combination skin, living in Vancouver Canada |
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Mon Oct 01, 2012 5:52 am |
Yes, historically each generation has trended toward trying to shake up, shock or revolutionize the prior ones.
But...we are fast approaching the end point for human behavior, I believe.
With the advent of current internet communications, I think we can safely say that now, it's all out there.
What is left but to leave behind the bits and traces of what make us human and that I find is sad.
I hug my loved ones and pray for their future.
BFG |
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Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:19 am |
WARNING: The following post is 100% sincere. It is also potentially offensive.
I am from the southern United States, and being courteous and respectful is still the norm here. We have our share of drama, but it is nothing like New York or some other places.
I understand what you are saying, but it is very easy to raise children in the opposite end of the spectrum. My mother did this with me, and there will always be a part of me that hates her for it.
We don't live in a "nice" world. We live in a world where women can get mugged or raped. We live in world where there are bad people who do bad things. That's just the way it is. WHEN (not 'if' but 'when') bad stuff goes down, do you want your children to be crying in the corner, or taking action to stop it?
My mom wanted me and my sister to be the "cry in the corner" type. And I type the following sentence with no shame nor apology: She was a moron for actively wishing this. It goes a lot farther than someone walking on me while sunbathing--When I lived in Texas, I was once held at gunpoint. There is nothing quite like having your life flash before your eyes to make you realize that people NEED to toughen up.
I am probably making assumptions, but the way you worded things here puts me under the impression that you have a very "1950s" mindset. Well, it's not the 50s anymore. I am PROUD that there are so many things I am desensitized to. It's literally saved my life at least 3 times.
You need to either find a happy medium, or ask yourself which is the lesser of two evils. As far as I'm concerned; desensitization all the way.
Sorry to get all philosophical about this, but it's something that needs to be discussed more often. |
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Mon Oct 01, 2012 5:28 pm |
| Quote: |
I am probably making assumptions, but the way you worded things here puts me under the impression that you have a very "1950s" mindset. Well, it's not the 50s anymore. I am PROUD that there are so many things I am desensitized to. It's literally saved my life at least 3 times.
You need to either find a happy medium, or ask yourself which is the lesser of two evils. As far as I'm concerned; desensitization all the way.
Sorry to get all philosophical about this, but it's something that needs to be discussed more often |
I do believe that with a more modern approach, we have become more liberal too...which is good and bad. Whichever way you look at it. I think from a woman's stand point, i am thrilled to be living in the society I live in than that of 50 years ago. In a way it is great that a woman can have choices like abortion, be able to talk freely about sex and not feel "ashamed" or dirty. I'm glad we are able to divorce a man who treats us crappy and be able to have an education and work. I'm glad that when harsh things such as rape happens, women are more keen on reporting it to authorities and talking about it than they were 50 yrs ago. I'm glad that sex education is being taught in grade school instead of keeping this subject taboo.
Although some say that certain cultures have "bad manners" for example New Yorkers, I actually appreciate their "straight to the point, no BS attitude". I would take that ANY DAY, than someone who smiles, bats their eyes, says please and thank-you yet never exposes their nasty inner selves and instead shows their bad manners in-directly rather than directly. |
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Late 20's, clarisonic, Vit C serum, hormonal acne, congested pores, combination skin, living in Vancouver Canada |
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Tue Oct 02, 2012 6:14 am |
^Exactly. When a pair of jeans make my ass look fat, I expect my loved ones to tell me straight up.  |
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Tue Oct 02, 2012 4:15 pm |
| Barefootgirl wrote: |
Yes, historically each generation has trended toward trying to shake up, shock or revolutionize the prior ones.
But...we are fast approaching the end point for human behavior, I believe.
With the advent of current internet communications, I think we can safely say that now, it's all out there.
What is left but to leave behind the bits and traces of what make us human and that I find is sad.
I hug my loved ones and pray for their future.
BFG |
You have made a very good point and I am concerned that they are too desensitized and you can't reach them for good morals and simply being human. |
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Tue Oct 02, 2012 4:19 pm |
| Chlorophyll wrote: |
WARNING: The following post is 100% sincere. It is also potentially offensive.
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Like I said, I wanted to open up a conversation here, not searching other members past posts and personally attack them and combine another post to another. Enough!
Chlorophy, I know it was not you. (hugs)
I am afraid majority of young people are missing a certain level of sensitivity through my observations and interaction. |
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Wed Oct 03, 2012 8:31 am |
I have read the posts and have hesitated to weigh in. It is such a hard/controversial topic to fully discuss in a forum such as this and give it the attention needed to bring you peace in a simple answer.But I wanted to add my opinion from a recent discussion I just gave on this particular subject.
There is a balance and it is very difficult thing to do. To have compassion, yet have strong self-preservation. To have innocence but with reality, compassion with a healthy bit of cynicism. Each has to compliment the other in order to help a child grow into a HEALTHY adult that feels empathy and love but yet is strong, competent and confident. It's what I wished for as a parent, as do most parents I would think.
There has been an aim for this sense of balance since the dawn of time, but with the media and Internet it just brings it "more in your face" I suppose.
AS it was pointed out earlier,life has always been filled with brutal acts and barbaric customs, although many at the time were not percieved as such, and it's only in the re-telling do we see the error of our ways and the injustices.
But yet in todays times, I see/hear wonderful stories and acts of kindness daily and in those moments, I am in awe and grateful for that glimpse of humanity. It restores my faith and keeps me striving to be a "good and kind" person.
All you can do is to control your own thoughts and teach/lead by example, wisdom and courage and hopefully influence your own household.
As my father once told me about WWII and war in general, "Imagine at age 15, given a rifle and told to shoot/capture that scared and hungry little boy looking back at you in the name of war, or you would be killed/captured. The taking of a life is a serious thing. You put aside that grief for your loss of innocence in the name of survival and then pray that one day you will be forgiven. And you just come to terms with it in your heart and mind in a way that makes your burden easier to carry because it never leaves you. To do so would be an justice to yourself and those lives you have taken. You are forever changed by that one act but you strive to be a better person for the change." That has always stayed with me and I grieve for the young people who become adults in the hardest of times and under the darkest of circumstances.
But the reality of life is that it IS hard/harsh and to teach that it is all light, love and equality does does not do any justice either. Chlorophyll makes some good points on being raised Southern, which I am. It took a long time personally (and a psychology degree) to undo the victim mentality beat into me by good manners and silence of a strong Southern Babtist/small town rearing. Now I take a "do unto others but leave me the hell alone and we will all get along" sense of self. I treat everyone kindly but take no crap. It serves me better(personally) and I am proud that I can speak my mind and stand up for myself when need be.
The world doesn't owe us/our children fairness as much as we would like it so and the lessons can be painful in the learning of it.
I worked at the Battered Women's Center with abused children many years ago, that was my specialty. Talk about being desensitized. The best you can hope to teach a child is to be a survivor (not a victim)with a sense of worth and that not everywhere is a monster under the bed. You have to look for the good in YOUSELF.
Interesting conversation here and there are no easy answers/solutions. I can just tell you in my humble opinion, there are good and compassionate people/children out there and I am proud to know many.
Being also a minister, this is a topic that we discuss often.
Having said all of that, you know what example scares but yet heartens me the most? How quickly our cities can turn to total anarchy in times of disaster/crisis such as the example of Katrina and New Orleons. But on the flip side, how overcome with emotion and hope in the gracious way that the Japanese people dealt with the Tsunami aftermath. And yet some heroes and great stories of courage and compassion arose out of both disasters.
I suggest you check out a wonderful facebook page dedicated to re-connecting with your loved ones/children in times such as these. Being "Hands Free" is a good first step.
https://www.facebook.com/#!/TheHandsFreeRevolution?fref=ts
Faith and hope, Skincare, faith and hope. That's my daily mantra. Keep the faith!!! |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Wed Oct 03, 2012 9:42 am |
Great write up AnnieR. I share a lot of the same views as you but could never have expressed my opinion so elegantly.  |
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Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it |
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Wed Oct 03, 2012 5:27 pm |
Yes Annie that is a good post. Everything is about balance. Although good manners is important, just as important or maybe even more important is smartness or to be not so naive. Back in the days kids were really being taught to never talk back to authoroties or elders, but as we know...there are a lot of elders that have taken advantage of their power. Priests, teachers, boy scout leaders etc that molests kids does happen. Ofcourse not everybody is bad, but child molesters for example usually are wolves in sheep clothing and you just never know. I think it's good to educate children about the horrors of this world so they are able to not be scared to cry for help.
I think as the population increases, people tend to keep their gaurd up and that may come across as "bad manners". In China for example, their culture may find it quite rude if a stranger is Over-friendly. This comes accross as suspicious behaviour like you have a hidden agenda or a used-car salesman type of personality. |
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Late 20's, clarisonic, Vit C serum, hormonal acne, congested pores, combination skin, living in Vancouver Canada |
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Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:58 am |
Exactly BC Girl. And there's a lot of Southern women that I know personally (and men for that matter) that say Ma'm to your face and will put a knife to your back the moment you turn. 
Start small, plant the seed and watch it grow. I know it sounds cliche but I do practice small, random acts of kindness daily. It's very easy to do, even holding a door open or letting a cart move in front of you at the checkout line.
It helps me control WHO I AM and to pay it forward as best as I can. I can walk through this world strong but still have my soul.
"The Lost Boy" by Greg Holden
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNhToEXdDCQ |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:48 pm |
| Quote: |
| Exactly BC Girl. And there's a lot of Southern women that I know personally (and men for that matter) that say Ma'm to your face and will put a knife to your back the moment you turn |
Yes this, i CAN NOT stand. I grew up in a smaller town too...but the racism I saw was appalling. People would keep their mouths shut in public, but crack jokes amongst their family/friends at home, write nasty racist remarks in bathroom stalls etc. all the while pretending to be a do good church goer.
Also with technology...there is the good and the bad. Yes due to internet it's easier for our kids to gain access to more graphic sex and violence with a click of a button...but on the flip side, kids these days have more tools to make more educated decisions than before about the world they live in based on their info they have gathered from exchanging ideas in the cyber world to form their own ideas instead of listening to whatever the corporations or people of power want you to feed your heads with. When once upon a time consumers trusted corporations, now we see a trend where people are more aware of the world around and therefore have more choices in products. We particularly see this in the newer generation. They are more aware of what certain things are doing to the environment we live in and more inclined to take action in topics such as global warming, the gay movement, feminist movement, animal welfare etc whereas we saw previous generations oblivious to these causes. The vast amount of knowledge we have learned from exchanging information in the cyber world wouldn't move revolutions like these this fast if it weren't for the internet. Also I do want to share a story of a tragic story that turned good in the city I live in. Last year the hockey team Canucks from Vancouver Canada made it to the stanley cup. The whole world was watching as riots throughout the city brought embarrassment and shame to our city when our team lost. How can people in this day and age act so barbaric? Although there was a lot of drunk stupid kids in that riot blowing up police cars, armed with weapons, causing chaos just for the hell of it.... there was more good kids that were around taking out their iphone and taking pictures and videos...went back home and posted these losers on facebook and plastering their faces all over the internet. The next day an estimated 15,000 young people from all over the city took the day off work to volunteer to clean up the city from the mess of the night before. More than 1 million photos/footages were sent to police by citizens. Due to the vast amount community participation in helping the police, countless pictures from facebook and other social media sites, police were able to track down these hooligans and charges have been made for many of these people that participated in the rioting. Also, i should mention back in 1994 the exact same scenario happened...Canucks lost the stanley cup at the last game and a riot happened. Unfortunately mobile phone w/ cameras/videos weren't invented then and police weren't able to do as much in terms of convictions as they are now with technology. So yes, there are bad seeds out there...but i still believe in the goodness of man as was shown by the generous amount of help and support some of these kids have shown out of the goodness of their hearts to help restore the city |
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Late 20's, clarisonic, Vit C serum, hormonal acne, congested pores, combination skin, living in Vancouver Canada |
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Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:46 am |
Yes, the examples are out there.
And the irony is that yesterday I was talking to the hubby about this very subject as we had lunch and ran errands, a rare day off.
As we shopped in Lowes,the sweetest lady stopped us to tell us she thought we made the most wonderful couple because we were both smiling and laughing and looked so happy. It is such a lovely thing to hear that after 29 years together, we still LOOK happy because we ARE happy! Through it all a blessing still, and I am grateful for those moments in life that make you appreciate or reaffirm that fact.
I had to post that to my FB page although I am NEVER prone to the sappy posts but I am thankful for random acts of kindness where ever they may be. I think it touched me because it was such an unexpected moment and the effort she made to back up, turn around and stop us mid-stride was humbling. I had to say I did tear up, as did she.
So there are still sensitive people out there, Virginia!!! I think she was a sign to reaffirm that.
And as I said, I wish the same for any couple (and my kids about to celebrate their 3rd anniversary) now or at 29 years.
I may not always wear my smile lines as proud as I should, but they are well-earned! |
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Joined the 50 club several years back, blonde w/ fair/sensitive skin, Texas humidity and prone to rosacea, light breakouts and sunburns, combo skin type, starting to see sundamage and fine lines |
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Fri Oct 26, 2012 4:01 pm |
Please don't take the cop out and blame "society" and the media. PARENTING. Plain and simple. There is so much emphasis on cranking out some kids, and not a lot of emphasis on doing it right.
I am the Grand Theft Auto generation. In all its pixelated glory, my little brother and I would get home from our school and wreak havoc on whatever city we'd let be exploring. If you haven't heard of it, feel free to google it and then gasp as to why you can't believe this is a children's game. Both of us are relatively compassionate, well behaved, well behaved professionals.
We also had parents that paid attention to us, fostered our developmental growth, and weren't afraid to discipline us when we were acting like complete jerks. |
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Late 30's, fair skin, dark hair. Retin A, DIY potions. Missions completed- acne, acne scarring, 11's, redness, contact dermatitis. Working on maintenence and cellulite. |
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Tue Nov 27, 2012 4:58 pm |
10-15 years ago I read this theory that the new children were "different" than previous generations, "special" in some way; the author called them "Indigo children" due to the dark blue color she said they have in their auras:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indigo_children
http://www.indigochild.com/
Whether this theory is true or not, it seems the kids born since the 1980s have more of a sense of entitlement than previous generations and are possibly more narcissistic and lacking in empathy. I have noticed an uptick in kids under 30 remarking on me in public when I have not spoken to them, and generally behaving in ways that I never did when I was that age. But, I have noticed this in people of all ages, not just young people. I believe the younger people are shifting society towards a feeling that it is OK to be rude and hateful, since it is more "honest" and truthful to just let it all out, and since kids today are perceived as being the coolest ever, due their dominance in the media the last 10 years or so. |
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Tue Nov 27, 2012 6:58 pm |
| Oh wow, gretchen. This is very interesting. I think you nailed it that all ages become this way. |
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Wed Nov 28, 2012 11:07 am |
......................I might be missing something here (in fact, I'm almost certain I am because I've had very little sleep the past few days) but it almost seems like you guys are saying that children being empathetic, curious, strong-willed and independent is a bad thing.
In today's dog-eat-dog world, those are attributes I would hope to instill into my children, not suppress. What am I missing? |
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