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Fri Jul 28, 2006 10:38 pm  |
No joke, I have been thinking that my "attraction to other guys" was just a phase and it has lasted six years now  I'm 17 now and I'm starting to come and accept it. I mean, when I was younger instead of playing with trucks I practically worshipped cinderella. Also my parents thought before I was bored I was to be a "girl" as the doctor told them only to be !surprise! a boy! My facial and body features are pretty female too, I'm slim, long neck, narrow thin eye brows and very little face and body hair, the agency I model for says "baby face" as I'm often assumed for 13-14.
I have been thinking about coming out, but I'm scared and I don't know if this is normal, I just want to be a nice person and not hurt anyone, but at the same time I want to be happy and beable to have a normal relationship without feel like I need to be so secretive or find guys on the internet because I think most of them are pedofiles. What are your thoughts? |
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Fri Jul 28, 2006 11:08 pm |
My dear...you are who you are.
If you are gay, then you are gay! If not, then, well, you aren't! Embrace yourself in everything.
IMHO...Feminine features or mannerisms doesn't make a guy gay or bi, no more than a masculine looking man is necessarily straight.
And...you don't really need to "make a decision" so to speak on whether you are gay, bi, straight...etc.
Just be!
It's always seemed strange to me that modern society puts so much emphasis in "labeling" an orientation.
My lesbian and gay friends (haha...I'm using labels) tend to agree, but because of the way society "is" everyone focuses on it.
It was much less an issue in ancient society (there I go...I'm an archaeologist) but anyway.
Trust yourself...it's the only way you'll be happy with yourself!
EDIT: and if you are gay...you can find a delightful guy in person, you aren't forced to meet guys on the internet  My heart is with you! I know this must be tough. |
_________________
32, Fair Skin, combo/break-out prone. Simple routine of REN No. 1 Purity Cleansing Balm and Argan oil as a moisturizer; Clarisonic when needed. That's it! |
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Fri Jul 28, 2006 11:30 pm |
| Thanks Paris , the thing with meeting guys is that allot of times I can tell that other guys like me but don't say anything because they fear being rejected for "likeing another guy", I suppose it is the same with me, I don't know what their reaction would be to "I'm gay and I like you, do you like me?". |
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Sat Jul 29, 2006 7:05 am |
Daniel, I don't know where you live but is there a support group for teens who want to come out where you live? I know that there are plenty of groups for adults as well as parents of lesbians and gays. Are you close to turning 18 because then maybe you could join the adult group? I would think that they would have loads of resources for you to meet people as well as to help you with coming out. I would NOT recommend meeting on the internet, you are right there are a lot of people that are creepy and could really hurt you.
How do you think that your family will react? I hope that they will be supportive and react positively. In my experience (I'm not gay but many of my friends are) quite often one or both of the parents had a "feeling" about their child being gay but didn't want to bring it up. You might find that this could be the case for you as well.
I wish you the best. |
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Sat Jul 29, 2006 11:00 am |
Hi Daniel,
Here's the web address to a support group- http://www.pflag.org/ If you click on Support at the top and then on FAQ's there's a lot of good info that should really help you.
There's also this one- http://www.gaycenter.org/program_folders/yes
In times like this you need all the support you can get and I believe this is a good place to start.
Good luck! I wish you the very best. |
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Sat Jul 29, 2006 11:45 am |
| Thank you for the links, I found one group and gave them an email as they don't have an answering machine. I'm going to find a therapist specialising in this and not come out to anyone for awhile untill I decide what my final choice is... |
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Sat Jul 29, 2006 12:53 pm |
A support group is a really great idea. Even better if you can find a "mentor" to show you the ropes.
As for asking another lad out, I understand there are ways of finding out whether they're likely to be receptive if you're not sure. Also, that's what gay bars and clubs are for! 
There's even a gay language - well, there is in the UK! Apparently, it was originally used during the 1st World War - and if you throw a few words into the conversation and the other lad recognises them, it's pretty certain that he's gay too. There's quite an fascinating history behind it all, believe it or not!
The main thing is to gain enough confidence to be happy with who you are. Being gay certainly isn't the end of the world, and if you are gay, you should feel much happier once you've accepted it - a huge sense of relief. Then you'll feel freer to be exactly who you are and who you're meant to be. No need whatsoever to feel ashamed or that you're hurting anyone.
As for coming out, you might be surprised at how well people can accept a member of their family/one of their friends being gay these days. Often, they may have already guessed at the truth, if they know you well enough. Some people take longer to be okay with it than others, but they often do eventually. Sadly, there are exceptions, of course. But you're still their son/friend and exactly the same human being as you were before.
When it comes to telling your family (if that's what you decide to do, obviously), then maybe it's best to start off by having a quiet word with someone you trust and can really talk to - maybe your mum or a sister or a cousin. It'll help to get someone "on your side" first. You'll feel like you have some support then.
Always remember that you're not alone. There are many, many others in the same position as you.
Good luck, daniel, and come here to chat with us lot if you ever need a shoulder.
Just posted this after you'd posted. Yes, it's a good idea to take some time and work out what you want to do before taking any drastic steps. Whatever you decide, I hope you'll be happy. |
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Sat Jul 29, 2006 4:43 pm |
| You've got some great advice Daniel so I have nothing to add except to say good luck! |
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Sat Jul 29, 2006 9:54 pm |
| Oh, Daniel, you're so sweet. I hope you find the help you need. It's nice that you came here for advice. I wish you well! |
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Sun Jul 30, 2006 4:10 pm |
They still have not contacted me back  it kind of sucks that it is so hard to find someone in real life since I can't goto club type places yet. |
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Sun Jul 30, 2006 8:22 pm |
Good luck with everything Daniel.
I have to agree with the other poster above. Alot of the time, friends or family already suspect, so its not really a surprise.
Being gay isn't as taboo these days and its widely accepted.
Good luck with everything! I'm sure you'll find a lot of support out there as well as here!! |
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Mon Jul 31, 2006 1:38 am |
| daniel7654 wrote: |
| They still have not contacted me back it kind of sucks that it is so hard to find someone in real life since I can't goto club type places yet. |
Patience - everything in life is about patience from waiting for an email to decisions in your life.
Not sure where you are located but there are alot of 'teen' clubs. And meeting someone to spend quality time with is never easy for anyone...that's where that pesky patience comes back into play again.
I've read your posts here and find you to be an intelligent, insightful young man. I'll bet you don't smell like pumpkins either  . Sorry - couldn't help myself. What I mean to say is the qualities we all have observed on this forum are impressive considering it's all merely text on a screen, yet they come thru. You are at an age of discovery about yourself, mentally, emotionally & sexually.
Allowing yourself to explore & learn is what life is about. And while you're learning you'll come to find what you are about, what brings YOU joy, happiness and peace within yourself. Including the type of person that you want to share your time, thoughts & love with. No matter the gender. As we say around my house 'it is what it is'. The important thing is that you have to be at peace with you.
Acceptance is something we all seek from our loved ones. If this helps at all, my youngest sister prefers to share her life with a woman. I was the 1st person she 'came out to'. For many years, noone else in the family knew. She and I have very deep conversations. During one of these she revealed that because she 'came out' to me, she felt she wasn't denying her own true feelings to herself and didn't feel the need to make the 'public announcement'. She knew I would not judge her nor reject her. Heck, apparently I'm drawn to short, not so fit Irishmen  How can I judge someone elses heart  So - maybe that is something you could consider when you know in your heart what will bring you joy.
As previously stated. In all things in your life - be true to you. We're here for you. |
_________________
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Mon Jul 31, 2006 1:59 am |
| hahaha actually I do smell like pumkins, I wear pumpkin frangrance mixed with lavender essential oil and unisex phermone fragrance I got off the internet, works amazing I get compliments all the time. Back on topic, thank you all for the support I really appreciate it very much, today I decided to come out to two of my friends and it went really well, one of them suspected a bit so that was funny. Other then that, I'm cautious about joining a support group, being that my career is modeling, I don't want to be known as "gay" and all that would take is one person, so I will just stick to keeping this private and sharing my thoughts with my two best friends. As for finding someone, I'm going to try and get a referral through a cousin who is gay living in California as I plan to come "out" to him sometime soon... |
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Mon Jul 31, 2006 2:03 am |
| daniel7654 wrote: |
| hahaha actually I do smell like pumkins, I wear pumpkin frangrance mixed with lavender essential oil and unisex phermone fragrance I got off the internet, works amazing I get compliments all the time. |
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_________________
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Mon Jul 31, 2006 9:02 am |
| Good luck, daniel. Take everything at your own pace and only go as fast as you feel comfortable with. |
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Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:53 am |
| All the best to you. |
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Tue Aug 01, 2006 1:36 am |
I used to live in CA and it is very gay friendly. I lived in both SF and Southern CA. If you are not getting a response from one group are there others that you could email or call? I would think that GLAAD might have addresses and phone numbers on their website that could direct you to a more local organisation. http://www.glaad.org/
What is so wrong with being model that is gay? An awful lot of them are. Markus Schenkenberg is Swedish and related to a friend of mine. For a long time people thought that he was gay but he isn't. He also said that it wouldn't have mattered if he was because in his line of work no one really cares. I guess though it depends on what type of modeling that you do and if you are modeling for products, adverts that are aimed at specific audiences.
Good luck and coming out to your cousin is probably the best choice. He/she could probably help you and give you some wise advice. |
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Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:46 am |
I have good news to report I was at a grocery store last afternoon and couldn't reach something so this guy helped me and I complimented him and we started talking - now I have a date for today, we are going to meet for ice cream in a couple hours!  |
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Tue Aug 01, 2006 2:14 pm |
| Daniel that's great! Congratulations. Good for you, putting yourself out there and confidently so. Let us know how it goes. We'll all be dying to hear. |
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Tue Aug 01, 2006 2:45 pm |
| Why can't it be that easy for us women to get a date with a nice man?! Daniel, you got it made And never be ashamed of who you are. In today times, it is still hard to be known as gay or lesbian, but society has come a long way. Good luck and godspeed. |
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Tue Aug 01, 2006 6:22 pm |
| Just be true to yourself and life will work out for you just as you hoped for. You have a great outlook for yourself and the world will love you for you. If not then F them. |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 10:46 am |
| It was going really good untill about half way when he asked if I wanted to have sex out of nowhere! So I scratched that guy off the list ! I talked to my cousin who told me that online dating is not so bad you just have to take allot of precautions, such as always meeting in a safe place, never giving out your number and requesting a full body photo of them holding some paper with my name written on it before meeting. |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 10:54 am |
I guess men will be men regardless of their sexual preference
Better luck next time Daniel. I myself haven't tried online dating, a few of my friends have and some had luck meeting decent ppl, others have had nightmares, but each to his own. |
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Wed Aug 02, 2006 11:02 am |
Blimey! That's a shame, Daniel.
As ariesxtreme said, better luck next time. |
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Wed Aug 09, 2006 4:11 pm |
So I went to a photographer and got some pictures taken, one a full head shot and one a full body shot. Then I got it lightly airbrushed by the people at FluidEffect and uploaded it to my new profile at true.com! So I did not log on to my computer for about three days and when I went to check my true.com inbox I had over sixty messages and about a hundred "winks"! Yikes!  I had to set my profile "hidden" so that I could have time to sort them all, about 80% where people with no pictures, 10% where old people and 5% where guys my age but seriously not my type and 5% where guys I like haha. So I started talking to this guy from London, his name is Nathan and he is really cool, we talked on the videochat system they have and it was really cool. I'm loving this internet dating thing now!! |
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