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Being called Ma'am..

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SoftsEndz
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 2:51 pm      Reply with quote
is it a sign of getting or looking older? I am 27 and I absolutely hate it. Not sure if every woman regardless of how young or old gets called this or what but it certainly puts me a bad mood. sometimes I do get called 'miss' but ma'am is more commonly used..

does that mean you're getting or looking older??
Nonie aka AD
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 5:23 pm      Reply with quote
Not necessarily. I consider it a term of respect and the person using it as having good manners.

We had this discussion before: http://www.essentialdayspa.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=22994
Salome_B
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 7:31 pm      Reply with quote
well i do take it as an insult being called maam.

especially when kids call me auntie, i am only 24. :/
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 10:54 pm      Reply with quote
true story: I look back when i was 19 and on the city bus going to college and a child called me that. haha. I thought that meant i looked old..even way back then. makes my laugh now! haha!
Don't be offended..it is a term some people use to be polite. Since then, I've moved to the South..and every child here is expected to call any female that is over teen years ma'am and any male.."sir." It is just a term of respect.
VeronicaM
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 11:18 pm      Reply with quote
I thought that maam and sir were terms of respect.
daler
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 11:23 pm      Reply with quote
VeronicaM wrote:
I thought that maam and sir were terms of respect.


yes, but I dont think that in this day n age people would be using these terms out of respect unless they thought that the person was a lot older than her/him... or in certain situations like a concierge calling a young women a mam or a boy as a sir... well may be in the south they still use these terms in every day language...
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 11:29 pm      Reply with quote
I just think the poster should not feel offended that's all. I'm sure she is young and beautiful..don't let it bother you.
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Mon Jan 28, 2013 11:32 pm      Reply with quote
hotdocgirl wrote:
I just think the poster should not feel offended that's all. I'm sure she is young and beautiful..don't let it bother you.


I dont know how old the poster is... but lets say if a 15 yr old girl calls a 30 year ole a maam, then its perfectly fine but I wont take this from a 25 yr ole!!!

sometimes it's better to let things bother you a bit...It may be the type of clothes, hairstyles, lots of things which can b easily improved...
havana8
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Tue Jan 29, 2013 7:05 am      Reply with quote
adding these related posts

havana8 wrote:
I don't think you're alone in feeling this way! Smile

Rant: Being called "Ma'am" and why it sucks
http://www.essentialdayspa.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=44332


erg wrote:
I live in the south and it is pretty standard... pretty much applies to anyone who looks just a few years older than yourself. I have caught myself doing it out of habit.

In the south you also scold your children or pets this way by saying "no ma'am....". haha. I say that to my cat all the time,
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Tue Jan 29, 2013 7:20 am      Reply with quote
hotdocgirl wrote:
true story: I look back when i was 19 and on the city bus going to college and a child called me that. haha. I thought that meant i looked old..even way back then. makes my laugh now! haha!
Don't be offended..it is a term some people use to be polite. Since then, I've moved to the South..and every child here is expected to call any female that is over teen years ma'am and any male.."sir." It is just a term of respect.


in my country being called an auntie means that you are old, no standard and backwards for young girls/women so not that good. normally young women or girls should be addressed as big sister.
Salome_B
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Tue Jan 29, 2013 7:24 am      Reply with quote
i was in customer service before and i addressed a boy as sir out of respect. He rebuked me and said i am only 8 year old. Not a sir yet lol. so i take it that maam is offensive
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Tue Jan 29, 2013 10:06 am      Reply with quote
We were raised to say ma'am and sir to anyone even a year older, although that can be hard to tell.
We got in big trouble if we did not use our manners. I still say it today in dealing with clients. I do not use it when addressing our friends and peers.
It is a sign of respect. I get it all the time and I am never offended. As a matter of fact, it bothers me when young people do NOT show good etiquette.
My little nieces say it to us abundantly.
Now, having said THAT, the friends of my son and DIL do not have to say it and they call the hubby and me by our first names (or Mom and Pops). But we consider them also as our friends and we set that precedent from the get go.
I am just used to it so I don't get worked up about someone being respectful TO me when I see such a lack of common courtesy on a daily basis. Someone cutting in front of you, talking on cell phones in restaurants, shutting doors on you rather than holding them open or not giving a seat to an elderly person, not saying excuse me, etc.
Manners are becoming a lost art and I for one, mourn that loss. So I always appreciate a random display of courtesy and reward it with a heartfelt smile. Smile

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daler
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Tue Jan 29, 2013 10:30 am      Reply with quote
I call my clients with their first names, they wont appreciate being called a ma'am or a sir.. ma'am n sir can be used sarcastically as well if someone is being too demanding.. I guess it's just regional, what's considered respect in one location can be considered otherwise somewhere else.

the other day , while in the elevator a concierge called a bldg mgmt personal maam n she jokingly asked him if he thought she was v old or a bitch! he blushed n said he was never going to use this term again!
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Tue Jan 29, 2013 12:06 pm      Reply with quote
I travel a lot, and have been addressed as everything, from Miss, Missy, Sir, Mr, Madam, Mrs ... I don't really care what anyone calls me as long as they are polite.

I don't often get called ma'am, but recall some years ago walking into the hotel lobby where I was staying (in Asia), and US marines in uniform opening doors for me, carrying my shopping, and escorting me to the elevator. They addressed me as ma'am, and I loved their old school gentleman style ...
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Wed Jan 30, 2013 9:05 am      Reply with quote
So, if you don't want to be called ma'am, then how should a stranger respectfully address you?
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Wed Jan 30, 2013 9:18 am      Reply with quote
Well that's the crux of the issue to me. This is just an impersonal way of showing respect to strangers and familiars alike. As with any aspect, a term can be abused, but the basic notion of it conveys when used with politeness.
If that term bothers anyone, then PLEASE don't move to my hometown or even Austin where we are quite liberal for the South.
I taught a manners and etiquette "tea party" for a group of little girls a few times awhile back and it is the first thing you start out with. Appletini, that's the way I am. Just address me politely and with basic manners and respect.

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Wed Jan 30, 2013 9:53 am      Reply with quote
As I was going to add, I don't think I am going to change anyone's mind who is dead set against it, just trying to say it's a personal tolerance.
Like when someone says "B***h, you look good today"!!! Laughing
Hmmm, that one still offends me, just from the word alone, even if it is said in a teasing tone and joking/complimentary manner.But I hear that one tossed around by the younger set all the time and all over the TV shows. No thanks,just may be my age, but I will take Ma'am over that any day! Wink

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Sat Feb 02, 2013 3:16 pm      Reply with quote
Children should be taught to say "Yes/no ma'am" and "yes/no sir" to their elders. Kids have no manners today.
daler
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Sat Feb 02, 2013 3:21 pm      Reply with quote
SoftSkin wrote:
Children should be taught to say "Yes/no ma'am" and "yes/no sir" to their elders. Kids have no manners today.


I am sure there were plenty of kids with no manners 50 years ago as well who did use ma'am/sir out of the fear of having there butt spanked or whipped!

It's just a custom but not a universal standard u know.. just cause you dont call someone ma'am/sir doe snot mean you dont respect em...
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Wed Jul 17, 2013 6:59 am      Reply with quote
I think is normal, I won't be angry

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Wed Jul 17, 2013 7:32 am      Reply with quote
Its a military custom for some, so i dont take offense. What is odd to me and somewhat obsequious is someone calling me "Miss". Usually some salesman trying to sell me something. Its annoying as hell!

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Wed Jul 17, 2013 7:40 am      Reply with quote
I'd prefer someone calling me ma'am than hey you. I am around young adults all the time and it is the young man or woman that speaks in terms of respect that stand out.

Some will call you by a first name right off the bat and I understand that to mean they weren't taught better. You can always tell. In my experience it seems to carry through in other ways.

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Wed Jul 17, 2013 2:02 pm      Reply with quote
You really have to recognize the intent, not the actual words.

I probably wrote this in the other ma'am thread, but I remember getting into a discussion with my driver in Austin soon after I moved there from Canada. She was a middle-aged (kind of uptight woman), all up in arms that swearing was inexcusable.

I told her that I'd noticed that almost everyone down there, including the very old, swore as a form of expression, and at first I was taken aback. I'm not used to older people swearing in public, among strangers. But then I realized that they were all actually very polite and sweet, and it was just their way of relaxed, friendly, funny banter. Although I loved it (the good humored intent) it was a bit of a culture shock for me!
I told her that where I'm from, her southern drawl, where she doesn't ennunciate all her consenants, etc, might be considered rude in some circles (the older British people in Victoria, BC/Canada).

She chilled out after that. Smile

Language is always changing. Shakespeare... and Chaucer especially, probably wouldn't hold up to her exacting standards! Pretty sure the few examples I left her with gave her something to think about, lol!

Anyway, I never know what to say, and I'm extremely polite, so I just begin with "excuse me" or "pardon me"...

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Thu Jul 18, 2013 7:51 am      Reply with quote
What a great point Lori!
It certainly is all in the way you receive it. Dwelling less on the content and more on the intent helps put it in perspective. The intent is of the upmost respect (or how it is in my neck of the woods) and a way of showing that courtesy.
Once I get to know someone (especially young people, I always encourage them to drop the Ma'm and call me by my first name. But that is just me!

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Thu Jul 18, 2013 10:33 am      Reply with quote
Precisely - Once you tell a younger person it's okay to call you by your first name, that's different.
I get complimented on my children's manners. Calling someone by mrs. so and so vs blurting - Hi Carol... for example.

I teach in a university setting and our students always call us Mr. or Ms., professor or Dr Jones, Smith etc. That level of formality creates a respect that may not be there otherwise. Again this tends to carry through positively to other behaviors.

Part of what we try to do is instill professionalism, respect and understanding of the process. Words matter.

I have students years later that can never call me by a first name even though I tell them it's okay. I've always found that humorous.

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