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Thu Dec 15, 2005 7:10 am  |
One of my co-workers forwarded this to me and it cracked me up and made me think of a post someone made a few weeks ago, needing help on how to word a multi-cultural holiday greeting card sent out by her Japanese (?) employers so as not to offend anyone and be politically correct. I mean no offense by posting this bit of holiday humor and hope that everyone will accept it in the spirit of laughter and absurdity that it was intended....
The Christmas Party in CA
Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00pm.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the Party. Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music
for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
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FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name.
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believes $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
Date: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a
little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink, drive and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
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Über-oily,semi-sensitive, warm/fair-skinned redhead, 38...Will swap/shop for members outside U.S. and/or make homemade skincare products upon demand-PM me for details. |
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Thu Dec 15, 2005 7:48 am |
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Thu Dec 15, 2005 7:58 am |
 
Such difficulties when working as a group... |
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Simple but No Simplier...Approaching late 20s, Normal/Combination Skin, Rarely Breakout now but have some old acne marks, sunspots, & broken caps |
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Thu Dec 15, 2005 9:12 am |
That is hilarious carekate! Thanks for sharing. The only questions our employees had was "are the drinks free?"
-Cheri |
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Thu Dec 15, 2005 10:29 pm |
OMG!! Freakin hilarious 
Crazy thing is I could actually imagine a "committe" debating this in some of the larger corporations.  Shhhhhhh....
Thanks for the laugh!!! |
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Early 40's, normal/dry, Oily T zone (summer) fine lines, hyperpigmentation |
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Fri Dec 16, 2005 4:18 am |
That was so funny  Thankyou for sharing it with us, I had a good giggle |
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oily/acne prone - acne scars on chin area/Large Pores in winter. Oily in Summer. Fair, nuetral/cool complexion, burn easily. Early 20s |
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Fri Dec 16, 2005 4:55 am |
So funny....thank you...I've forwarded it to all my friends!!! |
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[img]http://pic13.picturetrail.com/VOL470/2390945/6177231/92912749.jpg[/img] |
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Fri Dec 16, 2005 7:10 am |
but so true!
Have you guys heard overhere in the UK some councils have taken the decision to call christmas 'winter fest' as they don't want to exclude other faiths  what the hell is that all about! |
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Using. ADCE day & night |
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Fri Dec 16, 2005 3:27 pm |
Oh my goodness, thank you for sharing. I had to cut and copy it and sent it around to people in my building...we laugh, but it is so true. Thanks for sharing
Happy Holidays
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| Thu Apr 25, 2024 8:30 pm |
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