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Desperate for help with eye and face wrinkles :-((((

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salster68
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Wed May 26, 2010 11:40 am      Reply with quote
Hi

Im really at an all time low in what to do for my skincare.

Ive suffered past few years with crepiness under my eyes. Now they are so much worse and lately my eyes now have very bad wrinkles underneath them and at the crows feet area and are also saggy

I seem to have lost more elasticity in the whole of my face too.

Im almost 42 years old. Very much sad and single and very very very lonely in life and have been for a long long time.

the past few months i look older than ever despite putting some weight on. It may also be likely that i am going through the peri menopause

im absolutely distraught. Ive never had any confidence in how i look. All ive ever wanted is to be able to look in the mirror and just to say i look ok.... ill never be attractive or stunning so feeling i look ok would be amazing. now i feel more old more ugly than ever and feel ill never meet anyone now with looking even more older than my years.

I dotn have an awful lof of money to spend as i am only on a low wage and hve to run my huse on its own. Its a big struggle for me. I would very much appreciate if anyone could give me any ideas of good eyecreams to help my wrinkles and firm them up and a face cream that can help me too to firm my skin and wrinkles all over my face

I think i need a positive skincare routine for morning and night but just dont know where to start

Al i do is look on the internet at cosmetic surgery or non surgical ways to help my eyes and face look a bit firmer and rid of those wrinkles. Im even looking at trrying to find a way of doing something like this pref non surgical to help. has anyone ha success with this

Thank you in advance for any help i receive

Sally x

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Sally
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Wed May 26, 2010 1:33 pm      Reply with quote
Dear Sally,
I let the senior members give you skincare advice, as they know much more about fighting wrinkles than I do.

Your post strikes me, you should not let these negative feelings overcome you. Please, do not believe that you are not lovable, just because you have some wrinkles under your eyes. The quest for a more youthful, prettier face should be a nice and easy-going adventure, not a cry for love. We all have goals here, everybody wants to get rid of something, wrinkles, circles, stretchmarks and other flaws, but if you think, that at the end of the road there is a new life, you are wrong. Life is around and to be lived with or without wrinkles on our faces.

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salster68
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Wed May 26, 2010 1:47 pm      Reply with quote
Hi Sycamore

Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I do know what you are saying. I think I just feel so low in myself in how i look etc and probably made worse if im going through the menopause. I seem to have spen t my life alone. I guess im just feeling worse at the moment

I am however having really badd problems with how i look and the past months i seem to have aged more. I know we all age we allget wrinkles our body shape changes etc but with not being very confident in the first instance and not being wht you would call an attractive woman i think for me i feel its worse. I know many other people feel like i do. I just wish i could find something that would help smooth my wrinkles a little to give me that boost. I do however need to sort out a skincare that will help my skin now withthe wrinkles and maybe help firm it up a little and that will prolong any further damage. Ihad anorexia for many years but have been over this for about the last 10 years now. I guess that may have not helped my skin either

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. Im just so depserate for some help x

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Sally
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Wed May 26, 2010 2:16 pm      Reply with quote
Well, until a real expert comes around, I can give you some hints. Facial exercising does not cost a lot, you can download a good program here for 10 dollars: http://www.agelessifwedare.com/

Also you may try some home remedies. If you do not use any creams, a simple cold pressed vegetable oil, like jojoba or grapeseed oil can make your skin look better. Emu oil is a bit more expensive, but almost every skin likes it.

There are great Do it Yourself recipes on this forum, but you have to read through the threads to know about them.

If you are a disciplined person, a good anti aging diet, like the Perricone diet may do wonders to the skin. I am too hedonistic for the Perricone diet, as it is mostly eating oatmeal with cold water fish, but the results are amazing. Believe me, I tried it, and I looked very good after a week or two, but I love eating carbs unfortunately.

I hope that helped a bit.

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Wed May 26, 2010 2:27 pm      Reply with quote
As with Sycamore, your post also struck me and I could hear the desperation in your voice. It's easy to say that you shouldn't let your physical appearance affect your self-confidence and self worth but it is indeed difficult when that is what society places such a high value on. If we didn't care about our appearance, none of us would be on this forum! One thing I do tell myself to prevent me from getting too caught up in my appearance is that there is always someone worse off than me such as burn victims, who wish that they only thing they had to worry about are sagging and wrinkles.

Anyway, you are in a tough position because skincare in general is not cheap. Stuff that actually works is even more expensive. Vitamin C serums are no exception (some upwards of $150) but you can make them yourself for alot less. There are plenty of recipes and instructions in the DIY forum. A popular one is the CE Ferulic. Vitamin C is an antioxidant and will help neutralize free radicals on your skin. It will help maintain what you have and perhaps help brighten your complexion and slightly reduce hyperpigmentation (if you have any). I would also try a Retin-A regimen. Retin-A (tretinoin) is considered the gold standard for anti-aging and reduces fine lines and wrinkles, improves tone and texture, etc. It is, however, not an overnight fix and takes a couple of months to see notable changes. It is also not an easy regimene--your face gets red and flakey for the first 6+ weeks until your skin acclimates. Retin-A is Rx only and somewhat expensive here in the states but you can buy overseas for super cheap ($3/tube) on various sites such as alldaychemist. Shipping, however, is expensive ($25) so maximize your order.

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Wed May 26, 2010 2:40 pm      Reply with quote
Hi Salster68:

You need to be easier on yourself girlfriend! Sounds like you are so busy beating yourself up you dont have time to appreciate your attractive features - we all have our "best features" as well as those that we wish we could change a little - none the less, everyone is attractive to someone as beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder. Try and find some postive things you do like about yourself and improve your self esteem - It will be healthier for you emotionally and physically.

You said that money was sort of tight right now so here are some beauty tips that do not cost much of anything:

Beautiful eyes are not an attractive feature but more a precious asset. Aside from your smile it is the eyes that are the first thing people notice. Healthy eyes are beautiful eyes. If you want to have fabulous eyes but lately your eyes look dreary and tired then to add sparkle use chilled eye drops. Eye drops will revitalize the eyes and increase the look of liveliness. Eye lash curlers used on the lashes tend to open the eyes up wide to display stunningly gorgeous eyes. Salt consumption is not good for the eyes, as too much can cause water retention which the outcome is eye puffiness (puffy or look swollen.) Alcohol is a common cause for redness in the eyes. You only have to look at someone slightly inebriated for proof.

Sun glasses should be worn to protect your eyes at all times in the sun. Wear a quality brand name of sunshades that will efficiently filter out the harmful UV rays. Never rub the eyes no matter how tempting it causes fine lines and wrinkles. When applying eye cream to the eyes smooth your finger lightly from your temple to your nose and gently massage into the skin. Eye treatments should contain natural ingredients Remove eye makeup every evening. As we get older the skin underneath the eyes thins and because of this the veins below become more visible hence dark looking circles under the eyes. Allergies can cause nasal inflammation which then increases the amount of pressure on the sinuses; this impedes the blood from draining which gives rise to blood pools in the veins and capillaries underneath the eye, creating blackness (dark under eye circles.)

HTH

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Wed May 26, 2010 8:22 pm      Reply with quote
I really feel for you, as I have never been a pretty girl, and used to tell myself it wouldn't be so horrible to get older because I had no looks to lose. I also have dealt with anorexia. So I know where you are coming from.

Cheap remedies that can make you look and feel better:

* Get exercise

* Drink plenty of fluids, preferably water

* Try to have as healthy a diet as possible: fruits and veggies.

* Massage your face. Lots of people here have tried the Tanaka, which is free. But there are many different techniques.

* Facial exercises. Ageless is only $10. There are youtube videos describing other exercises, and you can also get books from the library.

No one needs to be "very very very lonely." Even if nothing appeals to you particularly right now, there are many cheap or free ways to go out and meet people. Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep at it until something clicks and you're walking out of that dark place.
Ottawa Shopper
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Wed May 26, 2010 9:25 pm      Reply with quote
Well,
my mom met someone when she was 55 around.
She did not know many people as was always working at her job as a teacher.

She looks nice overall, but I dunno...she is kind of picky sometimes.

She really likes art though and was always going to some museums to look at the exhibits every month.

One day randomly she happen to meet someone at a museum,and they got along...now they are married 8 years I think.

You can always try and volonteer for something, maybe meet people that way?

My "problem" is that my life is not "normal' at the moment,not working at a 9-5 job.....and most people I did go out on dates with wanted someone with a more predictable job...
Have not gone out with anyone this year,

but maybe join some kinda club?
I own my own condo, look nice overall...and am single at the moment...so do not have any good advice.
kims
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Wed May 26, 2010 9:57 pm      Reply with quote
Hi Sally,
Since you suspect that you are peri-menopausal, have you consulted your gynecologist or primary care physician? You sound as if some of the "aging processes" may have come about quite suddenly. You may need to speak to your physician and see what is causing you to see/feel such changes in your skin and mood. There may be some underlying hormonal changes that you need to be aware of.

I get the feeling that you are somewhat despondent and don't feel quite in control of your emotional and physiological upheavals. I strongly suggest that you seek some professional counsel to help you come to terms with the changes you are experiencing.

Also, I truly believe that we are our own worst enemy and critic. We tend to judge ourselves much more harshly than anyone else would. We often need help with putting things in perspective.

Please consider a visit to your physician.
Take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.

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luvsgracy
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Thu May 27, 2010 8:06 am      Reply with quote
Hi there, I hope I can help a little!

I'm SO sorry this is so long, I just feel compelled to try and help, and I hope you can just go out and have fun in life no matter what! But I know how bothersome fine lines are, we all know, I'm 54 but....

The skincare I would also recommend, like the others, is going to the alldaychemist website and order the retin-a or maybe tazorac? if they have it, it's VERY strong, be careful, you may need to test it on a small area or dilute it at first? Read up about it, how to use it, read up about it on this forum, or makeupalley skincare board if you haven't already.


These are all my unprofessional recommendations that work for me, I'm 54, and you CAN, in my opinon, really improve your skin!

But again, this is just me recommending stuff from my own good experience, I'm definitely not a skin expert or a doctor,


BUT, you MUST put a SUPER super hydrating line plumping moisturizer over your Retin-A or Vit. A cream, because if you don't, this Retin-A can make your lines look SO dry, and you won't be happy.
The reason for Retin-A or Tazorac, it CAN and oftentimes does build collagen over time, can reverse fine lines in the studies they've conducted. but it's a long term patience thing.

and I would REALLY really really recommend saving up your money for a jar of Creme de La Mer which is the BEST I've found for plumping up the lines temporarily overnight, it will , in my opinion, overnight give you an improvement!.

It may not totally reverse any of the fine lines permanently, but it SURE gives a huge improvement and if you keep using it , from my experience, your skin just keeps looking better. It is really amazing, for me, anyway. it PLUMPS so well


The Retin-A is what "can" maybe reverse some fine lines/wrinkles over time, it has been proven to build collagen over time!


But, if you can get a 1 ounce jar of la mer cream, it can last you 6 months, so it's not really that expensive.

Ebay "can" sell fake ones, so I'd get it at a department store or be SURE the one you're buying on ebay is not fake, they sometimes put Nivea cream in the jars, and Nivea cream does NOTHING for my fine lines, only makes me greasy.

La Mer has something in there that works so great, for me, anyway. It's the original cream, not the serum, I'm talking about. the original face moisturizer, and only a TINY TINY amount is needed.

Oh, and they also have a newer "GEL/CREAM", but do NOT get that one at first, get the original Creme de La Mer moisturizing cream.


So, save up some money, is my advice, get that jar of La Mer, ok? If you don't like it, return it,



Later on, when you can, Another thing I can recommend, and you can get these on ebay, because you can ask the seller if the container is "sealed" is:

Perricone's Neuropeptide Firming Moisturizer or even better his Neuropeptide Face Conforming Cream, which is supposed to be for deep wrinkles., and it's expensive, but ebay has them. Be sure the seller had great feedback, be sure it's sealed.


Another GREAT Perricone item is his cream that has Vit. C and Glycolic Acid in it, I think it's called Regenerating Cream? and it's not as expensive as the others I mentioned, but on ebay, you can get them for REALLY great prices.


Ok, and even though on ebay the auction may say that the expiration date on these creams I mentioned is near, I have found that the creams are still very effective. I even bought one on ebay where it had expired, and it was still marvelous.

Some Perricone products aren't great, others are.


Another inexpensive eye cream that you can get really for a great price on ebay is Perricone's Alpha Lipoic Acid Eye Cream.

Also, another eye cream I can recommend, and it's not so expensive on ebay, is Dermalogica Intensive Eye Cream, which I believe does have retinol in it, and works, for me, anyway, to get rid of very fine lines.


So:

1. most important for overnight improvement, in my opinion, is the La Mer cream/moisturizer, the original cream, not the eye cream, not the eye balm, not the serums.

Go to a dept. store, beg beg beg for a sample of it!

Use this La Mer cream under your eyes until you can afford an eye cream with retinol/Vit. A in it.


2. get your Retin-A or Tazorac, read the reviews on makeupalley under the product reviews, read on the skincare board about it, read about it on this forum.


3. Then, the eye cream, you can use La Mer also under your eyes of course, but you need an eye cream with some kind of retinol in it to hopefully over the long-run reverse those fine lines. This eye cream is really important, I notice improvements really soon after using it.



4. but.... The MOST important thing, SUNSCREEN EVERY MORNING.

I recommend Neutrogena Dry Touch, it's moisturizing, yet looks like you are not wearing greasy sunscreen.



so, really, to sum up, get 4 things in MY OPINION,....


1. First get the Neutrogena Sunscreen, it's affordable, wear it every day. Or Clarins has a good one, also Clinique. Just make sure they are good ones that really protect your skin, and wear sunglasses too.


2. Next, If you can afford it NOW, get an eye cream with some kind of retinol/Vit. A in it, like Dermalogica's intensive eye cream. You can also of course use a little on the crow's feet for SURE and forehead

another good thing to put under eyes is Avene's Eluage cream, ebay may have it. and it has retinaldehyde in it, which is milder than retinol, less side effects to the skin.

or get the Perricone eye cream I mentioned, which works well, but don't know if it has retinol in it.


3. If you can afford it NOW, in my opinion, get the Retin-A or Tazorac, use it CAREFULLY, starting out using it only a few times a week, testing on small patch, these are just my suggestions, you don't have to do any of this, I'm just saying most people have skin redness/flaking from it, and it can REALLY irritate.


4. Save up for the La Mer, but REALLY try hard to get a sample right away, a free sample, or try to "swap" for a sample of it on makeupalley : )

I have bought 3-4 fake samples on Ebay, be careful. However, if the ebay seller states that it is "in the box", with the pamphlet, and the auction states 100% authentic, and the seller has GREAT 100% feedback, it's probably authentic. If you buy on ebay and it doesn't have the box, I don't recommend it.




So I hope I've helped! You'll feel MUCH better if you can just get that sample of Creme de La Mer right away, put quite a bit on your face and eyes and neck the first night, sleep on your back if you can! See if you notice results the next day.

and get your sunscreen right away.


If you have things to swap, go on makeupalley, maybe start swapping for the eye creams or eye cream samples I mentioned and the Perricone items I mentioned or his samples!

People swap away ALL kinds of things on makeupalley, electronics, CDs, DVDs, jewelry, clothes, makeup, skincare, shoes, purses, knick-knacks, anyting at all, sunglasses, hats, appliances, lol.

little sample packets of GOOD anti-aging creams are easy to swap for and those little samples last about a week, just use a tiny bit at a time.


Oh, another thing, create your Profile on makeupalley, stating you REALLY REALLY need to try samples of GREAT anti-aging creams, tell your story on your "Notebook" on makeupalley for other members to read, and sometimes people send you things for free to be nice or because they want positive "tokens", you'll see what I mean when you go on makeupalley.


Good luck, let us know how you are doing and please enjoy your life no matter what, ok? I also can't afford all these things I mentioned, so I swap, I get tiny samples at department stores, I buy on ebay tiny samples or even full size items if the price is good.




Just one last thing, much later on, when you're feeling better, you can do research about "peels", at a dermatologist office is the best way for facial peels. I hope I haven't written to much!!!
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Thu May 27, 2010 9:56 am      Reply with quote
I second the Creme de la Mer. It is expensive, but a little does go a very long way. I have tried hundreds of moisturizers for super dry skin, and Creme de la Mer is by far the best of the best. It just plumps up the face with moisture and gives it a super glow. It can also be used around the eyes so if you are on a budget you can also use Creme de la Mer as your eye cream. I have been through 5 jars of this cream already. It's that great!!
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Thu May 27, 2010 11:05 am      Reply with quote
salster..i come from a traditional (sometimes called 'alternative' or holstic) background and so will recommend accordingly:

DIET IS SOOO VERY IMPORTANT..at age 42 you can still be at the height of your beauty as a woman...and truly every woman is a beauty with clear non-toxic features (problem is most of us don't realize how toxic we have become cause it's now the 'norm')....eliminate white sugar,(and really ..except for special treats..stay as clear AWAY as possible from even whole sugars) white flour, all additives, etc.....incorporate tons of fresh veggies(perhaps participate in a community garden if you're inclined.. and have time...it's cheaper ... and being outdoors in nature can open the heart and spirit to what one truly is)

read the green smoothy and spirulina threads

read up on tcm (traditional Chinese Medicine).or other traditional (ie 'alternative') systems of healing...these systems can liberate your inner and outer beauty...pretty easily i feel..at age 42 you're not as 'stuck' as you may feel... and see a practitioner if/when it feels right

mountainrose herbs (online) HAS WHOLESALE PRICED ORGANIC BOTANICAL OILS AND EO'S(ESSENTIAL OILS)...great for diy (read up online about the rejuvenative power of eo's... call ananda apothecary online..speak to a resource person....they have fabulous anti-aging 'homemade' inexpensive serums also.

honestly, from another perspective, i wouldn't put anything on my face that wasn't 100% natural( NATURAL meaning not made from natural ingredients in a lab..but the natural ingredient itself)...it may do a temp job of making yhou look better..but is stressing, hence aging, your internal systems..which will still accelerate the aging process of your face as well.

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Thu May 27, 2010 11:05 am      Reply with quote
salster..i come from a traditional (sometimes called 'alternative' or holstic) background and so will recommend accordingly:

DIET IS SOOO VERY IMPORTANT..at age 42 you can still be at the height of your beauty as a woman...and truly every woman is a beauty with clear non-toxic features (problem is most of us don't realize how toxic we have become cause it's now the 'norm')....eliminate white sugar,(and really ..except for special treats..stay as clear AWAY as possible from even whole sugars) white flour, all additives, etc.....incorporate tons of fresh veggies(perhaps participate in a community garden if you're inclined.. and have time...it's cheaper ... and being outdoors in nature can open the heart and spirit to what one truly is)

read the green smoothy and spirulina threads

read up on tcm (traditional Chinese Medicine).or other traditional (ie 'alternative') systems of healing...these systems can liberate your inner and outer beauty...pretty easily i feel..at age 42 you're not as 'stuck' as you may feel... and see a practitioner if/when it feels right

mountainrose herbs (online) HAS WHOLESALE PRICED ORGANIC BOTANICAL OILS AND EO'S(ESSENTIAL OILS)...great for diy (read up online about the rejuvenative power of eo's... call ananda apothecary online..speak to a resource person....they have fabulous anti-aging 'homemade' inexpensive serums also.

honestly, from another perspective, i wouldn't put anything on my face that wasn't 100% natural( NATURAL meaning not made from natural ingredients in a lab..but the natural ingredient itself)...it may do a temp job of making yhou look better..but is stressing, hence aging, your internal systems..which will still accelerate the aging process of your face as well.

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66 , living(raw) food 30 years, botanical oils, several facial exercise programs & massage techniques & acupressure & shiatsu techniques for face and body, energy skincare like Ageless Secret and several ormus products used internally and externally, love vaculifter, ocm, occasional face brushing, clarisonic as needed.
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Thu May 27, 2010 1:29 pm      Reply with quote
I agree with jasminerosey about diet. I like the Perricone "wrinkle" fish diet, am having salmon right now actually. Salmon is not that expensive, only a couple of dollars a can, and has many antioxidants, lots of protein, etc as well as mild skin plumping and tightening properties.

I have started using a very affordable LED device to build collagen/reverse sun damage, the Pretika Light Sonic; it is only $40.

This link is about LED, not the Pretika:
http://www.hollywoodbeautysecrets.com/led_light_therapy.htm

thread about the Pretika:
http://www.essentialdayspa.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=30435

Here are some cheap online sources of Retin-A without a prescription:
http://www.supersavermeds.com/retin-a/http://www.inhousepharmacy.com/skin-care/retin-a.html

Sunscreen is more expensive Sad but will help you in the long run:
http://www.skincarecentral.biz/sunscreens-about-.html

I am 39 and my big regret is that I didn't wear better sunscreen, especially on my hands!
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Thu May 27, 2010 3:40 pm      Reply with quote
Hi Salster68 -

My suggestion has nothing to do directly with skin care...but have you considered getting a pet? If you are lonely, sometimes having a pet can really help with that. Of course, you need to be sure you can deal with it financially.

Most adult cats love to curl up with someone and petting and caring for them may help ease your loneliness.

Or perhaps a dog. Dogs require more care and are usually a little more expense. But nothing beats taking your dog out for a brisk walk and breathing the fresh air. Or taking them to a dog park and letting them play with other dogs while you talk to the other people and perhaps make a new friend.

If a pet is not the answer for you, then go out for a hike or a walk around a park (wear your sunscreen). Clear your mind and try to focus on what's around you.

If you can find ways to improve your mood, you may start to see the face in the mirror looking better too.

I agree with the other suggestions too - diet, retin a and a Dr visit to check your hormone levels are all great ideas.
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Thu May 27, 2010 5:06 pm      Reply with quote
Salster 68 I wanted to add that if you have lost even one night of sleep due to perimenopause the pill is a cheap, effective quick fix. You can get a prescription at Planned Parenthood. My pill, Orthocyclen, was discontinued where I live so I got Sprintec at Wal-Mart for $8. I don't like using the pill but went on it years ago upon having a bout of sleeplessness and have stayed on it mostly out of convenience.
Article about the use of low dose OCs for perimenopause:
http://www.estronaut.com/a/oral_contraceptives_perimenopause.htm

Shouldn't say this but I think the pill has helped stave off what would have been worse wrinkles for my age than what I have.

Bioidentical hormones are definitely a better bet. You can get them online without a prescription:
http://www.1-menopause.com/estrogen.htm

A good cheap cleanser is Rhassoul soap:
http://www.ncnproskincare.com/rhassoul-facial-cleansing-bar.html
Olive oil is probably the cheapest moisturizer, will seal your skin and make it baby smooth.
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Thu May 27, 2010 5:39 pm      Reply with quote
gretchen wrote:
Salster 68 I wanted to add that if you have lost even one night of sleep due to perimenopause the pill is a cheap, effective quick fix. You can get a prescription at Planned Parenthood. My pill, Orthocyclen, was discontinued where I live so I got Sprintec at Wal-Mart for $8. I don't like using the pill but went on it years ago upon having a bout of sleeplessness and have stayed on it mostly out of convenience.
Article about the use of low dose OCs for perimenopause:
http://www.estronaut.com/a/oral_contraceptives_perimenopause.htm

Shouldn't say this but I think the pill has helped stave off what would have been worse wrinkles for my age than what I have.

Bioidentical hormones are definitely a better bet. You can get them online without a prescription:
http://www.1-menopause.com/estrogen.htm

A good cheap cleanser is Rhassoul soap:
http://www.ncnproskincare.com/rhassoul-facial-cleansing-bar.html
Olive oil is probably the cheapest moisturizer, will seal your skin and make it baby smooth.


Very good advice here about hormones.
I just recently had my hormones checked and they are unbalanced, which makes me unbalanced too??? Laughing
I felt so bad these past weeks seeing my skin aging and I understand how the OP feels that all of the sudden you look at the mirror and see wrinkles, dryness, etc.

Just think about it, when we are pregnant we have the most beautiful skin, we glow, we are all plump! and how it changes when we have all those beautiful hormones leaving our bodies Sad
So, there is hope!!!

I haven't tried cream de La Mer, but I feel very tempted though; however, what really has worked for me and I am big junkie of department stores skin care lines and have tried almost all major brands of moisturizers (Lancome, Shiseido, Estee, Elizabeth Arden, Clarins and La Prarie), nothing compares to Emu oil because it does actually plump my skin and it is very moisturizing.
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Fri May 28, 2010 9:31 am      Reply with quote
I'm so sorry you feel bad about yourself salster68.

I have bad days too; I was bullied horribly as a kid and told I was ugly, even by my mother's boyfriend (who was/is an abusive a-hole but that's another story). Up until the taunts started I had no self-esteem problems and the world seemed a friendly place to be. Things got worse as I entered puberty, acne reared its head, and it felt as though I was a freak; people paired up and nobody was interested in me. All the traumas I endured affected me very badly and I was agoraphobic for a while, and still get panic attacks/insomnia as the aftermath of it all.

I'm glad to say things improved as an adult, but I know I'll never be the most beautiful person in the world. But I can scrub up quite good Smile

It sounds to me as well as topicals/help with hormones, you need emotional support too. Can you see a doctor who can refer you for some therapy? Sometimes talking to someone neutral and hearing their point of view makes all the difference in the world.

I still have days when I can't bear to look at myself and I go from feeling OK to self-hate but I don't indulge in self-destructive behaviour like I used to. Please don't let your mental health slide and mull over things too much, how you feel about yourself day to day affects your health a lot.

I hope you feel better soon. All I want to say is that I struggle too; but there are good people in the world who will understand, and it's never too late to find love or companionship. And some might say that brings a whole new set of problems/challenges Laughing !

The site uncommonknowledge is a great place, and they could give you some advice on your bad days. I've posted there myself when I've been distressed (I see a doctor but I pretend everything is hunky dory, my pride runs too deep).

Remember, there is more to a person than how they look, it's just one facet of how you are. All you can do is the best you can and focus on what you have to offer the world.

Please keep us posted with how you are feeling. Sending you warm thoughts x

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Fri May 28, 2010 9:57 am      Reply with quote
"All you can do is look the best you can"..that last bit should say!

I know women get the rough end of the wedge as far as attractiveness/body fascism goes, but you need to love yourself more, and try not to be alone so much. I know I drive myself crazy if I spend days on my own.

Maybe join a nightclass, a walking/hiking group, even church? You'll be amazed how much better you'll feel if you're meeting people.

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Fri May 28, 2010 10:47 am      Reply with quote
ljk wrote:
"All you can do is look the best you can"..that last bit should say!

I know women get the rough end of the wedge as far as attractiveness/body fascism goes, but you need to love yourself more, and try not to be alone so much. I know I drive myself crazy if I spend days on my own.

Maybe join a nightclass, a walking/hiking group, even church? You'll be amazed how much better you'll feel if you're meeting people.


One ofmy friends mom joined a walking club.
It was this thing where you met up on a Sunday downtown and took a short trip in the country.
I think you hadto bring a lunch...do not know the whole detail of that.

I actually used to be part of a inline skating club and met so many people from that.

There was a lot of practices as it was not a "recreational group".
But theclub actually had a Social Commitee and would do things every week other than skating.
Sometimes it was having a BBQ,or else stuff with volnteering.
The people there werepretty friendly too.
I can't skate this year,so have not seentoo manyof those people around.

One of my friends, he is 36 Ithink and only works part-time someimes. He still lives with his mother (his mother has "problems" of some sort).
This friend he does not wantto work f ull time as he seems enjoying fun stuff more.
So, he volonteers a lot and ends up mmeeting so manypeople from that...and quite a fewgirls sems interested in him too (and some guys,lol).
Surprizingly he meets a lot of girls and hasno problems finding a girlfriend...

Nottoo sure what exactly you can do for apperance issues, as I'm always getting random commentsfrom strangers and it is super annoying.
Usually nice comments,but then it makes youfocus on your apperance too much.

Maybe try doing your nails?
You do not need anything expensive.
Just a nail file,sugar andoilforsome hand scrub, andclear nail polish makesyour nails lookmoredressedup.
For clear nail polishu can just use the cheap clearones,I think theclear polish is pretty much the same thing from everywhere
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Fri May 28, 2010 3:08 pm      Reply with quote
Im terribly sorry for the way you feel. I have no idea if im being out of line here. If it is I apologise unreservedly but I want to echo what others have already said. I think given your history of anorexia you should seriously consider that your preoccupation with your skin and the fact that your perception of your skin has worsend over the past few months is very much connected to your emotional state. It sounds indicitive of dysmorphia. Situations that lead us to feeling depressed and lonely can often seem impossible to change and controll, so we externalise them make them into problems with our appearance of which there is a chance of changing. You have said you feel lonely and you have also suggested that you cant see that situation changing. To think that we can change something about our body and then everything else will start to get better is very seductive but it will only ever lead you to further unhappiness. I really think you should have a look on the internet there are many sites, and see if you recognise anything that you are feeling and doing.
I wish you the absolute best.
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Sat May 29, 2010 1:18 am      Reply with quote
I've been there, too, Sally. Reading your post reminds me of me...

The beauty really comes from within, Sally! Even if you are not feeling confident or happy or have wrinkles, if you have your chin up and turn up the corners of your mouth, you will look better and feel happier. I think the facial expressions bring out the true beauty in people. Even if you had the perfect skin and perfect facial features, if you are not smiling... that's not gonna do any good! People are naturally attracted to people who look cheerful and happy. If you have wrinkles, then smile! People will think nothing of them if you are smiling. People who laugh and smile a lot have wrinkles and they are beautiful!

On a bit more practical note...

I once met someone who looked like she was in her 20s when she was in her 40s. Her secret was practicing Yoga diligently and well-balanced but simple diet. Even if you don't practice Yoga, taking a deep breath every now and then to get oxygen should help the cells of our bodies to revitalize.

Another thing I've seen on TV... When washing face, make sure to lather up really well and let the foam wash away all the dirt, instead of your hands or fingers. Also, rinse really well. The specialist on TV said that too many people don't rinse well enough. Just because you don't see any more foam on your face is not good enough. The residue of soap/cleanser won't do your skin good...

You can turn things around for the better, Sally!
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