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Wed Oct 24, 2007 4:12 pm  |
I had a "soulmate" who betrayed me and returned several times to kick me while I was down. It took well over ten years to get over him. My 30s and half of my 40s crawled by. I don't regret knowing him -- he got me out my husband's clutches -- but I do regret taking so long to get over him. I tried several counselors, a few relationships, and many distractions. It still took that long. It went very deep, and I had to learn to trust ME and my judgement again.
This is excessive and remarkable, however, and I've never heard of anyone else having such a hard trip.
What helped: the book "How to Survive the Loss of a Loved One" -- (whether by death or divorce or distance) and "How to Break Your * spam alert * to a Person" (reread many times). And investing in a new life that held no place for him. A dog helped me, too. Doing things he would never do and loving them. Writing both helped and hindered. It got the feelings out, but I relived them over and over while I wrote.
It does pass. The man and I exchanged e-mails earlier this year and I remembered (again) he was not brave enough for me. He has settled for an ordinary life and not challenged himself at all. I found him, more than anything, boring.
I still wish I had those years back. But I will always be grateful for the great parts of me he brought to light. Try to step back from your feelings and memories and ask yourself "Is this true? Is this REALLY true? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? In the big picture, has it made my life better (despite how I feel about it)?" Logic and reasoning can conquer irrational emotions, if given enough weight.
Good luck to you. You'll get through this. And become a better, wiser, more compassionate person. |
_________________
tenderlovingwork.com, astonishing handmade gifts |
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